₦airaland Forum

Les: Even tho i don't want to believe in soul mates.
I wish I would have one finally

Good.

jennykadry: You explained to many people BUT NEVER TO HIM. YOU DID NOT OPEN UP TO HIM NEITHER DID YOU TRY TO RIGHT THE WRONG ASSUMPTIONS, Hence your true self never came out

You got tired and backed off, meaning YOU SWEPT THINGS UNDER THE CARPET.

Am I making sense here?

My hubby is the one man that I let study my life, it was like an open book before him, all he had to do was flick the pages, and he is the only man I "gave" that permission to...which he appreciates till date because he knows I sometimes can be nonchalant and not bother but to do the reverse in his case, came as a surprise to him

Yes, you are right, I made a huge mistake. And I learned my lesson.

We still keep in touch tho once in a while. He is still baffled at what happened to us.

Do you think I should swallow my shame and tell him the truth? Is it still necessary? He keeps wondering why I haven't gotten a job, sends me job alerts which I don't even apply. He has no idea that I went back to school after the construction job.

He has a very lovely family now btw, so I don't see how a true confession matters. In fact, I wish I could confess to so many people and be really free at last!

hahahahahahahahahhahahah I don enter one chance today o. Efukwanu m oooooo

@ all: pls i'm very much ok. We are just talking o. Sharing things you know.

@Jenny: You don finish me. I'm always myself o! Its not as if I sat him down and fed him with lies!

We were colleagues, that was why he picked up those assumption.

I had just left a biz centre where i was being paid chikini money and got a job with this construction company. I would have been ok with any post; cleaner o, tea girl o cos the pay would be better. But when I got my employment letter and ID card, they said I was a senior staff. That was it! People no longer asked "are you a graduate?" no! They asked "which of the schools did you graduate from?" I explained to few people and got tired of explaining. What would I have done? Keep explaining to everybody how ejikwere gbaa nwa nnunu, nne ya fefuo?
That was how he picked the assumption, we were just colleagues then. He also assumed since I had gone to school, i'm older. But I was really younger than where he placed me. They should have pick up the thread cos I never talked about my school days.
He never found out till today, none of my ex colleagues did.
I just felt so embarrassed and guilty and I backed off.

Nogen: @Vivianc, it is well. The right man will locate you but you need to quit blaming yourself for being good. And tell the truth at all times.

I'm done blaming myself o. I just started acting on it and it seems to be working. Some men love to be fed with alot of bullsh..it and they are getting heaps of it from me now, and surprisingly, they are not complaining. I don't care anymore, I just wanna make loads of money and enjoy myself, surf the whole Europe and lodge in 10star hotels, no stone will be left unturned.

The only thing there na to just avoid my mum.

But if I get a second chance at love, I'd give the whole world for it.

Me now na enjoyment babe. More money oh lord!

zaimeg: Yeah, and now to vivianc until...
I don't believe there is a special one for each person. My opinion though.

But when will I meet this special person again na? Is it when I grow grey hairs?

If God ever gives a second chance at love, I promise to come clean o. No more secrets!

I really miss being in love.

@Cathaliya: Lady GAGA kwa? Hian! Fear don catch me.

@2Sexy: I don't know o. Honestly, I don't consider myself a good girl, but I know I have a good heart, one that is rare.

In all my relationships, I have never caused a major fight. No guy would say while he was with me, he caught me with another man, or I was too after his money or whatever. That's why I don't just get it. I try, and maybe I try too much but right now i'm done trying! I'm done fighting! If any man wants me, let him do fighting.
My first ex dumped me because his mother told him nothing good could come from my family. "We were almost wretched and he could end up bearing my family's burden." That was his mother's opinion, no biggie, but he knew me better. How could he believe something that ridiculous? He knew me better!

The second ex I left cos he said I loved him too much. Imagine that! I guess i was choking him with love, my bad. So since I loved him more, I became his door mat. He would leave me at home and go clubbing with other ladies, etc. There was this time I was in the hospital, he didn't even come to atleast stay with me, rather he was partying with friends. Infact I almost ate his sh.i.t! I forgave a whole lot, endured a whole lot but one day I just left him. No quarel o, I even went over to his house for the weekend, when I left that Monday I left for good! He thought I would come back as usual but the ship sailed on.

The third was perfect for me. An answerred prayer. He was the big once in a life time love I must have missed. He was everything and we burned so bright together. *smh* Then why is he an ex huh? There were issues that had nothing to do with us. And more over, I lied about myself. A lie of omission. Not of one big secret o. It was about my age and level of education. We were colleagues before lovers so he assumed somethings about me and I let him. When we started dating I was too embarrassed to come clean and correct those assumptions. So I backed off! I couldn't let him go through the stress of marrying me and seeing me through school especially when he didn't bargain for it. He still have those assumptions till today.
I made a huge mistake! I should have come clean the moment we started dating and it cost me my happiness. I thought an angel would come my way again, but for where.

The 4th one duped me, yes emotionally! he is US based. I didn'tknow the time I met him. I had already started liking him, his company before he told me he lives in US but visits naija every 6 months. I asked all the relevant questions which he all lied about. He was nice, really nice, very understandable, romantic but full of lies. So not only that he got another lady preggy in naija too, he has a white wife with 2 kids. I found out about the wife and kids much later when turned Jack Bauer. I was really f..oolish and gullible. (Babyosisi, pls don't laugh at me o; I still remember you thread )
That's it o!

I wouldn't say all men are jackass, but i'm done loving, and i'm done being the good girl. I'm just done!

alutacontinua: Thank God say I ask, i been think say dey're up to 10.

Oops! Ayaf hold my lips ooooooo

alutacontinua: Thank God say I ask, i been think say dey're up to 10.

Oops! Ayaf hold my lips ooooooo

alutacontinua: Thank God say I ask, i been think say dey're up to 10.

Oops! Ayaf hold my lips ooooooo

Yea, you better hold them ooooooo. seriously babes, i'm not just lucky when it comes to relationship o. You know they say you only get your true love once or love knocks at your door once. Something tells me I have missed that once in a life time love. Tho I don't want to believe it sha.

ileobatojo:

Yea, stuff like this do happen. Especially when you are dealing with the pains alone. In your pains and maybe rage you,d start getting different silly ideas. That's why it is advised not to deal with it alone or be alone.

alutacontinua: ^ ^ ^ ^ how many ex-es do u av

D issue with 2sexy is dt he wld neva agree he is hurting. Now, how are we supposed to help such a person In his mind, he's just letting pple learn from his experiences, he doesn't need no counseling!

Bia, Aluta shut up your mouth there I have 3, maybe 4 exes by the way.

Leave 2sexy alone biko, he is still hurting. We all have been there and we dealt with it differently. When you are hurting, your emotions take your whole body hostage. Let him say his story how and when he likes it. Let him call her names if it will make him feel better. But when that rage is becoming something else, he should go for counselling.

Emotions eh are very very......... I don't know the right adjective to use o.

Last year when my ex; the only guy I have ever truely loved o unconditionally got another lady pregnant, I saw myself killing the girl. In fact, I dreamt about killing her. I couldn't talk to anybody, yet I have friends. My bestie is not good in crises, so most times I don't bother her. As much as it is not happening to her, "its no big deal." With others? You don't wash your dirty linen in public, it is perceived as a sign of weakness. So I learned over the time to hide my pains behind smiles and make-up.

So back to killing the lady, I made moves. Got her number, full name and address with my connections........... It was when I got those info that I started being scared, scared of myself and what I was turning into. I had to talk to somebody and I did. I went for counselling, tho religious one but the woman was really good.

I cried over the issue for months before I joined Nairaland. Infact, my first thread on NL was about it.

NL is my second best friend joor (especially this Family section) cos this site has helped me in ways I can't begin to explain. It has made me look within myself to work on those things I thought were right. And it has also helped me in making the right relationship choices. I no longer waste my time with losers, cos now I know better.

Idowuogbo: Gbam!

Btwn, how body? Dem dey hold position?

Babes, you just forget me abi? Not even "a hello" on whatsapp, its not fair o.

Meanwhile my body no dey at all, my waist dey pain me. E be like say the waist don comot from alignment or the bearings don rust. I need to lubricate it or get it whipped back into position before I begin walka with stick.

2sexy hasn't moved on joor. He is still hurting, don't mind what he says.

@Chilli: Good morning babes.

Ehe, I don't think 2sexy would have this girl, maybe this is his own way of healing. This feeling of hurt takes alot of time and processes and we all are wired differently. Someone like me wouldn't even talk,,,,,,,,,,much. The fact that he is talking is even a good sign, at least the more he talks, the more we know what is in his mind.

Someone that hurt me real bad 4yrs ago lived in constant fear till recently. You know why? Cos I didn't talk. The last day we met before I went my way, i didn't utter a word, i just wept, bitterly, cleansed my face and left. I didn't talk to anybody, our friends, his sisters, nobody. His friends who were against what he did to me would call me and would be surprised I moved on and rock my life already. They were like "ah, she moved on quickly o! Girls don't move on like this, she could be up to something not good."

Some months later, I started receiving "pls forgive me" calls from him and his friends. What was there to forgive? That was when his panic started.

Before he got married, he called me to meet him, that he wants my blessing to marry a not so close friend of mine. I told him no wahala, he can go on but he insisted that we must see, I told him to come down to BY then. He came o, with all his friends that I liked, bearing gifts. He knelt down bla bla bla.............. I told him contrary to what he thought, that i had moved on long time ago. He extended a hand of friendship and I obliged just to let him know i have nothing against him.

One day, I decided to go and shop in his boutique cos he sells ladies. All the money I paid him he kept separately cos he thought I could have jazzed the money. His wife got some complications during labour, he called me again and started apologising. Menh, things went out of hand. It angered me, haba! Why on earth did he think I'd hurt him? His wife or baby? What nonsense was that? I had to tell my aunt and his sister and we all went and talked to him and his wife who was shivering by a mere sight of me. We put an end to it last year and I severed contact with anybody that has to do with him.

So pls, let 2sexy talk o. Make we know wetin dey him mind:

babyosisi: To start another Biafra war eh kwa
Lol

Mbanu, echeharikwo m, nabata Jesu christi dika onye nwem na onye nsoputa m. Lol

Back from exile..........

So back to the matter............

well, it depends on the relationship I have with the guy.
* Just friends get 90 degree hugs.
*Brothers and cousins get 180 degree.
* The love of my life gets 360 degree.

ileobatojo: But you are excessively angry at her for not marrying the guy now that the reality has finally hit her which I don't agree with. I'm fine with apportioning her own part of the blame to her but she cannot take the whole blame for this while the guy is pitied. He deserves no pity because he masterminded and orchestrated this manipulative situation. He should not have put her in this position in the first place! Coercing someone that doesn't want you to marry you with money is not a good foundation for a marriage especially when the relationship is not smooth! Use your money to buy as many runs girls as you like, but when it's time to marry, look for your own true wife that loves you and you love her back. This marriage would be built on deceipt and there will be consequences to pay in marriage for one or both parties.

My sister could never be in this situation but if she were, I would personally pay him back his money than ask her to marry him.

Pls define excessively? That you are defending, would someone say you are excessively defending her?
This is my stand, she should have said something before now, then lead the man on for years.

Having stated that, how is the man manipulative? He is not a 50yrs old man going after a minor. In Nigeria, its normal for a man to be 9 or 10yrs older than the wife. Its common here for you to see 24yrs olds marrying 34yrs old. What actually is the man's fault here? Did he hit her, abused her? Or defiled her?

So its ok to call the man manipulative and an abuser, and not call Vure a gold digger?

ileobatojo: Then I would beg to differ from you.




I agree with this.

Personally, if my brother tries to coerce a woman into marrying him by paying for her school, tries to use direct monetary transactions to buy love, walahi, he will feel the brunt of my mockery and brute tongue.

Ile, I don't know if you live in naija. This guy could harm this girl real bad. That's my fear.

Now that's my sister, but I never advised Vure to marry this man, its not my call. I just told her to be ready for the consequences, which i'm sure there will be. I'm also mad at her for not saying anything till now.

But that doesn't mean she is not a gold digger, she 1000% is.

theLORDreigns: U neva see anytin, dis babe go don chop pass weytin pesin fit imagine oo.

I dey pity d guy now cuz e fit b say she don already chop am dry, na im make am wan run now.

Yes Ile, if my sister tries this (but God forbid) she must marry the man, if she is hell bent on not, she would beg God, Beg the man and refund him every penny he spent plus interested.

This is the exactly advice I gave Vure. I told her to beg God to intercede and make restitution in any little way she can.

@ Uju, yes Vure is wicked! If at 17 she could do this to a man, without thinking twice or an oita of fear. She is capable of alot more.

Vure, I don't mind my dear. Just zip it up on the "uncle" ish. We know better than that.

Ujujoan: So it hurts to be judged eh? One can't help buy wonder why you've been dwelling on such a crime she has comitted. . . And then?

Will she be the first to 'chop and clean mount' or the last at that

Madam-i-am-so-perfect-i-have-never-taken-one-kobo-from-a-man!

Save your sick judgement for someome who you can deceive. If she were your sister you'll force her to marry her 'uncle' just cos he paid her fees abi? Wicked woman!

Stop being silly my dear, you ain't judging me. You are displaying your usual silliness.
What she did was an act of gold digging, period! If you don't like it, tear your pant!
If my sister does this, she must marry the man or refund every kobo the man had spent on her and on her education.
And Yes, I have never taken any kobo nor gift from anyman i'm sure I have no feelings for. I don't chop and clean mouth like you. When i chop, you go see am for my mouth, period.
If that makes me perfect, so be it!
Why don't you hit your head on the wall.