God's words
One day a pastor was going to his church. On his way he met a girl selling bread; Bread, buy the sweet bread;.
The pastor asked the girl, Why should I buy your bread?
And the girl answered, Because Jesus is the bread of life!
The pastor was impressed and bought the bread.
Later he saw another girl selling apples and he asked her why he should buy her apples and the girl replied, Because I am the apple of God's eye!
And the pastor bought the apple.
Then the pastor saw a calabar man selling yam.
He then asked the man why he should buy his yam.
The calaber man replied; Because God said 'I AM YAM THAT I YAM'
The pastor ran away in laughter.

Rejection lines...

Top 10 Female rejection lines...
1. I think of you as a brother.
Translation: You give me the creeps.
2. There's a slight difference in our ages.
Translation: I may as well be dating my dad.
3. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
Translation: I don't want to be seen in public with a dork like you.
4. My life is too complicated right now.
Translation: I'm busy seeing other guys. Who are you again?
5. I've got a boyfriend.
Translation: I'd rather be with my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.
6. I don't date men where I work.
Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.
7. It's not you, it's me.
Translation: It's you.
8. I'm concentrating on my career.
Translation: Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job
is better than dating you.
9. I'm saved, so my heart belongs to God.
Translation: I've sworn off men like you.
10. Let's be friends.
Translation: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and go out with. I appreciate the male perspective.

Top 10 Male rejection lines...
1. I think of you as a sister.
Translation: You're ugly.
2. There's a slight difference in our ages.
Translation: You're ugly.
3. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
Translation: You're ugly.
4. My life is too complicated right now.
Translation: You're ugly.
5. I've got a girlfriend.
Translation: You're ugly.
6. I don't date women where I work.
Translation: You're ugly.
7. It's not you, it's me.
Translation: You're ugly.
8. I'm concentrating on my career.
Translation: You're ugly.
9. I'm saved, so my heart belongs to God.
Translation: You're ugly.
10. Let's be friends.
Translation: You're totally ugly.

Help from above...

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,"If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked,"Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked, "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

lol

In a Grammar class :
Teacher:- "HE does not like girls" What is 'He' in this sentence. . ??
Student :- Gay

TEACHER: "How can we keep our school clean?"
STUDENT: "By staying at home...

Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

TOP 10 MEN REJECTION LINES,SO SO TRUE

Where is the joke?
ThREAD CLOSED!

searay: Where is the joke?
ThREAD CLOSED!

u are a saddist who lacks sense of humour

Grandpa; "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today"
Me; "No you go hide!! I told her you were dead


an unclad woman ran into an igbo man's taxi...the conversation btw them:
woman: drive nah!
the igbo man kept starring...
woman: i sed u should drive nah! abi avent u seen an unclad woman b4?
igbo man: i'm not looking @ ur body o! am only wondering where u kept the money u'll pay me!

igbo kwenu!!!

dlex21: Grandpa; "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today"
Me; "No you go hide!! I told her you were dead


an unclad woman ran into an igbo man's taxi...the conversation btw them:
woman: drive nah!
the igbo man kept starring...
woman: i sed u should drive nah! abi avent u seen an unclad woman b4?
igbo man: i'm not looking @ ur body o! am only wondering where u kept the money u'll pay me!

igbo kwenu!!!

lolzz

Krysstie:

lolzz

seems u are igbo

jonathan: I wonder what's going on next door.
Patience: It's a birthday party!
Jonathan: Whose birthday party is it?
Patience: I'm sure it's Tuyu's birthday.
Jonathan: How did you know?
Patience: I heard them singing ''Happy Birthday Tuyu!!! Happy Birthday Tuyu!!!

lwkmd this patience no go kill me

dlex21:

seems u are igbo

nah!...m nt

dlex21: jonathan: I wonder what's going on next door.
Patience: It's a birthday party!
Jonathan: Whose birthday party is it?
Patience: I'm sure it's Tuyu's birthday.
Jonathan: How did you know?
Patience: I heard them singing ''Happy Birthday Tuyu!!! Happy Birthday Tuyu!!!

lwkmd this patience no go kill me

Rotflmfao

dlex21: jonathan: I wonder what's going on next door.
Patience: It's a birthday party!
Jonathan: Whose birthday party is it?
Patience: I'm sure it's Tuyu's birthday.
Jonathan: How did you know?
Patience: I heard them singing ''Happy Birthday Tuyu!!! Happy Birthday Tuyu!!!

lwkmd this patience no go kill me

Rotflmfao

YO YOU TUYU TUYU TUYU TUYU TUYU TUYU

Lwkmd,lols etc,i can't stop laughing,good job@OP

Xymc...:
Lwkmd,lols etc,i can't stop laughing,good job@OP

fanks..

I rily had fun in dis thread, nice one @op

Booqee vs Vicky...who go win

What woman says and a man hears...

What a woman says:
"This place is a mess!
C'mon, you and I need to clean,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear
if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:
"blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW"

guys, can u do this

y'all know what apend next...dont u??

Father: ow are ur grades?
Son: Under water sir!!
Father: what do u mean by underwater?
Son: Below C-level sir!!

best question ever!!

White Kids: Shut up mom! Mom: *Shuts Up*
Nigerian Kids: Shut up mom! *Wakes up* Where am I? Doctor: Igbogbi Hospital for 3 days with 6drips

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '
I like your sense of humour!'


Sign language...
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor smiles and nods his head. And then, he pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts mas.tur.ba.ting.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the f**k is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”. The other guy says,
“I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”


Have you seen a ghost?
A professor at a university is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?”About 40 students raise their hands.
“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 20 students raise their hands.
“I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.
“That’s a great response.” “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic.” “But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, and says,
“Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.” The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.” The student replies, “Ghost?!? Sh**t. From baaack there it sounded like you said ‘goats!’”.

a woman and her husband went 2 an art gallery...the picture contained a naked woman but her private parts were covered with leaves. the woman didn't like the picture and she left there but her husband was still starring at the picture. then she asked her husband."honey, why are u still starring @ the picture" and her husband replied "i'm just waiting for a strong breeze"

When asked how he would like to die,this man replied,"I would like to die just like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming or yelling like the passengers in the bus he was driving

Four friends met 30 years after school.One goes to the toilet,while the other three start to talk about how successful their sons became.

1st friend says;"My son studied economics, became a banker now he's so rich he gave his best friend a ferrari as a birthday gift.

2nd friend said;"My son became a pilot,started his own airline company,became so rich last week he gave his bestfriend a jet as a
birthday gift.

3rd friend said,"My son is an engineer,starte d his own development company,became so rich he built his best friend a castle as a birthday present."

The 4th friend came back from the toilet and asks what the buzz is about.

They reply that they were talking about how successfull their sons have become and ask him about his son.

He answers,"My son is gay and a stripper at a gay bar!"

Other 3 say,"What a shame u must be very disappointed in him coz he aint successful!"
He replys,"Not at all,he's doing great.Last week was his birthday and he got a ferrari,a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends.