₦airaland Forum

acidrop:
submitting 2 your husband don't necesarily mean u wont have your own say. . . . .u are not imprisioned. . . . . u are looking at it form a slavery perspective. these female politicians if they don't submit to their husband its shamefull as well because they should be role models.but he is the one that still authorized u to go out now, after enough begging, only God know how u take begg am oooooo. but u still submitted and he the authorized u. bt even that is too rude on a woman's side, no man should just say "no don't go out" they should say it in a respective way and give reasons y not. a suitable one

If you want someone to submit then it is as if they are imprisoned. Thus far all those on the defense for submitting have made it a one sided venture where only women submit. Therefore if it is not a concerted effort it must be some type of slavery.

Uche2nna:
I guess the situation here is the definition of submission in the context of marriage. Nobody is asking You to be a slave. Matter of fact most women that I know that are submissive to their husband are the ones who eventually control their hubbies like a puppet. The ones that scream "equal rights" are the ones who end up end up taking a whole lot crap.

O.K one woman I know or would consider submissive had a stroke because of overwork and worrying about her husband. Anyone screaming equal rights probably will end up taking crap because they are probably crazy. However someone that believes in and insists on equality in their marriage probably will have a good marriage where they are not controlled or subjected to demands they can't meet.

Also there is no form of submissiveness in context of marriage submissive is submissive. I think the role of women in sex is submissive enough if you want more then too bad.

Cadet:
Your husband does not want you to go out, you find a way to pacify him gently, changing his mind, until he lets you. No rudeness.

Or your husband does not want you to go out and then when he wants to go out you say no. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

tpia:
while submitting to your husband,keep checking to make sure he doesnt have someone locked up in the basement oh.

sometimes the gragra don't question my authority attitude is a cover up for some crime he could be committing.

Thank you. The only way I will submit is if he will submit which will bring us back to do ooo. Which kind submission in a marriage where we are equals. That is rubbish or nonsense as my dad would say.

acidrop:
waaaaaaaaaaaaaat? u lost me here.
ofcourse its not a general thing, we saying d same thing. submiting is a general thing in most married house hold

You say its general as if practiced all over the world however its only practiced widely in Nigeria. I wonder if any female politician submits to their husband like a docile puppy.

nuzo:
Ofcourse, he will appear and defend himself well like the usual Nigerian politicians.
However, you will be heart broken if you are expecting much from the probe.

No need to expect much since its all show. Why prosecute him when Yardy will do the same. Its a necessary cycle to maintain Nigeria's infamous corruption.

acidrop:
girls on a serious note, take away the whole womanism and feminism thing away. it is a general thing for a lady to submit to her husband, y u want to chnage that

No its not. In a culture where it is encouraged even punishable if not practiced maybe. Other wise no submitting is not a general thing.

acidrop:
what u don't want to submit, u want to be rude and all that, because that the opposite of submitiing, yes it is shameful, because u wont have your fairytale marriage

You are surely joking, right?

iice:
[color=#9900ff]True also. . .there is something in it for both of them[/color]

Mos def. . . like you said older men want to feel you and younger women get something be it money or security.

This is like one of the best threads. I have been dying with laughter.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]It's a two way thing. . .married men chase them, they fall for the married men. . .
[/color]

I don't know if fall id the right word. Some do it because there is something in it for them

acidrop:
from a christani perspective, we will always respect the fact that Adam was created before Eve, but let Adam hold that respect oooo. because if he turns eve to a servant he might not have it for long. datz all am saying

Straight and to the point

iice:
[color=#9900ff]yeah lol. Good thing am not the only one. . .my brothers have that fetish too, they look at the feet and hands of women first[/color]

My friends think my finger attraction is. . . and my big feet thing is because of the saying about guys with big feet but I don't think so.

A guy with perfectly aligned teeth is just amazing. . . I mean I like intelligence but since it is usually not visible that factor comes in later.

Cadet:
Lord help me with who I marry. authority kini?

True true. I don't get why so adamant about the husband being an authority figure. Why can't we just be equal?

4 Him:
we still chase women because the ratio of facially acceptable women is far less than the 8:1 ratio i mentioned earlier.

You people still don't get it, if only women could see how much their husband's cherish them in their hearts . . .

When ever I can eat what is in there hearts thats when being cherished only in the heart will matter.

4 Him:
The bible says "submit your ways unto the Lord" . . . does that mean we are slaves of God?
You submit to the authority of your parents, are you their slave?

When i'm married i'll still do what i'm used to doing . . . that is why i insist that marriage is individual. You may end up with a husband who can't wash a handkerchief. what would you do? Buy new ones everyday simply because it is slavery to submit to helping him wash them?

Is the husband then God or parents or both? There are different types of love; agape, filos and eros therefore I don't think someone I am romantically involved with is an authority figure, that's just creepy. If my husband can't wash a handkerchief that is where the equality comes in as I will teach him. However if he thinks he is an authority figure over me teaching him how to wash a handkerchief would be a problem. I can explain why if you want me to.

4 Him:
wake up, this is the 21st century. Women outnumber men 8:1, if u're not willing there are at least 7 more ready to take your place. God help u if you're not even fine and u're doing shakara.

So one is supposed to become docile because women outnumber men. What am thinking is rather inappropriate to post so lets just leave it.

4 Him:
its sad that a lot of you simply equate submissiveness to slavery. That is a false alarm.
Surprisingly unlike my dad, i cook far better than many of my aunts, i prefer to do my own house cleaning and laundry. There is nothing a woman does in the house that i can't do even better so besides companionship and having kids i really don't need a woman.
Ditto for many men out there.

Wait until u find a boyfriend who can't even soak garri, i'll see whether u'll let him starve.

You say this as if it was not you that brought up the woman doing house work Lagos man argument. You cook and do your own chores, pray tell. . . would it be the same if you were married? Yes submissiveness in any context is equal to some type of slavery.

4 Him:
Acidrop, u're a small girl. u're not even 20 . . . do you even have a boyfriend not to talk of knowing anything about marriage?
Who told you my parents are not living in the 21st century?

Most of the females pushing this "i am a leader too" agenda don't even have boyfriends. When you are married please come here and tell us how much power you wield in your marriage.

So people

pushing this "i am a leader too" agenda don't even have boyfriends

because men don't like equality or maybe just maybe because there are more important things in life than having a boyfriend.

acidrop:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . . . . . .the 1st thing i look in a guy is the way they walk. some guys can blow guy

I also have a thing for teeth. If he has an amazing smile with perfect teeth that gets me.

4 Him:
While my dad stretches his legs and reads a newspaper. Is that a problem to you?
That is the way they chose to live their lives . . . while you sit there complaining, their marriage is going into its 27th yr very soon and they are both happy as can be. Its all in the mind, if you want your husband to help you . . . nagging and threats wont help you.

Different strokes for different folks. Am not complaining since am not married and while you expect the woman to be submissive if I get married I plan on being myself. My parents marriage is going on fine and my dad cooks if my mother is tired or because he simply wants to. He calls and tells everyone because his cooking is quiet impressive. . . I hope your wife is submissive enough for you.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]First thing i look at is hands and feet [/color]

Oh ehmm gee. So you have a hand and foot fetish too? My friends make fun of me but everyone has there little fetishes

4 Him:
Wendy, you're way off point. My mom has a successful medical career and yet manages the home front perfectly well so what is your point? Does submissiveness mean you shld become a fulltime house wife?

So your mother comes home from work and does all the chores and cooking while your dad does what, flies an aircraft? Yes the way you describe. . . in fact mentioning submissiveness seems to suggest full time house wife.

4 Him:
trying flying an aircraft as a partnership.

Good, then think of marriage as an aircraft, there are two captains when one gets tired the other takes over.

Madtv and Trigger Happy and now am hooked on The Catherine Tate Show. AMAZING

4 Him:
You certainly don't understand the term "submissiveness" in the context of marriage. It has nothing to do with inequality, it is about one giving the other the space and opportunity to be a leader.
You had class captains in school, that did not suddenly make you his househelp. you still remained equals even though he had to shoulder the bulk of the responsibilty for your class.

I thought marriages was an equal opportunity front but since in terms of marriage there is a difference in the meaning of submissiveness then. . . You remember when you said Lagos men will not do housework? I think if I have to do it all then yes, I am basically his house help. There is a difference between shouldering responsibility and expecting me to do all the housework. Besides what kind of responsibility will he have if am doing all the chores? (I hope you don't think I will not have a career because am married. Not planning on doing all this school to get certificates for dust collecting and baby pushing)

[quote author=D-reloaded link=topic=132343.msg2232176#msg2232176 date=1210128793]I'm confused, so the wife should adjust to the fact that because Nigerian men are supposedly not used to doing housework(my dad would get a kick out of that Btw), the wife should "adjust" to that and be expected to do eveyrthing on her own because after all that's what Nigerian men born/raised in Nigeria are used to?[/quote]Is exactly what am saying. Thank God others see it the way I do. Also if the man can't do house work how the heck did he survive all these years on his own or was he living with his mom. . . which is another thing.

4 Him:
What is primitive in being submissive to your husband? If you treat him well he will do the same to you. A husband who truly loves you will work hard at trying to please you and do those things that you want him to do. All this gungho mentality takes us no where.
I havent met a man yet who wants to marry a househelp so you people are living with unfounded rumors.

That question is almost redundant. Being submissive to your husband is primitive. If it is based on true love then it would actually be based on equality on not submission. If you have to submit for him to treat you well and love you then whats the sense in that. Its a marriage not a job you should not have to work to impress your significant other. I thought it was being yourself was what matters, guess I was wrong.

StephenP:
[size=13pt]Ok guys, forgive I'm going offtopic for a second but it's necessary.

@wendy, I've been trying get at you. I am truly sorry for what I said the other time. It came out wrong and I apologize. Despite the fact I know it's just the Internet and it's unreal in a sense, I still need to know you've forgiven me.[/size]

So sweet of you. You really have nothing to apologize for because you were honest about Rebellious and all. Yes it is the internet so I forgot about it, it was kinda good you made that comment because I quickly got back to the paper I was writing rather than deferring it. I guess I forgive you although nothing to forgive.

I heard it was amazing.

4 Him:
you didnt get my point before leaping to a conclusion. Face it, Nigerian men are culturally different from American men.
There are certain things that a man who has spent the most part of his growing years in Nigeria would expect from a wife that one brought up in the American culture would not understand.
For instance, how many Nigerian men in Lagos will u expect to tolerate serving their wives breakfast in bed? Many are brought up with the idea that housework is not for men, this will pose a big challenge to a woman brought up in an environment of women's liberation.

That is where adjusting comes in . . .

I said I hope you didn't hold such beliefs which means I wasn't jumping into conclusion. . . besides that from this post it seems that only the women should adapt while the men continue their almost primitive outlook on things. If the man comes to live in America and expects maintain the behavior of a man in Nigeria then he should just move back. Its a situation of you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also not all Nigeria bred men have the mentality of woman in the kitchen speaking only when spoken to.

4 Him:
no big deal really. Since you're the female here you'll end up doing most of the adjusting.
I'm sure your mom has prepared you for what to expect.

I hope this is a joke cause it would suck if you really held such beliefs.