@poster
I understand how you feel about this but you guys saying "No" to your father is selfish. You are only thinking about yourselves and how to stand shoulder to shoulder with your learned relatives when your father has another wife. Wetin concern your learned relatives concern the happiness of your father?

This looks exactly like the same conversation I,my eldest brother and my sister had with our father on a certain Xmas. We came home to spend Xmas with him and he called us to announce that he wants to remarry & have a companion again. Immediately he said that it inspired different feelings in my siblings, my brother had anger and jealousy written over his face and my sister had fear, possessiveness and near tears on her own face and when I replied that I support him if he wants to do that my younger sister nearly beat me up and was almost cajoling me to stop supporting him from her tone. He eventually changed his mind and said that he doesn't want to marry again and is still single and I will be the happiest person if he finds a female companion/wife to marry because I will like him to have a companion. A helper cannot fill the emotional gap/ closeness and companionship that a love mate/wife will fill, abi you no wan make the man get his freaky on again? It frightens me to think of my father lonely and without a mate but he has chosen not to marry again, hope he changes his mind cause knowing that he has a mate will make my mind more settled about him.

There is always that fear of what the new wife will stir up when she comes but you guys are grown up and should be making a life for yourselves now. Let him have a companion biko, just try your best for there to be harmony between you, your siblings and your new step mother. If he brings in a woman with a good heart, you may be surprised that you will all be relating well with her. Don't have it in mind already that she may be coming to stand in between you all or stir up stuffs. Is it because you are all grown up, if you were young and on the passing away of your mum he decides to remarry will you tell a young man not to marry because you don't want another woman in the house?

@Poster
I'm sorri about your mum's death, but life must continue for your dad. your dad right now is going through a very difficult time which he might not even disclose to you and your siblings. He has made the best choice to re-marry, its best for you and ur brothers to accept his decision and pray he finds a woman as good as your mum, except you want to become an orphan so soon.
I am speaking from experience, I lost my mum february this year, and as the eldest daughter, i have seen that its not easy. In-fact i have been praying for my dad to re-marry and asking God to give him someone as wonderful as my mum ( I love my dad wella, and dont wanna see him hurt, depressed or whateva), and am glad because by God's grace, next year he should re-marry. Now i begin to see reasons while i have not gotten a job outside Abuja where my parent stay, it would have been more difficult for him. Infact when he shared his experiences with us since the demise of my mum, i cried for him. My elder brother and I have accepted my dad's request and we are trying to put things inorder for our new mama before telling my other siblings and i know they wount have problem with it.
Please think of your dad first before thinking of relatives and what they will say, after-all who cares.
Help him plan his wedding and make him happy again. Wish you the best.

@ poster let ur dad marry.. Deres no harm in it and talking from experience I lot my mum @ the age of 3 meaning I don't know her only from pics.. My dad re married some yrs later becos he couldn't take care of children alone we where 4 kids and now I don't regret it my step mumhas been like a mother to us even though they say no one can be like a mother am sure that's what is also in ur minds.. She took care of all of us and has her own kids too.. We all call her mum infact if I don't tell u she's my step mom u won't know we all jst flow.. Give ur dad a chance to re marry again it will help him heal beTter from the loss.. Just pray he finds a good woman that won't make u regret ur mum died and btw u guys are old and independent whateva it may be u won't be really affected hope I help

Let us all be considerate and show some empathy while dishing out our opinions. Its been only a freaking year!! What type of husband re-marries after a year of his wifes death? Jesus! What is wrong with humans? Even if you killed your wife, or had the worst marriage or love women to the death. You'll for the sake of her memories, your sanity and guilt wait for sometime. 12months is just the eye drying period. I don't know why we are all being hypocritical here because its a man wanting a new wife and not the other way round. What would people say, especially the wifes family. A woman you build a large and grown family with, only to replace her within 12months or slightly more of her demise is shameful. Opinions here are based on Ethnicity. Some are more liberal about marriages IMO. Remarriage isn't something you rush into. Bringing a new woman into the home requires prayers because it could be the undoing of the man and his family as a whole if he brings in the wrong woman. Finally, he doesn't need se.x cos he obviously didn't need it with your late mom. Let him get it where he's been getting it. Nonsense.

Duke_Nija: Let us all be considerate and show some empathy while dishing out our opinions. Its been only a freaking year!! What type of husband re-marries after a year of his wifes death? Jesus! What is wrong with humans? Even if you killed your wife, or had the worst marriage or love women to the death. You'll for the sake of her memories, your sanity and guilt wait for sometime. 12months is just the eye drying period. I don't know why we are all being hypocritical here because its a man wanting a new wife and not the other way round. What would people say, especially the wifes family. A woman you build a large and grown family with, only to replace her within 12months or slightly more of her demise is shameful. Opinions here are based on Ethnicity. Some are more liberal about marriages IMO. Remarriage isn't something you rush into. Bringing a new woman into the home requires prayers because it could be the undoing of the man and his family as a whole if he brings in the wrong woman. Finally, he doesn't need se.x cos he obviously didn't need it with your late mom. Let him get it where he's been getting it. Nonsense.

You've said it all.
As for the bolded part, its one of my biggest nightmare; they dont even seem to consider that before droping their comments. Its so sad.

So because he remarried the wifes famil would say he killed their daughter or I dont understand

Pastor Kumuyis wife died in 2009 and he remarried in 2010

So whats the big deal

Its just plain selfishness from the Children

And OP if you dont want your father to remarry yet. All the children should quit their work and life and come to live with him in the House.

Would that be OK by you?

Duke_Nija: Let us all be considerate and show some empathy while dishing out our opinions. Its been only a freaking year!! What type of husband re-marries after a year of his wifes death? Jesus! What is wrong with humans? Even if you killed your wife, or had the worst marriage or love women to the death. You'll for the sake of her memories, your sanity and guilt wait for sometime. 12months is just the eye drying period. I don't know why we are all being hypocritical here because its a man wanting a new wife and not the other way round. What would people say, especially the wifes family. A woman you build a large and grown family with, only to replace her within 12months or slightly more of her demise is shameful. Opinions here are based on Ethnicity. Some are more liberal about marriages IMO. Remarriage isn't something you rush into. Bringing a new woman into the home requires prayers because it could be the undoing of the man and his family as a whole if he brings in the wrong woman. Finally, he doesn't need se.x cos he obviously didn't need it with your late mom. Let him get it where he's been getting it. Nonsense.

How long did it take Pastor Kumuyi to remarry? He is not a good husband.

eustocrat:

You've said it all.
As for the bolded part, its one of my biggest nightmare; they dont even seem to consider that before droping their comments. Its so sad.

You asked for honest feedback and people have given you just that. If you don't want to hear it why bother?

Pastor Kumuyi remarried less than a year. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya whose wife was soo popular married a year after. Pastor Agu or Jesus House sef married after a year. Several examples abound!

What is the big deal about your mum's relatives? Did they pay your school fees or are they the ones that feed you that you have to suck up to them. God had given them a brain, they will always think what they want . They are obviously more important to you than your father!

I had a friend whose wife died during child birth - first child - and his wife's family did not want him to remarry. What sense does that make. On the other hand another friend whose wife died, his late wife's family supported and attended his wedding. Please your mothers family is not the most important here unless of course they feed you

Nashville:

You asked for honest feedback and people have given you just that. If you don't want to hear it why bother?

Pastor Kumuyi remarried less than a year. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya whose wide was soo popular married a year after. Pastor Agu or Jesus House sef married after a year. Several examples abound!

What is the big deal about your mum's relatives? Did they pay your school fees or are they the ones that feed you that you have to suck up to them. God had given them a brain, they will always think what they want . They are obviously more important to you than your father!

I had a friend whose wife died during child birth - first child - and his wife's family did not want him to remarry. What sense does that make. On the other hand another friend whose wife died, his late wife's family supported and attended his wedding. Please your mothers family is not the most important here unless of course they feed you

In Pastor Odukoyas case it was even the children who were the groomsmen and Chief bridesmaids

I have told him and his brothers wherever they are to quit their job and lives to come live with their father if they dont want him to get married.

Selfish ppl, They want to go on with their own life but want their father to die in boredom and loneliness

dayokanu: OP,

Definitely you and your brothers are very selfish people.

Your father is bereaved and lonely, the gap his wife took in his life no one can replace, So you prefer your dad to die from loneliness just to save you the embarrassment or pride?

Why don't you and your brother resign your jobs and stop your life for the same 5yrs you prescribe and relocate to your family house to stay with your dad? I am sure you would reject such an idea but you want the man to die alone and you go ahead with your own lives?

So instead of your dad getting married you prefer him to be sleeping around with everyone in the community, or better still die of loneliness

Your fathers marriage was till death did them parts and he has the right to move on now

Incredibly Selfish Indeed.

I am with uju on this One. It is okay for him To get married but less than a year his wife passed? at least mourn your wife for 2 years. You people shared a life together for Goodness sakes. God bless serubawon .His kids were still little when his wife passed on that alone was a good enough excuse to Marry not too long aftet but he refused because he knew he had a life with this woman and had to mourn her well enough before seeing someone else

Ujujoan: maybe i'm going crazy. but someone who lost a spouse should still be grieving now. but this man has already picked a replacement. he's not talking about starting to date, he's talking about getting married. it's wrong. and yes, if he waits for 50 years it's not to much. the woman gave him a lovely life for God's sakes and already he wants to throw it all away. In less than a year? Mba nu!

Uju, when did the OP say the dad has picked a replacement? Why don't you stick to the facts of the case instead of adding your own jara to suit your views.

OP, the first thing you need to understand is that people are different. Just because your dad did not partake in gists with your mother and you all does not mean he didn't love you guys or ignored you guys. He is just a different type of person. At the end of the day he still did all that was neccessary to educate you all and give you a good life.

Second, your father must be commended for seeking permission from the kids. I understand that it is quite difficult to stomach that he wants to remarry so soon, but you have to look at it from his point of view as well. Like Chaircover said, I belive the best option here is for you to be there for your dad and gain his trust, so that you all can have a say in who he chooses to marry.

Even if you give him the permission, that does not mean he will marry immediately. He may date one or two women and decide not to remarry. He may date some women and decide to wait for a little while before he remarries. Just try to look at things from his perspective...

One year is enough mourning...pls you guys should allow him marry for his sanity's sake. when you all have left the house, who will be there with him? your dad's happiness is the most important thing. It would hurt at first but you guys would get used to the new wife

Well, well, well. Although I still disapprove of his intention based only on the scenario I presented above, and which most of you guys have termed to be selfish of us, now let us examine this following adjoined scenario:
Prior to it, I want to sieze this opportunity to dissect

Genius100: 's

and then present the hidden scenario

OP, the first thing you need to understand is that people are different. Just because your dad did not partake in gists with your mother and you all does not mean he didn't love you guys or ignored you guys. He is just a different type of person. At the end of the day he still did all that was neccessary to educate you all and give you a good life.

Yes, he is a different type of person~an introvert when mum was around; why now trying to an extrov all of a sudden? We will revisit this area at the end of my comment.

Second, your father must be commended for seeking permission from the kids.

Yes, again, he must be commended because he dared not try it without our consent. I doubt if he would be able to bear the gbege that follows. We run a parliamentary family Dialogue good o.

I understand that it is quite difficult to stomach that he wants to remarry so soon, but you have to look at it from his point of view as well.

His view, which is? That he is lonely? He has always been a loner!

Like Chaircover said, I belive the best option here is for you to be there for your dad and gain his trust, so that you all can have a say in who he chooses to marry.

Now, here is the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Popsie has got himself tangled with someone already!!! This was even before mum's depature. On several occassions, we tabled his moves, but he always denied it. We presented some implicating evidences such as teller slips bearing his name as depositor and a lady's name as benficiary. Yet, he will want to escape, terming it as philanthropism. "you call it philantropy and your wife is unaware of it? You call it philanthropy when we had pressing needs at home. Safe for the SHARP TV he only bought in 2000, no other electronic gadget ~ranging from least expensive pressing iron to the Plasma TV~ has he brought into the house. All these were available courtesy of mum and children even during the school days. Make I pause here first. Sending the kids to school, is that the sole duty of dads?
Back to mumsie-popsie relationship, what level of company, let alone attention, did pop grant to mum during her periodssssss of illhealth? We r the children here, and we know the way things went down.
To cap his phuckk up, a text message believed to be meant for the lady, which reads our response to his request was mistakenly sent to one of us from his number.
O ga oo.

Even if you give him the permission, that does not mean he will marry immediately. He may date one or two women and decide not to remarry. He may date some women and decide to wait for a little while before he remarries. Just try to look at things from his perspective...

Now which perspective do you want us to look at it again?

^^^
@Op see, people delivered their comment based on the info u released in first place. Don't start coming up with info they weren't privy 2 in the first place, to make them look foolish.

If u had given this latter infos, i'm very sure their comments/point of view would have been different from what they wrote. IMO.

tyson55: ^^^
@Op see, people delivered their comment based on the info u released in first place. Don't start coming up with info they weren't privy 2 in the first place, to make them look foolish.

If u had given this latter infos, i'm very sure their comments/point of view would have been different from what they wrote. IMO.

I agree. The dude Started coming up with info all of a sudden. Please don't make people look stoopid

irenonse: @Poster
I'm sorri about your mum's death, but life must continue for your dad. your dad right now is going through a very difficult time which he might not even disclose to you and your siblings. He has made the best choice to re-marry, its best for you and ur brothers to accept his decision and pray he finds a woman as good as your mum, except you want to become an orphan so soon.
I am speaking from experience, I lost my mum february this year, and as the eldest daughter, i have seen that its not easy. In-fact i have been praying for my dad to re-marry and asking God to give him someone as wonderful as my mum ( I love my dad wella, and dont wanna see him hurt, depressed or whateva), and am glad because by God's grace, next year he should re-marry. Now i begin to see reasons while i have not gotten a job outside Abuja where my parent stay, it would have been more difficult for him. Infact when he shared his experiences with us since the demise of my mum, i cried for him. My elder brother and I have accepted my dad's request and we are trying to put things inorder for our new mama before telling my other siblings and i know they wount have problem with it.
Please think of your dad first before thinking of relatives and what they will say, after-all who cares.
Help him plan his wedding and make him happy again. Wish you the best.

You viewed it just the way I did. Hugs to you on the loss of your mum.

eustocrat: Well, well, well. Although I still disapprove of his intention based only on the scenario I presented above, and which most of you guys have termed to be selfish of us, now let us examine this following adjoined scenario:
Prior to it, I want to sieze this opportunity to dissect and then present the hidden scenario


Yes, he is a different type of person~an introvert when mum was around; why now trying to an extrov all of a sudden? We will revisit this area at the end of my comment.


Yes, again, he must be commended because he dared not try it without our consent. I doubt if he would be able to bear the gbege that follows. We run a parliamentary family Dialogue good o.

His view, which is? That he is lonely? He has always been a loner!


Now, here is the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Popsie has got himself tangled with someone already!!! This was even before mum's depature. On several occassions, we tabled his moves, but he always denied it. We presented some implicating evidences such as teller slips bearing his name as depositor and a lady's name as benficiary. Yet, he will want to escape, terming it as philanthropism. "you call it philantropy and your wife is unaware of it? You call it philanthropy when we had pressing needs at home. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------To cap his phuckk up, a text message believed to be meant for the lady, which reads our response to his request was mistakenly sent to one of us from his number.
O ga oo.Now which perspective do you want us to look at it again?

I know that you are hurting over this, I understand how you feel. It's almost the same way my elder brother felt----guess it has to do with that special bond between some male children and their mother. Indeed at one year interval after the loss of your mum, that searing pain is still very much open and that may also contribute to your hurt feelings yet there is no written rule on how much and how long one has to mourn another, one year may be five years to another and 10 years may be "never again" for another too. You guys can appeal to him to give you a little time to assimilate it all.

In your post above you sounded like the life of your father is in your hands. Sweetie it's his life, you know. You can't stand at the gate of his life and decide what he must do. You've got to let him love again, I know that it hurts much that he wants to replace the sweet place of your mum but Life goes on, you know. Plenty hugs to you! and hey! one more thing, you need not go bringing out all the skeletons in the cupboard and dishing out what went down in your parent's marriage----some things are better kept out of the public view. If somebody else has the heart beat of your father racing, let him enjoy love. It's one life we've all got to live. He is not gonna be loving up and getting loved, cherished, cared for neither will he need a companion when Life on earth is over for us all.

eustocrat: Well, well, well. Although I still disapprove of his intention based only on the scenario I presented above, and which most of you guys have termed to be selfish of us, now let us examine this following adjoined scenario:
Prior to it, I want to sieze this opportunity to dissect and then present the hidden scenario


Yes, he is a different type of person~an introvert when mum was around; why now trying to an extrov all of a sudden? We will revisit this area at the end of my comment.


Yes, again, he must be commended because he dared not try it without our consent. I doubt if he would be able to bear the gbege that follows. We run a parliamentary family Dialogue good o.

His view, which is? That he is lonely? He has always been a loner!


Now, here is the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Popsie has got himself tangled with someone already!!! This was even before mum's depature. On several occassions, we tabled his moves, but he always denied it. We presented some implicating evidences such as teller slips bearing his name as depositor and a lady's name as benficiary. Yet, he will want to escape, terming it as philanthropism. "you call it philantropy and your wife is unaware of it? You call it philanthropy when we had pressing needs at home. Safe for the SHARP TV he only bought in 2000, no other electronic gadget ~ranging from least expensive pressing iron to the Plasma TV~ has he brought into the house. All these were available courtesy of mum and children even during the school days. Make I pause here first. Sending the kids to school, is that the sole duty of dads?
Back to mumsie-popsie relationship, what level of company, let alone attention, did pop grant to mum during her periodssssss of illhealth? We r the children here, and we know the way things went down.
To cap his phuckk up, a text message believed to be meant for the lady, which reads our response to his request was mistakenly sent to one of us from his number.
O ga oo.

Now which perspective do you want us to look at it again?

Like someone said, you did not present any of these information before. Even so, you have presented no convincing evidence that he really is involved with someone else. So he did not buy electronic gadgets in the house, but are you saying he in no way contributed to the upkeep of the family in the last few years? Anyways tread slowly sha, and take your time to think about it. Talk to him and try to understand everything from his point of view.. Below is your earlier characterization of your dad, now all of a sudden, things don change...

Growing up as kids, we (4 male Children) were so disciplined by our parents, especially by our dad. And I must say that it has really manifested in us. We always thanked God for having such wonderful parents. We also grew as one strong and united family till date.

But as it may be in nature, children seem to have more affinity to the mother (and vice versa), and this was also the case in our family. We (mum and children) are almost always together doing most thing together like cooking, watching TV in the palour, and so on. Dad, being the kind of person he is, is always tied down in his room with his books doing his studies and research (He is a professor- e even carry lecturing for im head). That not withstanding, we always try to ecourage him to find some time to come join us in the palour for gists and watch the TV. Well, "He tried."

Ngwanu, OP and his siblings should stop their dad from remarrying then come report back to us! We dey here.

A full grown, gainfully employed man for that matter. You and your siblings even depend on him from occasional hand outs, he does not need your dime, he's not a burden to any one of you, we dey wait oh. Lol

When you separate sentiments from reality, when you throw away "self and societal expectations", you'll be able to accept and understand your dads needs and decision.

Even if he's been seeing the lady before your moms death?not good enough but you can't DO shyte to change that! You'll only complicate things for yourself, your dad and the family.

Is this battle worth fighting? No?
Y'all should be thinking of what to do with your lives now that sweet mom is not around instead of sniffing your dads boxers.

no wonder they say its a man's world

Nashville:

You asked for honest feedback and people have given you just that. If you don't want to hear it why bother?

Pastor Kumuyi remarried less than a year. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya whose wife was soo popular married a year after. Pastor Agu or Jesus House sef married after a year. Several examples abound!

What is the big deal about your mum's relatives? Did they pay your school fees or are they the ones that feed you that you have to suck up to them. God had given them a brain, they will always think what they want . They are obviously more important to you than your father!

I had a friend whose wife died during child birth - first child - and his wife's family did not want him to remarry. What sense does that make. On the other hand another friend whose wife died, his late wife's family supported and attended his wedding. Please your mothers family is not the most important here unless of course they feed you

pls permit me to correct you. pastor Odukoya did not remarry after a year. He waited for over two years if not more. Not sure about the number of years sha but definitively not one year.

Op, I sincerely see where you coming from. We might not understand how u guys feel cos we ain't in your shoes! Don't know why people here are comparing this case with Pastor Kumuyi and co. We should just focus on this case and not compare. OP, from what I've read so far, I think you guys feel hurt considering the fact that dad may not have cared much about your late mum and now just wana remarry in a year. I know its painful! If it were to be the other way round people would want to crucify the woman! But hey dear, the deed is done. mum is gone and dad wants a replacement which is not a crime. Personally for me o, won't like that cos i feel a year is too short to replace a mum. but since dad's mind is made up, i suggest the four of you talk to him and bare out your grievance. Don't just say no to him but give your genuine reason as you've stated here. I think you guys need to forgive dad for not being such a caring husband to mum. I think that's the problem. So you guys should talk to dad and also hear him out and let the healing process take place first. Then request that dad should wait for maybe one more year before remarrying, giving him your reason. I guess with this you guys will be able to support your dad to remarry and everyone happy! In all, dad needs to be happy as well as you guys. Hope my little advice helps! All the best!

justsmile: Op, I sincerely see where you coming from. We might not understand how u guys feel cos we ain't in your shoes! Don't know why people here are comparing this case with Pastor Kumuyi and co. We should just focus on this case and not compare. OP, from what I've read so far, I think you guys feel hurt considering the fact that dad may not have cared much about your late mum and now just wana remarry in a year. I know its painful! If it were to be the other way round people would want to crucify the woman! But hey dear, the deed is done. mum is gone and dad wants a replacement which is not a crime. Personally for me o, won't like that cos i feel a year is too short to replace a mum. but since dad's mind is made up, i suggest the four of you talk to him and bare out your grievance. Don't just say no to him but give your genuine reason as you've stated here. I think you guys need to forgive dad for not being such a caring husband to mum. I think that's the problem. So you guys should talk to dad and also hear him out and let the healing process take place first. Then request that dad should wait for maybe one more year before remarrying, giving him your reason. I guess with this you guys will be able to support your dad to remarry and everyone happy! In all, dad needs to be happy as well as you guys. Hope my little advice helps! All the best!

Thanks *XOXO*. We just did that last night. We've bared our mind(s) to him, and backing it up with Serious Prayers. The rest is up to Chineke.

justsmile:

pls permit me to correct you. pastor Odukoya did not remarry after a year. He waited for over two years if not more. Not sure about the number of years sha but definitively not one year.

What of Kumuyi?

@OP
You and your siblings are funny. I tried to put myself in your dad's shoes. In a few years my children would be your age and I said to myself "how would I feel if they came up with the stuff you are saying". You know what? I burst out laughing. Yes, because if I chose to remarry, I can not see them talking the nonsense you are here spewing.

Please get a life, free your dad and pray for his happiness.

@eustocrat. I beg you. Plz , let your Dad remarry sharp-sharp. Forget about the fact that , your mum died one year ago.see, life is not the way we see it. Let me share with my own experience. We were six. Our mum died some 27years ago. Exactly a year after, my dad attempt to remarry. We the children and family frustrated his efforts with all the excuesses u put up here bla bla bla. Fast forward , our dad is old now, we all children are with our different families now. Leaving ONLY him at home with no one to take care of him . No woman. Nobody. He stays in ibadan, while children are scattered over the country. Our wish now is for him to get a woman at his age 68plus. My brother, I tell u , I love my mum. We stil mourn her till date but no amount of tears could bring her back. Plz, plz, let your dad get back to life. Let him remarry. A word is enough for d wise.

@eustocrat, I repeat again, let your dad remarry. Put sentiment apart. Forget what people will say. Let your dad hapiness be uppermost to you. You have gotten quality advices from great people here. Ohun eeyan lohun olorun. loneliness kills faster. No amount of tears could bring back the death. Ok

@OP ....finally from me, let your dad be the most worst on earth as per his behaviour to u guys and your late mum . He got his life to live , u got yours to live. From my experience with regard to my dad case, we did worst to discourage him at getting married again. One thing I'm certain of, u love him and u wuldnt want any evil to befall him cos he is the only you have left. Why not seek his happiness? Forget any insuniations frm your mumsy side. Your dad is your dad!