The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"


What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into
a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly. For example:

1) "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.
I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful
woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really
thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a) Baseball
b) Football
c) How fat you are.
d) How much prettier she is than you.
e) How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

(The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children,
who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking
instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2) "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need
to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:
a) I suppose so.
b) Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c) That depends on what you mean by "love".
d) Does it matter?
e) Who, me?

3) "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state,
"No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a) I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b) Compared to what?
c) A little extra weight looks good on you.
d) I've seen fatter.
e) Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4) "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring
at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you
just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:
a) Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b) I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c) Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d) Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e) Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5) "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would
cease to have meaning for me and I would of course hurl myself under the front
tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the
stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and
replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play
with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."

Funny stuff heard around the office!


I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.


I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.


Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.


Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.


Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.


I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.


Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?


My reality check bounced.


On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.


I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.


Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.


Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.


Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.


A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.


Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.


The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.


You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.


If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Fun things to do in a final exam that you have not studied
for, and you are going to fail the class anyways!



Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.


Bring cheerleaders.

Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc, ).

Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

Bring pets.

On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

nice one guy. keep them coming

anusman u are on ur own

o.y.o

Thug Life:

anusman u are on your own

lmao.
OYO for short.

good one ayusman

Hmmm

hilarious nd good

wowo and ugly

chai!!!