I’m considering quitting the Catholic Church and setting up my own church. Y’all know I’ll bring a creatively flavored mode of worship.

Remember back in the days when churches had just two words as the name?

The Catholic and Anglican churches hold the flag on that one. ST PAUL’S, ST. JOHN’S, ST. THOMAS, ST. AMBROSE, ST. COLUMBUS, ST. CHRISTOPHER, ST. MARY’S, HOLY GHOST, HOLY TRINITY, HOLY FAMIL...Y.

Then the first set of Pentecostal churches came and brought three or four words; LIVING FAITH MISSION, REDEEMED CHRISTIAN MISSION, HOUSE ON THE ROCK.

Then everybody wanted a church and it got crazier; CHURCH OF NOWADAYS CHRISTIAN FAITH, CHURCH OF FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, THE LORD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME HOLY CHURCH, CHURCH OF MOUNTAIN OF FIRE, CHURCH OF ALL YOU ASK OF THE LORD AND YOU RECEIVE, CHURCH OF THE NOW NOW GOD!

Well, y’all think you’re cool with your long names. You think you’re smart cos the name of your church is a full sentence? Well you haven’t experienced the genius of the Dawg!

My church would be called “CHURCH OF FIRE IS BURNING ON THE MOUNTAIN AND PEOPLE ARE PRAYING, FASTING AND RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES AND THE WORLD AND ALL THE NATIONS ARE WORSHIPING AS ONE INSTEAD OF FIGHTING FOR MONEY AND OIL AND ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE OF THE WORLD WOULD PRAY FOR EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD AND THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE AND THE MONEY AT THE TOP WILL BE CIRCULATING AROUND THE WORLD AND EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD WILL BE HAPPY AND THE MIRACLES IN THE BIBLE WILL BE CLAIMED BY ALL IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD AND WHEN THE LORD SPEAKS AND OUR SPIRIT SHALL RISE AND FIRE AND BRIMSTONE WILL DESCEND ON THE DEVIL AND ALL WILL BE FREE IN THE WORLD BECAUSE OUR JOY IS COMPLETE IN THE LORD, AMEN. HOLY CHURCH OF THE WORLD”

The abbreviation would be FBOM PAP FAT LAW AT IF MOG POT W…Hell! Forget it. Just use our official sign; cross your first two fingers on both hands and place them in your mouth.

Oh Lord! I’ll redefine worship! Nobody 15+ should come with a bible. Hell No! Come with your laptops, ipads and smart phones. Log on to my website and download those bible verses. Yeah, its 50 cents per word, so what? We’ve gotta make money for the lord so go ahead and meditate on those loooooooong verses!

No clasping of hands and bowing heads. Nah nah, our way would be better. Put both hands behind your back, clasp them together, move them slightly to the right and stretch them as far back as you can. That’s how we’ll worship. So what, if everybody in the church looks like they’re about to poop.

The Catholic Church would say it’s a “Feast” and then just give you one communion. One communion!!! Well, not in my church. A feast is a feast! I’m talking Barbeques; pork, chicken, beef, donkey meat, dog meat, cat meat, and even zebra meat with sauce. Naturally, no beer in church…just brandy and vodka.

What’s tithe? How the hell do I know what percentage you’re putting in that box? How do I know you’re not holding back some? I just have to see your statement of account at the end of every month. Matter of fact, there is no box. Let’s make it easier for you; work it out so the bank puts a certain amount in my personal account every month, period! Did you just say a pastor has no right to take money meant for the church? Shut your mouth! I am the church, and the church is me! And don’t let me hear you call me pastor again. I’m the “holy manager” of this holy-flock. And if you want to continue being a holy-sheep quit being smart and join the fellowsheep.

And my garment would be a long poly-colored robe, a huge yellow feather bonnet (like a red Indian chief), long flappy shoes, a green belt with spikes on the sides…

…Ok. Now I know I should get some help.

Culled from Dawggun Arinze's page (http://www.facebook.com/search/results.php?q=dawggun&init=quick&tas=search_preload&search_first_focus=1343568277360#!/arinze.nduanya)

Guy, i go like be ur patner. I wil supply ur church member with laptops. I wil also supply ur members with beef, chicken, etc.
We wil share the profit 50-50. U wil be the holymessenger while i wil be holy acountant/supplier.

Remember ,we haven't choosen a name.

tobechi74: Guy, i go like be ur patner. I wil supply ur church member with laptops. I wil also supply ur members with beef, chicken, etc.
We wil share the profit 50-50. U wil be the holymessenger while i wil be holy acountant/supplier.

Remember ,we haven't choosen a name.

[/color][color=#000000]


Lol