My Nigerian boyfriend has a child from an ex girlfriend. Mother and child live in Nigeria. I am an Aussie girl who has become quite serious about my man but I have been told two different points of view.

My boyfriend and 2 others say that just because he has claimed responsibility for the child, this doesn't extend to the mother. So therefore they will never been seen as married.

3 other people state that because he has claimed responsibility for the child, then this means he has accepted the mother as he first wife. So therefore if I marry this man then all the village and his family will always see me as the second wife.

My boyfriend has never lied to me before so I tend to believe him but I am curious why people from the same village would have two different points of view.

They are from the Ethnic group Edo, the village Ekpon.

I would be grateful for some input on this. It is quite puzzling.

its of no relevance how he sees it. you cannot beat tradition.
you cannot tell the villagers or family it is not the way it seems to be,
it can well be that he dose not see it that way and it may well be that he never sets foot inot the babymamas house .
people will still think what they want

last time i checked having a child for a man doesnt make you his wife. Did they have a traditional marriage or anything significant? you guys live in the western world far from opinions of his villagers!

Yes - in western culture both parents are responsible for the child, even if it is only child support money. My guy has never hidden the fact that he has a child and that he loves his child. He hasn't lied to me before so I do believe what he says. He says that he will never go back to his ex-girlfriend and I believe him in this.

It was just confusing receiving two opinions, especially since they live in the same village.

There will be times when we do visit the village together and I guess being a foreigner it makes me a bit nervous. It is important for me that his family like and accept me.

i understand your concerns and its important they like and accept you. that said of course he should support his child. but if he didnt marry that woman, then she isnt his wife!

spoilt:

last time i checked having a child for a man doesn't make you his wife.

spoilt:

but if he didn't marry that woman, then she isn't his wife!

Have better words been said.

@ poster
that is what contemporary times call a baby mother. You are legal in all eyes of the law and all documented statements. Love his child as you love him and then proceed to establish yourself in his life and then extend this foothold thru to his family and extended.

Thank you all for replying.

Even though it is daughting to become a 'Mum' to a small child my guy and I discussed it all before we became closer. We both agreed that even in the future if it is found that he is not the biological father, that we would still take care of this child. It is yet to be decided whether this will only be monetary support or whether the child will come and live with us. She seems to be a beautiful, sweet child.

Through this I can see my guy's worth. Instead of running a mile when finding out about the child, he became excited and chose to take this child under his wing.

He is one special man.

hello cath-key
Australian huh?
my advice to you is to go on other forums
and get an insight on how this game is played.

in a traditional wedding you do not have to invite people to say you are married.
that they come from the same village makes things easy.He has accepted the child that means his family too. And her family have accepted that they have accepted.
Even if they never got married they wil be seen as married in the eyes of many people.

Girl - all am gonna say is keep ur eyes and ears open cause u know it just seems really dodgy.
There is always one drama after the other with these men.

You can never be too trusting cause i dont know what to say. If i were in that situation, i would definately do more investigating, i wouldnt go by what he alone says.

Ok, i'm not nigerian but I can tell you I don't buy this story at all to be quite frank. Reason be, although on the rise divorce is quite rare and unnacceptable in Nigeria especially in a village! children born outside of wedlock is also unnacceptable unlike the west where it is the norm. From what I heard, some ladies who choose to give birth outside of wedlock would be mainly from major cities NOT VILLAGES that are extremely traditional, no woman in a village would do that becuase if she did she would be ostracised. I don't beleive him to be honest - things like this are even rare in major cities.

Think you need to do a bit more research. They probably did get a traditional marriage and could be even still married, better again the lady probably knows all about you and needs to better her own life so she agrees on him taking you on as another wife, but why my dear would this be? ask yourself.

I personally know two ladies who married guys who said they were divorced and it ended up they were not as they refused to take them (the ladies and kids) to Nigeria for a vacation and these guys ended up going home for like one month always without them and the children! look, I am not saying that this is the case but surely you don't want to end up kicked to the curb one day while this man arranges to bring his 'friend' (the childs mother) over to australia to join him. Remember as extreme as I may sound this IS the reality. He could be married in Nigeria to this lady and may need to get his papers sorted out in aussie.

Ihave also heard that some men agree to take the child to the west for a better life as part of an agreement with the 1st wife. re thinking though at least he is telling you about the child. Still, I dunno.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post.

The reason I asked this question is that my boyfriend's friend told me what these last few of you have stated - that if there is a child and he has accepted responsibility then in the eyes of the village then he is married to this woman.

My boyfriend had already stated differently to this and he still stands by what he says that he will never be going back to this woman as she cheated on him while they were together. He found out about the pregnancy after he had left Nigeria.

I have been scammed before - and this has hurt me deeply. I met my guy at the same time as this scammer. He helped me to work through all of this. I have known my guy for over 2 years now. He never pressured me to be anything more than friends - he accepted my decision. It was only early last year that we became serious about each other. During all this time he has never asked me for anything. I believe he is where he says he is. If you want to know more you can ask me through my e-mail Cathi_Dee@yahoo.com.au

It is extremely hard to find out much about Nigeria. In the past I wrote to a number of Nigerians for answers. People who I never knew and knew that they were not connected to my scammer. Yes this was risky - but after weeding out the scammers I have found some good people.

This is also why I joined this site - to help me to find out more about Nigerians and their culture. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open.

My guy is actually going home within the next couple of months and he was wanting me to go with him so that I can meet his family, especially his Mum. This seems very important for him. I believe (though he hasn't said) that he would like me there when he meets his child and faces the ex-girlfriend and her family. Unfortunately I don't have the money for this trip so can't go. He has already introduced me to his brother online. I have spoken to both on the phone too.

My guy hasn't agreed with me on everything like my scammer used to do. We have had some fights - some quite serious but we always seem to be able to work it out and come back to each other again.

Maybe I am wrong but I have had no reason to doubt him. I do believe that it is good to be cautious so this is what I am trying to do. If anyone has any other ideas for checking out things - then please let me know. Thanks

respct ur heart,

go with ur head,

obey God.

It is well

she still isn't getting it is she?
good plans are usually elaborate
and they are designed with patience as the anchor.
enough said!!!!

Its okay to be careful but not every Nigerian man is a liar. Visit Nigeria with him before you get married if you have doubts, make sure you visit his village. Believe me before you leave Nigeria back to your country you will know the truth.

cathie dee,I'm here to help
I have the gift of sniffing out fake lovers and fiancees of foreign women.
I know my Nigerian brothers very well like I know the back of my own hand.
Before I can be of help,I need some questions answered.

1.What does this your Nigerian boyfriend do for a living?

2.Is he legal in Australia and how did you meet him?

3.Has he mentioned going to the courts for marriage?

4.does he appear desperate?


waiting to hear from you my dear.

@babyosisi

you go girl!

enough policedogs in d house