@ OP,

It's dia choice. It's dia lyf. As long as they r cool with it it shouldn't be anybody's headache.

Kobojunkie:
Since there are cases where these Parents(Governments) have been overruled by their ward, We can definitively state that it can be done on a wider scope.

overruled in nigeria?
you make me laugh - those school mates of yours who eloped with their spouses probably got pregnant and ran away cos of the stigma attached to such by this same "society"

the issue is deep rooted - this is africa, more so - nigeria where the parents are not the only ones looking after their kids - the whole community does...

"what would the church say if my daughter marries mr-x or mr-y?" unlike the developed countries where i don't even know the names of my next door neighbours!

coogar:

overruled in nigeria?
you make me laugh - those school mates of yours who eloped with their spouses probably got pregnant and ran away cos of the stigma attached to such by this same "society"

It does not matter whether you think they were pregnant or not, or whether society attaches a stigma(that is a no brainer really, society attaches a stigma to anything it is not ready to consider but this can be changed when society changes) to it or not, what matters is that IT HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE and so IT CAN BE DONE.

coogar:
the issue is deep rooted - this is africa, more so - nigeria where the parents are not the only ones looking after their kids - the whole community does...

There was one a time when teenage pregnancies where a taboo . . . sex before marriage even. Today it is considered the NORM. Africa has been able to bend so many times before, and can once again bend to yet another change.

coogar:
"what would the church say if my daughter marries mr-x or mr-y?" unlike the developed countries where i don't even know the names of my next door neighbours!

Well, even the churches are now adjusting to the new realities that exist in Africa today. I remember when I was a wee kid, attending Deeper Life Bible Church. Watching TV was considered a sin. Women Braiding/relaxing one's hair was also considered a sin. In fact, a man/woman approaching the opposite sex was also considered a sin. Today, those are not even issues . . . People don't even think sin when they think of watching TV, or talking to a member of the opposite sex.
When I was younger, marrying a divorcee came with a stigma attached. Today, woman marry men who already have kids from previous marriages and no one bats an eye. . . . the list goes on.

Rather than declaring it impossible, let's instead focus our energy on encouraging individuals to take their futures into their own hands and let them collectively decide the direction in which society will go by their actions.

I would keep the below post in reference to the lazy women of nowadays who believe a vaginna is their means to better life.

kulyie: amen o! D funny part of it was when my housemate (who we went to church togeda) asked me what he said n i told her,she asked me what i told him n i tokd her d next thing i heard was dat ha shewa,u fked up,how can u miss an oportunity as golden as dis.dont u want to join d leagues of gals who fix 7o,ooo naira brazillian hair n drive a posh car,i said yes i will,but dat will b wit d work of my hands n not my vagyna,den she hissed n said i shud giv her d mans number,i said go bak to church n look 4 d man,shebi u dey find awuf.i just left her and went to d kitchen to cook lunch,dats how i closed d chapter,my house mate on d oda hand doesnt mind a polygamous home as long as she can wear latest clothes,change her fone every month,have a posh car n go n show off

kulyie: This thing u folks are talkin bout has almost happened to me.there was a fateful sunday like dat when i was in church listening to d word of God,an usher gave me a little pice of note pointing @ d direction where d note was comin from,d man eventually identified himself sayin he was d one dat wrote d note.d note went like dis,'hey cutie.av been watchin u for quitw som tym in dis church,ill like u to spare me 1o mins of ur tym afta church,i av somtin very important i want to discuss wit u'. In my mind i was like shey eleyi gbadun sha (is dis one ok)anyway afta church service,d man came to meet me where i was sittin and exchanged greetins wit me n said i av a marriage proposal 4 u on behalf of my younger broda.actually his marriage is 1o yrs old but he doesnt av kids yet and dia mother is fast loosing her patience because she said she wants to see all her grand kids from all her children bfor she dies and i see u as a hot blooded sexy girl,trust me my broda is goin to take care of u,he is a managing director in xyz company (a prominent company in naija ) he is comfortable,if u want his barren wife to leave d house 4 u,i can make dat happen,i know how to manoevre situations 2 ur favour,all i just want is for my broda to av kids',afta he finished talkin he said in yoruba,so what do u have to say concerning all ive been saying and i said ' shey e gbadun,shey oriyin pe sha,early in d morning u are lookin 4 a gal dat will brek ur brodas marriage.am nt interested in polygamy or breakin peoples home to talke advantage of dia problems and as am talkin to u stand up and get lost bfor i embarass u here,i am shuttin my eyes,bfor i open it,if i still see u here,i will thoroughly disgrace u,and bfor i opened my eyes d idiot had disappeared.assumin i was lustin afta money or because dis man is driving a flashy car n livin in a flashy house i must take advantage of dia problem,most gals of my age wil agree to marry him knowin who he is in d society,his worth n wot dey stand to gain

Kobojunkie:
It does not matter whether you think they were pregnant or not, or whether society attaches a stigma(that is a no brainer really, society attaches a stigma to anything it is not ready to consider but this can be changed when society changes) to it or not, what matters is that IT HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE and so IT CAN BE DONE.

nothing has changed in nigeria - a woman could get escorted out of some churches if she wears trousers or make her hair in a certain way! i am talking about nigeria @ large not just lagos environs where every kid aspires to be rihanna or kim kardash!

There was one a time when teenage pregnancies where a taboo . . . sex before marriage even. Today it is considered the NORM. Africa has been able to bend so many times before, and can once again bend to yet another change.

teenage pregnancy was never a taboo in nigeria! teenage pregnancy can never be a taboo in a country that practises child marriage in broad day light! if you go to most villages and hamlets where the females are not really bent on completing tertiary education, many of those females get pregnant before the age of 17!

once again, you are limiting your research to lagos or towns where nearly all the female teenagers are in universities studying calculus and business admin!

Well, even the churches are now adjusting to the new realities that exist in Africa today. I remember when I was a wee kid, attending Deeper Life Bible Church. Watching TV was considered a sin. Women Braiding/relaxing one's hair was also considered a sin. In fact, a man/woman approaching the opposite sex was also considered a sin. Today, those are not even issues . . . People don't even think sin when they think of watching TV, or talking to a member of the opposite sex.

churches are not adjusting nada - more like people are moving to churches with doctrines that suit their lifestyles! then again, you cannot compare flimsy issues of braiding hair/relaxing to taking the influence of parents away from their kids! the system in place in nigeria cannot give the kids the independence they "might" crave!

When I was younger, marrying a divorcee came with a stigma attached. Today, woman marry men who already have kids from previous marriages and no one bats an eye. . . . the list goes on.

this is an exaggeration - people have been marrying divorcees since the fall of man with no stigma attached. i would even wager it was common back then than it would be the case these days! today's divorcees are in the recycle bin or rendered outcasts!

Rather than declaring it impossible, let's instead focus our energy on encouraging individuals to take their futures into their own hands and let them collectively decide the direction in which society will go by their actions.

you must be a fantasist!
encourage kids of 16 in nigeria to leave their parents and be independent? what would feed them? is there any social security in place to cater for them? the ones who left home at tender age are on the bar beach as we speak - robbing, stealing, whoring, using drugs, etc!

the problem cannot go away until the government puts a system in place that would enable secondary school leavers to work - hell, undergraduates don't even work in nigeria - they all depend on parents for the basic necessities and you are daydreaming about channeling energy?? you better channel your energy into something more realistic else you join hands with ken saro wiwa in the belly of the beast singing "'amazing grace".

I think I have said what I have said on this. If you have a different opinion, that is fine by me. I know what I know of what I have observed, and read of at least in the last 40 years of development in the Nigerian society. Even in Africa, Societal 'Norms' are fluid and change from time to time. Even Society there changes are the people change their attitude towards the norms.

@ Coogar and Kobojunkie, I'm a fan of your arguements even though you both have opposing views. I think you are both right, Coogar you see the casualties of going against the norm, Kobo you see those who have been successful. The situation is less than ideal but there can't be change without sacrifices. Not everyone will break the mould successfully but it's still not a reason not to attempt it for fear of failure. A life lived in fear is a life half lived. Take women in the uk for instance at the turn of the 21st century. They were pretty much treated like second class citizens with no rights. It was a man's world. But with the suffragettes(sp?) stepping up and campaigning for women's rights, things started to change. Some were imprisoned for standing up for their right but they made a difference. Women were granted the right to vote, the right to equal pay as men doing the same job etc.
African women need to do the same, stand up for our rights regardless of the price. Even if we don't live to see the fruits, maybe we'll have set in motion something which would benefit future generations of women in africa. Na the fruits of the suffragette's labour oyinbo women dey enjoy today.

Tgirl4real: @ OP,

It's dia choice. It's dia lyf. As long as they r cool with it it shouldn't be anybody's headache.

yes, its theirs, but i dont want to believe u're one or intending to be one, because i dont think somebody can be cool being a 2nd or 3rd wife, sometimes, its circumstances dt leads some to it, while to some.......hhhmm, well, just do smthing, enquire from some of this set of women (if u can find), if dy wul find a sweet story to tell, except, they are pretending and telling lies, and mind u, its not giving me any headache, i'm only wondering. U get that?

shaybe baby: @ Coogar and Kobojunkie, I'm a fan of your arguements even though you both have opposing views. I think you are both right, Coogar you see the casualties of going against the norm, Kobo you see those who have been successful. The situation is less than ideal but there can't be change without sacrifices. Not everyone will break the mould successfully but it's still not a reason not to attempt it for fear of failure. A life lived in fear is a life half lived. Take women in the uk for instance at the turn of the 21st century. They were pretty much treated like second class citizens with no rights. It was a man's world. But with the suffragettes(sp?) stepping up and campaigning for women's rights, things started to change. Some were imprisoned for standing up for their right but they made a difference. Women were granted the right to vote, the right to equal pay as men doing the same job etc.
African women need to do the same, stand up for our rights regardless of the price. Even if we don't live to see the fruits, maybe we'll have set in motion something which would benefit future generations of women in africa. Na the fruits of the suffragette's labour oyinbo women dey enjoy today.

exactly! African women can't just sit by and expect things to automagically change in their behalf. The rest of the world has moved on to more mature issues while African women are still struggling to be identified as humans in most parts of that continent.

And not until the women force/demand it of society will anything change. Culture is FLUID . . . it changes with the desires of the People. Look at American culture. About 70 years ago, women were still considered second class citizens, now they are almost Equals in the same society. This did not happen automagically.

greatgod2012:


yes, its theirs, but i dont want to believe u're one or intending to be one, because i dont think somebody can be cool being a 2nd or 3rd wife, sometimes, its circumstances dt leads some to it, while to some.......hhhmm, well, just do smthing, enquire from some of this set of women (if u can find), if dy wul find a sweet story to tell, except, they are pretending and telling lies, and mind u, its not giving me any headache, i'm only wondering. U get that?

I'm not one and I will neva be one. What u r discussing is a normal thing in some setting. They don't see any big deal in it. Thatz why I said it's their lives. U said they wont be happy! So many women in a monogamous union are also not happy.

So, whatever anyone chooses is their choice. Ki eleru gbe eru e.

greatgod2012: why on earth do some women marry somebody who has married before,thereby becoming 2nd,3rd,4th or even 5th wife. I'm not talking about widow marrying widower or divorcee marrying another divorcee, i'm talking about those who know that d man has wife(ves) and still go ahead tio marry d man, only to be complaining about d man or d marriage later, what do you think is actually wrong with this set of women? No insult meant, i'm just somehow curious about it.

Nothing is wrong with them*.

It is all cultural.

If the culture accepts and promotes it, people would do it without flinching.

It is just like a culture that says it is modern and progressive that a man bones another man up the arse. People would follow it once that culture is established and rooted like if nothing is wrong.

And another culture involves arranging/forcing your kids into specific marriages. People would follow it once that culture is established and rooted like if nothing is wrong.

Not like if I personally see anything wrong with the polygamy culture. Definitely far better than the gay marriage culture.

*When I say nothing is wrong with them, I mean relatively to the average human. That does not mean I don't think something is wrong with the average human. About 90% of humans are dumb!

Sagamite:
*When I say nothing is wrong with them, I mean relatively to the average human. That does not mean I don't think something is wrong with the average human. About 90% of humans are dumb!

Hehehehe

You are crazy!!!

greatgod2012:

yes, its theirs, but i dont want to believe u're one or intending to be one, because i dont think somebody can be cool being a 2nd or 3rd wife, sometimes, its circumstances dt leads some to it

Just reading your response again. What makes you think I won't be cool with ssuch arrangement? If my hubby wants a second wife, make e carry go. All the better for me.

At least, I will be the first and legal wife. Hehehehe...

Tgirl4real:

Just reading your response again. What makes you think I won't be cool with ssuch arrangement? If my hubby wants a second wife, make e carry go. All the better for me.

At least, I will be the first and legal wife. Hehehehe...

but, u've just spoken'd 1st and legal wife'.............dt's what i'm saying,not d 2nd or d 3rd or..........anyway, thank God 4 ur life, i love ur responses,lol.

Thanks.

There is something missing here, part of the reasons that our girls go for a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th wives is due to age not being on their sides. Instead of remaining @ home, they will hav no option naw. Another one are girls that have a child or children out of wedluck!

safeact: There is something missing here, part of the reasons that our girls go for a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th wives is due to age not being on their sides. Instead of remaining @ home, they will hav no option naw. Another one are girls that have a child or children out of wedluck!

yes, u have a point there, but what about ladies who are neither too old nor have any child/chldrenout of wedlock?

safeact: There is something missing here, part of the reasons that our girls go for a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th wives is due to age not being on their sides. Instead of remaining @ home, they will hav no option naw. Another one are girls that have a child or children out of wedluck!

I don't agree. Most 2nd wives are young pretty girls. It could be cos of the money or they feel the older the better.

safeact: There is something missing here, part of the reasons that our girls go for a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th wives is due to age not being on their sides. Instead of remaining @ home, they will hav no option naw. Another one are girls that have a child or children out of wedluck!

Na!! I think you are way off. Like someone already posited,majority of the extra wives are young ladies . .

Kobojunkie:

Na!! I think you are way off. Like someone already posited,majority of the extra wives are young ladies . .

infact, this is d word i've been trying to fathom'extra wives' thanks 4 d comment, dt is what happens nowadays, i dont know why .