“Jesus was a happening dude. I always felt comfortable drinking around him.”
~ Lord Byron on drinking with Jesus

“Are you drinking with me, Jesus?”
~ Mojo Nixon on drinking



Jesus Christ, often called the "Son of God", "King of the Jews", (and many other nonsense titles), is one of the most overrated, over-stated, over-obsessed-over icons in the history of man. He's been elevated to the level of "God", revered as the ultimate "man" , and considered to be part of a "Holy Trinity" of supernatural beings .

But what few people do realize is that Jesus really was a simple man, just like many of us.

A dirty secret has been kept from many of us from years. Some say it was a cover-up by the Vatican (one with a lot more reality to it than a Dan Brown novel), and others simply feel that it is a topic of nonsense or myth.

Myths, legends, cover-ups, etc, aside - as it stands, the most current research shows that Jesus Christ, "Son of God", "King of the Jews", (and many other nonsense titles) was an alcoholic. Many scholars previously believed him to imbibe small amounts of alcohol. After all, the "blood of Christ" is usually associated with wine (vino, as the Romans - whom, incidentally, nailed him to a cross - might have said), and not grape juice.

In 1998, researchers from the Vatican, working in conjunction with DNA experts, examined The Shroud of Turin (believed by many to be the burial cloth of Jesus Christ). They "borrowed" small samples of the blood from the cloth, and tested for various chemical compounds. One thing soon became certain: Jesus Christ, "Son of God," "King of the Jews," (and many other nonsense titles), if he were a real, historical figure, (and this was his burial cloth) was an alcoholic.

In a 1999 interview, Michael Gravenson, head of the Vatican research team, was quoted as saying, "This gives new meaning to the Catholic idea of wine being `The Blood of Christ`."

Research showed the blood samples to have a .18 "Blood-Alcohol-Content" level, well above the legal limit of any city or state in modern days (and just slightly above the Roman legal limit of .15).

jesus drunk:
[img]http://myworldpopulationme.files./2008/11/drunk-jesus.jpg[/img]


[size=32pt]The life of Jesus[/size]:

[size=16pt]Childhood[/size]:

Jesus discovered a love for alcohol at a young age. Coming from a single-parent family, Jesus was alone a lot. This led to many mischievous encounters with local bullies, and eventually a few years of self-discovery. During these formidable childhood and teen years, Jesus experimented with many illegal, mind-altering drugs, and eventually found a great fondness of alcohol. He was greatly encouraged by the Priests on his journeys to the Temple (there was only one), but when he went to Rome the Pope took away his beer bottle and handed him Recto-Lube, and he was scarred for life and spent the rest of his time on earth trying to get killed. Then God sent him back as a cruel joke.

A young Jesus carries a flash light on a raid of his step-father's wine cellar:



[size=16pt]Miracles[/size]:

What is likely Jesus's most famous of miracles, the turning of water into wine, was a simple party trick that Jesus loved to impress people with. He discovered this natural talent around age seventeen, and was instantly the most popular kid in General Rexus Luscious Imperial Senior High School.

It is also widely known that one time, Jesus turned a few loaves and fish into many loaves and fish, to feed the many starving people attending his sermon. Historical evidence now tells us that this only happened because he was too drunk to perform the miracle he was actually attempting, the turning of water into wine.

It was recently discovered that during one of his blacking-out periods, Jesus created The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.


[size=16pt]Jesus's last days[/size]:


Not much is known of Jesus's last days, other than the fact that he was surrounded by friends, and was eventually captured during his one last act of debauchery, a party so-wild that girls today couldn't even compare. This party is usually referred to by historians as "The Last Kegger".

Many historians argue that Jesus became so inebriated at this party, he "blacked out" and was not even aware that the Roman soldiers had come to arrest him. Then he forgot he was the messiah and got pwned.

Furthermore, most scientists confirm that, if the legendary party was as wild as most Biblical accounts, it is a reasonable explanation for the BAC lvl found in the blood from the Shroud of Turin.

An artist's renderring of Jesus's last party, known affectionately by historians as "The Last Kegger":


[size=16pt]Jesus in Heaven[/size]:

Jesus is currently in an administrative position on or near Cloud Nine where his chores include such mundane duties as making decisions regarding win/loss records of major sports franchises in Great Britain and the USA, determining the punishment for over 48 billion sins per day and giving divine inspiration for lyrics and melodies to his favorite soft-rock musicians.

[size=16pt]Famous last words[/size]

"Abba! Abba!...burp!"
6:12 Corinthiams p:2

cant help lmao

Mhhhh ....
Someone is sitting on the lap of Jesus?
He's a man or a woman?
I do not understand the lack of women in these banquets full of lust and alcohol ... Matthew and Luke say that Jesus was a drinker of wine ... I guess all drunk orgies ... and without the presence of any woman. ..
It's weird, right?

it certainly is weerd, this absece of women, but in fact, there might have been a woman after all! Ptolemus, have you heardof Mary Magdalene, jesus' lover

i am not joking here. she was said to be a pr.ostitute for whom jesus took a fancy too and there is a possiblity that they even had a child, who went on and had some connection with the european royalties in the form of the Merovingian bloodline. there is some speculation on this. Mary Magdalene is mentioned as one of three Marys "who always walked with the Lord" and as his companion (Philip 59.6-11). The work also says that Lord loved her more than all the disciples, and used to kiss her often (63.34-36).

Mary's presence at the Crucifixion and Jesus' tomb, has been suggested to be as at least consistent with the role of grieving wife and widow.

Proponents of a companionship with Jesus argue that it would have been unthinkable for an unmarried, adult male Jew to travel about teaching as a rabbi.

she was even hiddenly depicted in leonardo da vinci's famous painting. note the disciple sitting n the right-hand side of jesus (as his right-hand disciple) it is obviously a woman's depiction. :

[img]http://joshjackblog.files./2010/01/last_supper_davinci1.jpg[/img]

Mhhh I totally agree with you.
In one version banned by the Vatican, Magdalena although run by a brothel, causing jealousy Jesus lived with John and Peter.
But ... you obsesrve man who sits down, to the left of the work ... his two legs are forward but ... other legs indicate that there is someone at your back ...
A great debauchery ...
In the upper right, a man lying on the table, and three decision ... mhhhhh discussing.
PAGAN Brother ... what role the dog ... that dog is there, by God!
Hope it's not what I'm thinking!
I do not know if it is a mixed party, or exclusively for men ... but there is great debauchery ... It reminds me McDowell film "Caligula" ...

hmm .. . .. . this is all so so interesting.

you should read this book : "Holy Blood , Holy Grail". i talks about possible descedants of jesus spread throughout european monarchies. no wonder the europeans wer so zealous in spreading xtianity.

[img]http://listverse.files./2008/06/716w4bqzdal.gif[/img]

Lol...i thought that Jesus was a weed-smoking hippie. This is good

MacDaddy01: Lol...i thought that Jesus was a weed-smoking hippie. This is good

you didnt think wrong. we still havent ruled that one out.

'''shaking my head'''

Some versions claim that Jesus was not crucified next to two thieves, but he was taken to another site, faked his death and was released under an oath not to disturb more.
After that, Jesus "the chaste" would have had several sons with the Magdalena ...

You choose to believe whatever you want. Deluded minds always deny the truth.

vislabraye: You choose to believe whatever you want. Deluded minds always deny the truth.

Your not know who is sitting on Jesus?
Is not that an act of love?
Why are you so aggressive? Jesus taught us to love our neighbor ...

Ptolomeus: Some versions claim that Jesus was not crucified next to two thieves, but he was taken to another site, faked his death and was released under an oath not to disturb more.
After that, Jesus "the chaste" would have had several sons with the Magdalena ...

there is some similarity in this to the islamic claims whereby the real jesus was set free, and afake one was crucified in his place. .

I have no choice but to LMAO

PAGAN 9JA ....Where do you get Jesus infancy stories?

PAGAN 9JA:


there is some similarity in this to the islamic claims whereby the real jesus was set free, and afake one was crucified in his place. .

Yeah...You know Barrabas name is also Jesus and many claim he was crucified in Jesus place

Wow i am not shocked because the devil have taken control of ur live but there is still hope for u guy !!!repentance!!! Macdaddy i know u must definetly like this kind of blasphemous jesting.

lilcutie8916: Wow i am not shocked because the devil have taken control of ur live but there is still hope for u guy !!!repentance!!! Macdaddy i know u must definetly like this kind of blasphemous jesting.

Blasphemy is an outdated cliche.

lilcutie8916: Wow i am not shocked because the devil have taken control of ur live but there is still hope for u guy !!!repentance!!! Macdaddy i know u must definetly like this kind of blasphemous jesting.

Repentance does not guarantee salvation.
I met many pastors who after stealing tithes and lied for years, they have tried to show repentance, they have confessed to change the meaning of the Bible ... but all this is in vain ...

mkmyers45: PAGAN 9JA ....Where do you get Jesus infancy stories?

form Pagancyclopedia.

lilcutie8916: Wow i am not shocked because the devil have taken control of ur live but there is still hope for u guy !!!repentance!!! Macdaddy i know u must definetly like this kind of blasphemous jesting.

stop your man-worship. repent xtian slave and believe in the true Gods, i.e., the forces of Nature that influence and drive this our material world. ASE! (as brother Ptolemus would say)

This another thread of some real individuals who act under the influence of frustration.. If you think the Bible gave a cover up story of Jesus' life or that the Bible somehow lied to us, what guarranties you that where you got your own version of the 'True Life' of Christ isnt also lying to you?? There are great mysteries in this world, things which are beyond our understanding. Atleast you know what became of those in the past that condemned Jesus and Christianity! And you knw too well am talking of The Beatles and co.

This is not funny...please stop all this blasphemy

Jesus exists, and if you allow your minds and thoughts to be taken over by the devil, the you would be partakers of his punishment which is the lake of fire.

CrazyMan: This is not funny...please stop all this blasphemy

Jesus exists, and if you allow your minds and thoughts to be taken over by the devil, the you would be partakers of his punishment which is the lake of fire.

Shut up slave.


Blasphemy is a tool used by religious lords to keep people from criticizing the epic fails of religion.


Jesus is a fraud

CrazyMan: This is not funny...please stop all this blasphemy

Jesus exists, and if you allow your minds and thoughts to be taken over by the devil, the you would be partakers of his punishment which is the lake of fire.

lake of fire?? you mean like Kainji lake what nonesense is this, my dear mental slave

MacDaddy01: Shut up slave.


Blasphemy is a tool used by religious lords to keep people from criticizing the epic fails of religion.


Jesus is a fraud

You're calling me a slave for Jesus...oh that's good, at least i have a master...I feel I'm better of than an atheists

Also, what baffles me most is your obsession with him...therefore my prayer for you is that as you continue your voyage of obsession, he would reveal himself to you.

PAGAN 9JA:

lake of fire?? you mean like Kainji lake what nonesense is this, my dear mental slave

Its the truth my dear...take your time to seek his face.

Just try it for one week and if nothing happens, then feel free to believe he doesn't exist.

Don't be deceived by all those scientist...I believe they are agents of satan. Jesus loves you. Open your heart to him, and you won't be disappointed.

CrazyMan:
Its the truth my dear...take your time to seek his face.

Just try it for one week and if nothing happens, then feel free to believe he doesn't exist.

Don't be deceived by all those scientist...I believe they are agents of satan. Jesus loves you. Open your heart to him, and you won't be disappointed.

i ried. it was a failure. i just couldnt bring myself into man-worship. i worship my parents more.
those scientitst are right with regards to their material concepts. the true devil is jesus who has taken hold of you. get free from his chains and worship the true forces of nature, not as a slave to it, but as a duty.

PAGAN 9JA:
i ried. it was a failure. i just couldnt bring myself into man-worship. i worship my parents more.
those scientitst are right with regards to their material concepts. the true devil is jesus who has taken hold of you. get free from his chains and worship the true forces of nature, not as a slave to it, but as a duty.

Take your time to read this passage...

Isaiah 1:15-20  When you spread out your hands in prayer, I hide my eyes from you; even when you offer many prayers, I am not listening. Your hands are full of blood!

16 Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong.

17 Learn to do right; seek justice; Defend the oppressed.Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.

18 "Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

19 If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land;

20 but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

I believe that you're an educated person, and i also cherish your desire for knowledge.

Since you find it very difficult for anyone to convince you that Jesus truly existed, then I would suggest that you carve out time to seek his face.

I believe the stress and time you spend online reading various articles from different atheists Authors should motivate you to try this option I'm suggesting.

in Revelation 3:20  Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Open the door of your heart to him and I'm sure you would have every cause to believe that truly he exists.

CrazyMan: This is not funny...please stop all this blasphemy

Jesus exists, and if you allow your minds and thoughts to be taken over by the devil, the you would be partakers of his punishment which is the lake of fire.

My intention is not to offend anyone.
Yes I mentioned the story that was run by a brothel Magdalena at the time was related to Jesus, is because I saw a TV documentary, presented by serious archaeologists.
Precisely, "LAKE OF FIRE" was the name of the brothel, conditioning and comfortable accommodation for the time.
My intention is not to offend anyone, in any case, to judge the documentary.

This is blasphemy and heresy

esn1: This is blasphemy and heresy

Dear Friend.
Do not be offended, and you do not offend others.
A film director is entitled to give his opinion, just as you and I are entitled to disagree with him.
Do not think it's blasphemy or heresy do research, or perform an art.
Do not be so fanatical.