₦airaland Forum

Pasca07:
@op That means if u are not doing great in naija,u have right to leave naija?

If YOU weren't doing great in Naija, would YOU leave, if you had the means and motivation to do so?

Agony Of A Widow Beaten, Stabbed And Driven Away From Home
By Ishola Balogun and Aderonke Adeyeri / vanguardngr.com / 11/29/2014

Nothing could be more harrowing than losing one’s husband, and being driven out of the matrimonial home. But the ensuing drama was even more gruesome than she had imagined. Alhaja Adejoke Orenaike, a widow at 36, was at the center of the whole issue in a polygamous home. Eight days after her husband died, her co-wife and step son sent her out of her matrimonial home. As if that was not enough, her sister in-law attacked her with a knife. She managed to shove her off and she ran out of the house with her 8-year-old daughter who was screaming for help. According to her, all her husband estates, properties, chains of businesses have been seized by her step son who has also threatened to kill her if she lay claim to any property.

Adejoke narrated her story to Saturday Vanguard:

“My husband died on the 5th of May, 2013 after a protracted illness. Before his death, there were insinuations and revelations, according to my husband that my co-wife was plotting to kill him. My husband asked her but she denied. But after his death, events began to unfold which gave credence to the earlier suspicion. On the 8th day prayer rite, two members of the family came to the house with some hoodlums and sent me and my daughter out of the house. I was severely beaten and stabbed with a kitchen knife when I visited my husband’s house to celebrate the Muslim festival, Ileya."

I had sent my daughter on an errand and on her way back, when one of them began to rain curses on her I stepped out to know what was happening. As if they were waiting for me to step out, they gave me the beating of my life. It got to a point that my child had to run out to seek assistance when my husband’s fellow wife brought out knife and stabbed me around my buttocks and wounded me in the mouth. One of the them thereafter threatened to burn the house if we did not leave the house at that point. So, I ran out of the house and he did not allow me take anything, not even a pin. This was the same house I was living with my husband before his demise. This destablised my business and my daughter’s education to a large extent.

I mourned my husband for four months and 11 days, not in my matrimonial home, but where I was squatting after they sent me and my daughter out of the house, just eight days after the death of my husband. It was during this time that I gathered that one of the members of the family had sold the house I was living with my husband. He packed my belongings to my shop which was built in front of the house with some of my valuables still missing.

However, when I discovered some of my belongings were missing, I informed some elders from my husband’s family. They asked him but he denied taking them. The elders told me to exercise patience, saying that they would resolve the matter one year after my husband’s death. They even asked him why he sold the house but he told them that it was not their business.

Right now, I cannot access any property of my husband. It is so with his business. He used to have three bank accounts with First Bank, Diamond and Union banks. His brother has taken over everything including cash mostly in foreign currencies.

Along the line, my husband’s relatives tried their best to settle the bickering but one of my step-sons refused bluntly. He thereafter threatened to kill me or kidnap my daughter. He said I could share his father’s property with them (himself and his other siblings) just because I have a female child for his late father."

Adejoke agreed that her husband’s inability to prepare a Will before his death caused this bickering. She stated that the head of the family had warned that sharing of property should wait until after a year but he chose to have his way.

“They said sharing of my husband’s property should wait till after a year but he declined and chose to sell my husband’s property."

When Saturday Vanguard contacted her step-son on phone for his comment, he said: “This is a family matter and I am not ready to say anything on that.”

When we asked why Adejoke was treated that way, he declined comment. “I've told you that I cannot comment on this issue.”

Adejoke said: “One of them has threatened to kill me and my child over my husband’s property. My shop has been closed down since the death of my husband for more than a year now. I have petitioned the commissioner of police and our case has been transferred to Panti.The Police force from Panti searched his house and my international passport and the knife with which his wife used to stab me were found."

Adejoke stated that until the death of their husband, she had a cordial relationship with her co-wife, and her step sons.

“We had a cordial relationship before the death of my husband. In fact we were living together for some time until my husband bought the house which has now been sold. My husband and I left the house when he took ill, following the allegation of plotting to kill him through diabolical means. People advised my husband to leave the house and I left with him. My husband and I traveled twice to India for medical attention and on each occasion, neither my co-wife, nor the son who sold the property cared to go with him to India or to know how he was faring.”

Adejoke maintained that several truce attempts called by the head of the family, HRM Bola Rahimi, Oba Alarige of Ibi-Ade, Ijebu water side, did not work.

“The royal father is the head of the family and he was the one who trained my husband. He was the one who said we should wait till a year after my husband’s death."

When Saturday Vanguard contacted him, the royal father also declined comment but promised to get back to us soon.

The late Sikiru Orenaike was a business man with several properties in Lagos and London. In a letter purportedly written by the deceased while receiving treatment in India, he directed that his properties be shared among his children including Mariam, the 8-year-old daughter and his two wives and other members of the family.

Some women swear that African men make the best husbands and fathers, compared to men from other ethnic groups.

Other women disagree, citing the string of broken hearts, homes and promises African men leave behind, from sea to shining sea.

Still other women say that such a claim is much too subjective, because good men can be found in any ethnic group, not just those from Africa.

What say YOU?

Related Stories:

Spousal Rape: Right Or Abuse?

Gone are the days when women raped by their spouses cover up for them because of tradition and shame. The lid is gradually being opened over the issue of marital rape as marital rape is being dealt with as any other rape offence.

Read more here: http://leadership.ng/features/368648/spousal-rape-right-abuse
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

INVESTIGATION: Inside Nigeria’s Growing Rape Epidemic

When middle-aged Michael Aimufia was sentenced to a two-year prison term for rape, the magistrate, Hassana Garuba, ruled that the prosecutor had successfully proved that the accused committed the crime.

Read more here: http://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/171717-investigation-inside-nigerias-growing-rape-epidemic.html

Marital R-pe - Who Will Push the Cause of Victims?

By Catherine Agbo, Ruth Choji and Solomon Ayado / allafrica.com

Though a hardly talked about topic, r-pe is a problem in many matrimonial homes. The unfortunate scenario in this case is that the victims live with their abusers and are often too scared to voice out their pain, for societal, cultural and other such reasons.

In July 2013, one Maryam Yahaya made a confessional statement to the police in Plateau State that she killed her husband, Lawal Bala, by stabbing him with a knife on his neck while the deceased was sleeping in his bedroom in his home at Layin Sidi, Gangare, in Jos North local government area of the state, shortly after he returned from his business.

The 17-year-old Maryam, who claimed to have been forcefully married to the deceased, not long before the incident, told the police that she had to end her late husband's life because she could no longer contend with his insatiable appetite for s-x, alleging that he often had s-xual intercourse with her up to six times in a day and would force her against her wish most of the time.

Stories of men having forceful s-xual intercourse with their wives against their wishes abound. As Africans, it is unheard of in this part of the world that a woman would accuse her husband of r-ping her as she is deemed to be his property by virtue of the dowry he paid on her and can do with her as he wishes, including having s-xual intercourse with her even against her wish. Cases of marital r-pe abound.

Marital r-pe is a situation where someone uses violence or the threat of violence to force their wife or husband to have s-x. Reporting r-pe in marriage may become even more complicated because of a woman's relationship to her assailant. Women r-ped by their husbands may hesitate to report because of family loyalty, fear of their abuser's retribution, inability to leave the relationship, or they may not know that r-pe in marriage is against the law.

In November 2013, a 45-year-old trader, Muina Adelami, asked a Lagos Family Court in Lagos State to dissolve her eight-year-old marriage to her husband, Shuaib, a clerical officer, on the ground that his s-x drive was high. According to her, the husband would have se-x with her against her wish and beat her if she resisted him. She recalled an incident when she fainted and after assisting her to come round, he continued having s-x with her.

"We start having s-x every night just before midnight and this goes on till the early hours of the next day. Many times, immediately after he comes back from work, he starts demanding for s-x. He would refuse to stand up even when I am crying and will start beating me whenever I complain. There were times I did faint, but when I regained consciousness, he would start again. The way he's going, he will kill me. I now look older than my age mates due to too much s-x," she told the court.

In his defence, Shuaib admitted to having a high s-x drive, but added that it was his right to have s-x with his wife, adding that s-x cannot kill her.

Speaking on the issue of marital r-pe, a lawyer, Emmanuel Adoga stated that "both the Penal Code which is applicable in northern states, and the Criminal Code (in the west) define r-pe to be s-xual intercourse with a woman or carnal knowledge of a woman when consent is obtained by use of fraud, force, intimidation, threats to life, or physical harm. "Carnal knowledge" and s-xual intercourse are defined for the purposes of both codes as acts of penetration. Under the Criminal Code, a woman may be prosecuted under the law prohibiting "unnatural" intercourse for "permitting" a man to have such intercourse with her. It is thus only when it can be proved that a person has contravened the ingredients of an offence as defined by the relevant penal legislation that such a person can be found guilty of committing that offence."

Continuing, he said, "concerning marital r-pe, the question is whether or not a man can be liable for the offence of r-pe against his wife and therefore necessarily entails the consideration of the provisions of the Criminal Code Act Cap C17 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria (applicable as Laws of the various States in the Southern part of Nigeria except Lagos State where the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2011 applies) and the Penal Code Act (applicable in the FCT, Abuja and also applicable as Laws of the various northern states) to ascertain the physical and mental elements of the offence because R-pe is defined in Section 357 of the Criminal Code and by Section 358 of the Code; the offence is punishable with imprisonment for life with or without caning. Section 357 of the Criminal Code provides: Any person who has unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or, in the case of a married woman, by personating her husband, is guilty of an offence which is called r-pe.

But Section 282 (2) states that, (2) S-xual intercourse by a man with his own wife is not r-pe, if she has attained puberty and because of this law, in the North, a man can only be guilty of the offence of r-pe against his wife if his wife has not attained the age of puberty. And that is why when women report cases of marital r-pe to the police, they find it hard to provide adequate assistance. The victim who has found the police to be unresponsive will then refuse to open up again. They will rather speak to their religious advisers who don't really help except to encourage them to bear it. Women who are r-ped by their husbands are likely to experience multiple assaults and often suffer severe long-term physical and emotional consequences. It is most times more traumatic than r-pe by a stranger because a wife lives with her assailant and she may live in constant terror of another assault whether she is awake or asleep."

A psychologist, Mr. Adebayo Adewuti, said, "emotional reactions to marital r-pe can be very dramatic and severe because the act is done by an intimate partner. The effects could be injuries to the vaginal and a-al areas, scrapes, cuts, bruises and soreness, torn muscles, fatigue, vomiting, broken bones, injuries caused by weapons, miscarriages or stillbirths, contraction of s-xually-transmitted infections, including HIV, shock, anxiety and intense fear, depression, suicidal ideation, acute and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), loss of trust, shock, anxiety and intense fear, depression, suicidal ideation and acute and PTSD. Marital r-pe survivors may have flash backs, inability to trust, depression, and traumatic stress disorder, indignation and persecution of all forms of rape will take time. The physical effects of spousal r-pe are the same effects suffered by any r-pe victim and it could be that, some marital r-pe victims don't realise they have been r-ped as they are under the mistaken impression that partners cannot r-pe each other.

He further categorised r-pe as battering r-pe, which occurs when physical and se-xual violence occur together, saying in this instance, victims may experience physical and s-xual violence at the same time or one may occur after another and that the r-pe may occur after the physical violence as an attempt to "make up."

"There are different types of marital rape and these include force-only r-pe that does not include physical violence, obsessive r-pe involves torture or perverse s-xual acts," Adewuti added.

A Muslim cleric, Mallam Yahaya Sani, stated that forcing a wife into s-x or marital r-pe is forbidden in Islam.

"If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens." Qur'an, 2.187 'they are garments for you and you are garments for them," and this is how each spouse acts, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for the other. The spouse should fulfil the s-xual needs of the other such that their desires are brought into check and they are able to stay away from the haram, both major (such as fornication). Muslim couples who are happy in bed are happy in their marriage. Islam is a religion of peace, and honours women and most of the hadith talks about how to treat women. Ibn Abidin says, 'among the rulings of marriage is that each spouse is allowed to derive s-xual pleasure from the other. Both husband and wife have the right to fulfil each other's s-xual needs.

"That is why the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said that, "If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens." It is not sexual abuse rather, it is to protect the marriage bed and keep it undefiled, where each spouse rushes to fulfil the rights and desires of the other. The messenger of Allah also stated that, 'the most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character; and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses. The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you with my wives. He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest. A Muslim husband is forbidden to harm or abuse his wife! He has to act kindly towards his wife. Islam also says that 'O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.' Qu'ran An-nisa 19 also says, 'we all know that, husband's urges are so strong, and to prevent him from acting out on them illicitly, a wife's duty therefore is to submit (but cannot be forced) in order to preserve the marriage".

A Christian cleric, Pastor Tunde Adegboyega of Resurrection Power and Life Ministry also condemned marital r-pe, saying, "1 Corinthians 7:1-5 says it is a husband's duty to provide s-xual satisfaction to his wife and it is a wife's duty to provide s-xual satisfaction to her husband, the s-xual act within marriage is honourable.

"Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). S-x within marriage is considered something pure and undefiled. As Christians, though we know it is lawful, we want to be like Jesus. That's the reason why forcing s-x on the spouse is a sin. It's a sin of hypocrisy. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. But a husband forcing s-x on his wife without her willing participation is sinning because he is abusing his wife. It says quite clearly that the husband has authority over the wife's body, and the wife has authority over the husband's body. However, the husband cannot forcibly take what his wife has not offered. His physical need is not an excuse for abuse."

In Benue State, though the issue is not very common as victims seldom talk about it, it has been discovered that there are a few cases of men who forcefully have carnal knowledge of their wives without seeking due consent. Sometimes the act is attributed to lack of understanding and harmony in a marriage.

Commenting on the matter, a clergy in charge of Faith Cathedral, Makurdi, Archbishop Yimam Orkwar described marital r-pe as act of irresponsibility, saying that it does not portend a good quality of Christianity.

According to him, when couples are legally married, they are entitled to each other except where disharmony is found, adding that before having carnal knowledge, the consent of both must be sought.

He said the act of r-pe is unholy and ungodly and urged those who indulge in it to desist in order to inherit the kingdom of God.

"The issue of matrimonial r-pe is not holy at all. When couples at married, they are legally joined together and are free to have physical contact with each, but it must be done in agreement of both parties.

"It is wrong when a man rapes a spouse or r-pes another who is legally married. Women are expected to be submissive to their husbands but in doing this, the men too must realise that women have the right to say "no" and so, only harmonious coexistence can prevent this unholy act." Orkwar stated.

A Muslim cleric, Alhaji Abdukadir Abubakar said the issue of matrimonial r-pe is against the tenets of Islam and urged men to desist from it.

According to Abubakar, though women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands, it is equally imperative for men not to forcefully have carnal knowledge of their wives. This, he said, will uphold the true respect of men on womanhood.

Source: allafrica.com

If you're very successful in Nigeria (well-paying job, a couple of growing businesses on the side, nice home, car, savings, etc.), why give up/sell everything and immigrate to the US, UK or some other country, where you might not be as successful?

Baddestguyp:
pls summarize

Listen to your instincts.

If you FEEL your boyfriend (or Girlfriend) is using you just for your money, sex or a place to stay, then you're being used.

Break it off and recast your line back into the Dating Pool and see if you can reel in a better 'fish'.

15 Warning Signs He Is Just Using You

Some signs he is using you can be right out in the open, but you might not know it! If you have a feeling that he is using you, it might not be a healthy relationship to be in. Below are the top signs he is using you for your money, for sex or even just for a place to crash. Ladies, you deserve better than just someone using you!

1. You Pay Every Time You Go Out. Even though the guy is supposed to pay in the beginning, you constantly find yourself paying for every single thing when you two go out. Does that seem to be the case with your relationship? That's definitely one of the top signs he is using you. While it's okay to split the bill, you shouldn't constantly be pulling your wallet out to pay all of the time.

2. He's Only Available When He Needs Something From You. What about his availability? Do you constantly find that he isn't available unless he needs something from you? This is definitely a sign he is using you. After all, don't you want a guy that is going to be available when you need him to be? Not just when he needs you?

3. Financially Dependent On You. Not only do you pay for #everything, but he is actually financially dependent on you. He expects you to pay all of the bills that you two have, no questions asked. He doesn't even contribute to the monthly bills that he has racked up with you. This is a sign he is using you and you shouldn't stand for it!

4. You Are His Convenience. Are you constantly finding yourself his convenience for a ride or for an 'allowance'? That should never be the case when you are in a mature relationship. Everything should be even; you should never be some ones 'convenience'.

5. Emotional Blackmail. Is your boyfriend constantly blaming you for things that go wrong in his life? Does he constantly say that it is your fault that he doesn't have a job or any direction? This is a sign that he is using you girls, and you shouldn't stand for it!

6. He Never Buys You Anything. Do you constantly buy him things, but he's never, ever gotten you something back? Does he ever buy you anything? That's a sign ladies. After all, shouldn't your boyfriend buy you some things sometimes?

7. He Doesn't Need You For Anything But Things That He Needs. Does your boyfriend not take into account your needs? Maybe it'd be nice once in a while for him to pick you up, instead of you constantly picking him up. Does he not take any of your needs into account when he makes decisions? It's a sign girls!

8. He Never Takes Your Feelings Into Consideration. Does your boyfriend take any of your feelings into account? Does he even think about how his actions affect you? This could be a sign he is using you ladies!

9. He Only Comes Home At Night. Once you see a pattern that your partner comes home late at night, it is a sure red flag in your relationship. Although it is typical for some men to come back late after a night with friends, usually this as a frequent and cyclical pattern can only mean that he wants you for one thing only. And that doesn't include anything along the lines of emotional bonding.

10. He Never Takes You Out In Public. Dating, especially at its early stages, should not be done in secret unless there are extreme circumstances. Your partner should feel comfortable being seen with you, no matter the time or day. However, if he insists on a private relationship, you know that it will be doomed sooner or later.

11. He Never Goes Through With Your Plans. If a man is interested in getting to know you, he will put in every effort in order to see you and get the chance to talk to you. Therefore if you notice that your partner doesn't seem to care about spending time together, his relationship with you may be due to an ulterior motive.

12. He Is Not Interested In YOU. Once you realize that your partner has no interest in getting to you as a person and what you stand for, you know that he can't possibly be genuine about his feelings toward you. After all if his interest doesn't lie in you, unfortunately he might be using you for something else.

13. He Doesn't Plan On Introducing You To Friends Or Family. We all know that the next step in a serious relationship is meeting the friends and the family. However, if your partner never comes around to it and keeps changing the subject, you know that he doesn't see a future with you nor does he plan it with you. If he doesn't take the relationship seriously, he will have no intention of bringing you into his inner circle.

14. Your Gut Is Warning You. Sometimes when your head says one thing and your heart says another, you have to listen to your gut. You might have doubts about your other half for a reason and it only makes sense to explore them to ensure the validity of those feelings. If you feel that something is not right, don't just ignore what your gut is telling you because believe it or not, sometimes everything is not what it seems.

15. There Is No Emotional Connection. If there is no emotional connection between two people, the only reason for the existence of a relationship between them is purely based on selfish interests. Think about it, if there is no emotional and psychological link between two #people, the only thing that is anchoring them to each other are physical needs or selfish motives.
___________

So ladies, if you see any of these signs, your boyfriend may be using you and, it isn't a healthy relationship.

Source: allwomentalk.com / Article by Heather Jensen

Does Where You Go To School Matter To Employers?
By Lynn O'Shaughnessy

"For all the teenagers out there who believe they must go to an elite school to ensure an excellent future, there is hope. I firmly believe that it’s not the school that you go to or the major you select, but what you do at whatever school you end up attending. But what about employers? you may be thinking. Some people insist that employers only want grads from the most elite schools. I think that is a canard.

To refute the belief that career success hinges on getting into schools that reject nearly everyone, I’m sharing the comments of a woman named Mary, a foreign affairs specialist from Fairfax, VA, who is also a recruiter for a federal agency. (She can’t divulge her full name or the agency where she works.). She posted this comment on my college blog in April 2012, but I think it’s worth resurrecting. I hope everyone reads what Mary has to say below because I find it extremely encouraging for smart students everywhere." – Lynn O.

Perspectives Of A Job Recruiter

I am involved in recruiting for a very selective federal agency. Our jobs require very high level skills, including a minimum of a master’s degree. Most people I work with are brilliant. They get their jobs here by passing a rigorous entrance test on knowledge of foreign affairs, foreign language aptitude, writing samples, oral exam (to determine presentation skills), quantitative skills, and a psychological battery.

We purposely recruit from a very wide variety of schools from across the country, to include small exclusive liberal arts schools, less selective small schools, large state universities, historically black colleges, work colleges, women’s colleges, some Ivy Leagues, some public Ivies, etc.

We have people from famous and not-so-famous colleges. We have smart people from every type of college you can imagine — people from Middle Tennessee State University working alongside people from Harvard. And guess what? They’re all doing the same work with great enthusiasm, smarts, and capability.

Where You Got Your Degree

It matters not at all where they got their degrees but rather what they did with their time in the colleges they did attend. It matters what kind of person they are, how persistent they are, how hard they work, how creative they are, and how they present themselves.

Sometimes recruits from the big state schools have the greatest persistence and deal the best with bureaucratic issues, because to survive and thrive in their schools, they developed that set of skills. Many of the folks from small liberal arts colleges of any level of selectivity are our most creative and insightful employees.

Sometimes the poor kid who had to pay his way through Chico State has the most pluck and is the most driven. These types of employees are sometimes the most successful of all, because they are used to working hard from the get-go and did not come by anything in life through their dad’s connections. They have no sense of entitlement, so are willing to get their hands dirty for the mission.

Diversity Valued In The Workplace

We don’t want all of our employees to be from one social background, one socio-economic strata or one racial background. We need and thrive on diversity — it is absolutely essential to our agency’s success and to our country’s success. Most companies recognize this, and thus do not only recruit from name-brand institutions.

There are so many successful people in my workplace and similar ones who did not go to “name brand U.” In fact, I work with a number of highly successful University of Maryland graduates, some of whom did just what Ms. O’Shaughnessy is claiming here is true — turned down more prestigious private schools to attend UMD’s honors program because the price was right. They said they had small, intimate classes with exceptional peers and fantastic professors.

In my opinion, these parents will be making a very silly mistake to mortgage their future to send their child to a name-brand college for undergraduate studies. If anything, save that for the graduate level, when there are fewer credit hours to carry and at a level where the reputation is more important.

Save Your Money For Grad School

As an undergraduate, students at Cornell are in huge, impersonal lecture classes with a lot of teaching assistants. Why kill yourself to pay for that? Go to the University of Maryland as an undergrad and then focus on the Ivies for grad school, if you still care at that point.

In the meantime, just look around you and count up the number of successful, happy people you know who went to all manner of non-famous colleges or none at all — your friends, family, and neighbors, as well as some famous folks (Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, Harry S. Truman, Ronald Reagan, the Wright Brothers, Albert Einstein, and Michael Dell to name a few…)

Source: thecollegesolution.com

knowledge4:
TRUE LIFE STORY
A certain man, a born again Christian is now 49.His wife is 46.
They married legally 17 years ago.
The union produced a daughter now aged 16.
Two years ago,the wife absconded from the man and to date the man does not know where she is residing in Lagos.
However,he knows her office and phone number but the wife has not revealed her new residence address.
For two years, the man has been living alone as a bachelor and has not seen his daughter for two years.
Her mother took her away with her.
The woman's relations are also hostile and reconciliation is not in sight or feasible.
It is rumored that the woman is in another man's house but this stranded husband has no proof or confirmation
Should this man not go for divorce to remarry?
Should he continue to live alone for the rest of his life due to a circumstance beyond his control?
Should he run the risk of committing adultery which is a damnable sin when he can remarry and stay out of sexual sin?
Did the bible not say that if an unbelieving wife departs, the man is not under bondage?
He did not send the woman away.She left because the man had a financial downturn.

"There are two kinds of abandonment physical and emotional. Physical abandonment is pretty self-explanatory the person has moved out or left the marriage and the family. The other type of abandonment is emotional. It can be just as devastating to the family."

Read more here: http://www.marriagetoday.com/dealing-with-abandonment/

smartg:
that's how d oyibos does in their own country, here in Nigeria we don't quit marriages any how.

In Oyiboland, some women and men DO divorce "anyhow"...but the majority of people divorce for very good reasons, many not even addressed in the Bible like...

...getting your azz beat on the regular - sometimes seriously enough to land you in the hospital emergency room
...being married to spouses who can't keep their zippers zipped and their panties pulled up
...having spouses infecting you with STDs
...having spouses who beat their children to a pulp
...being married to husbands who claim to be head of household yet refuse to work
...having spouses who are into criminal activities
...being abandoned
...having spouses who 'come out of the closet' - turn out to be gay (And no... gayness is not an oyibo thing)
...sexual molestation of kid/s by a spouse
...marital r-ape by a husband

Just so you know...some Nigerians over here are divorcing their spouses for some of the very same reasons. To see some of them now, compared to how they were when they first immigrated here is like night and day. It's like they were sleepwalking through their marriages - going through the motions - day in and day out - miserable as hell. And then came the day they woke up, smelled the coffee and decided they deserved to be happy and so did their kids. So they divorced - not caring what anyone thought - and moved on to better lives and better mates.

So why are some of their fellow Nigerians, here and abroad, hating on them for doing what they think is best for themselves and their children?

Marriage is to be enjoyed - not endured - suffering and smiling through decades of misery.

Of course, some people can be likened to martyrs. They think nothing of sacrificing themselves on the Altar of Matrimony.

So be it!

One more thing...over here...Nigerian immigrants (and other immigrants) quickly find that treating their spouses and kids badly is not tolerated and could land them in family court or jail. BTW...some Nigerian men always claim it's the woman calling 911, in the midst of a domestic altercation but it could be the neighbors calling, when they hear all the commotion coming from the house.

defendedvictim:
wheeewww..wish u many more blissful matrimonial yrs

lol...thanks!

OasisofRefuge:
Based on the bible, once you are married, there's no going back. except when there's a case of adultery or death. Today, people have minor differences and still divorce.As a child of God, is it acceptable to divorce under any condition apart from adultery? Can a Christian get married, and probably after realising the spouse is not good enough or not up to what he/she desires and ask for a divorce, and then remarries. Either this or remain in the marriage unhappy for ever. Can a Christian ask for divorce when there's domestic violence or stay in the marriage till the end of time? Please share with us based on God's word. Is there any reason why a child of God should divorce apart from adultery?

First, based on common sense and in the interest of self-preservation, no man or woman should be compelled to stay married to someone who is dangerous to their physical, spiritual and emotional safety...no matter what the Bible says.

Second, some people DO divorce for flimsy reasons but most have very good reasons for divorcing - ones that the Bible doesn't speak about - like abuse. Why? The time period and the status of women during that time period. In some societies, people are still living like they did centuries ago and possess almost the same backward mentality, especially when it comes to women and children.

Third, living with a spouse who is abusive and/or not living up to their wifely or husbandly duties, and going back and forth constantly is highly dysfunctional. If you've done all you could to solve marital conflicts and nothing changes, someone has to leave to make it end.

Fourth, your children are watching and learning about marriage from you. Young minds are shaped by what they see their parents doing. Do you want your son or daughter to find themselves in a marriage like yours? Adults owe it to their children to stop chaos in the home not enable it. Even if you do not want to leave a spouse due to marital issues, you owe it to your children not to make them put up with drama in their home.

While it's true that the Bible says God hates divorce, He wants marriages to succeed. God called us to life, not death – emotional, physical, or spiritual – at the hands of a person who is supposed to love us. He doesn't want us to sacrifice ourselves on the Altar Of Marriage.

Thank goodness, more and more pastors and Christian marriage counselors are coming to the realization that there are far more legitimate reasons for Christian couples to seek divorce than what is laid out in the Bible.

Good for them!

It's waaay past time!

Godmother:
Blame it on the men who use the idea of money to get a girl. Guys who are themselves and never try to portray a false life never have this complaints, cos the girl would have known wasup before entering

Very good point!

During my dating days, some men that came my way loved to flash cash, fancy cars and expensive clothes, thinking I would fall for their okeydokey and drop my panties. NOT!!! They reminded me of strutting peacocks. Did they catch? Of course. But what did they reel in? Usually gold-digging women and spoiled brats. And then they want to whine and complain like big babies.

Over here, some Naija men THINK they got game, THINK they can run women like they did back home but end up getting played big time, by some of the craftiest women you'd never want to meet. I bet they wish everyday they had stayed in Nigeria and only have to worry about paying their girl's school fees and giving her a monthly allowance. lol

Oh well...such is life.

Men who show who they really are upfront stand a better chance of reeling in women who have loving spirits and tend to judge men on the depth of their character, rather the size of their wallets.

On the flipside, some not-so-handsome men know that cash, fancy cars and expensive clothes is their key to enjoying some semblance of female companionship - however fleeting.

defendedvictim:
21yrs Actually, do u carry out all these 106 stuffs with ur hubby frequently?

lol...This is the author's list - not mine. I don't have such a list. Never have.

However, there are some little things my hubby and I do to and for each other to keep the intimacy level up.

BTW...I don't think the author is suggesting people do all 106 things - just those you might fancy.

defendedvictim:
OK.. Dats d ideal relationship. Let's see Hw it works for u op

It's the little things my hubby and I do for each other that have kept the home fires burning for 21 years and counting.

After all, once the kiddos and grown and gone, it'll just be the two of us again.

Marriages like gardens, flourish when they are tended with care – watered, fertilized, weeded and nurtured.

Whether your relationship is still somewhat new or you've celebrated many anniversaries, it is important to remember to say "I Love You" frequently with both passion and sincerity. It's also important to remember that we say "I love you" with not just our words, but also our actions, body language, and expressions. While the newness of a relationship wears off over time, the lasting intimacy that you create comes from everyday appreciation, respect, and love for your partner. Finding simple joys in just being together and putting romance into everyday situations makes all the difference. With that in mind, here are dozens of simple and cheap romantic ideas to express your love.

1. Write down fifty favorite memories of your life spent together so far. Invite your partner to add to the list, as well as to share special ideas for the future.
2. Leave a message on their voicemail with a silly, romantic poem. (Roses are red, violets are blue . . .)
3. Create a YouTube playlist of romantic songs and email it to them or burn it onto a CD and slip it into their car.
4. Surprise them at work with their favorite homemade brownies and a simple love note attached.
5. Spoon.Cuddle on the couch.
6. Write a love message on the mirror in lipstick for them to find in the morning.
7. Create a special sign that only the two of you will recognize - a squeeze of the hand, a tap on the shoulder, a gesture - that means "I Love You" and use it frequently.
8. Watch a sports event together.
9. Listen without interrupting.
10. Rub their feet.
11. Give them a massage.
12. Take a walk together, holding hands.
13. Surprise them with their favorite DVD and watch it together.
14. Place a single red rose on their windshield.
15. Send a romantic text message.
16. Send a sexy text message.
17. Surprise them with breakfast in bed.
18. Go out for a romantic mid-day lunch.
19. Play a board game together.
20. Watch a comedy special and laugh out loud together.
21. Give them a Saturday off to play golf, hang with their friends, or just be alone.
22. Kiss.
23. Hug.
24. Engage in PDA.
25. Avoid criticizing your partner, especially around other people.
26. Send them flowers for no reason.
27. Have a bottle of wine and a pair of open arms awaiting them after a long day at work.
28. Do a chore that they normally do -- dishes, laundry.
29. Give them a night out with friends.
30. Tell them they're beautiful.
31. Make a banana split together and enjoy it while watching a movie.
32. Cook together.
33. Re-create your first date.
34. Keep a love journal, writing down one thought, emotion, gesture, etc. about your partner each day for a year.
35. Be thankful.
36. Be respectful.
37. Buy a bag of Hershey kisses and surprise your partner with them (on their keyboard, in their pocket, on their pillow).
38. Lay in bed together for a few extra minutes.
39. Write them a love letter or love poem and send it in the mail.
40. Make their favorite dinner.
41. Make the coffee so that it's ready when they wake up in the morning.
42. Ask how their day was.
43. Choose a book that you both will enjoy and read it together out loud.
44. Write down 10 things that you love about them and slip it in their wallet.
45. Rent a cheesy romantic movie and make pizza together.
46. Flirt with each other.
47. Give them a few minutes to unwind when they get home from work.
48. Play footsie at a restaurant.
49. Talk and ask questions.
50. Say "I Love You" in another language.
51. Talk about your 5 and 10 year plans.
52. Create a scrapbook of your relationship from its early beginnings until now.
53. Let them vent.
54. Wink at each other.
55. Write "I love you" with whipped cream on a slice of pie.
56. Carve a heart out of an apple before you give it to them.
57. Each night before bed, tell them one reason that you love them.
58. After a difficult day, get takeout from their favorite restaurant and a bottle of wine.
59. Run their errands for them.
60. Take a bath together.
61. Enjoy a picnic in a park.
62. Surprise them with lingerie.
63. Get a couple's massage.
64. Surprise them with some bubble bath and their favorite magazines, then take the kids out of the house for the evening so they can enjoy some alone time.
65. Create a playlist on Spotify for them.
66. Celebrate more than just your anniversary! Celebrate your first date, your first kiss, your first time saying "I Love You".
67. Surprise them with a bouquet of their favorite flowers.
68. Shower together.
69. Play their favorite video game with them.
70. Call their mother and father to thank them for creating such a wonderful person.
71. Leave a love note under their pillow.
72. Create your own relationship rituals and traditions.
73. Carve your names together in a tree.
74. Write your names together in the sand.
75. Tell them what made you fall in love with them.
76. Walk together in the rain.
77. Sit outside and star gaze together.
78. Write "I Love You" in the steam on the bathroom mirror for them to find when they get out of the shower.
79. Send them a romantic card at the office.Watch your wedding video together.
80. Go to bed together.
81. Surprise them by having their favorite lunch ordered in at work.
82. Smile.
83. Laugh together.
84. Present them with their own love coupon book.
85. Choose your favorite photo of the two of you and frame two copies - 1 for each of you to take to work.
86. Buy them the new video game they've been wanting and give them the night off to play it.
87. Tell them that they're beautiful.
88. Tell them that they're sexy
89. Post "I Love You" on their Facebook page.
90. Change your Facebook profile to a picture of the two of you.
91. Don't hold a grudge.
92. Forgive and move on.
93. Let them sleep in.
94. Talk about your goals as a couple and reflect on the challenges that you've faced.
95. Have a pillow fight.
96. Go for a moonlit walk.
97. Share a plate of spaghetti like "Lady and the Tramp".
98. Dance in the moonlight.
99. Dance in the rain.
100. Dance in your living room to "your song".
102. Serenade her with your favorite love song.
103. Create a top 10 list of things you love about your partner.
104. Take selfies of yourself and send them to your sweetie.
105. Fulfill their sexual fantasy.
106. Light some candles and enjoy dinner together after the kids have gone to bed.

Source: romancestuck.com / Excerpted from an article by Amy Cunningham

Note: Print this out, if you wish and keep it handy, for future reference.

Sophyrocks:
True that. Even the Bible kicks against adultery and gave the condition for divorce on grounds of infidelity so she is applying both common sense and bible principles.

It's puzzling that the Bible kicks against adultery and gives the condition for divorce on grounds of infidelity but not domestic abuse or other serious marital issues that cause couples to divorce. I wonder why? Could it be because the Bible was written by men during the time when men ruled and women were considered second-class citizens - a step up from slaves?

Sophyrocks:
Of course Yes!! As a parasitologist, i detest stds to the core!! The woman in question is on point. Is it until HIV enters before she knows she should dvorce him? Imagine!! She kept treating one std after another continuously. Is that marriage? No. Its STD sharing Season. Thats what you get for marrying a womaniser. She knew the type of man she married. Contacting stds is the height of it. You shouldnt even wait until your health is at risk before you take action. So the woman has taken a very good decision. She was already a single parent even while they were married since she was responsible for the expenses in the family. Her husband only acted as a Sperm Donor thats all.

Some ideas some people hold about marriage could end their lives before their time.

Sometimes it's best to put down the Bible and pick up some common sense.

The life you save may be your own...or your children.

“A fool and his money are soon parted.” -Thomas Tusser

Dear Nigerian Bros, You Earn N70k A Month & You Want I-GO-DIE-FOR-YOU Love, HIAN!!!
by Joy Isi Bewaji

My Dear Bros,

I am tired of you whining about your girlfriend. What is it that you want? What are your expectations? She grew up in a city where “chop my money” by P-square is the soundtrack of our existence. She has Eldee singing, “ki lo fe, shey moto ni?” (what do you want, is it a car?); where Skuki is telling her to stop complaining that the s-x is sore after obtaining a Prada purse; and Olamide is demanding that she “go down low” before she can get whatever expensive bric-a-brac she wants.

She is on the internet watching flamboyant proposals on YouTube- one guy pays for the whole seats in a movie theatre just so he can propose to his girlfriend over a Sex and the City footage. Another pays for advertisement space at a basketball game just so his popcorn-loving babe can see herself on big screen as he pops the question: “Will you marry me?”

She has friends in school who drive around in Kia Optima bought by boyfriends working in Abuja.

That is her reality. You met her that way- a broke student with expensive dreams, living with a retired father and five siblings waiting every month, with gluttony for a cape, ready to dive into the old man’s pocket to gobble their own share of his pension. Sometimes they wait for months, and months turn to years, while sons become petty thieves and daughters convert to part-time prostitutes.

You met her that way- with an expensive ipad and no job. You didn’t question the Louboutin she wore on your first date; you didn’t raise an eyebrow when you saw her rocking a N75,000 swatch; you admired her head full of weaves and nodded approvingly. That weave costs N230,000. Don’t you know? Have you been living under a rock? So what are you complaining about?

After six months, the excitement of what she must have felt when her eyes settled on your good looks have worn off considerably; her true needy nature is in full bloom, and you start to rant, turn to a preacher yelling: “Money is not everything. Why are women so desperate and greedy? Money cannot buy happiness…”

Is love going to pay her fees and keep her greed for the good things of life at bay? So dad’s pension has been delayed for the fifth month. The last time he almost died on the queue waiting for hours, now he has announced to all his children- all shacked up in one sorry Nigerian University or the other- to go fend for themselves. Their only source of support is as good as dead.

Your babe is in her second year studying business administration. She has bills to pay and no clue how to get it sorted. She has a mop on her head (been sitting there for over nine weeks) that she needs to get rid of (to affix another more glorified one); her knickknacks are running out…and there you stand, with your portmanteau and a badly beaten golf car, talking about love and beautifully written letters.

Why do we like to buy trouble in the open market like this? How do you expect a struggling student of the Federal Republic of Nigeria with zero parent/government support, and siblings who are just as deprived, to worry about love and constant pings, or care about plastic red flowers you buy once a year on Valentine’s Day?

Think!

Leave the student to focus on her life and the ugly challenges threatening to consume her. Stay away, your love is the last thing she needs. Unless that love comes with pocket money and a Hyundai saloon car, just forget it. You are complicating her life even more with your N70,000 job.

Why don’t you find a woman…you know? A woman with a job, who would shriek with joy when you ping her? One you can spend hours with talking about love and sweet nothings and she wouldn’t ask for recharge cards.

Aren’t you tired of being an ATM? It’s not like you have anything really. Your salary can barely sustain you. You’ve neglected your mother just so you can take Miss Under-graduate to the cinema every weekend to make up for the Blackberry Q300 you couldn’t buy for her.

Hian! Wake up, man! If you were my brother I’ll slap you out of this thick delirium. Be wise. Love with wisdom. With a N70,000 pay slip every month, the last thing you need is her love.

Soon you’ll start planning a wedding and children in your state of lack- the two of you walking into the arms of penury; claiming to have been captured by love. You see why you deserve a material lover? Because your brain is on permanent retreat.

Source: lailasblog.com
______________

Your thoughts?

Wife Gets Divorce Over STD Infections From Husband

This past February, an Igando Customary Court in Lagos dissolved the marriage between Azeezat Ayinde and her husband Mohammed who infected his wife with a series of sexually transmitted diseases.

The court President, Mr R.I. Adeyeri, held that since both parties consented to the dissolution of their marriage, “this court has no choice than to dissolve the marriage.”

Adeyeri said that the couple could no longer stay together because the marriage had broken down “totally”.

“Both parties are free to go their separate ways,” Adeyeri held.

Azeezat, 32, filed the petition last Nov. 4, and urged the court to dissolve her six-year-old marriage to Ayinde, alleging that her husband always infected her with STDs. The petitioner, who is a teacher, told the court that Ayinde was a “womaniser”, who constantly had extra-marital affairs that had led to her constant visits to the hospital to treat infections.

“I have been in and out of hospital treating STDs like gonorrhea, staphylococcus and other infectious diseases due to my husband’s unfaithfulness. My husband used to invite a lady in my absence. I have caught them inside our room on different occasions. He always tells me she is his friend’s wife that she is always lonely and that is why he always invites her to our house to keep her company,” Azeezat said.

She accused her husband of abandonment, saying: “he goes out and comes back after four or seven days”.

Azeezat said she had been the one taking care of the school fees and feeding of their children, as her husband did not show any concerns.

Mohammed, 40, admitted that ladies always came to their house, but he claimed they were his wife’s friends.

“Her friends always visited me whenever my wife was not around. I don’t have anything to do with them,” the respondent said.

Mohammed said he always stayed back at work because of distance, adding that he always returned home at weekends.

“I always take care of my children when we are still living together until when my wife packed out of my house 18 months ago,” he said.

Source: punchng.com
____________________
Some people think that contracting an STD from your spouse is not a good reason to end a marriage...like the poster below.

*Looks like this was a constant infection process....okay the man cheated and brought home STD, but is this a good reason to end the marriage? I know someone who this happened to but I haven't heard anything of a divorce from their side...in fact after initially talking about it, looks like they made up because wifey does not even like to discuss the subject again. Should cheating be enough reason to end a marriage Didn't the Bible say for better for worse? meaning that when the good and bad times comes it shouldn't break the union? The bible says that one cannot remarry until their spouse dies right? Isn't this simply God's way of saying we should work it out when the storm comes? I don't know if i am making sense......health-wise, it is a damn good idea to run when your partner becomes a warehouse of infections but the marriage creed says ''till death us do part''. This is just a post to help us all understand, especially people who seek divorce for various flimsy excuses that can be worked out. Please educate us if you know more." -Stella D. Korkus

What do YOU think?

IS it wrong to divorce your spouse, if s/he infects you with a STD?

Would you?

ityP:
Sister, u said u're in the states... Thank you plenty... Come Nigerian and see how different conditions are here... The Western world adores women of all class, but Nigerian men in Nigeria no dy look Women wer don divorce or wer b widow sef... That explains why a 60 year old man who is widowed, instead of him marrying his fellow widows of 50 and above would prefer 20 year old vorgins... Senators here sef the look for small virgon girls... (Naija for u)

I hear you.

Different culture.

Still, I've always had a difficult time understanding how young women can actually hook up with and sleep with men old enough to be their fathers.

I remember when my 19-year old cousin brought home a 43-year old man and introduced him as her boyfriend. Her Daddy went ballistic, called that man all kinds of pedophiles, cradle snatchers and old geezers and chased him out of the house with a shotgun. Never saw or heard from him again. He told my cousin that she was on his radar and that he had better not hear of her associating with that old b-stard again...or else.

lol

She didn't either. Some years later, she married someone 3 years older than she was.

JEITO:
A letter from a woman that thinks marriage is all about s*x

If you read the first part of this woman's letter, you would know that she doesn't think that marriage is all about sex, but does acknowledge that s-x is a major part of marriage, which it is.

She says to her husband:

"You cheated on me and now I hate having s-x with you. S-x is a major part of a marriage, and infidelity in marriage makes s-x about ten times more complicated. Right now, the s-x in our marriage is so complicated that I don’t want to have it with you anymore. I feel like every time we sleep together now I have to perform, as if I’m competing with the Other Woman in some way. I am also scared to speak my mind if something is uncomfortable because I am thinking “Would the Other Woman say something?”"

I have a couple of friends who felt the very same way. When their husbands cheated, they felt their marriage had been poisoned and their marriage bed defiled. They forgave their husbands for cheating but they couldn't deal with the thought of their husbands having s-x with the Other Woman...especially in the midst of their own lovemaking. And just like the letter writer, s-x was no longer fun and relaxing, as it should be between married couples. It became a hated chore - something to check off on their to-do list for the day. And they also felt like they were competing with the Other Woman, in the bedmatics department. When it got to the point where they couldn't stand the touch of their husbands, they knew the marriage was over. Both hung in there for about a year, tried counseling, couple retreats, etc. but it didn't work. So they filed for divorce. Both remarried good men and seem happy.

Now how do you think the average husband would feel, imagining his cheating wife in the arms of another man, loving her up, making her moan, groan, twist and turn in the throes of passion? Wouldn't it drive him a bit crazy. His ego couldn't handle it. Hardly a day would go by without him bringing up his wife's cheating ways.

He would also drive his wife a bit crazy, asking her all kinds of questions like:

Is he better in bed than me? Is he bigger than me? Did he last longer than me? What did he do that I didn't do? How much did you like it?

It's enough to make a husband temporarily impotent.

And what would be the eventual outcome? Most likely divorce.

Generally speaking, husbands tend to divorce a cheating wife but wives tend to hang in there, suffering and smiling, while their husbands chase skirts.

No, marriage isn't all about s-ex but it is an integral part of marriage and infidelity is a serious breach of trust - trust that is almost impossible to restore.

On the other hand, there are those people who think that adultery is not worth breaking up a marriage but the changes in their personality tell the true story. You can't fake betrayal, trust issues, meanness, disillusionment, depression and the sadness that comes in the aftermath of infidelity. It's written all over their faces. It's in their tone of voice.

If you're unhappy in your marriage and have tried all avenues, in an effort to save it, why add infidelity to the mix?

Wouldn't it be best to separate and/or divorce?

Life is too short to be trapped in a miserable marriage.

BOTH of you deserve to be happy...don't you?

To All:

This letter is not from me. I mistakenly left off the heading of my post. Sorry for any confusion.

Here's a letter I found on another website from a wife to her cheating husband. This is just one of the many consequences of cheating that isn't really talked about...from the wife's perspective.

Dear "R":

You cheated on me and now I hate having s-x with you.

S-x is a major part of a marriage, and infidelity in marriage makes s-x about ten times more complicated. Right now, the s-x in our marriage is so complicated that I don’t want to have it with you anymore.

I feel like every time we sleep together now I have to perform, as if I’m competing with the Other Woman in some way. I am also scared to speak my mind if something is uncomfortable because I am thinking “Would the Other Woman say something?”

If you bring up any suggestions for what we can do in the bedroom, I freak out! For example, the last time we had s-x, you wanted me on top. I said yes, but I apparently I didn’t do it very well (or maybe I was just not doing it like she does), and you got frustrated with me. After the thought of her popped into my head, I could not continue. I then proceeded to cry hysterically because I felt like you were comparing me to the Other Woman by criticizing me – in the act!

I wonder if she did it better. I keep wondering if the both of you had better s-x, and if so, why? Did you have more fun with her during s-x? Did she do this? Did she do that? The constant wondering and constant comparison is painful.

The fun and relaxing s-x has disappeared. S-x is supposed to be an enjoyable, relaxing experience that brings you and your husband closer together. For me, it doesn’t do that anymore; in fact, it is more stressful than enjoyable. It’s almost like sleeping with the enemy. I hate that I feel that way, but I do.

S-x is worse than ever now. You thought we had s-x problems before the affair, and now everything is even more messed up. It’s really hard to fight for your marriage when you’re an emotional basket case before, during, and after s-x.

And just in case you're wondering if I'm divorcing you...I am.

Sincerely,

"J"

P.S. This is for you...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6kKCmaEbvs

And this is for me...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBHzB5o_fEE

Source: marriagepartners.com

ityP:
But men are scarce and Nigerian men no dy look divorced women face ooo!!!

I beg to differ!

First, there are men a-plenty. The trick is separating the wheat from the chaff.

Second, a good woman is a good woman. Divorce doesn't change that. Unless you know the reasons a woman is divorced, it's quite unfair to deem her unworthy of consideration as a future wife. What if you hear a Nigerian woman say: "Nigerian women no dy look divorced men face ooo!!!"...and YOU were the one divorced, through no fault of your own? How would YOU feel? Maybe where you're living, divorced women are considered social pariahs, but here in the States, it's a different story. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of Nigerian men who are married to divorced women with or without kid/s.

Third, to be fair though, from my observations, the numbers of Nigerian women, over here, who are married to divorced Nigerian men is much smaller. Could it be that some Nigerian women are from the "Nigerian women no dy look divorced men face ooo" school of thought?

BTW...if you take into account paper marriages, the numbers of divorced Nigerian men is in the thousands...far surpassing Nigerian women who took the same route.

Nwanneluv:
I deserve much better but I cannot just abandon my husband because he is a womanizer, rather I will try to win him back. I can only leave him if he is a 419 and refuse to change

As a result of your husband's womanizing, would you stay or go, if he gives you a STD like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes or HIV?

ityP:
And men would say yes... Cos in truth men do that a lot, especially cos men cheat a lot so when we come back to our senses, we kneel and beg u to forgive us... Oh my!! Girls like that thing oo. But una pride na him go kill u

SOME women DO like to see men beg...not all.

As for a man, going down on his knees, begging for forgiveness, when caught cheating...speaking for myself...he can save himself the trouble and embarrassment. He's history because I don't tolerate cheating...not even once.

I don't cheat...you don't cheat...end of story.

...and change ONE thing about your life...what would it be?

President Barack Obama will grant temporary legal status and work permits to almost five million undocumented immigrants living in the country illegally Thursday night, the largest single immigration action in modern American history.

Read more here: http://time.com/3598182/immigration-reform-executive-actions-barack-obama-deportations/

What do you think of Obama's decision to grant temporary legal status and work permits to almost five million undocumented immigrants living in the U.S.?

clevvermind:
Can you as a lady go on your knees before your man to apologise for something you did wrong?

Can you tender an apology to your man on your knees?

Maybe you offended him or said something offensive to him. Can you go on your knees and say i'm really sorry for what i did last time, "please forgive me."?

Do you think it's not right for a lady to do that?

Let's hear from you.

No. Never.

IMO...that's demeaning.

What's wrong with a sincere, heartfelt apology standing upright or sitting down in a chair?

I've seen people do that, specifically women and it's not a good look.

BTW...If you're asking ladies if they can go on their knees before their man to apologize for something they did wrong...then why not ask men if they're willing to do the same, if they wronged their woman?