INTRO: In the land of Nairaland and the time of stale jokes, the destiny of the jokes section rests on the shoulders of a young boy(or man, as the case may be) His name,
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. . . .AKPORS.
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EPISODE 1
_A teacher lecturing on population said 'In the world, after every 10 seconds, a woman gives birth to a kid.' Akpors stood up and said 'we must find and stop her!'
_Akpors; why are all these people running? Man: this is a race, the winner will get the cup. Akpors: if only the winner will get the cup,why are others running?
_Akpors told his servant: go and water the plants.
Servant: its already raining.
Akpors: so what, take an umbrella and go!
_Postman: I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this package.
Akpors: why did you have to come so far, instead u could have posted it.
_Akpors at an Art gallery: i suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: i beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror!
_Akpors was writing something very slowly. A friend asked "why are you writing so slowly?
Akpors: i'm writing to my six year old son, he cant read very fast.
_Flash news:A 2 SEATER plane crashed in a GRAVEYARD in Umukoro. Akpors and his townsmen have so far found 500 bodies and are still DIGGING for more. L.O.L.Z

Roflmfaoooo . . . . . This is really funny

very nice. keep it up

!

Really funny man, keep'em coming.

Akpors don suffer ooooh......

Nice jokes shaa

@All
wont let you down people.

@All
wont let you down people. More episodes coming!!!

Oya, make he dey come

Previosly on 'The Adventures of akpors' we dealt with his stupidity, on today's episode we look at his bright side . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . . . . .and more stupidity!!
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EPISODE 2
_Akpors son; mom, when i was on the bus this morning with Dad, he told me to give up my seat for a lady.
Mom: well, you have done the right thing.
Son: but mom, i was sitting on daddy's lap!
_ Father to Akpors after exam : let me see your report card.
Akpors: my friend just borrowed it, he wants to scare his parents .
_ what is a girlfriend
Akpors: addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies and division of friends.
_Akpors the Guide: i welcome you all to Niagara falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high even 20 supersonic planes passing by cannot be heard. Now may i request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara falls?
_Akpors was driving down the freeway, his phone rang. Answering he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him 'Darling, i just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Umokoru highway, please be careful!
'its not one car' said akpors 'its hundreds of them, am trying my best to avoid hitting them'!
_How do you recognise Akpors in school? A: he is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher erases the board. L.O.L.Z

The Adventures of Akpors
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EPISODE 3
_once Akpors was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on the other so a man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast prophesied that it would be cold on one hand and hot on the other.
_ Akpors bought a brand new Range Rover sports and decided to drive down to another town near umukoro to visit his friend. After some days there he called his wife to expect him in the evening. He didnt come in the evening. The day after he wasn't back. On the third day he came back. His distraught wife asked him 'what happened my husband?' . Obviosly tired from a long journey. Akpors stepped out ' These Range Rover people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward and only one for going back.
_what is the difference between mother and wife.
Akpors:One woman brings you into this world crying....&The other ensures you continue to do so.
_How can Akpors kill a lion: Akpors thinks and thinks and comes to a conclusion- 'i'l drink poison and let lion eat me'.
_wife: Do you want dinner?
Akpors:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: YES AND NO.

cant wait for episode 5 and 6. Bring it on jor

Nice one, I enjoy it.

The Adventures of Akpors
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EPISODE 4
_Man: how old is your father?
Akpors:As old as me
Man: how can that be
Akpors: he became a father only when i was born.
_AKPORS' THEORY states that talking about ''love marriage Vs arranged marriage'' is just like talking about ''commiting suicide Vs being murdered''.
_Akpors took his girlfriend out for lunch and ordered for a hot pepperish peppersoup, after they were done eating with their BARE hands of course. Akpors went to the toilet to ease himself, when he came back they started chatting and after sometime he started feeling pepper pepper around his 'gentleman's area'{which was as a result of touching his ***** with his pepper infected fingers}. He tried to ignore it but it grew worse and worse and pain was clearly written on his face. His Date asked what was wrong and Akpors couldn't control it any longer, with a tearful face he shouted 'my thing is on fire' the girl was stil asking 'what thing??' so Akpors just stormed out of there in pain looking for relief anywhere. Watchout for episode 5.

The Adventures of Akpors
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EPISODE 5
continued.. . . . .
Akpors being a police sergent by profession was supposed to be on duty on the day of the incident. So he rushed home amidst his pain and quickly put on his khaki uniform and went 2 the station. He was still undergoing serious pain when he got there and was almost out of control. So he sat down in the visitors seat and was just fanning himself. He removed his gun and kept it aside, unbuttoned his shirt and threw his cap and kept on fanning himself. Unknown to Akpors the commisioner of police was to pay a visit to their station on that day. After sometime the commissioner arrived and saw Akpors and the state of things. O boy Akpors don enter soup o....see what happens in episode 6!!
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The Adventures of Akpors
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EPISODE 6
As the commissioner came in he was wondering which irresponsible person was on duty. Akpors in his misery couldnt even recognize the person before him. The commissioner started shouting who was on duty and ignorant Akpors replied 'Its me who are you and what do you want here, eh abi you want make i put you for cell? This one wey you come here they shout anyhow so, you no they fear face'
.as a result of whatever the comissioner's body guards did to him. . . . . . .
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.AKPORS WENT INTO COMA !!!

Valiantvaliant=Akpors

nicey me likey

~vicky~:
Valiantvaliant=Akpors

nicey me likey

and ~vicky~= akpors' girlfriend.

The Adventures of Akpors
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EPISODE 7
After Akpors wakes up from his coma with his ever faithful girlfriend(vicky) by his bedside. He is faced with a new problem- employment as he has been fired from the police force. After some weeks of job hunting he finally found a job as a teacher in umukoro development community primary school(UDCPS). He was doing well with his new job until one day something happened.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ? . . . .0. . . . . ,.skip to disk 8!!
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EPISODE 8
one faithful day after school hours , Akpan one of Akpors' students was having problem putting on his shoes so Akpors went to help him. Akpors managed to untie all the laces of the shoe and struggled to slip it into the boy's leg. After about 15 minutes the shoe was on and Akpors was eager to go home when he heard Akpans annoying voice saying ' uncle my sweet is inside the shoe'. On hearing this Akpors told the boy to go like that but he refused. So Akpors summoned the last ounce of patience in him and removed the shoe and gave the boy his sweet and put it back on which took about 20minutes. After Akpors was through he was about to go when the boy said ' the shoes are on the wrong legs' . Akpors almost slapped the boy but he bearly managed to control himself and switch the shoes which took about 10 minutes. Once again Akpors was about to go when Akpan says ' uncle, this is even my younger brother's shoes, my own is in my bag'. Just like flashes of light, Akpors' experience with the commissioner of police flashed before his as he put it into action...
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AKPORS' TRIAL STARTS NEXT WEEK!!

Stay tuned for the premier episodes 9 and 10 of 'The Adventures of Akpors' which will mark the end of season 1.

Me likey.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

larride: Me likey.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

you're welcome.

Lol

nice one. Just prays akpos doesn't go to jail

PretiEbony: Lol

thanks darling

oruchechuks: nice one. Just prays akpors doesn't go to jail

watchout 4 THAT 2NYT

First of all to all those who have been following 'The Adventures Akpors' and have been anticipating the release of Episodes 9 and 10, please,bikò,ejó, don Allah accept my heart felt apology. It really wasn't my fault it was Nepa oo just like in 'With Love From Nepa' for those of you who have read it lols. Anyway...
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The Adventures of Akpors.
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EPISODE 9
After much delay, Akpors' case was finally heard and sadly enough Akpors was sentenced to 3 years imprisonment with hard labour for child abuse. Anyhow sha, Akpors got into prison and soon started getting used to prison life but he missed home, his friends and his girlfriend. Now Akpors was fond of getting into bad company and this case was no difference. His cell mate by name Twale started putting ideas of prison break into Akpors' head constantly with his obsession of Micheal Scofield. Akpors soon consented. . . . . .
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EPISODE 10
Soon Akpors, Twale and other inmates got together and carefuly planned on how to stage a successful prison break. This was their strategy, unlike in Micheal Scofield's case there were no tunnels in this prison except for soak-away lines which was not an option. Their only option was that unlike fox river prison, there was only one way out of this prison, and it was constantly guarded at night. So Akpors and Twale suggested they would all grab anything big, huge and long and attack the prison guards unawares at night when they were asleep. The d-day came with the huge task ahead, so as they all matched to the guarded gate ready to beat living daylight out of the guards, they were stunned by what they saw. The gate was completely deserted with no guards present, so since the guards were not there and their original plan could not be done as anticipated. They decided to go back to their cells till the day that the guards were present.

THE END OF
THE ADVENTURES OF AKPORS. SEASON 1.

Executive producer
Valiantvaliant
Producer
Valiantvaliant
Camera man
Larride
Custume/makeup
Pretty Ebony
CAST
Akpors- Valiantvaliant
Akpors' wife-Ruqaya
Akpors' girlfriend- Vicky
Twale- Oruche chuks
Police commissioner-Lagusta
Akpan- EmmaEsty's son
Other prison inmates
Birma5.

Valiant Valiant you too much.I followed like tweeter.

Nice one

bring on season 2 sharp shar!

Now this is one of the best stories I hav ever seen!!!! Me likey, abeg mak season 2 no tey like merlin season 6......

Season 2 go bad gan ooo, I trust akpors he go break D̶̲̥̅̊ prison

PretiEbony: Nice one

oruchechuks: bring on season 2 sharp shar!

Lagusta: Now this is one of the best stories I hav ever seen!!!! Me likey, abeg mak season 2 no tey like merlin season 6......

Reyginus: Valiant Valiant you too much.I followed like tweeter.

Damoty: Season 2 go bad gan ooo, I trust akpors he go break D̶̲̥̅̊ prison

Thank you all, Akpors won't let you down. One love.

Wao this is lovely

I really loved it. More grease to your elbows.