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I Dey Vex - Family (1) - Nairaland

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Re: I Dey Vex by Sagamite(m): 9:28pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
Its not as easy as you say it.
How would I say it? This woman is much older than me. I'm enduring it because I know its a short term visit.

So what?

If you are going to call culture on her behalf, does culture not place any behavioural responsibilities on elders?

Odunnu:
What you should help me do is direct me on how to stop this particular family from coming next time without hurting them.

Hurting them?

I laugh. grin grin grin

Give their feelings as much consideration as they have given you.
Re: I Dey Vex by Sagamite(m): 9:31pm On Sep 23, 2012
chic2pimp:

This is what I am talking about when I say "Taking advantage of one's good nature especially when they know they can get away with it"

Not only is She sleeping and dinning in your house for free, She has now taken it a step further. Using your things without permission.

Nip it in the bud before She goes any further.

No min Odunnu. She needs a good flogging.

Persin wey you no know, wey you no dey related to come dey exploit you and take over your house, she dey talk about feelings. Tcshew!

Dem go soon tell her to move out and sleep in her car and she would agree because she does not want to hurt their feelings.

Odunnu, let me see you and have my Koboko with me. angry
Re: I Dey Vex by Nobody: 9:32pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
Its not as easy as you say it.
How would I say it? This woman is much older than me. I'm enduring it because I know its a short term visit.
What you should help me do is direct me on how to stop this particular family from coming next time without hurting them.
i have people in and out of my house all the time, we all live in peace because we have clear boundaries. You are clearly upset, tell her clearly and politely, suffering in silence as you are doing just breeds resentment and malice, being open and clear lets people know what is acceptable or not, you are not hurt and they are not too, Thankfully they know oga is blunt so everyone behaves

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Re: I Dey Vex by Sagamite(m): 9:34pm On Sep 23, 2012
debrief08:
i have people in and out of my house all the time, we all live in peace because we have clear boundaries. You are clearly upset, tell her clearly and politely, suffering in silence as you are doing just breeds resentment and malice, being open and clear lets people know what is acceptable or not, you are not hurt and they are not too, Thankfully they know oga is blunt so everyone behaves

Madam, look she is not related to them, does not know them and they obviously have no manners despite her hospitality, she really does not need to be nice anymore.

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Re: I Dey Vex by Odunnu: 9:39pm On Sep 23, 2012
Make dem just do go tomorrow!
I will try and prevent them from coming next time
Re: I Dey Vex by Nobody: 9:41pm On Sep 23, 2012
You should have been honest from the beginning, now lines have been crossed, short of lying I dont know how you will get out of this without hurting them. Simple "Anty, please inform me ahead when next you are coming, secondly, I dont appreciate you wearing my clothes, also pack a bag of toiletries for your family.
If you had told them from day 1 that their visit was not convenient and too short notice you would not be in this position and they would not repeat it again, but you have led them to believe its okay to just drop in on you, wear your clothes and take you laptop for a whole day, address these things when they are done. You say you dont want to talk because she is older, but you dont like it, and I really dont get why you will put up with something you dont like.
Please learn to speak out, stop pretending if you are not okay with any situation, it benefits no one.
I am sure if you went to her house she will give you rules to follow, do the same at your home, believe me it brings peace and understanding.

3 Likes

Re: I Dey Vex by Nobody: 9:43pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu: Make dem just do go tomorrow!
I will try and prevent them from coming next time
Next time you will come from work and see them by the door.
Anyway, sorry dear about all this Hosting people is a good thing but do it right.
Re: I Dey Vex by chic2pimp(m): 9:45pm On Sep 23, 2012
Sagamite:
No min Odunnu. She needs a good flogging.

LOL.....But she seriously needs to take a stand

Sagamite:

Persin wey you no know, wey you no dey related to come dey exploit you and take over your house, she dey talk about feelings. Tcshew!


Eaxctly....It's not like she is family. She no even noe am from Adam or Eve gan sef.
I know she said the Woman is older but c'mon a line has to be drawn at some point. It's your house not hers. You are paying all the bills, she is not.
Pata pata the worse she can do is chat poppycocks about your personality.

Sagamite:
Dem go soon tell her to move out and sleep in her car and she would agree because she does not want to hurt their feelings.

Lool... Was actually going to say that. She'll sooner rather than later take over the house and becomE MADAME.
Re: I Dey Vex by agabaI23(m): 9:45pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
Its not as easy as you say it.
How would I say it? This woman is much older than me. I'm enduring it because I know its a short term visit.
What you should help me do is direct me on how to stop this particular family from coming next time without hurting them.
You have endured so much. Now this is what to do. Tell her there are few affordable guest ins around in case of next time they will have urgent reason to visit without prior plan and won't have time to inform you of their planned visit in advance. You can send them a text message when they are gone if you are afraid to tell them.
Re: I Dey Vex by Sagamite(m): 9:48pm On Sep 23, 2012
debrief08: You should have been honest from the beginning, now lines have been crossed, short of lying I dont know how you will get out of this without hurting them. Simple "Anty, please inform me ahead when next you are coming, secondly, I dont appreciate you wearing my clothes, also pack a bag of toiletries for your family.
If you had told them from day 1 that their visit was not convenient and too short notice you would not be in this position and they would not repeat it again, but you have led them to believe its okay to just drop in on you, wear your clothes and take you laptop for a whole day, address these things when they are done. You say you dont want to talk because she is older, but you dont like it, and I really dont get why you will put up with something you dont like.
Please learn to speak out, stop pretending if you are not okay with any situation, it benefits no one.
I am sure if you went to her house she will give you rules to follow, do the same at your home, believe me it brings peace and understanding.

This is too much respect and obviously a difficulty for someone of her character.

I would suggest, she never picks up the woman's call again. If she text at short notice that she is coming, she should reply with a text that her house is being occupied.

These are not personalities to be respected.

debrief08:
Next time you will come from work and see them by the door.
Anyway, sorry dear about all this Hosting people is a good thing but do it right.

If they show up at the door, she should do one of the following (1) Not open the door, (2) turn them around or (3) tell them that her Uncle and is family of 7 are coming later that night and there is no vacancy. Which ever is convenient for her personality, suit the time of day they came and deliver the long-term message "You are not welcome anymore".
Re: I Dey Vex by chic2pimp(m): 9:48pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu: Make dem just do go tomorrow!
I will try and prevent them from coming next time

If you let her leave without saying something.

This is exactly what would happen the next time round

debrief08:
Next time you will come from work and see them by the door
Anyway, sorry dear about all this Hosting people is a good thing but do it right.
Re: I Dey Vex by cotton101(f): 9:49pm On Sep 23, 2012
too funny - first off I wouldn't even allow this whole situation in the first place but my laptop? no go area for me o!!

kiddies movies indeed - she didn't know that she had to have a portable dvd player or laptop - anyway u are the one with such people in u life, sorry if it sounds harsh but i'm getting a headache just thinking about the situation
Re: I Dey Vex by Sagamite(m): 9:51pm On Sep 23, 2012
cotton101: too funny - first off I wouldn't even allow this whole situation in the first place but my laptop? no go area for me o!!

kiddies movies indeed - she didn't know that she had to have a portable dvd player or laptop - anyway u are the one with such people in u life, sorry if it sounds harsh but i'm getting a headache just thinking about the situation

I am getting high blood pressure!
Re: I Dey Vex by agabaI23(m): 9:53pm On Sep 23, 2012
Next time she will come with a relative a husband's friend and a church member who will share your bed with you. After two days, she will find your undies drawer to help herself.

Sweetie, generosity with grudges brings no blessings. Love yourself first before your neighbour in case you want to listen to preaching in the first page. Tell them!

1 Like

Re: I Dey Vex by Odunnu: 9:58pm On Sep 23, 2012
Thank you, thank you every one of you.
After letting it all out here, I no dey vex again.
I feel a lot better just because of your presence and advice.
Thank you so very much.
Some people just throw their commonn sense away when relating with others.
Re: I Dey Vex by chic2pimp(m): 9:59pm On Sep 23, 2012
agabaI23: Next time she will come with a relative a husband's friend and a church member who will share your bed with you. After two days, she will find your undies drawer to help herself.

Moreover, generosity with grudges brings no blessings. Love yourself first before your neighbour in case you want to listen to preaching in the first page

Funny but true If she fails to take a stand ASAP.
Re: I Dey Vex by Nobody: 9:59pm On Sep 23, 2012
agabaI23: Next time she will come with a relative a husband's friend and a church member who will share your bed with you. After two days, she will find your undies drawer to help herself.

Moreover, generosity with grudges brings no blessings
.
This is the summary of the matter. She is obviously not happy, yet she takes it all because she doesnt want them to go and say " madam is wicked" not because she accepts or tolerates it.
I love having people around but you will never enjoy it if you dont set clear boundaries. Simple
Re: I Dey Vex by agabaI23(m): 10:01pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu: Thank you, thank you every one of you.
After letting it all out here, I no dey vex again.
I feel a lot better just because of your presence and advice.
Thank you so very much.
Some people just throw their commonn sense away when relating with others.
You have seen that your anger is not inordinate. So your guilt is gone. It remains the action. What are you going to do? Keep quiet?
Re: I Dey Vex by Sagamite(m): 10:03pm On Sep 23, 2012
debrief08:
This is the summary of the matter. She is obviously not happy, yet she takes it all because she doesnt want them to go and say " madam is wicked" not because she accepts or tolerates it.
I love having people around but you will never enjoy it if you dont set clear boundaries. Simple

Nigerians worry too much about what people would say or think.

In my life, the only utterance that matters most of the time is what I say or think.

90% of people on Earth are fucktards anyway, why should I care what they say or think. undecided
Re: I Dey Vex by Odunnu: 10:04pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu: Thank you, thank you every one of you.
After letting it all out here, I no dey vex again.
I feel a lot better just because of your presence and advice.
Thank you so very much.
Some people just throw their commonn sense away when relating with others.
Am I expected to teach a married woman how to behave in another married woman's house? If i'd come to her house and behaved the way she is doing to me, would she be happy? Why would she be pushing me to do or say something that may upset her?
I dont just get how some people think jor
Re: I Dey Vex by Nobody: 10:08pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
Am I expected to teach a married woman how to behave in another married woman's house? If i'd come to her house and behaved the way she is doing to me, would she be happy? Why would she be pushing me to do or say something that may upset her?
I dont just get how some people think jor
Yes you are. Your house, your rules, Her rules may be different, she is not "pushing " you, she is doing things she feels you wouldnt mind, If you minded you should tell her. So far you have smiled and said nothing, How does she know when she has gone too far?
Re: I Dey Vex by agabaI23(m): 10:09pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
Am I expected to teach a married woman how to behave in another married woman's house? If i'd come to her house and behaved the way she is doing to me, would she be happy? Why would she be pushing me to do or say something that may upset her?
I dont just get how some people think jor
Ebe a na-aso okwu anya ka o ba-ebi.
Re: I Dey Vex by Odunnu: 10:12pm On Sep 23, 2012
agabaI23: Ebe a na-aso okwu anya ka o ba-ebi.
Translate. I dont understand it
Re: I Dey Vex by agabaI23(m): 10:16pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
Translate. I dont understand it
Take the bull by the horn. Direct translation-if you talk that talk we you dey fear to talk, na there the trouble de end.

English dey kill the flair jare.

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Re: I Dey Vex by Odunnu: 10:20pm On Sep 23, 2012
Ok. Thanx.
Re: I Dey Vex by agabaI23(m): 10:22pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu: Ok. Thanx.
You r welcome
Re: I Dey Vex by Caseless: 10:29pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu, its been long i saw u here , and now u'r here only 2 give us dis 'Holy Invaders' story..they come in d name of church programme..hmm. They infringe ur privacy, so u must discard dem 4eva or u have ursef 2 blame 4 being hospitable. How u de?

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Re: I Dey Vex by Caseless: 10:36pm On Sep 23, 2012
agabaI23: Take the bull by the horn. Direct translation-if you talk that talk we you dey fear to talk, na there the trouble de end.

English dey kill the flair jare.
Man!

1 Like

Re: I Dey Vex by Caseless: 10:37pm On Sep 23, 2012
agabaI23: Take the bull by the horn. Direct translation-if you talk that talk we you dey fear to talk, na there the trouble de end.

English dey kill the flair jare.
u b Man! Whch language b dat?
Re: I Dey Vex by EfemenaXY: 11:20pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
The way it is now, if they give me notice of their coming next time, I wont agree but this woman takes me by surprise.
I dont know why some people act this way.
You are going on a family trip without proper preparation.
No towels, no soap, not enough clothes (I mean why would she wear my camisoles), no food. . .wth is in their luggage?
Yesterday, I was watching a movie on my laptop, my neigbour needed me to re-park so he could move his own car, the time I spent downstairs was less than 20mts only for me to come back and my system was missing.
Next I saw was my 'son' helping/teaching her how to play a movie. I havent set my eyes on my laptop again till now. She told me she bought some kiddies movies she's watching and would prefer watching it inside their room.
Na wa o.

grin grin grin

You know, I was really working myself up into a fine state of anger until I read this bit! I must be from a different planet because, I really can't fathom how I'll open my doors to a stranger - much less one with her husband and kid??

Girl, it's quite simple. Tell them you don't do stray cats! That's what hotels / motels / rest houses / inns are there for.

I have no problem mincing my words if I'm displeased - and I certainly won't lie down and roll over for such persons to take advantage of moi. By the way, what's your hubby's opinion about all this anyway?
Re: I Dey Vex by taryour(f): 11:26pm On Sep 23, 2012
Odunnu:
The way it is now, if they give me notice of their coming next time, I wont agree but this woman takes me by surprise.
I dont know why some people act this way.
You are going on a family trip without proper preparation.
No towels, no soap, not enough clothes (I mean why would she wear my camisoles), no food. . .wth is in their luggage?
Yesterday, I was watching a movie on my laptop, my neigbour needed me to re-park so he could move his own car, the time I spent downstairs was less than 20mts only for me to come back and my system was missing.
Next I saw was my 'son' helping/teaching her how to play a movie. I havent set my eyes on my laptop again till now. She told me she bought some kiddies movies she's watching and would prefer watching it inside their room.
Na wa o.

next time you get her text,simply rush back home arrange some cloths for you and your son,lock your door n make sure u dont return home that night.u could spend the night in an hotel with your son. I know this might make your son miss a day out in school and some qualm @ work but i guess u could arange with your co.workers. Some family can be so silly,except you teach them a lesson they wunt change. So tellin her not to come again might not change anything but when you lock her and her brainless friends out,they will regain thier lost senses......


Where is your hubby in all of this if i may ask?

1 Like

Re: I Dey Vex by oluite(f): 11:59pm On Sep 23, 2012
@OP
I can very well relate to this because I am still work in progress myself.These people don't know how you feel or pretend not to,you have to let them know.People that take advantage of people hardly ever stop on their own,you have to make them stop.When you are hurting this much,its no more helping.These are some of the things,I say to myself. The excuse of they will be leaving soon I have used it myself but you will miserable for the duration.don't be suprised to see them again because for them your place is fun and they will back if you don't deal with this.I am all for helping out but boundaries are very important.

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