Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,

"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Little Johnny came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well Johnny, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000.

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said, "She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dissapointed dad said, "Well Johnny, hypothetically we’re sitting on three million dollars, realistically we’re living with 2 whores and a gay!

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Little Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned."



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration.

With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.

"Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.

"I’ll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It’s something your Mommy probably calls your Daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "quick, Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!"

A travelling salesman knocks on the door and is suprised to see a Little Johnny answering with a martini in one hand and a fat cigar in the other.

Is your mummy or daddy in, little boy? Asks the salesman.

Does it f**king look like it? Replied Littly Johnny



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


An middle-class woman is walking in the park when she sees Little Johnny smoking a cigarette.

You know that habit will kill you, don’t you? She asks the boy.

My grandad lived to be 83. The boy replied.

Did he smoke? She asked.

No, said Little Johnny, he actually knew how to mind his own f**king business!



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,


A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day.

It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Patrick ?"

"I just saw thighs!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.

So she bends over to pick it up.

This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Sounds good

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!! I'm coming! If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.

"Lady," Little Johnny explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three fingers of a hawk, a butterfly's bone and a gramm of spider web to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

Little Johnny answered, "Our senior sister's boyfriend."



. . . . . . . . . . .



Little Johnny asked his Dad one morning "What's sex Dad?"

Dad looked kinda surprised but figured what the hell. "Little Johnny, follow me".

They went into his parents bedroom and there was Mom, butt naked and spread eagled. "Little Johnny" says Dad. "You see that hole between Momma's legs? WATCH ME!"

Dad got naked and commenced to having "sex" with Momma.

Directly Sis came in and said with a shocked tone of voice. "Little Johnny! What are Dad and Momma doing!?"

Johnny replied, "Sis, they are having sex."

"Sex?" asked Sis. "What is that?!"

"Sis" says Little Johnny. "You see that hole between Daddys legs? WATCH ME..."

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

. . . . . . . . . . . .


Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants pocket.

Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy.

Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have your 'Staff of Life' in one hand."

"Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in the other!"



. . . . . . . . . . . .



One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fuc*in beautiful!"

lilkech:



Little Johnny asked his Dad one morning "What's sex Dad?"

Dad looked kinda surprised but figured what the hell. "Little Johnny, follow me".

They went into his parents bedroom and there was Mom, butt naked and spread eagled. "Little Johnny" says Dad. "You see that hole between Momma's legs? WATCH ME!"

Dad got naked and commenced to having "sex" with Momma.

Directly Sis came in and said with a shocked tone of voice. "Little Johnny! What are Dad and Momma doing!?"

Johnny replied, "Sis, they are having sex."

"Sex?" asked Sis. "What is that?!"

"Sis" says Little Johnny. "You see that hole between Daddys legs? WATCH ME..."

hahahahahaha..WTF!

Sori guy, but why are ur jokes all abt slamming(punny). Funny tho.......SMH

toygod2: Sori guy, but why are ur jokes all abt slamming(punny). Funny tho.......SMH

yeah man. Na mature jokes dem be. I no dey post under-age jokes. No vex. Just look am like sex education e hear? Thanx

Mtchew.....do you have to copy and paste all the joke, I'm sure your photocopy machine will be so hot now.....mtchew

@OP, ok ,i hear u

Bump