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Health › Drink Coconut Water by wales(op): 8:21pm On Aug 24, 2007
Why Drink Coconut Water?

CocoWater is naturally:

Low in Carbs
99% Fat Free
Low in sugars
Coconut Water contains organic compounds possessing healthy growth promoting properties that have been known to help -

Keep the body cool and at the proper temperature.
Orally re-hydrate your body, it is an all natural isotonic beverage.
Carry nutrients and oxygen to cells.
Naturally replenish your body's fluids after exercising.
Raise your metabolism.
Promote weight loss.
Boost your immune system.
Detoxify and fight viruses.
Cleanse your digestive tract.
Control diabetes.
Aid your body in fighting viruses that cause the flu, herpes, and AIDS.
Balance your PH and reduce risk of cancer.
Treat kidney and urethral stones.
Boost poor circulation.
Coconut Water -
The English name coconut, first mentioned in English print in 1555, comes from Spanish and Portugese word coco, which means "monkey face." Spanish and Portugese explorers found a resemblance to a monkey's face in the three round indented markings or "eyes" found at the base of the coconut. On the Nicobar Islands of the Indian Ocean, whole coconuts were used as currency for the purchace of goods until the early part of the twentieth century.

Coconuts are the fruit of the coconut palm, botanically known as cocos nucifera, with nucifera meaning "nut-bearing." The fruit-bearing palms are native to Malaysia, Polynesia and southern Asia, and are now also prolific in South America, India , the Pacific Islands , Hawaii and Florida. The light, fibrous husk allowed it to easily drift on the oceans to other areas to propagate. In Sanskrit, the coconut palm is known as kalpa vriksha, meaning "tree which gives all that is necessary for living," since nearly all parts of the tree can be used in some m anner or another. The coconut itself has many food uses, including milk, meat, sugar and oil as well as functioning as its own dish and cup. The husk was also burned for fuel by natives, but today a seed fibre called coir is taken from the husk and used to make brushes, mats, fishnets, and rope. A very potent fermented toddy or drink is also made from the coconut palm's sap. Coconut oil, a saturated fat made from dried coconut meat, is used for commercial frying and in candies and margarines, as well as in non-edible products such as soaps and cosmetics.

Although it takes up to a year for coconuts to mature, the trees bloom up to thirteen times a year, so fruit is constantly forming yielding a continuous harvest year-round. An average harvest from one tree runs about 60 coconuts, with some trees yielding three times that amount. The coconut's name is a bit of a misnomer, since it is botanically classified as a drupe and not a nut. It is the largest seed known.

If you've ever opened a fresh coconut, you will have seen the thin, opaque almost clear coconut juice or water which has a slight almond flavor. Contrary to popular belief, this is not the coconut milk. However, the water is consumed as a drink fresh from the coconut by many, and it can also be used in recipes.

Here are some more information about Coconut Water -
"It's a natural isotonic beverage, with the same level of electrolytic balance as we have in our blood. It's the fluid of life, so to speak." In fact, during the Pacific War of 1941-45, both sides in the conflict regularly used coconut water - siphoned directly from the nut - to give emergency plasma transfusions to wounded soldiers.

Most coconut water is still consumed fresh in tropical coastal areas - once exposed to air, the liquid rapidly loses most of its organoleptic and nutritional characteristics, and begins to ferment.

Coconut Water is More Nutritious than whole milk - Less fat and NO cholesterol.
Coconut Water is More Healthy than Orange Juice - Much lower calories.
Coconut Water is Better than processed baby milk - It contains lauric acid, which is present in human mother's milk.
Coconut water is naturally sterile - Water permeates though the filtering husk.
Coconut water is a universal donor - Its identical to human blood plasma.
Coconut Water is a Natural Isotonic Beverage - The same level we have in our blood.
Coconut water has saved lives in 3rd world countries thru Coconut IV.
"Coconut water is the very stuff of Nature, biologically Pure, full of Natural Sugars, Salts, and Vitamins to ward off fatigue and is the next wave of energy drinks BUT natural", according to Mortin Satin, Chielf of the United Nation's Food & Agriculture Organization.
Coconut water contains more potassium (at about 294 mg) than most sports drinks (117 mg) and most energy drinks.

Coconut water has less sodium (25mg) where sports drinks have around 41mg and energy drinks have about 200 mg.
Coconut water has 5mg of Natural Sugars where sports and energy drinks range from 10-25mg of Altered Sugars.
Coconut water is very high in Chloride at 118mg, compared to sports drinks at about 39mg.
Data is based on a 100ml drink

Christianity Etc › Re: Drop Your Prayer Point Here. by wales(m): 3:15am On Aug 23, 2007
I will like to thank GOD for all He has done for me and for those things He His still doing for me. Thank you GOD.
Romance › Re: When Distance Separates You From Your True Love by wales(m): 10:38pm On Aug 21, 2007
Yes, distance should not be, but i will tell you it is not easy at all.
Dating And Meet-up Zone › Re: Last Nigerian Virgin! by wales(m): 8:02am On Aug 21, 2007
All you say is you are brand new, who told you brand new no dey spoil. just send me your email address.
Dating And Meet-up Zone › Re: Last Nigerian Virgin! by wales(m): 11:11pm On Aug 20, 2007
Hi, can i get your e-mail address?
Jokes Etc › What The Hell! by wales(op): 5:34am On Jun 16, 2007
At a doctor's surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of
serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him," What the hell did
you do to your back?"

The patient replies, " You know that I am a bouncer at a local nightclub?
Well, yesterday morning I got home to my flat quite early and heard a
noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with
my wife as my wife was lying naked in bed and the balcony door was open.
I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down
from the balcony I saw a man running out of the building and he was
dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That's how I
strained my back ".

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor says, "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible. What the
hell happened to you? " The 2nd patient replies, "You know I have been
unemployed for a while now Doctor? Well yesterday morning was my first
dayat my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was
running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you
won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients did. The doctor was shocked. Again he asks, " What the hell
happened to you?"

" Well, actually, I was hiding in a fridge when , suddenly "
Phones › The New Nokia 6.7- Wonderful Concept ! by wales(op): 9:08pm On Jun 12, 2007
New Nokia 6.750. - Built for Lagos Touts. Particularly AKPOGBON, THIRD MAINLAND BRIDGE AND MUSHIN AREA

Travel › Nigerian Citizen Gagged And Killed By Spain by wales(op): 6:15pm On Jun 12, 2007
A Nigerian illegal immigrant died while being deported from Spain with a restraining gag over his mouth, Spanish media reported on Monday.

The Iberia jet flying 97 passengers to Nigeria had to turn back to Spain and land in Alicante on Saturday after crew discovered that Osamuyia Aikpitanhi (23) had died, newspaper El Pais said.

Police union sources told El Pais Aikpitanhi may have died after swallowing a gag taped over his mouth to prevent him biting extradition officers.

Spain, which received more immigrants than any other European country in 2006, has stepped up deportations and entry refusals to 23 000 so far this year.

According to reports, The guys only offence is that he had no resident permit and therefore had to be deported which the guy refused and resisted, after much arguements and pleas, the police resorted to beating him away from public view until they succeeded in injecting him with what was later known as a tranquilizer with his mouth being closed with a plastic tape and both hands and legs firmly tied with ropes . They loaded him into the plane covering him with a sack thereby preventing him from passengers view.
Mid air when the air plane was already 3 hrs airborne, the pilot announced to the passengers that they had to make an emergency return to spain without actually lething passengers know what was going on. It was the greatest shock of other Nigerians as the saw the red cross of spain trying to revive the already dead nigerian handsome young boy who it was later discovered that he was littered with waste(****) to confirm how he has been struggling between life and death for who knows how many hours? but couldnt be able to shout out as his killers tied his hands and legs with mouth closed and was even hidden from other Nigerians aboard the Iberia plane.

Infact they killed him as a criminal, a terrorist and i dont know which other appropriate word to use here but the boys only offence was that he was an illegal immigrant !!!!!

I am filled up with pains and tears as i write this but please where is my brother Big K, SLB,
and my brother Ithinkbetter who is a neighbour to spain and all NVS family who could be found in nigeria?

We have to organise if possible a protest to the Embassy of Spain in Nigeria and the Nigerian Embassy in spain and also to the Iberia airlines.
This have to stop and now, Ministry of foreign affiars and all those in authority must be sent copies of this thread.
This have to stop. A very young man is not supposed to die, for what?

Please i am counting on all villagers and more espescially our able Big K to do something with your Cyber ingenuity.

WE NEED TO STOP THIS WASTAGE OF NIGERIAN LIVES BY THIS BAST, A, RDS,
Nairaland General › My Nigeria! by wales(op): 9:27pm On Jun 07, 2007
My Nigeria, this is what i saw in Nigeria a guy hanging on a moving truck with speed at about 60km/h at Lagos - Ibadan Expressway (Ibadan bond).

Can you guess what he is doing huh huh huh

Nairaland General › Re: Who Is Your Birthday Mate On Nairaland? by wales(m): 8:33pm On Jun 07, 2007
Men i have a lot of Nairaland's that are my birthday mate, find the list below. grin grin grin

Birthdays: eunisam (23), bonzo (24), Baybee (19), Segelo (35), wales (31), dobisinna (24), ucheadibe (27), Mamayo, md4real (110), pirella (24), doja (26), enegide (27), so cool (23), angelstone, mazo (29), kerot (18), Bomala (31), sarah T (21), erykodrill (25), belle I (25), bobbin (28), yemite70 (30), Adedoja (30), larrysmith (27), McArthur (27), newtontoyo (28), prov31chic (22), megdarling (27), owpj (107), charlyolu (27), poe722 (25), finero (18), culasi, sojismith (27), slimdaddy (18), prince2673 (34), Astontj (31), stan26, Brownsil (19), adeademide (23), master d (21), lefftti (26), segzyopd (27), PAPA V (29), dadamich (25)
Jokes Etc › Omo-niger 4 U! by wales(op): 8:48pm On Jun 06, 2007
A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of
their dead mother arrived from the USA, sent by their
sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside
the coffin that their mother's face was practically
touching the glass cover. When they opened the
coffin,they found a letter from their sister pinned to
their mother's chest, which read: Dearest brothers and
sisters, I am sending you our mother's remains for
burial there in Lagos. Sorry I couldn't come along as
the expenses were so high. You will find inside the
coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's
corned-beef and 12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just divide
it among yourselves. On Mama's feet is a brand-new
pair of Reeboks (size cool for junior. There are four
pairs of Reeboks under Mama's head for Tunde's sons.

Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts one is for
Omo, Roy and the rest are for my nephews. Mama is also
wearing one dozen Wonder Bra ( your favorite), just
divide it amongst yourselves. The 2 dozen Victoria's
Secret panties that Mama is wearing should be
distributed among my nieces and cousins.

Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants - Ikeje,
please get one for yourself and the rest are for the
boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left
wrist, please get it. Aunty Ronke, Mama is wearing
what you asked for - earrings,ring and necklace - just
please get them. Also,the six pairs of Channel
stockings that Mama is wearing must be divided among
teen-age girls there. I hope they like the color.mama
is also putting on a head phone by her side is a sony
disc player and inside the player is the method man CD
your Son asked and the disc player also is his hope he
likes it .

Your loving sister, Nene P.S. Please take care of
finding a dress for Mama for her burial.

grin grin grin
Christianity Etc › Before You Complain! by wales(op): 9:37am On Jun 06, 2007
Only few remember what life was before, and who had always been there in the most painful situations.

Today before you think of saying an unkind word,

Think of someone who can't speak.



Before you complain about the taste of your food,

Think of someone who has nothing to eat.



Before you complain about your husband or wife,

Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.



Today before you complain about life,

Think of someone who went too early to heaven.



Before you complain about your children,

Think of someone who desires children but is barren.



Before you argue about your dirty house that someone didn't clean or sweep,

Think of people who are living in the streets.



Before whining about the distance you drive,

Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.



And when you are tired and complain about your job,

Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.



But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another.

Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one maker.



And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down,

Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around. grin grin grin



Technology Market › Human Wonders! by wales(op): 9:27am On Jun 06, 2007
[i][color=#000099]Hey, check this out!

1. The Millau viaduct is part of the new E11 expressway connecting Paris and Barcelona and features the highest bridge piers ever constructed. The tallest is 240 meters high and the overall height will be an impressive 336 meters, making this the highest bridge in the world.

2. Parking in Germany.

Business › Nigeria Okada Vs Vietnam Okada! by wales(op): 9:06am On Jun 06, 2007
Well, Just if you thought the NIGERIAN OKADA are a menace, try Vietnam Okada. grin grin grin

Romance › Boyfriend Pillow For Singles! by wales(op): 8:21am On Jun 06, 2007
Boyfriend pillow for Japan singles

Junko Suzuki demonstrates how she sleeps with a Boyfriend's Arm Pillow. 29/09/04

Ms Suzuki says the pillow has other advantages

Japan's single women are being offered the ultimate sleeping partner - a comfort to cuddle up to, but one which does not snore or make demands.

The Boyfriend's Arm Pillow, shaped like a man's torso with one sturdy arm, has been on sale since December and has so far been snapped up by 1,000 singles.

Manufacturer Kameo said the pillow's shape also keeps the body balanced.

One woman, Junko Suzuki, told AP: "It makes me relaxed, I can hold the arm and feel something warm at my side".

The pillow is only available in Japan , where it costs about 8,500 Yen ($80), and is available in blue, pink or green.

Ms Suzuki, who is separated from her husband, says the pillow has other advantages.

"It keeps holding me all the way through. I think this is great because this does not betray me," she told AP.

This may be helpfull for the single lady's we have.

Christianity Etc › This Pastor Has Guts! by wales(op): 5:10pm On Jun 05, 2007
This Pastor has guts!!

Thought you might enjoy this interesting Prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate.

It seems Prayer still upsets some people.

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your

forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We

know Your Word says, 'Woe to Those who call evil good,'

but that is exactly what we have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"

The response was immediate.

A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.

In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is

pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those

calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving

international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea .

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program,

"The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this

program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help,

may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become

our desire so that we again can be called "one nation Under God."

If possible, please pass this prayer on to your friends. "If you don't stand

for something, you will fall for everything."

Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list,

in less than 30 days it would be heard by the world. How many people in

your address book will not receive this prayer?

, do you have the Guts to pass it on?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.
Fashion › Re: Guys Who Bleach Their Skin by wales(m): 5:40am On Jun 05, 2007
omogenaija:
i don't mind as long as its not over done and its done correctly
May be you have not met them be4, those guy's are mad for doing that.
Music/Radio › Re: What Are You Listening To Right Now? by wales(m): 5:37am On Jun 05, 2007
Why me!
Jokes Etc › The Love Dress by wales(op): 5:44am On Jun 03, 2007
[center]THE LOVE DRESS[/center]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked

to see her daughter-in- law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music

was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work." The

daughter-in- law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in- law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he

sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and

ravages me for hours.

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered,

put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid

on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying

there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing, " he said, "What's for dinner?".


Christianity Etc › Noah's Ark: by wales(op): 3:28am On Jun 02, 2007
What I Learned From Noah

Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark,

ONE: Don't miss the boat.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile.

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Jokes Etc › Can You Laugh ? by wales(op): 2:57am On Jun 02, 2007
AN H U N G R Y M A N

A hungry man was going along the street.

He got to a place and saw a sign board with the inscription "eat as much as you can here, your grandson will pay"

The man went in and confirmed from the receptionist who confirmed the statement. The hungry man now ordered for series of food with assorted meat, fish, turkey and others. He ate and ordered for drinks in excess.

He drank excessively. As he was preparing to go, the steward called him and gave him a bill of 2,000 Naira.

The man was annoyed and asked "what the hell is going on here ? What is this ?" (So so big big grammar

The steward answered "it is the bill of your fore- father which you must pay so that your grandson would pay for the one you ate.



I WAN TEAR BUSH !


We all remember that in public primary schools in Nigeria, the teachers always tell the students to speak English and not vernacular.

In this particular class, there was a little Yoruba boy who had just came from the village and spoke very little English.

One day he had to go to the bathroom (toilet to Nigerians) real bad and this is the conversation that ensued.

BOY: Teacher, " igbose ngbo mi, mo fe lo yagbe (I have to go to the toilet real bad)

TEACHER: Stop speaking vernacular, you have to speak English before I can let you go.

Since the boy cannot express himself, he stood in front of the classroom shaking real bad, all of a sudden, he thought of a way to tell the teacher what he needed to do in the little English he understood.

BOY: Teacher, shaking leg is shaking me, I want to go and tear bush!

All the other students busted out laughing including the teacher who just had to let him go before he did his business on the floor.





An old man traveled to London


An old man traveled to London to visit his children.

One chilly day he decided to take a stroll down Oxford Street . Unfortunately while on his stroll it started raining quite heavily and he decided to take shelter under a store canopy.

While under the canopy, an Englishman who was passing by tried to be friendly to the old man shivering under the canopy.

Here's what happened.

Englishman: Cold ain't it?

Baba Agba: "Ori re ko da! Baba re lo ni shobu ni?
(Translation: " You must be sick in the head, is this your father's shop" ?)

Baba Agba said this because the way the Englishman spoke, he thought he had said "Kuro nihin"
(Translation: Get away from there!)



OGA SALESMAN


Scene inside a Lagos Molue Bus

A salesman was trying to sell a product which he claimed to be a cure for every ailment afflicting the human anatomy.

As he went about his business in the packed and stuffy Molue bus, a woman was trying to pacify her crying baby girl, much to the annoyance of the salesman.

Still, the salesman continued in his efforts to gain the attention of the people in the bus.

As he did so, the cries of the baby continued to wail loudly nearby.

With every passing minute, the salesman grew increasingly agitated at the sound coming from the baby.

When he could not take it any longer, he confronted the woman.

"Efun omo yi loyan now", he shouted at the woman.

"Oyan ko lo fe, ofe pon ni", the woman replied.

"Efun le pon then"



The Three Corpses



Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened.

A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.

"Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile Inspector," says the Coroner.

The Inspector is taken to the second dead man.

"Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Nothing unusual here," says the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body.

"Ah," says the Coroner, "look at this one, he's black. Nigerian, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why the bloody hell is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

The Coroner replies, "It was his first time in the UK and he thought he was having his picture taken."



Blind man inside bus



Scene inside a Lagos Molue Bus

A blind man entered a molue bus one hot afternoon, and no sooner had he been inside the bus, than he started to beg the passengers for alms.

A young school boy took pity on him and told the blind man to sit down at the back of the bus and he will endeavour to collect the alms on his behalf.

After going to every passenger, the school boy was able to raise 500 naira for the blind man, which he promptly gave to him.

The blind man thanked him for his selfless effort and the boy returned to his seat in the front of the bus.

Every passenger marveled at the way the school boy offered to help the blind man as they began discussing the issue amongst themselves.

Then the bus approached a bus-stop and several passengers got ready to alight, including the blind man. As the blind man got to the front of the bus, where the school boy sat, he said in a whisper to the boy's ears "Once again, thank you for helping me. By the way, na where you keep the rest of the money, especially the 100 naira note wey that tall man pay you"



AIDS Injection



There was a man living in Victoria Island, Lagos .

A thief came to his house one night and threatened to inject him with blood containing the HIV virus if he didn't drop all the money he collected from the bank the day before.

The man: Are you going to leave me with the money if I allow you to inject me with the HIV virus?

The Thief: I will not collect the money and I will leave you.

On hearing this, he told the thief to give him 5 minutes and he went to the toilet. When he came back from the toilet, he asked the thief to inject him with the HIV virus.

The thief injected him with the HIV virus and left immediately.

Immediately the thief left, the wife became hysterical

The Wife: What the hell did you just do?

The Man: Don't mind the stupid thief, he doesn't know that I put on a condom the other time I went to the toilet.



I Know My Rights!



A certain young man who had spent the last 10 years in the USA was arrested by the Nigerian Police because he refused to bribe them for a minor traffic offense. He was amazed to be taken to the police station.

The young man was very upset and angry. He was ranting and raging at the policemen;

"you people don't know who I am, by the time I make one phone call you'll all wish you weren't born. I'm entitled to one phone call and you must let me make that call, I know my rights and I won't be trampled upon".
He went on and on raking at the station.

After a while the DPO couldn't take it any longer, and instructed a constable to throw the guy into the cell.

When the guy was pushed into the cell he continued ranting and raging as to how he was entitled to one phone call as part of his fundamental rights.

After a while the "president" in the cell got up and said

"ADC I don tire for all dis englis e dey blow. I beg give this man him phone call ojare".
At this time the ADC got up and gave the young man a resounding slap, 'gboaaaa'.

He then calmly asked him: "e dey ring abi make I re-dial?"

The young man meekly replied "NO, ooooooo no need to re-dial, edey ring, Sir, e connect well well,



Igbo Sharpness



After a long period of silence an Igbo guy phones his good pal and the following conversation ensued,

Chike: Nna, How now??, long tam no see you!

Chidi: Nna, I just dey o. Wetin dey happen now ?

Chike: I jus dey, Ah beg, I need your hep for sontin,

Chidi: (grumbles) Na wetin?

Chike: Ah won borrow small money from una

Chidi: Hello? Hello? I can't hear u well o

Chike: I say ah need small money from una

Chidi: Hello? Hello? , dis line no clear o,

Chike: (yelling into the phone) Ah say come borrow me small money abeg!

Chidi: Hello? Hello??, I still can not hear you!

(The phone operator now butts in)
He said he wants you to borrow him money!

Chidi: NNA YOU WEY HEAR AM WELL GI AM THE MONEY NOW! (foolish operator shiooo, )





Johnny's Black Eye




Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened.

He replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face".

"Ok, Johnny", the teacher replied, trying to help, "the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."

All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye.

The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.

Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too!' and that's when I got punched in the face."

Jokes Etc › Confession Of An Ijaw Kid! by wales(op): 2:53am On Jun 02, 2007
CONFESSION OF AN IJAW KID


Little Diepriye came into the kitchen where his mother
was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a
good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Priye was
a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Priye's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Priye, of course, thought he did.

Priye's mother wanted Priye to reflect on his behavior
over the last year.
"Go to your room, Priye, and think about how you have
behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you
deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Priye stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like
a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a
very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Priye. I have been a good boy this
year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore
up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would
really like a bike for my birthday.
Priye

Priye knew he could not send this letter to God
either. So, Priye wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very
sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please!
Thank you,
Priye

Priye knew, even if it was true, this letter was not
going to get him a bike.

Now, Priye was very upset. He went downstairs and told
his mom that he wanted to go to church. Priye's mother thought her
plan had worked, as Priye looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Priye's mother told
him.


Priye walked down the street to the church on the
corner. Little Priye went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Priye bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Priye began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER
AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

The hit man.

Diepriye

Travel › Re: Nigeria Or Usa Which One Is Better? by wales(op): 3:43pm On Jun 01, 2007
WE are trying to look into all aspect of how we can say one is better than the other one.
Family › Re: The First Man Pregnarcy (may Be True)! by wales(op): 5:30am On Jun 01, 2007
Find below the chat with Mr Lee the father of the coming Baby grin grin grin grin


[i][color=#000099]As an artist who has had solo exhibitions at The Whitney Museum of American Art and The Cleveland Museum of Art, Lee Mingwei explores the evanescent and diurnal cycles of living. His work is based on such basic human activities as cooking, letter writing, and now child-bearing.

A few weeks ago, writer Janice Versalius of PaperVeins magazine had a long and intimate conversation with Mr. Lee in his Manhattan apartment. An excerpt of the interview appears below. Additional interviews with Mr. Lee will also be included in the upcoming film documentary .

Janice
Mr. Lee, as we just discussed, male pregnancy may prove to be an extremely dangerous medical procedure at this point - particularly when your doctors perform your Cesarian operation. Why have you chosen to do this?

Mr. Lee
A lot of people have cast this endeavor as something terribly monstrous - a startling example of how science and medicine have simply gone too far. >From my perspective, however, I am simply bringing a child into this world. There is nothing more natural and beautiful on this earth than that. This is something that I've always wanted to do.

Janice
But surely you understand why some people find the idea of a pregnant man disturbing?

Mr. Lee
Well, I understand how it may be a shocking concept at first. Biologically, women have always given birth to children, and men have not. Despite the dramatic results of the sexual revolution in the latter half of this century, there are still very distinct and concrete social roles determined by this, until now, undeniable biological fact. Now, it seems, we have several important questions to consider. Why shouldn't men carry children and care for a fetus the same way a women does? Why shouldn't a man bear a burden that women have always carried? On the other hand, why shouldn't a man be able to experience the same joy and excitement that a pregnant woman feels nurturing a child within her own body? Now I think men, as well as women, have more choices, more possibilities, more roles they can assume in their lives.

Janice
I can tell you that my father for one would have donated all his internal organs before even entertaining the idea of getting pregnant.

Mr. Lee
Yes, it's interesting that many men feel very threatened by this idea. Men getting pregnant used to be a big joke - a point of ridicule. Someone was telling me about this popular American film where Arnold Schwarzenegger' s character became pregnant. The humor was based on the sheer absurdity of such a distinct feminine condition being imposed on someone who represented the ultimate paradigm of Western masculinity. It seems like something rooted in a preoccupation with very traditional gender role assumptions. There was also an episode of The Cosby Show, apparently, where the male characters dreamed they were all pregnant. Now that pregnant men are a reality, no one is laughing anymore!

Janice
I was thinking about how a lot of sitcoms, particularly in the 70's and 80's, were always filled with men dressing up women to get laughs. But when men in real life actually wanted to dress up as women, they were usually harassed or beaten up.

Mr. Lee
That's a good analogy. Drag was once considered something provocative, bizarre, and unnatural. Now we even have the mayor of New York dressing up as a woman on live television. Did you hear about that?

Janice
I remember seeing it last year on Saturday Night Live. I thought I was hallucinating.

Mr. Lee
But, he still did it for laughs. I think many drag queens who were drawn to the subversion of drag - the shock value of it - are somewhat disappointed at how mainstream it has become. And at the same time, I see many transvestites who are still marginalized by both gay and straight people. If you're a man who actually wants to become a woman, without the intent of performing or putting on a show, then you're still considered weird.

Janice
How would you respond to people who would consider you a pregnant transvestite and not a pregnant man?

Mr. Lee
Well, it's not really accurate. I'm still male after all - biologically and anatomically. It's interesting that some people believe the definition of being a man is so precarious! And unlike the men who feel this strong desire to physically become women, I've never wished for that , and I haven't done that. I have, however, always wanted to have a much stronger empathy with women. I love my mother and sister very much, and I'm very happy to share in something they have both experienced. Being pregnant is a wonderful feeling. It's something that all human beings - both men and women - should experience before they die. This process has been a spiritual rebirth for me.

Janice
I was just reading about one of your art projects - A Hundred Days With Lily. You have also described it as spiritually renewing experience.

Mr. Lee
Yes. I carried a handful of white lilies for three months with me wherever I went. It was in honor of my grandmother who had passed away, to pay respect to her in some small way.

Janice
I read that this was something rooted in Ch'an Buddhism. Is that correct?

Mr. Lee
The idea is rooted in Ch'an Buddhism. I had spent many years growing up in a Buddhist monastery in Taiwan . We learned to appreciate the simple, transient, and everyday moments in life.

Janice
Well, I must say, a pregnant man isn't something you see everyday.

Mr. Lee
Actually, I see this pregnancy as being very much in keeping with Buddhist philosophical thought. There is a strong connection I feel between myself, the child within my body, and the world around us both. And I think there is a greater awareness and empathy I now share with my mother and sister as a result of my pregnancy. Most of all, there is a level of insight and understanding about being alive - of sharing your life - in ways that I've never realized before.

Janice
I've talked with other pregnant people who have also described this sensation. I felt it strongly myself when I had my own daughter a few years ago, One last question, Mr. Lee. Do you have a name for your baby yet?

Mr. Lee
I think I'll only know the name when the child is born. I guess we'll ha
[/color][/i]ve to wait and see!
Family › Re: The First Man Pregnarcy (may Be True)! by wales(op): 2:05am On Jun 01, 2007
Family › The First Man Pregnarcy (may Be True)! by wales(op): 2:02am On Jun 01, 2007
Hey, check this one out is it so, The Frist Man Pregnancy (It May Be True). grin grin grin

Travel › Re: Nigeria Or Usa Which One Is Better? by wales(op): 1:43am On Jun 01, 2007
Someone is planning to write a book on this issue, that is why we are trying to get people's view on this. cheesy cheesy cheesy
Travel › Re: Nigeria Or Usa Which One Is Better? by wales(op): 9:12pm On May 31, 2007
Hey, what do you mean by that, is coming to USA a do or die thing for you, for me it was not i just came around for school which i have a nice job back in Nigeria, so what Bleep are you saying, o boy try to be much more understanding when you read or send out post. for the post was not for you if you know you have nothing to say. angry angry angry
Romance › Re: When Distance Separates You From Your True Love by wales(m): 8:50pm On May 31, 2007
jimaj4life:
believe me,distance is a big barrier,i used to live in Nigeria nd she lives in england,we loved eachother very much and we talk all the time,when i relocated to england,we live like 2hours away from eachother and guess what?we broke up 4months after i got to england,we made up 5months later but we still lived 2hours from eachother,though we speak like 3hours a day but man she is someone that can't control herself,always flauting around with guys,we borke up again after a month of making up and i guess that happened because we lived far apart, distant relationship doesn't work out atimes
Men, to you distance may be a big barrier, but i feel and i know that once they is LOVE between you two distance can not be a barrier, when we say LOVE we are talking about deep affection that takes place between the two of you that makes you feel like see each other every sec., min., and hour so you need to understand this fact. for your wife she may not be too much in Love with you to make her feel she needs not to look out for other guy's. cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Travel › Nigeria Or Usa Which One Is Better? by wales(op): 8:13pm On May 31, 2007
Hey, what do feel about this, which one is much more better Nigeria or USA huh huh huh
Romance › Re: How To Know The Right Lady! by wales(op): 5:48pm On May 31, 2007
Jesqueen:
well,u two have to know each other for a while,and to see whether u two can get along with each other or not, u see,if it meant to be her,it will be,u don't need to confuse yourself,the time will come~one day,im sure u will know who is the girl u want to spent your life with~ smiley
Most of the lady's i have met we have been very close to each other, but the issue is that at a point they tend to pull out of it due to one reason or the other but when i ask them why they will not be able to defend it so most of the time i always feel may be the lady is not the right one for me. Which i don't know may be i am the one not making things happen or may be it is from the other end. I will need the help of Nairaland"s on this issue.
Education › Re: Any Navy School On Broad! by wales(op): 5:02pm On May 31, 2007
Hey, men nice to know i have some Navy guy's on broad, i lift Navy in 1993 what about you huh huh huh

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