BONANZA * BONANZA
BONANZA IS HERE
AGAIN!!!
You don't want to miss
out the fun this season
as several lucky winners stand the chance of a lifetime to WIN FABULOUS
PRIZES. How to enter: Drink a glass of Ogogoro, Kai-Kai
or Dry Gin and slap a Soldier Man in uniform, you can be
one of the
THREE LUCKY WINNERS to
win FANTASTIC prizes
like; (1)Bandages
(2)Neck guards
(3)Crouches (walking aid)
(4) A trip to a five star medical center and LOTS
MORE!!! Remember the more soldiers you slap, the
greater your chances of
winning, so HURRY now!!! Offer last till you get beaten up, so go get it
started!!! See HOSPITALS,
MORTUARY, PRISON
YARDS and
Newspaper for more details.

PRESENTER:Wats ur contribution?
CALLER:There is diz lady i wanted in ma lyf shortly
after ma NYSC,Bt all ma efforts proved abortive,She
wldn't pick ma callz,she wld laff @me while passin
by for reasons best bst knw 2 her,5 months leta,i
was able 2 get an apartment,get a new car courtesy of a contract job i secured wit a major oil
company.Now most of d missed calls i av ar
herz,barrage of sms n ol dat,i am confused on wot 2
do,Plz advice me.
PRESENTER:Listen up give her a call lettin her knw
u'll b @ her house in 2hrz,Wen its tym call her up n delay 4 anoda 2hrz,Tak a cool Shower,wear a 9ce
outfit n attention catchin perfume,Wen its tym drive
2 her house,Walk 2 her door n knock,1ce she
openz,wit d sexiest smile u've got,lok stylishly in 2
her eyez,draw her slowly 2 urself,tak ur mouth close
2 her ear n whisper ''THUNDER FIRE U''

MATHEMATICAL CHEATING!

After 2 years of selfless service,a
man realized that he has not been
promoted,no transfer,no salary
increase,no commendation and
that the company is not doing
anything about it. So he decided
to walk up to his HR Manager one
morning and after exchanging
greetings,he told his HR Manager
his observation. The boss looked
at him,laughed and asked him to
sit down saying; 'My friend,you
have not worked here for even
one day. The man was suprise but
the manager went on to explain.
Manager: How many days are
there in a year?
Man: 365 days and some times
366
Manager: How many hours make
up a day?
Man: 24 hours
Manager: How long do you work
in a day?
Man: 8am to 4pm i.e 8 hours a
day
Manager: So,what fraction of the
day do you work in hours?
Man: (he did some arithmetic and
said 8/24 hours i.e 1/3) one-third
Manager: that is nice,what is one-
third of 366 days?
Man: 122(1/3 * 366)
Manager: Do you come to works
on weekends?
Man: No sir
Manager: How many days are
there in a year dat are weekends?
Man: 52 saturdays and 52
sundays equals to 104 days
Manager: Thanks for that,if you
remove 104 days from 122
days,how many do you have
now?
Man: 18 days
Manager: OK! I do give you 2
weeks sick leave every year. Now
remove that 14 days from the 18
days left,how many days do you
have remaining?
Man: 4 days
Manager: Do you work on New
Year day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: Do you come to work
on workers day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: so how many days are
left?
Man: 2 days sir!
Manager: Do you work on
independence day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: Do you work on
Christmas day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days left?
Man: None sir!
Manager: So,what are you
claiming?

The man fainted

Not funny, we ve herd ☀̤̣̈̇f it before

alajor:
Ol'boy I laugh well well for this ur yoke. Nyc one

lordmassac: I don show o

CORRECTED!!!

NIGERIA DISASTER LEAGUE:
The season started with a lot of
suprises
as FUEL SUBSIDY FC came from
relegation to top the
table through a powerful shot
from the team captain GEJ. But not
so long,
the BOKO
HARAM FC played desperately,
striking powerful shots 4rm all
angles and
topped d table 4 more than
5 months. Before we could notice
it, the
DANA AIRLINE FC fought fiercely,
but only topped the league
3weeks before BOKO HARAM
decided
to go on top again like Barcelona.
In a
short time
the FLOOD FC unexpectedly took
over the league. But recently and
presently a relegated team ALUU
FC a.k.a
(uniport 'four') came out from
nowhere winning all their
matches to contend for the top
position
with FLOOD FC, but FLOOD FC is still
leading with goal aggregate.
This season tough ooo! I wonder
which team will come up again or
win the league
before the year runs out.
I will keep u guys updated.
This is ur 9ja super
sports News.

dvdon: NIGERIA DISASTER LEAGUE:
The season started with a lot of
suprises
as FUEL SUBSIDY FC came from
relegation to top the
table through a powerful shot
from the team captain GEJ. But not
so long,
the BOKO
HARAM FC played desperately,
striking powerful shots 4rm all
angles and
topped d table 4 more than
5 months. Before we could notice
it, the
DANA AIRLINE FC fought fiercely,
but only topped the league
3weeks before BOKO HARAM
decided
to go on top again like Barcelona.
In a
short time
the FLOOD FC unexpectedly took
over the league. But recently and
presently a relegated team ALUU
FC a.k.a
(uniport 'four') came out from
nowhere winning all their
matches to contend for the top
position
with FLOOD FC, but FLOOD FC is still
leading with goal aggregate.
This season tough ooo! I wonder
which team will come up again or
win the league
before the year runs out.
I will keep u guys updated.
This is ur 9ja super
sports News.

Lmao. No b small tin

Teacher: what do u call a bee that lives in America?

Akpors: USB

First year students of MBBS (Medicine) were attending
their first anatomy class. They are gathered around the Surgery table with a real
dead dog lying on it. The Professor started class by
telling two important qualities as a Doctor. The First is that to never be disgusted about any part of
the body,
As he inserted his finger in dog's ass tasted it in his own
mouth. Then he said them to do the same. The students
hesitated for several minutes but eventually everyone
inserted their fingers in dog's ass & then tasted it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and
said: The second most important quality is Observation, I
inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention,good day pals.

SO this shit is still on? Ok here's one for your ribs this Sunday Evening.

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in
their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise
would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes wet and make her gasp for air. Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he
couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. the years
went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the
turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver
and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where
her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was
followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! after
years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband
came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
asked him what was the matter. he said, "honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I
didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would
end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two
fingers. I think I got most of them back in."

The Wife fainted!!



Happy Eid-El-Kabir people

A guy was in court for a crime he committed.
The Judge asked; What is the charge
against you?.
The guy replied;
I was caught
shopping very early.
The Judge said; That does not seems like an
offence to me.
What do you mean by very early?.
The guy replied;
It was before the shop was open

WHEN DEM GO ANNOUNCE D WINNER? Where is DVD ON sef?[sub]

D last joke was weird
Mama...

D HOUR Manager is a wicked manager
Y wud he used workers output to determine his pay n promotion?
Y wud he be productivity oriented?
Dis is indeed a bad managerial behaviour. He shud be punished according to d NIM act in section... Oops! I think I'm taking it too far

This is arguably one of the best comedy skits I've watched ... So so Funny!!!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTUPk6Hol4o

Immensely thought out! Jesus Christ. How do you do it?

Guys well done,....
My ribs are sore cracked!

This is also another funny joke:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faLCIXe5UJ0

[code][/code]