™Hello everyone, please ill like to know your opinion on this. My husbands says I'm insecure cause, I always feel bad and angry when I see him chatting with girls on his bb, exchanging text messages and chatting online. To me I feel a married man shouldn't be giving anyother girl his attention.... He always claim that there are no strings are attached. Anytime he goes smewhere new, he makes new friend (male n female). The females are always single.
We have been married for well over 2years and this has been a major issue. I'm a very jealous person, I don't like to share my man in anyway n he knows, and this character is so unattractive n repulsive to me. Honestly it can break our marriage and he is aware. Am I too jealous or insecure or overrecting? Ok let give you an example:
We got back from work yesterday and we were tired, he was busy on his bb while I was running around to make dinner for us n our child as usual. He gives me bad news about how he lost a customers deal and yet he was telling(bb) a girl he met in his training class, that he is bored, he was also telling her he was checking up on her and all that. Why, all this nonsence, n he says its nothing.
I feel so irritated and disrespected, when I was single I totally avoided married men- I didn't make any my friend. Pls mod, I don't want my topic on front page-thanks. Men in the house, is it OK for mr wifey to chat unnecessarily with other ladies?

What kind of girls are these? Are they his close friends from their childhood days, co-workers or something? Has he introduced them to you as in face-2-face?

From the information above, I don't think you are the problem. Your husband is doing something no married man should be doing and if you have a pastor(rational) or close family friend(rational), now might be a good time to get them in to help avert danger.
Don't let me tell you again that you are jealous wife(if he is the one feeding you that tripe), stand your ground and demand he sit up right as a married man should.

sholi55: ™Hello everyone, please ill like to know your opinion on this. My husbands says I'm insecure cause, I always feel bad and angry when I see him chatting with girls on his bb, exchanging text messages and chatting online. To me I feel a married man shouldn't be giving anyother girl his attention.... He always claim that there are no strings are attached. Anytime he goes smewhere new, he makes new friend (male n female). The females are always single.
We have been married for well over 2years and this has been a major issue. I'm a very jealous person, I don't like to share my man in anyway n he knows, and this character is so unattractive n repulsive to me. Honestly it can break our marriage and he is aware. Am I too jealous or insecure or overrecting? Ok let give you an example:
We got back from work yesterday and we were tired, he was busy on his bb while I was running around to make dinner for us n our child as usual. He gives me bad news about how he lost a customers deal and yet he was telling(bb) a girl he met in his training class, that he is bored, he was also telling hr he was checking up on her and all that. Why, all this nonsence, n he says its nothing.
I feel so irritated and disrespected, when I was single I totally avoided married men- I didn't make any my friend. Pls mod, I don't want my topic on front page-thanks. Men in the house, is it OK for mr wifey to chat unnecessarily with other ladies?

Call that man to order .I am married I don't do it it is totally not right.if he was not ready to get married he shd hv simply said so.abi u force am?,do you even know these girls?

My dear, u surprise me. Are u not a babe? Do exactly d same to him. Start receiving calls from men, join a BBm group so dat u are always pinging, and join dis making friends online website. Make ur hubby uncomfortable and he might just realise d rubbish he is doing. You have every right to be jealous cos u love ur man. I wonder why most men are very selfcentered.

You are not jealous, you are a responsible wife, no married man should spend all his time chatting on BB,
he is already emotionally attached to strangers its a matter of tim
Before he arranges to meet them if he hasn't already. A married man should use his time to help his family and emotionally invest in them not strange random girls on BB.
Keep insisting, don't let anyone tell you its "normal" set a standard and keep it. Take a stand, don't let it become acceptable behavior

Your husband is cheating on you (simply put) and he even has the gut to tell you no strings attached. He must not sleep with women before the world tells him he is cheating. His case reminds me of a stupid married colleague in the office who always disturbs single ladies, requesting for BB pins, going as far as pecking them. Its so disgusting.

lucabraski: My dear, u surprise me. Are u not a babe? Do exactly d same to him. Start receiving calls from men, join a BBm group so dat u are always pinging, and join dis making friends online website. Make ur hubby uncomfortable and he might just realise d rubbish he is doing. You have every right to be jealous cos u love ur man. I wonder why most men are very selfcentered.

Well I guess that should serve him right. But you know women are very emotional, she might get carried away and it would result to a troubled marriage.

@OP,
why not talk to your husband and tell him how he is hurting you by chatting with these girls.
You have every right to be jealous,it is only natural.
You need to understand that some people are extroverts and are able to make lots of friends easily. Your husband may have noble intentions chatting with these girls,but on the other hand what if some of these girls have naughty intentions. Point out these dangers to him and pray that he has a change of heart amd stops.
Goodluck.

thank you all, seeing that yesterdays chat with his training mate really put me off, cos i was busy worrying about the (cash)customer he lost, while he was busy initiating conversations with a girl in his training class. i have talked to him about this several times b4 and i thought he had stopped and to my surprise he hasn't, he just started this training coarse some weeks back, and he already has new females bb pins.he locks his phone- while i don't even have time to check my phone when im at home with him and my child talk-less of his. honestly, what he did really put me off cause i am here making all the sacrifice in the world to assist him at home, i have cut off myself totally to help him in this time. i talked to him about this before he started this training, cause when he started a new job some time back, he was involved with a female colleague- texting and mailing each other . and another one when his company did advert with one female Kenyan artist- (this one was bad cos they where bbing each other even @ night and updating each other at any time of the day) our marriage will be 3years in a couple of months...and i feel we should still be in our honeymoon stage somehow. pls dont get me wrong, its okay for him to have female friends, which i know a few of his, but these other ones are new girls he meets when he goes to new places.

now that i know that this isn't normal at all and im not insecure.... i know exactly what to do.
did he read my post , he just sent me a text, anyway....i think my trust for him has dropped.

He was doing this during your honeymoon as well?
Please go sign up for counselling with a professional. I think your marriage needs some serious marriage counselling and I doubt those in his immediate circle can help at this point.

Stop over assisting him and making all the sacrifices, doing that has given him too much time on his hands to play around.
Start sharing tasks

sholi55: thank you all, seeing that yesterdays chat with his training mate really put me off, cos i was busy worrying about the (cash)customer he lost, while he was busy initiating conversations with a girl in his training class. i have talked to him about this several times b4 and i thought he had stopped and to my surprise he hasn't, he just started this training coarse some weeks back, and he already has new females bb pins.he locks his phone- while i don't even have time to check my phone when im at home with him and my child talk-less of his. honestly, what he did really put me off cause i am here making all the sacrifice in the world to assist him at home, i have cut off myself totally to help him in this time. i talked to him about this before he started this training, cause when he started a new job some time back, he was involved with a female colleague- texting and mailing each other . and another one when his company did advert with one female Kenyan artist- (this one was bad cos they where bbing each other even @ night and updating each other at any time of the day) our marriage will be 3years in a couple of months...and i feel we should still be in our honeymoon stage somehow. pls dont get me wrong, its okay for him to have female friends, which i know a few of his, but these other ones are new girls he meets when he goes to new places.

now that i know that this isn't normal at all and im not insecure.... i know exactly what to do.
did he read my post , he just sent me a text, anyway....i think my trust for him has dropped.

Dont let your husband intimidate you. There's time for everything. Maybe you've not really made it clear to your husband what it means to me married!

Sometimes men don't know these things, you have to tell them.

One day while he's busy pinging, politely take the phone from him and switch it off. Tell him to continue his pinging in his free time. . . . This is family time.

There's no need for too much talk.

Ask him if its right for you to do the same with male "No strings attached" friend

This man is not serious I don't blame him though, he married an angel. If he had married a wonderfully made crazy biatch like me, his head will correct by force that even if I talk about women and bb Msgs he would reply " excuse me say what?"

omosexy1: Your husband is cheating on you (simply put) and he even has the gut to tell you no strings attached. He must not sleep with women before the world tells him he is cheating. His case reminds me of a stupid married colleague in the office who always disturbs single ladies, requesting for BB pins, going as far as pecking them. Its so disgusting.

Come here Kobojunkie...now OP has a motive to check her husband's phone because now she is beginning to feel she can't trust him.


Now you see the difference boo boo?

Op, he will soon bring home second wife.

kilimanjaro: Op, he will soon bring home second wife.

Don't say that!

jennykadry: This man is not serious I don't blame him though, he married an angel. If he had married a wonderfully made crazy biatch like me, his head will correct by force that even if I talk about women and bb Msgs he would reply " excuse me say what?"

Mrs..Chima:


Come here Kobojunkie...now OP has a motive to check her husband's phone because now she is beginning to feel she can't trust him.


Now you see the difference boo boo?

You lost me when you claimed that simply having access for knowing sake equates to snooping and insecurity. I don't think like that when it comes to what I believe belongs to me, and what belongs also to my spouse, so I cannot help you. That is like a woman who believes she is stealing when she goes to get money from her husband's wallet to go do grocery shopping or anything. Either you have confidence that it is yours and you have a right to take it and build a relationship where it is OK to get money from your spouses wallet, or you continue to give yourself a complex by thinking negative thoughts like that when you really don't need to, in your own home.

That there are those who snoop does not then mean then that everyone, who accesses data on their spouse, does it with the intention of snooping. If you believe something is yours, you don't snoop when you access it. IT IS YOURS! There are millions of people out there in marriages with no boundaries and these are happy people with no care of what to hide or not hide next.

If you thinking throwing them under the bus for not seeing this as you do means you are better than they are speaks volumes of the delusion you live with, not them. Not everyone has energy to hide things from those they are married to . . some don't even hide things from their kids. That you cannot handle that, is not their problem.

Kobojunkie:

You lost me when you claimed that simply having access for knowing sake equates to snooping and insecurity. I don't think like that when it comes to what I believe belongs to me, and what belongs also to my spouse, so I cannot help you. That is like a woman who believes she is stealing when she goes to get money from her husband's wallet to go do grocery shopping or anything. Either you have confidence that it is yours and you have a right to take it and build a relationship where it is OK to get money from your spouses wallet, or you continue to give yourself a complex by thinking negative thoughts like that when you really don't need to, in your own home.

That there are those who snoop does not then mean then that everyone, who accesses data on their spouse, does it with the intention of snooping. If you believe something is yours, you don't snoop when you access it. IT IS YOURS! There are millions of people out there in marriages with no boundaries and these are happy people with no care of what to hide or not hide next.

If you thinking throwing them under the bus for not seeing this as you do means you are better than they are speaks volumes of the delusion you live with, not them. Not everyone has energy to hide things from those they are married to . . some don't even hide things from their kids. That you cannot handle that, is not their problem.

And not every respect or understand the concept of privacy of necessity. I know for a fact that YOU will not tell your wife everything and apparently do not know how to be honest. It is okay not an easy trait for most.

No....you lost yourself when you said that you have to snoop read text messages to get to know your partner. You failed yourself with that logic....I simply stated that if you are insecure which also means not sure you will snoop around which you have confessed that you have the "right" to read your partner's text messages.

Instead of talking to your partner about what is going on with her life...you have confessed into using her phone for your own personal gain without her knowledge because "you are one". I even asked if you think your wife deserve some respect to lt her know that you have every intention of snooping or being "inquisitive". I took the liberty of culling several definition for you because you seems to have a different ideal of such words below.

Definition of INQUISITIVE

1
: given to examination or investigation
2
: inclined to ask questions; especially : inordinately or improperly curious about the affairs of others

1snoop vi \ˈsnüp\
: to look or pry especially in a sneaking or meddlesome manner

in·se·cure adj \ˌin-si-ˈkyu̇r\

Definition of INSECURE

1
: not confident or sure : uncertain <feeling somewhat insecure of his reception>
2
: not adequately guarded or sustained : unsafe <an insecure investment>
3
: not firmly fastened or fixed : shaky <the hinge is loose and insecure>
4
a : not highly stable or well-adjusted <an insecure marriage>
b : deficient in assurance : beset by fear and anxiety <always felt insecure in a group of strangers>

These definitions aren't my own so don't attack me because it defined you after your admission of "being inquisitive" over text messages. You stated that you do it to get "updates" on your partner. It came out of your fingers not mine.

You want to change your story now?

Mrs..Chima:


And not every respect or understand the concept of privacy of necessity. I know for a fact that YOU will not tell your wife everything and apparently do not know how to be honest. It is okay not an easy trait for most.

Privacy in marriage? WOW . . . Not even the LAW of the land, or the Good book, will hear that bunkum . . . ROFLMAO!! The book says you surrender ALL, not some, but ALL in marriage, and here is someone talking of privacy in Marriage? WOW . . . goodluck!

Look as I said . ..

Kobojunkie:

You lost me when you claimed that simply having access for knowing sake equates to snooping and insecurity. I don't think like that when it comes to what I believe belongs to me, and what belongs also to my spouse, so I cannot help you. That is like a woman who believes she is stealing when she goes to get money from her husband's wallet to go do grocery shopping or anything. Either you have confidence that it is yours and you have a right to take it and build a relationship where it is OK to get money from your spouses wallet, or you continue to give yourself a complex by thinking negative thoughts like that when you really don't need to, in your own home.

That there are those who snoop does not then mean then that everyone, who accesses data on their spouse, does it with the intention of snooping. If you believe something is yours, you don't snoop when you access it. IT IS YOURS! There are millions of people out there in marriages with no boundaries and these are happy people with no care of what to hide or not hide next.

If you thinking throwing them under the bus for not seeing this as you do means you are better than they are speaks volumes of the delusion you live with, not them. Not everyone has energy to hide things from those they are married to . . some don't even hide things from their kids. That you cannot handle that, is not their problem.

hmmm

Kobojunkie:

Privacy in marriage? WOW . . . Not even the LAW of the land, or the Good book, will hear that bunkum . . . ROFLMAO!! The book says you surrender ALL, not some, but ALL in marriage, and here is someone talking of privacy in Marriage? WOW . . . goodluck!

Look as I said . ..

If you are not going to take my word...then take the words of other married couples who are ACTUALLY married on Nairaland that have stated that they do not share everything with their partners and respect some form of privacy for each other. I don't expect unmarried people to understand what I am saying anyways..so you are excused.

You are drowning boo boo.

Just yesterday, I was discussing with someone why Nigerian men who are obviously married send you friend requests on facebook. Freaking irritating!

stillwater: Just yesterday, I was discussing with someone why Nigerian men who are obviously married send you friend requests on facebook. Freaking irritating!

I equally wonder why married and unmarried women equally accepts their friendship requests! When a man and a woman are chatting,there MUST always be some form of praises from either party and mayb u have not given ur partner for a long time.wheather you like it or not, for d chat to go on or b interesting, emotions must be employed and that is sucidal to ur marriage!

Mrs..Chima:

If you are not going to take my word...then take the words of other married couples who are ACTUALLY married on Nairaland that have stated that they do not share everything with their partners and respect some form of privacy for each other. I don't expect unmarried people to understand what I am saying anyways..so you are excused.

You are drowning boo boo.

Why do people always engage in war of word kobojungle?
Though me think she mayb right here but i think she always have a contrary opinion on any thread. If i can rem where she stated that married women are not slaves and are matured adults that should exhibit their individual differences and not being caged up by d so called marriage. Here, she is saying again that married women are to share everything with their partners? I think that u ar always contradicting ursf!

safeact:

I equally wonder why married and unmarried women equally accepts their friendship requests! When a man and a woman are chatting,there MUST always be some form of praises from either party and mayb u have not given ur partner for a long time.wheather you like it or not, for d chat to go on or b interesting, emotions must be employed and that is sucidal to ur marriage!



Why do people always engage in war of word kobojungle?
Though me think she mayb right here but i think she always have a contrary opinion on any thread. If i can rem where she stated that married women are not slaves and are matured adults that should exhibit their individual differences and not being caged up by d so called marriage. Here, she is saying again that married women are to share everything with their partners? I think that u ar always contradicting ursf!

Why are you engaging in war of words

If you are going to dip in something that [size=22pt]has nothing to do with you[/size] at least comprehend and quote CORRECTLY. I know we have some severe illiterate chatters on Naiarland but Seun has made it very easy for people to acquire hooked on phonics skills. Unless...you are Kobojunkie with a different screen name trying to throw cheap and weak shots. Hmm.

You will find NOTHING in any of my threads that state that married women SHOULD share everything....in fact if you could read correctly you will see that I said there are married couples who are ACTUALLY MARRIED stating that they do not share everything with their partners. Where did you see me typed this bullshit

[size=22pt] s[s]he stated that married women are not slaves and are matured adults that should exhibit their individual differences and not being caged up by d so called marriage[/s]. Here, she is saying again that married women are to share everything with their partners?[/size]

Are you confusing me with another chatter or your brain is in overdrive Only a dummy would say someone is contradicting themselves on things that they never stated.

Mrs..Chima:


Why are you engaging in war of words

If you are going to dip in something that [size=22pt]has nothing to do with you[/size] at least comprehend and quote CORRECTLY. I know we have some severe illiterate chatters on Naiarland but Seun has made it very easy for people to acquire hooked on phonics skills. Unless...you are Kobojunkie with a different screen name trying to throw cheap and weak shots. Hmm.

You will find NOTHING in any of my threads that state that married women SHOULD share everything....in fact if you could read correctly you will see that I said there are married couples who are ACTUALLY MARRIED stating that they do not share everything with their partners. Where did you see me typed this bullshit

[size=22pt] s[s]he stated that married women are not slaves and are matured adults that should exhibit their individual differences and not being caged up by d so called marriage[/s]. Here, she is saying again that married women are to share everything with their partners?[/size]

Are you confusing me with another chatter or your brain is in overdrive Only a dummy would say someone is contradicting themselves on things that they never stated.

"Yawns, goes to d bar and collect a bottle of moet,sips one cup of it, sits back on ma desk and swings around as i relaxe and cool ma anger"

Woman, go and vent ur frustration elsewhere and not on me! Ma remark was not directed to u in anywhere at all. Was English not among ur subjects in WAEC?