₦airaland Forum

CityNG:
What we have here is a difference of opinions.

I am comfortable with my direct experiences and those of people whose opinions I respect, not Googled data from unverified sources.

PS: I've had at least three Attorneys clients, one of who is a Per Diem family court Judge. Good day.

I beg to differ.

What we really have is different experiences.

I'm also comfortable with my decade of directly working within the family court system. As for Googled data from unverified sources, just where do you think Google acquires its information - out of thin air? And how can a source be unverified? Google is just another tool used to gather information for those who need it. Of course, those who want to know certain things could trek down to their local library. But why...when the info you need is right at your fingertips?

[quote author=CityNG post=28773584][/quote]

I don't have to look anything up as I am well versed in family courts.

I beg to differ. If you were well-versed in family court, then you would know that over here, all 50 states and their territories are not identical, when it comes to divorce, child custody, division of assets, prenuptial agreements, child support, etc. Even the lawyers and judges have to research the pertinent laws for each and every case, because no two cases or state laws are the same.

Have you ever stepped foot in a US family court? If so who many hours total have you spent in family court? How much have you paid a family court lawyer?

Yes, due to my working ten years in The Domestic Violence Unit of our local police department. Rarely a day passed when I or one of my colleagues was not in family court. And no, I haven't had the pleasure of paying a family court lawyer. Btw...depending on your income and state funding, you could have a court-appointed lawyer represent you, regarding divorce proceedings and child custody and support issues.

Many spouses have attempted to kill the other spouses and gotten away with it, many. Watch Snapped once in a while.

Many spouses have killed their spouses and rarely got away with it. Don't you read the newspapers or watch the news? Where do you think the stories on Snapped come from? Real life brought to the television screen.

The only thing that truly differs and that relates to this discussion is "community property state", some states are exempt from that but that doesn't mean that the owning spouse doesn't have to forfeit some preowned property. I know Nairalanders live to argue points that they are only peripherally familiar with so this advice is not for you. For others, before getting married, go and spend an hour in a family court and see what goes on in there. On your second point "it depends on which U.S state you live in that will determine what is yours before marriage remains yours" you are again wrong. Prenuptial agreement as well as well documented ownerships of property pre marriage has long been recognized in all US states. Again this doesn't mean that the owning spouse gets away scott free but deals can be made to protect some properties and yield some.

According to Lawyers.com...

Property "owned" by only one spouse usually won't be part of the property division in the divorce. Cars, boats and houses that have only the name of one spouse on them may be considered the separate property of that spouse.

Separate property typically includes:
•Property that was bought or acquired by one spouse before the marriage
•Property that was inherited by one spouse or was a gift to one spouse, even if the inheritance or gift happened during the marriage
•Businesses owned prior to marriage or living together
•Pension proceeds of either spouse that vested prior to marriage

Read more here:

http://family-law.lawyers.com/divorce/divorce-and-dividing-assets.html
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/separate-community-property-during-marriage-29921.html
http://www.lawny.org/index.php/family-self-help-140/other-family-law-self-help-75/107-what-happens-to-property-after-a-divorce

When you re faced with $200 per hour lawyer bill most spouses become reasonable.

Attorney fees aren't the only things divorcing couples face.

How Much Does the Average Divorce Really Cost?

The real cost of divorce can come from not understanding the financial consequences of a settlement. "Hidden taxes, underperforming investments, depreciating assets and a budget that cannot withstand the pressures of inflation will cause people to literally go bankrupt as a result of divorce," says Rosemary Frank. "The cost of an attorney, or court costs, pale by comparison."

Read more here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/galtime/how-much-does-the-average_b_3360433.html

I am happy for you as I can tell that your are naive in a divorce way and I pray that it remains so for you. You impress me as the type of person that will be stripped naked in court because you believe that family court is fair.

Oh please! You can't tell anything of the sort. You just want me to be who you want me to be...but I'm not.

From my experience, those who think family court is unfair are those who don't or can't hire good lawyers. Unfortunately, good lawyers cost and the average person seeking a divorce may find it difficult to pay for one.

Anyways...divorce can be messy, nasty and downright expensive. But to some, it's a blessing in disguise - no matter the cost.

2legit2qwt:
You should add this too, divorce should be an option the moment one of them sh1t starts to stink more than normal

Maybe the reason above could be added under the category "Irreconcilable Differences".

One spouse says the other one's poo stinks more than normal but the other spouse strongly disagrees. Neither spouse can agree on who is right and who is wrong, so to divorce court they go. Is that a flimsy excuse to divorce? To outsiders...yes. To the couple...no. Would a judge agree? Who knows.

FYI...

Grounds for Divorce: Irreconcilable Differences

"People disagree over all sorts of things, from religion to politics, and it leads to discussions and debates. For married couples, strong disagreements, or irreconcilable differences make it impossible to live together and may be grounds for a divorce."

Read more here: http://family-law.lawyers.com/divorce/grounds-for-divorce-irreconcilable-differences.html

Btw...your facetiousness is duly noted.

And the FYI could be of assistance to someone.

Weah96:
African poverty is on another level. But believe me, poverty here ain't too far behind either.

Are you serious?

In the ghetto, the poor living in projects have access to decent housing, heat, air conditioning, indoor plumbing, dependable transportation, daycare, early learning programs for young children (Headstart),literacy classes, job training, free money to attend college, libraries, onsite medical clinics, employment agencies, playgrounds and parks, police stations, free food, clothing and furniture banks and overseers who make sure that things are run right. Why? The overseers don't want to lose that federal funding and tax breaks, if they are found not to be code compliant or their jobs. And if you're a slum lord, believe you me, the last thing you want is some ticked off tenant reporting you to the feds. It's only the lazy and ignorant who don't know their rights as tenants that continue to live in squalor.

In fact, over here, being poor is a blessing in disguise. Why? There are so many government programs to help the poor succeed, from gaining a high school education to obtaining a Bachelor's degree, free of charge.

As for the homeless, there are so many government programs to help them get off the street. The problem? Some like living on the street. They don't want a stable place to stay. Many are alcoholics, drug addicts or mentally disturbed and reject the assistance that's geared just for them.

Can you say the same for Nigeria's poor?

So yes, African poverty is definitely on another level.

50calibre:
Women always pushing men to the edge. Sadly this is what happens when you push a man to the wall, he'd have to choice but to deal you lethal blow.

Nigerian women are wild and uncultured, they deserve to be kept tamed at all times, they shouldn't be enjoying the privileges of a civilized society because they abuse it.

And what of some Nigerian men?

Are they absolved of all blame?

CityNG:
That is a question that you should seek your own answers to.

I'm secure in the opinion that I offered based on the personal experiences that I underwent and saw of others in the American family court system.

YMMV.

PS: One thing I will say is this, you are confusing a civil court with criminal court. Divorce is in family civil court while murder is in criminal court, different court systems. I'm not an expert on criminal court per see but I ahve read adn formed opinions on some of the causes why simple civil court divorce proceedings turns into a criminal court with oen spouse killing or attempting to kill the other.
Both Men and Women have killed othe rspouses when faced with the possibility of vecoming destitute or loosing custody of chidlren which has a financial implication to it. I pay 50% of my after tax income (after tax meaning after the governemnt has already taken about 20% for taxes) in child support. So say I make $100 a month, the taxes of $20 is taken away, then of the remaining $80 I get to take $40 home. So you can see why some desperations gets involved in some spouses that can't see past the temporary nature of the situation. Some folks also loose businesses, homes, savings and other properties that they have accumulated, sometimes even before they even got married.

So I am not excusing the actors but the issues has been documented to be escalated by family court system by Lawyers, Judges, etc

One more thing, eventhough I grew up in Nigeria, I have never personally experienced divorce in Nigeria so I cannot speak with authority in what happens there. Unlike most, I like to speak from personal experiences, eventhough it may make soem to be uncomfortable.

Again, state laws differ, whether in family court or criminal court, specifically in the case of divorce. Some spouses win - others lose. Attempt to kill your spouse or kill your spouse, to jail you will go. It doesn't matter if you're a husband or wife. Murder is murder.

As for you saying: "Some folks also loose businesses, homes, savings and other properties that they have accumulated, sometimes even before they even got married"...it depends on which U.S state you live in that will determine what is yours before marriage remains yours.

Look it up!

fittty:
Dude! Sit down! We're talking about the US here and not any other country. Do you even know the current statistics of black inmates in prison? Can you compare that to Nigerians in prison here? I repeat this and i'll keep repeating it. Stay away from most uneducated African Americans here. They'll bring you nothing but trouble.

Yes.

"According to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), African Americans constitute nearly 1 million of the total 2.3 million incarcerated population, and have nearly six times the rate of whites. In an August 2013, Sentencing Project report on Racial Disparities in the United States Criminal Justice System, submitted to the United Nations, "one of every three black American males born today
can expect to go to prison in his lifetime". Source: "Criminal Justice Fact Sheet". National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, NAACP. Retrieved 2014-04-08.

So out of 40-43 million African Americans, most are criminals?

I think not!

Just so you know...some Americans - African American and otherwise are warned to stay away from Nigerians, due to their perceived penchant for criminality.

Btw...when you warn Nigerians to stay away from uneducated African Americans, please note that, in America, ALL children are educated - some better than others. - free of charge.

As for the criminal element...

50,000 Nigerians in foreign prisons -Envoy

Read more here: http://www.punchng.com/news/50000-nigerians-in-foreign-prisons-envoy/

Re: Imprisoned Nigerians In Nigeria

Nigerian Prisons And Incessant Jailbreaks

Read more here: http://leadership.ng/news/391248/nigerian-prisons-incessant-jailbreaks

Note: If the Nigerian court was more efficient, the numbers of Nigerians in prison would eclipse the number of African Americans in prison...and you know it.

redsun:
America is a wild and wild west,it is not for immigrants that have real choices,especially the black ones. It is almost as horrible as living with n Nigeria as a poor person.

Untrue!

A poor person in Nigeria can't be compared to a poor person in America.

fittty:
I support divorce as an option when a spouse is abusive. But when there's no form of physical abuse why should a couple think about divorce?

A couple should think divorce when...


...the spouse is cheating
...the spouse is verbally abusive
...refuses to work on the regular
...s/he is abusive towards the kids
...the spouse is a criminal
...the spouse steals from the other spouse
...the spouse's family is constantly interfering with the couple's marriage
...the spouse is sexually incompatible with the other spouse
...the spouse becomes un-attracted to the other spouse

irokop:
Most Nigerian marriage or black Africans always end like this in America and other white man country, reason being that our woman will leave our culture and start practicing oyibo own.

There are so many Tory like this in Yankee it takes a man to for go all this bullshiit, na so one of our aunts left his husband go dey Bleep outside a marriage of almost 30 years, they lived in Nigeria had all their children in Nigeria later moved to America 9 years a go.

Some of our Nigeria women are loads of rubbish Ho haaaa.

Some Nigerian men are loads of rubbish too! Ho haaaa

allcomage:
For an immigrant,America is not paved with gold but with tears,sweat,regrets and blood.the pressure is so enormous that people usually break down with out any known sickness.My wife used to be crazy about and visa lottery.I was never interested because am one of those who like to live in Nigeria.then an opportunity came that she spent a year and six months.Having seen all the seasons of US and what it takes an immigrant to make it there,she cried for weeks to come back.She said it is better to work hard and make it Nigeria than what she saw and observe in US.She was so happy to come home with renewed energy and enthusiasm to succeed and she is making it and being happy. For an adult immigrant,US is a huge slave camp.

If America is a huge slave camp, then why do so many non-Americans want to immigrate here?

And...if America is such a huge slave camp, then why are so many immigrants realizing the "American Dream"?

Dreyl:
it's obvious their are many psychos roaming in US
R.i.p to the dead.

It's more than obvious that many psychos are roaming in Nigeria too.

vislabraye:
You said it all. Black Americans are very violent. Killing is very common in their neighbourhood. They can kill just for a pair Nike shoes. Their women are usually the victims of robbery, rape and knife attacks.
May God help them. Anyone who wants to enjoy his stay should avoid black neighbourhood.

What of Nigeria?

Are Nigerians as pure as the driven snow?

What of jungle justice?

What of the way women are treated?

Examples?

Jungle Justice: Nigerian Women Stripped Naked, Beaten for Allegedly Stealing Pepper

Peep this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHCvEeXpCzg

Jungle Justice : Robbers Butchered By Vigillante Group In Onitsha

Peep this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6yl0kPuOTg

Besides Nigeria, where else could such happen?

Dreyl:
it's obvious their are many psychos roaming in US
R.i.p to the dead.

Many psychos are roaming Nigeria and elsewhere too!

redsun:
Most African women wants to be called Mrs by all means,even though it feels like hell for them being married. They dread the taboo of singleton and gossips of the idle.

I agree!

tochimas:
Mumu, what about those women and men that were recently killed in their various home by their spouses here in Nigeria ?

Good question!

lawanson44:
I am not in support of the murder of this woman but honestly, the attitude of our Nigerian women over there in the states can be so terrible. A relative of mine who stays in the US told us that what many Nigerian women residing in the US do is to seize the opportunity which gender laws in favour of women has provided to blackmail their husbands so that they win custody of the house (even if it is the man's house) and their child or children. This gives them the opportunity to live frivolous lifestyles which the initially the man would be against.

The man is arrested and thereafter jailed and if he is lucky to escape prison, he will be made to pay alimony to the woman if he has a job and in the event where he is unemployed, he will be warned not to ever have access to his children or risk being jailed or even deported.

Tell me which man will go through all these and not become insane especially in the case where he sacrificed alot to bring the woman to the US and everything he worked for all his life goes like that?

This may not be far from the truth in this particular case.

Your relative seems to know little of how the American court works in divorce cases.

In some states, "assets acquired before the date of marriage or after the date of separation are not considered included in this calculation."

Read more here: http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/List_Community_Property_States

Re: Who Gets the House In Divorce?

"Deciding who gets the house in divorce is a bit more complicated than just agreeing on who wants it. You also need to consider mortgage responsibilities and whether you actually have the means to keep the house."

Read more here: http://www.womansdivorce.com/who-gets-the-house-in-divorce.html

Re: Alimony

What Qualifies an Ex-Wife for Alimony?

"If you're going through a divorce, you may have questions about the process. Divorce laws vary from state to state, and in some states a judge can't order you to pay alimony. The states in which a judge can award alimony to an ex-wife generally consider the same factors when deciding whether an ex-wife qualifies for alimony."

Read more : http://www.ehow.com/info_8715941_qualifies-exwife-alimony.html

One more thing...if a husband is ordered not to ever have access to his children or risk being jailed or even deported, then his hands aren't clean. He is or has done something to get the attention of the authorities.

Don't believe the hype, half-truths or outright lies.

As for the man going insane - he does so at his own risk.

Ilekeh:
God bless you.

See them now, hypocritical lots. If the same woman had left her husband, the same crew would be insulting her.

Nigerians na wa.

Very true!

cold:
I think she stayed because of the kinda folks on here who insist divorce is not an option under any circumstance

Very true!

CityNG:
The American family court system creates this devilish environment.

It's a broken system that breeds violence and causes folks to do the unthinkable. IMHO.

And what creates the devilish environment in Nigeria where women and children are abused and the abuser rarely pays the consequences - the Nigerian court system?

Isn't it the Nigerian court system that allows most abusers to walk away scot free?

Isn't it the Nigerian court system that most abused women can't really turn to, if they want to press charges against their abusive boyfriends and/or husbands?

At least in America, there are laws in place that do their best to protect abused women and children.

Is it a perfect system? No. But at least, over here, women and children are protected as much as possible. They aren't told that domestic abuse is a 'family matter', so go home and face your husband or beg for his forgiveness, for whatever it is you did wrong.

Over here, abusers are fined and/or jailed.

But...sometimes, it's the women who refuse to press charges - with some ending up dead.

However, in some cases, the state will press charges against the abuser, whether the abused presses charges or not.

Over here, men can't treat women or children anyway they wish and think they're going to get away with it.

Some things you can do in Nigeria, you can't do in America, as some Nigerians have discovered, to their dismay, as they sit in prison rotting away.

fittty:
God Bless America... Na wah oh! Nothing wey we no go see for this country. You tune TV to news na either person dey shoot, kill or rob. All these Akata sef! They're always full of drama. African Americans are often violent, ignorant, aggressive, uneducated and poor. They can't do without Marijuana and other hard drugs. This tragic news is most definitely as a result of drugs combined with heated arguments. I'll always advice Nigerians to stay away from most of them especially the uneducated ones. NA dem full prison pass oh. They go in and out of jail like they're riding the train or bus.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Is it only in America that you find violent, ignorant, aggressive, uneducated and poor people who may or may not be drug addicts?

Is it only in America that you find prisons full of people of color who go in and out of jail like they're riding the train or bus?

Have you forgotten the nine Nigerian nurses who were killed by their Nigerian husbands, here in America?

Criminality is no respecter of gender, race, religion or ethnic origins, so it's highly prejudiced of you to advise Nigerians to stay away from most "akatas", especially the uneducated ones, when the criminal element in Nigeria is splashed all over the media in living color - your own media - for all to read.

Or...are you suffering from selective amnesia?

My hubby's nephew (33) is devastated because his Brazilian girlfriend (28) of 5 years broke off their engagement last month. Why? She refuses to live in Nigeria on a permanent or semi-permanent basis. Annual vacations are fine with her but living there is out of the question. But my hubby's nephew said that she had previously agreed to relocate to Nigeria permanently. It was only after their first visit home, in the second year of their relationship that she began to be less enthusiastic about relocating. By the third visit, she began to withdraw from him a little bit.

A few months after the third visit, my hubby's nephew said she voiced her true feelings during a fight over something trivial. It was then that she told him that no way was she going to live in his "backwards, nasty azz, uncivilized country" and if he couldn't handle it, then the engagement was off. He refused to back down on his decision to live in Nigeria permanently, after they married, so she broke off their engagement last month.

He feels he never should have never taken his fiancee to Nigeria until after the marriage because her status as a married woman may have negated any concerns from her about permanently relocating to Nigeria. But his parents feel that it was better he find out his fiancee's true feelings about Nigeria before the marriage, rather than after the marriage.

As for the fiancee, her parents told my hubby's nephew that their daughter is moving to Atlanta, Georgia (USA) and that he should get on with his life because their daughter has made up her mind and there's nothing he nor they can do about it.

But he refused to give up. He went into stalk mode, calling and texting her like crazy, showing up at her apartment unannounced, sending her flowers and chocolates and popping up at her job, bringing her lunch. After a couple of weeks of this, the ex-fiancée put a restraining order on him. That stopped the stalking but he is still determined to win her back - some way - some how. Both sets of parents are extremely concerned about his state of mind. But he won't listen to reason. Now he's convinced that his ex-fiancée is just being stubborn and that they can come up with a workable solution, if only she would agree to a heart-to-heart talk with him. But it seems she's not interested and is definitely planning to move to Atlanta.

Can this relationship be saved?

You never know who you'll see or what you'll see, shopping at your local Walmart store.

Take a peek!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlGCtcncZsA

At 54, young women and men are captured and held by terrorists for 172 days and the president couldn’t be bothered to mention it in his speech. Of course such distractions are unbecoming, aren’t they? There is a coming election to be won and that is of paramount importance to our ruler and his minions.

At 54, Is Nigeria Where It Should Really Be As A Nation?
By Ayobami Oyalowo

Nigeria is 54 and yes it is a huge milestone indeed, therefore let’s roll out the drums and celebrate because we have added another year as a republic. But before we sing, dance and make merry, I would love for us to pause and reflect in sincerity; is this really the best we can be at 54? While arguments can be made for or against, I believe sincere observers will agree that we could have done better. Compared to other African nations with whom we gained independence at about the same time, we were lucky to have the population or human resources to rival the best, therefore even the West was afraid of what we could become after they left us to our own devices.

We also have the most sought after natural resource: oil!

And with that we were set to become the biggest and the best African country. We were set to become the leader of the black nation. But, 54 years later, have we truly fulfilled our potentials? Years of mismanagement and frivolous leadership, wastage of our common patrimony and failure to plan for the future have now come back to haunt us and yes, we are paying the price big time.

When the British left our shores, we were saddled with the responsibility of educating ourselves. At least education was supposed to be the bedrock of human development. Sadly, we haven’t done a good job of that, have we? While the original aim of the first British settlers was to educate “savages” on the basics, i.e. how to read and write especially in English, the latter thrust of education in Nigeria by the British towards the end of their period of colonization was to prepare mid level workers who could work in government offices and function appropriately as second class citizens, teachers, policemen, etc. But since the British left, we have not done better in the area of education. You can’t point at a concise policy on education to herald an industrial revolution. In fact we have regressed to the point where Nigerians now have to travel to various countries in search of quality education that is fast becoming a mirage back home.

You will be shocked at the number of Nigerians in backwater countries like Malta, Cyprus, Benin Republic, Ghana, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, etc. with the attendant ill treatment and at times unexplained but violent death of so many Nigerian students whose only sin was going to study abroad; with their parents now left alone to mourn their losses. All these happened and is still happening because the government at home has effectively ensured that education is killed and if possible, totally destroyed, after all an uneducated people are easy to deceive and manipulate; just throw in some ethnicity and a little dose of religion, then sit back and watch them fight over trivialities like dogs fight over bones. Little wonder that we have the highest number of out of school children in the world. Currently, Nigeria has over 11 million children of primary school age out of school. Indeed our future is “bright”.

In the area of health, one can only weep. Some military adventurist years back, in a coup broadcast, referred to our hospitals as mere consulting centers. I guess we have improved on that as the hospitals have now become more of a mortuary for the poor citizens of Nigeria while the “big men” can go to the UK, Germany, Saudi Arabia or even India for treatment, leaving the rest of us to either die in hospitals that are ill equipped, poorly staffed and loaded with ill motivated personnel; or better still, we take our destinies into our own hands by flocking to men and women of various religious persuasions who gleefully promise to heal us of all sicknesses. Indeed ours is a theater of the absurd.

In the area of agriculture, we have been told recently that the government is working hard to ensure food security. But one wonders if food security means constant increase in prices of basic food items in the markets. While propaganda may serve you for a time, the reality is that propaganda and television adverts don’t feed the people. No wonder the ones who said they have made giant leaps in agriculture still campaign by giving the people bags of rice. Indeed we are a people quick to stand logic on its head and thanks to the poorly educated and semi-literate young goons all over town, these wicked rulers are never in short supply of young men and women who will usually rise to their defense even when reality stares them in the face. But as Nigerians, we keep living in an illusion. Little wonder that 54 years after independence, politicians still share rice, noodles and other nonsense as “stomach infrastructure” and the people hail them as messiahs.

After 54 years of independence, Nigeria as a country cannot boast of 5,000 megawatts of electricity. In fact in a recent publication, a government official asked us to give the present government kudos for increasing electricity generation to 5,000 MW in a country of about 170million people, after the same political party in power has spent more than $22 billion dollars on fixing electricity in less than 15 years on the saddle of governance. Meanwhile, the Three Gorges dam in China has the capacity to generate 22,500 MW of electricity and was constructed at the cost of $26billion.

Norway today has an official population estimate of 5,096,300. But interestingly, the country has a sovereign wealth fund of $828.66 billion), fractionally more than a million times Norway’s population, theoretically making every citizen a millionaire. How did they achieve this? They planned ahead. The country also discovered oil in the '60s, but unlike Nigeria, the leaders (not rulers) didn’t devise a sharing formula on how to “chop I chop” like ours did and are still doing, rather they envisioned a bright future for their children and unborn generation. Today, the quality of life of a Norwegian is what an ordinary Nigerian will not dare to dream of neither imagine because it is clearly unattainable given our present circumstances.

What we have and have always had, have been gangs of philanderers, intent on stealing as much as they can from the public purse, irrespective of the impact of their actions on the majority of the people they purport to lead.

Today we have what we call the “looted Abacha funds” the world over. But I ask, was it only Abacha who stole or is it because he was unfortunate to have died in office, unprepared? Taking into cognizance salary and total earnings, can Ibrahim Babangida, also a former despotic military adventurist in politics, ordinarily afford the exotic hill top mansion he owns based on his military salary and other perks? Abdulsalami Abubakar is so wealthy, he even bought one of the electricity generation companies recently sold.

You may wish to ask the white bearded general if his salary was so fat as a soldier. Let me not even start with the coterie of ex governors, ministers and other lucky gangsters who have held political offices in the past. Rather than plan for the future, these people steal as much as they can get away with, build mansions and huge walls to hide themselves away from the ordinary citizens; while siphoning the rest abroad in the hope that they and their children can live on same whenever and if ever they manage to escape from the Armageddon they are intent on creating back home.

At 54, ours is a country where you can get away with anything and I repeat: anything! Recently in the USA, there have been a few reported breaches of security at the White House and we all know that Julia Pierson, the director of the U.S. Secret Service, has resigned and taken responsibility for the lapses. Well, that wouldn’t have happened in Nigeria. In fact, if anyone dared to call on her to resign, like Stella Oduah, such a person will have to contend with the usual “rent a crowd” people with placard asking that their daughter be left alone.

Such a person who dared to ask her to resign will be accused of fighting against the ethnic group of that official and if after several months of defiantly remaining in office, against better judgment, she voluntarily decides to seek greener pastures, she will be awarded the highest chieftaincy title available by her community and some overnight women groups will also surface asking her to contest for the senate. Such is the appalling level we operate at as a people.

Julia Pierson, the embattled director of the U.S. Secret Service, resigned her position because security was breached under her watch. She didn’t send any loquacious and foul mouthed spokeswoman to blame an opposition party, neither did the president complain and wail to the press about how such a breach was a ploy by some unnamed people to destabilize his government and embarrass him. That is the level of decency and responsibility expected of public officials in a country that holds her citizens in high esteem.

Asking officials to take responsibility for their actions (or in-actions) in Nigeria is akin to declaring an ethnic war on that official. While Julia Pearson took responsibility even though no lives were lost, she recognized her failure. Not in Nigeria, where a minister who superintended over the gruesome murder of about 20 unemployed youths due to his naked greed and negligence, remains in office unperturbed.

Abba Moro, the interior minister of Nigeria did not only supervise the death of young job seekers, he enjoyed so much immunity to the point where he has recently blessed the same Nigerians by asking citizens to pay much higher fees to get new or renewed international passports.

Such is the level of governance and leadership in Nigeria and one need not wonder why at 54, the president of the country delivered a customary anniversary broadcast but over half of the people couldn’t watch him speak live because there was no electricity to power their televisions and watch their “ruler” address his “subjects”. The president also praised himself for the privatization of the electricity sector, but what most Nigerians can see today are higher electricity bills for more darkness.

At 54, a nation that cannot educate her citizens at home and treat both the poor and rich in local hospitals successfully, is not a nation to be taken seriously by more serious nations. As big as Nelson Mandela was in stature, while he was alive, he received his medical treatments locally.

The northern part of Nigeria had in the past, had leaders who never took education seriously. Today, insurgents find willing hands in the poorly educated and totally unemployable youths. Sadly, the south of the country which was making some progress, decided to borrow a leaf from their fellow yoke givers in the north and destroyed education in their region as well.

Currently, the south of Nigeria is gradually but surely building its own type of monster that will one day rise up to consume it. From fraudsters to kidnappers and violent armed robbers, someday (and it may be soon) if unchecked, these unorganized band of criminals will grow and become worse than what the north east of Nigeria is currently witnessing.

Sadly, the rulers are so blinded by their greed and selfish desire to grab and grab and grab some more, not reading the signs of the times. A decade ago, we could all swear on our lives that no Nigerian could be persuaded to become a suicide bomber. Today, we all know better.

I cringe in horror as the various gangs in power steal all they can, leaving in their wake so much poverty, sorrow and pain among the people they are supposed to be governing. Wicked and unconscionable, they send their own children to Harvard and Oxford while closing down higher institutions in the county for months without any fear of a backlash. They rush their wives, concubines and selves to foreign lands to treat simple catarrh while their poor country men and women die in hospitals because they can’t afford drugs worth N1,000.

At 54, the future of Nigeria is trapped in a maze where retired soldiers are richer than legitimate businessmen because they dispensed oil blocs among themselves or stole money meant for security under their watch, while thousands of their citizens are mowed down like cattle by bloodthirsty gang of killers.

At 54, young women and men are captured and held by terrorists for 172 days and the president couldn’t be bothered to mention it in his speech. Of course such distractions are unbecoming, aren’t they? There is a coming election to be won and that is of paramount importance to our ruler and his minions.

No nation can rise beyond the level of education it offers its people. Nigeria at 54 may not have been an Eldorado, but certainly we don’t deserve to be in the mess we currently find ourselves in. Nigeria is one of the largest producers of crude oil yet we still import refined oil for domestic use. What a shame!

A nation where there are no consequences for actions is a nation inviting chaos. Pensioners die regularly while queuing to collect mere pittance, which they may not even get, while some officially sanctioned thieves have been making away with billions in pension funds with no consequences or punishment.

If Nigeria is to make progress, there must be consequences. Rhetoric only seem good on paper, nobody is fooled in reality. We can’t fight corruption when the leadership is confused as to what constitutes corruption and what can be referred to as “mere stealing”.

Education and health is the bedrock of any long-term development plan and sustained success. Nigerian leaders can’t keep pretending to be blind to what we daily witness as our reality.

Nigerians as a people have a responsibility to force her leaders to become responsible. A fish starts to rot from its head. Sadly, years of mis-education and impoverishment has damaged the psyche of the average Nigerian so much that people will confidently tell you to pray rather than hold public officials accountable. No wonder religion is such a big deal in this clime. How else do you explain sane people behaving irrationally?

What is private should be private. How a private aircraft turned into a commercial one without official licensing is something that can only happen in Nigeria. And should anyone ask too many questions, a curse is placed on such a person in “the name of The Lord”. Of course religion is the trump card of tyrants and despots. With it, they control the minds of the adherents and manipulate otherwise commonsensical individuals to lose their identity and fall in line.

Nigeria will be great again but no great nation or civilization has ever been built on loud prayers and resounding Amens. Great civilizations and industrial revolutions are built on education, hard-work, sincerity of purpose and are led by a selfless leadership willing to take the hard decisions. Even Nehemiah and Ezra, in the bible, respectively stood up and built. They prayed but they worked hard to get results.

May God grant us great leaders but more than that, may we have an intellectual revolution. It is time to rebuild Nigeria.

Source: saharareporters.com

discrimination - treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit.

People discriminate through words, actions and conduct against groups they feel are different or inferior. But what is to be gained from saying or doing things that would hurt people directly or indirectly?

And...why do people who were once discriminated against, now discriminate against others?

What of you?

Have you ever experienced any discrimination based on age, economic status, educational level, gender, nationality, physical appearance, race, religion, sexuality, social class, etc.?

If yes, how did it make you feel?

Not everyone thinks that the most beautiful women on earth are Black.

A casual stroll through cyber world reveals a goldmine of negative commentaries, articles, and you tube videos depicting Black women in the worst ways, by some non-Black people, including some Black men. Was I aware that such a mindset was so widespread? No! You know things don't bode well for Black women when you have Asian and Latino men running down Black women too.

Anyways...here's an archived news story about a particular 'study' that created a firestorm all over the net.

London School Of Economics Psychologist: Black Women Are Less Attractive Than Whites And Asians

A British based psychologist has sparked outrage after claiming "scientifically" black women are less attractive than those of other races.
Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, claims to have analysed results from an online poll that proves they are rated generally less good looking than women with different coloured skins. Using findings from a study of physical attractiveness by Add Health, he claims the results show that 'black women are... far less attractive than white, Asian, and Native American women.'

Read more here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/8521854/London-School-of-Economics-psychologist-Black-women-are-less-attractive-than-whites-and-asians.html

Note:

First, beauty is a cultural idea as much as a physical one, and the standard is, of course, set by the dominant culture.

Second, in the black male community, there is a mental pedestal on which some men place white women, as they view them considerably more desirable than women of their own race.

Third, some Black women hold the very same negative attitudes toward Black men.

AFRICAN MEN AND WHITE WOMEN: WHAT'S THE ATTRACTION?
By Sabella Abidde

According to the Pew Research Center’s analysis of recent US Census’s demographic data, one-in-seven new marriages in the US are interracial or interethnic. This number is stunning especially considering the fact that until forty-four years ago, interracial liaisons were unlawful in 16 or so states. And even in states were they were not proscribed, they were frowned upon. At the very least, such relationships and encounters conflicted with the social mores of several enclaves. It sounds silly now, but really, it was only in June 1967 that the U.S. Supreme Court, in Loving v. Virginia, knocked down the Virginia law that forbade whites from marrying blacks. In the intervening years, however, America has become more diverse than any other country in the industrialized world.

The data in question seem not to separate Africans from the African-Americans and the general non-white pool. Therefore, one is unable to make statistically valid deductions as to why Africans, in greater numbers, are attracted to and are marrying white women. To be clear: this essay does not make any scientific statement or conclusion. I have only taken the liberty to make inferences from my years of cursory observations in and around several enclaves across the United States. What’s more, I have friends and friends of friends who have dated, dating, have married or are currently married to white and Hispanic women and women of Asian background. This essay, then, looks at why African men are attracted to non-African women. I have used white women to denote all non-African women from the US, Latin America, Europe and elsewhere. The question here is simple: why are African men into white women? What’s the attraction?

First is the liberal attitude of many African men. After several years of living in the US, some have come to the conclusion that African women are simply too raw, unrefined and conservative. The alternative then becomes women who, in their opinion, are stylish, sassy and spunky: nontraditional. They seek women who are liberal and with expansive worldview that fits with their new orbit.

Second is the issue of the proverbial American dream. That is to say that the African immigrants are not much different from other immigrants who come to the US in search of the American dream. America, after all, is the land of endless possibilities. To get their feet inside the American door, therefore, some believe they needed an agreeable native to help them through this process (without which the American dream may become very difficult to achieve).

Third is the issue of compatibility and companionship. The room-mate phenomenon where you test-drive a relationship is not very common in Africa. Some men and women feel trapped by such reality. In a society where trial-and-error relationships are not very common, couples may be subjected to a life of anguish should things go awry. But in the US, one could test-drive a relationship without long term commitment. This kind of arrangement gives the Africans the opportunity to explore alternatives. And this, they cannot easily and readily do, with African women.

Fourth, in the movies and in magazines, most white women are depicted as sensual, sexual and alluring; and as creatures to be taken. These images, and the messages they send have not escaped the mind of a typical African male. Once in the U.S, all he wants is what he has for so long desired. He itches to poke, to bite and to lick the once forbidden fruit. In other words, the untouchable become touchable. For many African men, once they taste the white honey, they may never go back to the blackberry basket.

Fifth reason is this: for some Africans, the mind altering sex is a standalone reason to want the white woman. The argument, as some have posited, is that most African women are bad at sex. Even terrible! Most, I am told, just lay there -- motionless. White women, the argument goes, makes a man think of things he shouldn’t be thinking about; thoughts he shouldn’t be having, and fantasies he shouldn’t be floating in.

And of course, there is the rejection of the familiar. Americans are wont to say “Been there…done that.” Africans are wont to say it, too -- especially when it comes to African women. Their argument goes like this: “for years and years I dealt with African women; well, now that I am in America, why should I deal with them again?” As my cousin, Raphael Harry puts it, “…now they are in a foreign land they need to try something else and some ended up loving what they tasted and never went back.... I have seen it in Male and Female friends of mine.” It seems some make the conscious decision to abandon African women in favor of the whites. This kind of attitude is mostly prevalent among the younger generation of Africans from the English speaking African countries.

Also, there is old-fashioned love. By this I mean there are African men who love white women for no particular reason than old-fashioned love. For such men, loving and marrying white women has nothing to do with race or color or nationality or culture. Or even sex. They are not rejecting the African woman. No, not at all! They simply can’t help themselves and blind to several externalities. In order words, such men would have married a Chinese, Japanese, a Mongols or whomever and it still wouldn’t matter. Love is love and they marry the person they love and are in love with. It is that simple. These are men who believe that love conquers all and are determined to stay in and nurture their loving relationships.

And finally, there are the anecdotal reasons. For instance, there are those who believe that white women, in general, are more fun and accommodating and are easy to get along with. Africans -- and frankly, black men in general -- will tell you that for the most part, white girls are free of the high and low dramas that are usually associated with African and African-American women. Also, there is the belief that white women are easily manipulated. I doubt if this is true, though. And finally, it is believed that black women mostly wait for men to walk up to them, to propose -- while white women have no such hang-ups. If necessary, and under the right condition, they would make the first move. Many men, it seems, find this direct approach joyful and liberating and aphrodisiacal.

In spite of the aforesaid, one must be careful not to generalize. What is true of one person may not necessarily be true of another especially since we all have diverse life experiences, and usually find ourselves under different and varying circumstances. Nonetheless, it is important to understand why, in cities and states across the United States of America, an increasing number of African men are in long term relationship with white women. We need to understand the attraction. We also need to understand the ramifications, both in the short and long term.

From the Washington DC metropolitan area to New York and Chicago down south to Houston and Dallas and westward to Seattle and Los Angeles, we see an alarming number of single African women (divorced and never remarried or have simply never been married before).

Is it their choice to remain single or could it be that an increasing number of black men are no longer into black women.

What’s going on?

Source: thenigerianvoice.com
________________

What do YOU think of this author's views on the increasing attraction of African men to white women?

chulla12:
Are you Black American? I find that they usually worry about these things and are obsessed with racial beauty.

Racism particularly aimed at Black people is a reason why this is happening, in any case. No one should be surprised really....we were literally compared to apes by eugenicists so why should Black women's supposed lack of beauty by these same people be news?

Black people are usually assigned the worst labels and this would include Black women....no earth shattering discoveries there.

I wouldn't let this beauty thing worry you too much...there are much more pressing areas that we Blacks should improve on to garner the basic human respect accorded to others.

Besides, if you are Black African and a lady...I doubt that you would be pressed for African male attention. Black American or Euro women may not be as advantageous when it comes to men of their groups though.

I've found that some women of color, including Nigerian women are just as obsessed with racial beauty as some Black American women, specifically when it comes to skin color and nose shape and size.

Examples:

Nigerian Pop Star Stirs Controversy Over Her Popular ‘Whitenicious’ Bleaching Cream

"Skin toning,” as it’s called in Nigeria, is big business. According to the World Health Organization, nearly 77-percent of Nigerian women, the highest percentage in the world, use skin-lightening products regularly. While some lighten their skin to adhere to a Western standard of beauty, many women bleach their skin because it affords them better marriage prospects and a greater chance at social mobility."

Read more here...http://atlantablackstar.com/2014/01/16/nigerian-pop-stirs-controversy-whitenicious-bleaching-cream-selling-stores/

Dakore Egbuson-Akande Got A Nose Job (pics)

"Dakore got plastic surgery done on her nose to make it pointier right after she got married to her millionaire husband. Do you think it looks good on her? was it necessary?"

Read more here...https://www.nairaland.com/1320033/dakore-egbuson-akande-got-nose-job

You asked: Why should Black women's supposed lack of beauty by these same people be news?

Better question: Why have some African/Black men joined forces with "these same people" in deeming African/Black women unattractive and undesirable, while portraying white women as attractive and desirable?

Anyways...such mindsets don't worry me. They annoy and puzzle me. Why? Because there was a time when it was rare to hear an African/Black man run down African/Black women, especially in public, let alone say that he considers them less attractive and less desirable than white women. Is "Black Is Beautiful" a thing of the past? To call African/Black women black and ugly is a slap in the face of all African/Black mothers and assorted female relatives, IMO.

You said: "Besides, if you are Black African and a lady...I doubt that you would be pressed for African male attention. Black American or Euro women may not be as advantageous when it comes to men of their groups though."

I beg to differ. If this was so, you wouldn't come across topics like the one below.

Example:

Why The Obsession With Lighter Skin?

"So what is driving this obsession with lighter skin?

In a word: colourism. Coined by writer Alice Walker, colourism refers to discrimination within communities of colour towards those with darker skin. The preference for white skin is so firmly entrenched, two-thirds of Nigerian men saying they would prefer a lighter-skinned wife."

Read more here: http://afritorial.com/why-the-obsession-with-lighter-skin/

Hardly a week passes without some YouTube video, article, commentary, blog, study and/or statistic coming out that just bash African/Black women to death, as if they're the only imperfect women on earth.

Why are African/Black women considered to be unattractive?

Why do they, of all women, get the worst of the worst labels placed on them?

Why There’s Nothing Wrong With You Being Single
by Robert Locke

“I’m single because I was born that way.” – Mae West

Are you worried about being single and coping with all those rather nosy questions about your status? No need to worry! If you are single, you are much more likely to do better in your career, be more sociable, be healthier and also do voluntary work. These are the findings of Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist who wrote a book called Going Solo.

Still not convinced? Below are 10 reasons why there is nothing wrong with being single. Welcome to Singledom!

1. Because you relish your freedom and independence

This goes for both singles and divorced women. Studies done at the Kingston University in London found that women following divorce were happier than they had ever been (for up to 5 years) after divorce. Being free of any awkward and messy ties was a big part of this. As for singles, you never have to ask your partner or spouse before deciding anything. You are totally free to spend money as you please, go to bed when you want to, and watch that late night film without having to negotiate anyone’s permission.

2. Because you know what you want

One of the reasons for so many unhappy marriages and long –term relationships is that the fear of loneliness took over when deciding to get hitched. This means that many singles made the wrong choice. But, being single, you know what you want in a partner and you are not going to compromise just because of parental and peer pressure. No, your standards are not too high and don’t let anyone try to persuade you otherwise.

3. Because you are happy

You have enough interests, friends and job satisfaction to keep you going for a long time yet. You are happy when alone and think of it as ‘restorative solitude’, rather than a negative feeling. Above all, you feel that you are self fulfilled as a single entity. You are also keenly aware that the happiness of married men and women has been steadily declining over the last three decades as a University of Pennsylvania study has shown. Marriage does not always mean happiness and one study of over 1,000 couples found that marriage was a ‘blip’ and had no long term effect on happiness.

4. Because you know your limits and defects

You have enough self awareness to know that you are not the Mr. or Ms. Perfect. You are well aware of your defects and how they could be obstacles in a long lasting relationship. Above all, you are able to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past but you do not let these pollute your outlook on life.

5. Because you enjoy the financial benefits

Have you ever thought why so much marketing is aimed at singles? They have done their homework and like you are aware of the enormous scope for spending when in Singledom. You can spend much more on fitness, clothes and holidays than you would if you were married. You do better financially when buying a house and also in planning retirement benefits. You can also save up to 5 percent of monthly salary according to Forbes magazine.

6. Because you can really appreciate your family and friends

“A single rose can be my garden – a single friend, my world .” – Leo Buscaglia

If you have maintained a healthy and affectionate relationship with your family, you really appreciate them. In addition, your friends are just as important to you as your immediate family is. If you are a woman, you have a greater capacity for making friendships with other women. Men have more difficulty in bonding with other men.

7. Because you can really work on your career

Family obligations for men and women are not always recognized in the workplace. They should be of course, and ought not to be a barrier to having a brilliant career. Recent legislation in the USA is now concentrating on how this can be eradicated. While singles often have to take care of elderly parents, they are in many ways free of other responsibilities such as bearing and rearing children. While you are aware of the favorable bias towards married people with children in the workplace, you are not let that going to stop you. You are the one who is free to read, study and attend extra training skills programs. You will never have to ask your spouse for permission. Being single is going to really help you in your career.

8. Because you are healthier and will live longer

Most experts have reported that marriage can help you live longer. But this is not always true as a lot depends on the lifestyle and the mental stability of the partners in any marriage. But look at these advantages:

•You have a much better quality of sleep being single. No worries about having to put up with snoring.
•You do not need to spend much time on housework.
•You have more time for fitness, running and the gym.
•You are much less likely to suffer from stress because of family problems, children and marital conflicts.
•You have more time for friends than married people.
•You can have fabulous holidays without being encumbered by a family in tow.

9. You are in total control

Enjoying Singledom means discovering yourself, your passions, what you really appreciate and what makes you happy. Being yourself is the great benefit when you are in total control. There is another wonderful advantage in that moving house, changing job and relocating all become so much easier when you are the one who decides.

10. You can always change your mind

The greatest advantage of all is that you have the wonderful option of changing your mind, should you want to opt for a more long term relationship or even marriage. Nobody can dictate when, how or with whom you could do this. You haven’t signed anything yet!

“As a body everyone is single, as a soul never.”– Hermann Hesse

Source: lifehack.org
___________________________________

If YOU are single, are you happy or unhappy about your single status?

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match;
Find me a find, catch me a catch.
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, look through your book,
And make me a perfect match.

-- from Fiddler on the Roof
*****************************************
For YOU, what do you consider to be the MOST important factor or character trait, when it comes to choosing someone to be your future husband or wife?

Would it be...Good Looks...Character...Compatibility...Love...Money...Something Else?

Why?