₦airaland Forum

ileobatojo: Shotan! Una don see am? I knew there were a lot of things unsaid that you people did not let the poor girl land before crucifying her. I'm sure if she can articulate the details very well you will all do an about face.

I knew someone in his/her quest for justification would believe this.

Yea, nollywood movie, for Nigeria?
No be for nija we all dey?
Pls Vure, I need some clarification................
1. How did you meet this guy?
2. Why were you calling him "uncle?" He is just 9 or 10yrs older, unless you are really smallish in stature, he woudn't really be that bigger than you physically.
3. You said your whole family knew him as "uncle?" Then we are your main uncles?
4. Apart from him seeing you through school. Was there any other romantic gestures? Like dates? Gifts? Text messages? And that sorta thing.
5.Was the relationship a strictly "he is paying my fees" kinda relationship? Did you ever visit? Slept over? Cooked and cleaned for these over 5yrs? Was there something like a peck? A kiss?
6. Were you ever involved with another guy? Be it platonic or otherwise. Did he know about it? How did he react?
7. So said he was just an "uncle" till recently? So how did he know you are a virgin?

Pls, answer all this truthfully.
@Vure

Ujujoan: I'm at loss as to what you expect of this young woman! She has explained the situation as it were but you still chooose to call her an unrepentant gold digger . . . Then what

What exactly is your point? She's damned for life for making one bad decision out of inexperince and immaturity

Nne asi na vure bu afifia e ga ekpofu go ya siiiince. Arince chukwu na mmadu abughi chukwu!

Please don't judge others just because you were lucky enough to have parents who led you into making the right decisions in life!

My friend go and sit down, what are you going on about? When has "I feel so bad for the guy" translated to "I so much hate Vure and would have uprooted her if she were to be grasses." Look at how meaningless the things you vomit are.
Pls, don't get me stated this afternoon, do you understand me. This is a thread where everyone can air his/her opinion. You have urs and I have mine, simples.
Ka ohakwa otua!

kreami diva: Eiyah! Vivian nwanne m is pained. Nne hapu ya ka o gawa else she will marry that guy obi ya anoro ebe ozo!

She should ask for mgbahara mmehie.

Eziokwu m, amaghi onye the guy bu but ana m ebeziri ya akwa. Ihe a wutere m too much. Imana eburu ozu onye ozo, odika ebu ukwu nku.

Ngwanu, ahapugo m ya.

Vure, God will see you through this.

Vure: You ma'am are my conscience.

I understand what you mean..

Ok, i'm being too hard on you, I know.

But i'm not mad at you for not marrying the guy, nah. I'm mad at you for leading him on all these years.
Sweetie, why didn't you say something? Maybe in your second year, or third.
I'm sure you had room mates, i know how school scenario is in Nigeria. And i'm sure this man visited you in your hostel or off campus, did you ever tell your friends about him and how you felt about him? Did anyone advise you at all?

This life get as e be o my dear.

Donxavier: exactly my thoughts. 10 year age difference is nothing. know many couples that have that difference and they are fine. And she's ditching him just to rock life.....hmmmmm I rest my case on this matter.

Yea, and she doesn't see herself spending the rest of her life with him, but she saw herself spending the rest of his money. From yea r1 through final year, NYSC, ...................

How wicked can one be?

Vure, as you don begin sing God name like national anthem, i'm guessing you are religious now.
You didn't only offend this man, you offended God! What you did was pure wickedness! For every of our actions, whether consciously or not there are consequences!
Yes, every one of us has made mistakes, and trust me we pay for it.
So nne, pls go into your closet and ask God for forgiveness with a constrict heart, cry unto him, let his mercy intercede on your behave. After that, you have to make restitution in any little way you can.
Before God the man is just in his dealings with you, the age difference is no crime. He didn't abuse, molest nor defile you, not even sexually. All he did was love you, and did right by you. He is gonna shed tears, and God understands the language of our tears, and those tears could work against you. That's why you need to appease God first, let him intercede on your behave.

Thank God you did this to a nice man, if not you would be walking around the street a mad lady.

Be careful in your dealings, especially with people and when it comes to matters of the heart. We live in a cruel world!

No one deserves to be toyed with!

Ujujoan: Let me get you right here . . . .

She MUST marry the guy because she took his money

In your case you walked away when you saw something wrong and that makes it right because you didn't take his money . . .

In her own case, she took his money so she has no right to leave . . . . even is she catches him doing something wrong

First of all, i'm not saying she must marry the guy. All i'm saying is she is an articulated gold digger, thank God her own guy hasn't done anything wrong. Whatever she is feeling now, she felt years ago but she was well articulated. She kept quiet in her first year, second year............until she got a job. Look up for the definition of a gold digger, this is it, period! So stop making excuses for her.

Well, if she is cold hearted enough to deceive a guy into seeing her through school, she can also be cold hearted enough to deal with the consequences of her actions.

That's my take!

Oburu m bu this guy, aga m aku ya ibi, ma obu ukwu aba druxxxxxx, i swear!

Chillisauce: My dear, we girls are girls o, you mean at 17yrs, someone pays all my bills and call me small wife I don't know what that mean?

When I was even about age 7, some one in school was calling me 'my wife' I cried and cried and told my teacher and parents. They told me he was joking or so, I didn't wanna hear that. He stopped eventually.

She admitted she erred, now moving forward,make she begin fast and pray for a successful runaway!

Don't mind Uju, she just paints 17yrs as morons! At 17yrs 3 guys were on my neck. 1 wanted to marry me and I agreed cos I wanted to end the hardship we were into then. Babe, that guy was 18yrs older o . 3 months into the relationship I caught him doing something I know is dangerous; gambling. I rushed him and told my mum, told her I can't marry the guy. Thank God he didn't spend much as I was doing my sale girl's job too. But the handset gift he bought for me I returned.

I met the remaining 2 when I left home. One had already bought a predegree form for me at IMSU, a bed space and all, he was warning up to pay the school fee when I asked him why he was doing all those? I told him plain that if these are in exchange for me, that he should count me out. He started withdrawing from me until he was completely gone.

The other guy was around for years, we kept in touch but was miles apart. He really loved me but I didn't give him that chance to fly in and help the damsel in distress. I was already in my 400L when friends talked me into giving him a chance. I did! He engaged me this January, shortly after then I started seeing things I couldn't cope with and I called off the engagement.

I felt guilty cos I broke his heart, I was never indebted to him, not even for a dime.

17yrs old are not morons, pls.......

Ujujoan: I have just one question for you . . . .

Did the guy agree to train her in exchange for her hand in marriage

He duped the young woman into becoming indebted to him and that is strictly on him biko . . . .

Yes, she knew! She was young but not daft! I was once 17 too. Who is she kidding? Ok, the seeing through uni apart, what about the romantic gestures? Or is the man her elder brother? Abi na nwanne ndi owerri?
ok, let's assume she didn't understand it at 17, what about at 18? 19? I'm sure the guy visited her in school? What did she tell her friends and roommates? "oh, that's my elder bros, he is so generous and romantic"? Huh?
pls, don't make this girl daft, its an insult to her!

But I don't get you at all, so it is now right for her to use the guy? Uju Uju, the Nairaland gold digger. You try well well, you hear.

alutacontinua: Did she use the guy Abso-freaking-lutely YES!

Should she marry him because of dt Abso-freaking-lutely NO!

Trust me, she'll forgive herself after a while and move the hell on! It'll be worse if she marries the guy! I can almost foresee a potential cheater here, is dt what we all want She starting to sample younger guys 10yrs down the line

Seriously, what she did is not fair and i must be sincere, i cannot advice her on a solution but one thing I know is that marrying the guy is not a solution, it's just compounding problems!

How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

alutacontinua: There's nothing hunting her forever there. She'll feel bad for a few day nd find peace with herself. The man also has some blames, abeg! Stop making him look lyk a saint! Any man that helps a teengaer shld nt expect marriage in return. SEX, maybe bt nt marriage...dt's too much to ask for a couple of thousands of naira!

Aluta, something could hunt her forever. I don't know what is it but pls let's be realistic.

Even if the guy doesn't harm her, God is watching! This is bad! Absolutely bad! She suddenly realise the guy is not good enough after the guy trained her through the university and all he gets is a flimsy excuse. And someone even advised her to pay him cash, how insensitive can one be?
This girl is no kid for chrissake! A 17yrss old knowns when a man is interested in her, if she didn't want truely she could have done something about it!

Well, that ship has already sailed, but pls be realistic with her. There could be consequences and she should brace up herself for them. But if there is none, all good for her.

This is the kind of girls that give women bad names. She has just created issues for the next girl the guy will meet. While the guilty ones go free, the innocent ones clean up their mess.

bossybom: Thanks to every one who has offered me worthy advise,I ve started to apply some already...for d records; he is no gay,he doesn't even have d tendencies,he confides in me about almost everything,he simply and honestly doesn't like sex,he is a banker,wakes up early for work and returns late...i shared this post coz I needed a public veiw on how to make him like it......coz he's d 1st man I ever slept with, I wanted "expert in d field" to render dr experienced opinions.......

My dear, your husband is ok jare. He doesn't like s..ex, its that simple. Not all men like sex, and it doesn't make them gays or serial cheats.

Just wish you knew what you were getting into before you said "I do." clearly you are not comfortable with the situation hence this thread and no very sexually active lady would be.

Like I said earlier, you have to make extra efforts, and pls send that shyness to hell. This is your right. While you are it keep talking to him, appreciate him. If there is anything he does to you on bed that you like, tell him in a sexified manner. Men like to know that they are doing something good.

*thinking out loud* Twice in a month? I no fit survive am o. Hian! Me wey dey look forward to atleast twice daily, and marathon on weekends.

Chillisauce: Lets wait the man to abuse before calling him one. Give him the benefit of doubt .

I think the girl here is the abuser .

She ate his money and him never chop Pomo. Now she wan run.
You never start!

you are really crazy.


Abeg, I no get strength to talk.

leatherman: U aint married yet abi? Pls don't get used to it o!

Hmmmmm, I know what you think. You think i could be like that with a man huh? Nah.............

Just that where I come from, my position comes with a lot of responsibilities, respect, and authority. Its just a tradition thing, coupled with the fact that I have good judgement most of the times and I think I have earned the respect of my family, other than the one tradition bestowed on me.

Tho i won't deny, it makes me a little authoritative outside, you don't need to look at me twice to know i'm a typical first child. But i'm objective enough not to be silly at it.

pls my dear, break up this relationship. There are lots of warning signs, pls don't ignore them.
Never go on a journey with your heart and forget your brains at home.
Its either you feel this pain of heartbreak now, or you feel it in the future, cos its bound to happen. So choose!
Enough said!!!

Any man that really gets close to me would know I have an army of brothers and male cousins. He wouldn't even dare! No one does! Unless he wants to be buried alive.

Love gbakwaa oku.

This is why a dump any guy that merely abuses me verbally, cos it usually starts from there.

I used to think I was being too hard on them, but this thread and the singles seminar's discussion I listened to have shown me i'm doing the right thing.

Finally!!! Menh this thread is so scary! !!!!!!! I try so much not to process what I read here, if not i'd be traumatised.

God forbid!!!

I'm the first, the mother hen, a substitute pillar, the lesser troublesome but the Iron lady.

Whatever I say stands. No one does anything until 'adanne' weighs in on it.

Dannyxy: what is this?sexkill don notice you,oya clap for your self,abi no be wetin u want?,bt the truth be say,after all this your desperate gragra,nothing go stop am frm banning you...

Cool.

Yes!!!!! I like being truthful to myself, so a resounding yes!!!!!

This 'good girl' hasn't gotten me anywhere jare!

I once worked for a multi-million construction company, while my friends and colleagues were busy mapping out strategies on how to make extra cash, I was there being a good girl, sitting on a swivel chair, coffee on the table and pressing the computer. Even tho I was in a better position to make more money. Good girl ko! Good girl ni!

Now, my friends are big babes with their own cars and landed properties, i still dey dey beg for daily bread.
I know how many opportunities i have thrown away cos i was trying to protect a reputation. Nonsense!
If that opportunity ever comes again, if I no sell the oyibo, call me paschard!

I refuse to be the good girl that carries last any more.

Sexkills, good job. *cool*

Sexkills, pls come and ban these people breaking NL rules. Them no fit do you anything. We've gat your back, we gat you, bro.


*picks up my mace*

Sexkills stays! *looks for my mace* Let me see those anti-sexkills again' na akpako i go knack una for head. *Honourable member style..........

Sexkills stays!!!!! He so rocks!!!!!!! Go Sk, go! Nothing do you...........

Sexkills must stay!!!

The guy is not gay, and please discard this "he is getting it from somewhere else" idea. Pls for the sake of your marriage, don't let this idea sink into your head. Not all men like s..ex, there are people like that and unfortunately, this is his nature. He did not change, you didn't even get the chance to find out how lively his s..ex.ual life is before you married him.

bossybom: [color=#000099][/color]

yes we dated for 18months,premarital sex was a no no for both of us....we did talk about sexuality but how was I suppose to know dis by merely talking.

I asked you these questions so that I could understand how water passed under the bridge. This is your husband's nature and yes, you couldn't have known by a mere talk. You are gonna have to make some efforts; seduce him, plan romantic moments, initiate s...ex, get dirty, keep talking to him about it. Don't ever feel like a 'slut' anymore while at it cos he is your husband and you are a co-owner of his body.

However, also prepare your mind that this is what you are gonna live with for the rest of your live.

Goodluck my dear, you'd need plenty of it.

Did you guys date at all before marriage? Was there pre-marital s..ex? Did you guys ever talk about it?

Amelian: But come to think of it.... The big frogs are minute in number, ....compared to the tiny frogs, that litters everywhere ..... Crying to be loved for who they are , and not What they are....

Lol....I didn't say anything o

So true! And they won't love you for who you are o.

Ok, op, let's analyse the situation from all angles.

First::::::::::
You are still in 200L, with no form of vocational skills and still a dependant, especially financially. Well, you can get married, even tho you are young. Its not easy but its possible. Now according to Byvan, this path is capital intensive. For it to work very well, your husband must make sure you get all the comfort you need. So what if your husband to be cannot afford these comfortability, like Byvan's? Byvan was mobile as a student, can your husband to be afford a car for you?

Second angle;;;;;;;;
Let's assume he can for now. What about tomorrow? What if he gets a financial set back while you are still in school, maybe with kids? Yea, God forbid! I know but life is full of uncertainties, we just have to appraise all aspect of these uncertainties. So what happens if this happens? You could watch your dreams and career go down the drain you know? What if your marriage doesn't survive it? Have you considered how resentful you might become? Your lives could change in the way you never dreamed of.

If you marry this man now, what are your contingency plans? Are you prepared for all contingencies?

You have to face it my dear, and after you have considered all these truthfully, take your decision. It is your life, it is your call!