This might not be popular but I would think you should abort this pregnancy if its in the early stages.

I dont think its fair to the baby to be born to a father who isnt sure he wants the child or would grudgingly take the child.

The baby is not the problem in this case as it seems she already has 2 kids in somewhat similar situation. She is making these decisions to have babies outside of a stable situation so I don't think prescribing abortion will solve the underlying issue. She needs to grow up.

^^ Yeah agreed she needs to grow up but what becomes of the child while she is growing?
It takes 5mins for 2 adult to make a baby. It takes a whole lifetime for the child to endure that fateful decision

Fine she has discovered abortion this time around. Are we saying now that it is OK for her to continue the habit since abortion is there to save the babies from her? Is Abortion really the way to "SAVE" these innocent souls?

Kobojunkie: The baby is not the problem in this case as it seems she already has 2 kids in somewhat similar situation. She is making these decisions to have babies outside of a stable situation so I don't think prescribing abortion will solve the underlying issue. She needs to grow up.

My other children were born into a stable home thank you very much, I chose to leave an irresponsible and selfish man before the years of damage and neglect truly affected our children. My children love and adore their father, they are lucky to see him in a positive light rather than as the person I regard him to be. They enjoy a rich relationship with that man, see him a weekly basis and he loves them very much. We don't love each other and honestly it's much better for kids to see their parents apart but getting along, than together and bitter rivals.

Yes its true that I made a silly decision by creating this pregnancy, but saying that I need to grow up is very out of order. I am an ITS graduate, my house is ran as smooth than any naval ship. I involve my children in extra-curricular activities, I myself volunteer on a regular (3x a week) basis. So forgive me if this one area of my life isn't as shining bright as the other parts. BTW I have been seeing a psychologist on a weekly basis since May to work on myself, and not running around as though I'm blind to my own shortcomings.

Also, I am very confused. I understand that my testimony at the moment as a christian isn't a shining example of how Christ-like I ought to be. But if Jesus came for anyone, he came for people like me. Real sinners who fall, but get back up and ask him for strength to continue down this road. I've been through many dark days in my life, but when I look back from where Christ has brought me, I give him all the glory and praise.

Both of my grandfathers were church building pastors here in Canada and the Caribbean, and I have seen and confronted many holier than thou christians from several denominations in my day. There's a reason why christ reached out to the Tax Collector, embraced the destitute and the prostitutes, its so that we can see that these people no matter how grave their sin can still be called to follow him and become great and shining examples.

I pondered abortion out of a deep inner conflict, to be honest I consulted 2 leaders in my church family and both gave different pieces of advise. My children now are my entire life, everything I do is for them. I want to make sure that I can still give my full attention to all my kids, and put everything that will create amazing adults into them.

Yes, I'd love to get married one day, but its not my dying wish. If I end up single at the end of my days I will be content as well. One thing I will never ever do is settle for a marriage built on so called duty to one's family. I will never ever force any man to cleave himself to me if cannot handle the full responsibility of that action. Why? Because I won't settle for a loveless life filled with sorrow where the only joy is seeing my kids, cuz once they grow and leave my home I will be stuck with a man who probably checked out mentally years earlier. My kids deserve to have the best father figure in their lives, not as a replacement of their Daddy, but as a partner to their Mummy. They deserve to see that bond, they deserve to learn from its mistakes and to emulate it. SO for my kids sake, I will not beg this man for my hand. I won't even present it, because this man is not in the position to receive it.

vivalableue:

My other children were born into a stable home thank you very much, I chose to leave an irresponsible and selfish man before the years of damage and neglect truly affected our children. My children love and adore their father, they are lucky to see him in a positive light rather than as the person I regard him to be. They enjoy a rich relationship with that man, see him a weekly basis and he loves them very much. We don't love each other and honestly it's much better for kids to see their parents apart but getting along, than together and bitter rivals.

Yes its true that I made a silly decision by creating this pregnancy, but saying that I need to grow up is very out of order. I am an ITS graduate, my house is ran as smooth than any naval ship. I involve my children in extra-curricular activities, I myself volunteer on a regular (3x a week) basis. So forgive me if this one area of my life isn't as shining bright as the other parts. BTW I have been seeing a psychologist on a weekly basis since May to work on myself, and not running around as though I'm blind to my own shortcomings.

How can a home be considered "stable" when you believed at the same time it was not conduscive for raising your kids? A stable home is a home where you can comfortably raise your kids. It you cannot raise your kids in it, then it is not stable.

The problem is you made this decision knowing fully well that you are not in a stable situation as to bring another child in. There are millions of women out there who still do their thing, never had a baby ever, and still not mistakes of this kind. You on the other hand, are an experienced mother, yet 7 months into a relationship you don't seem to have much faith in, you announce that you are pregnant. I mean why?

I am not out to stab you or put you down. I am just trying to be as blunt as I can be with you. You need to do some growing up especially since you have kids to cater to. If this new man decides his new dreams and goals should exclude you, what lesson do you think all this would have been to your kids, especially after they have had to watch one man leave their lives before now(their father).

When I say stable, I meant that I was in a very long term secure relationship with a man. We had our lives together and brought our first child lovingly into this world. When I became pregnant with the second, a harsh change came about. I was patient at first, but when I saw that the physical welfare of our babies were at stake I had to tell him to leave the family. My kids have met this other guy, but not as my partner, rather my friend. They don't need to look for another man as a father figure in their lives as thankfully their father has been able to maintain full contact and be the man for them and them alone.

I'm not arguing that I need to grow up, that's why I also feel that having an abortion may at least not cause confusion in my children's life. If it's something I need to deal with, fine let it be me, but as of right now there is a way for me to make this "disappear" and work on me and pray not fall again.

Bear in mind that in North America, approx. 60% of all abortions are from women who already have children, and not necessarily the one's who are poor and cannot afford another one. Trust me I make enough money to support 10 more kids if I wanted, but I choose to put more resources into the ones I have already. http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/10/most_surprising_abortion_statistic_the_majority_of_women_who_ter.html

vivalableue: Bear in mind that in North America, approx. 60% of all abortions are from women who already have children, and not necessarily the one's who are poor and cannot afford another one. Trust me I make enough money to support 10 more kids if I wanted, but I choose to put more resources into the ones I have already. http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/10/most_surprising_abortion_statistic_the_majority_of_women_who_ter.html

What is the relevance of the above to this discussion or your story? So what? Abortion is the message now? So if your kids grew up and started, I don't know, by age 13, to use abortions instead of the preventative measures(many of them available over the counter) somehow that makes it OK to have an abortion?

Anywho, the way I see it. You are already going to do what you have already decided to do. I don't know what it is. I am more concerned about whether you even see what some of us see here. Earlier you tried to play the Christian card, and I am glad you quit that game play immediately. Either follow the Christian way or quit claiming to be one i.e faking it. It serves you and no one else any good. Also, you have two kids already, when do you buckle up and become more responsible as a parent. It is not enough to have a high paying job . . .it is not enough to volunteer and be registered as a respected member of society. . . none of that makes anyone a good parent or a responsible being. What does is the decisions we make as parents. You children are watching you and be sure they know what you are doing or they will eventually find out. Is your life the way you want them to know you? Is your life the example you want them to have?

You see I'm not a Christian when I'm good, and a sinner when I'm not. I'm a sinner always, but I pray that God looks beyond my sin to see his love.

If you read what I wrote, I've tried every legal hormonal contraceptive available to me. It's not a question of this being my go to choice, but my last stop after years of messing up my body with these hormones. Also, I had also mentioned that we did use condoms, but it's true that 1 time not using it is enough. Furthermore, I only have had 1 partner in the past 2 years and still test myself for STD on a regular 6 month basis as a matter of health. And according to my last result done 2 months ago I'm still clean as a whistle.

As for my kids, there are parts of me I wish they don't inherent, but in general if they become as hard working, get an education, develop real friendships, have compassion and have a real relationship with God I wouldn't have a problem with them at all. I'm not a loose woman, I don't give myself away for bits and pieces. This is a bad situation in the way of human imperfection, but to label me as some bad example is laughable.

At the end of the day, there's no one who can meet me and saying that I'm this unbalanced woman who lives on the edge of life without the regard of life. On the contrary, the complaints that I get is that I get on like a woman 2x my age. For goodness sakes, I have gray hair and sleep/do laundry for fun activities.

@Viva

You seem to be in a hard place now, I am not pretending to be righteous-righteous in telling you not to abort your child. I am only telling you not to abort it because we shouldn't take lives, again aborting may not be good for your health (mentally and psychologically). I tell people not to abort and I turn around to ask myself what I will do if I am the one in that situation. I may feel unhappy and fret and worry but I know that if I do that that I will always have it on my mind forever that I snuffed out the life of my child, I'd rather not have that on my conscience when I can alternatively have the child that may bring me joy all the days of my life. It is a difficult position girlie, someday in the future when you look back in retropect you may not regret having the child. I pray all things work out for good for you.

vivalableue: Yes, I'd love to get married one day, but its not my dying wish. If I end up single at the end of my days I will be content as well. One thing I will never ever do is settle for a marriage built on so called duty to one's family. I will never ever force any man to cleave himself to me if cannot handle the full responsibility of that action. Why? Because I won't settle for a loveless life filled with sorrow where the only joy is seeing my kids, cuz once they grow and leave my home I will be stuck with a man who probably checked out mentally years earlier. My kids deserve to have the best father figure in their lives, not as a replacement of their Daddy, but as a partner to their Mummy. They deserve to see that bond, they deserve to learn from its mistakes and to emulate it. SO for my kids sake, I will not beg this man for my hand. I won't even present it, because this man is not in the position to receive it.

I was trying to understand what you have against your lover man, your comment above nearly made me wonder whether he is mentally unbalanced but he doesn't seem to be. Your comment below showed you have some understanding and friendship with him so what is that part about you not wanting to be the reason he will go back to his old ways? Were you insinuating that the knowledge of your pregnancy will stress him into an unpleasant position/place(you alone know what).

It's very sweet of you thinking good thoughts for him but don't you think that you should tell him? You also said that he is not in a position to take your hand, I guess that position isn't financially as you already mentioned that you can take care of 10 kids on your income so there is another position you meant that he is in. You said that you both have laughter, find contentment in each other's company----is it that you don't love him enough or something. I don't agree with rushing off to marry just to hush up an unplanned pregnancy, I only think that you should let him know---not for him to get excited up and want to marry you. You were in it together, you both did the deed. There's no problem with you abandoning him now and stopping intimacy with him as you said but a man that impregnated a woman should be told by the woman. If you are a man and your woman hides a pregnancy from you and delivers your child somewhere, has your child growing up somewhere in the world without your knowledge----that I don't think is right. One of your comments seems to me that you have a little degree of fear of him rejecting you when he gets to know.(You alone know, you alone know everything surrounding this).I hope things turn out good for you. All in all you are a strong minded lady, I appreciate that you are holding your shoulder and standing tall thru it all and I wish you the desires of your heart cause you deserve to be as happy as you dream to be.

vivalableue: To clarify the situation, the father is not oblivious to my inability to consume hormonal contraceptives. He's actually very aware of my life, met my kids. He was an enormous support while I was in school, both emotionally and financially. We make sure we talk to each other on a daily basis. Even though he cooks, I take at least a day a week to feed him. We laugh, cry, argue and find contentment in each other's company. That being said, he's starting some new ventures in life, I want him to succeed very badly. But if I'm going to add more stress in his life, or be the reason he goes back to his old ways, I couldn't forgive myself.
I couldn't bear to be the reason someone I care so deeply for to fail. I'll take responsibility for my mistake alone, he deserves to be happy even more than me.

vivalableue: To clarify the situation, the father is not oblivious to my inability to consume hormonal contraceptives. He's actually very aware of my life, met my kids. He was an enormous support while I was in school, both emotionally and financially. We make sure we talk to each other on a daily basis. Even though he cooks, I take at least a day a week to feed him. We laugh, cry, argue and find contentment in each other's company. That being said, he's starting some new ventures in life, I want him to succeed very badly. But if I'm going to add more stress in his life, or be the reason he goes back to his old ways, I couldn't forgive myself.
I couldn't bear to be the reason someone I care so deeply for to fail. I'll take responsibility for my mistake alone, he deserves to be happy even more than me.

Why are you trying to be the nicest woman in the world? sorry you get no awards for not telling him. Is he of a fragile mind and will crash once you tell him the news? Please how will he fail if he gets to be part of the decision process? So because he has to succeed he is therefore absolved of all responsibility. And you call it your mistake? was he sleep walking when he did you? did he rape you? Worst part you said he deserves to be happy more than you so your happiness is not that important after all. I can see you are afraid of losing him.

vivalableue: You see I'm not a Christian when I'm good, and a sinner when I'm not. I'm a sinner always, but I pray that God looks beyond my sin to see his love.

Sorry but I hate it when people claim to be Christians in the mouth but their lives say something else. Oh, yes, there is a word for people who live that way. They are killed hypocrites.

I am not one to proclaim Christ myself. I don't go around telling people I am a Christian cause I have issues with all that belief stuff that I deal with. I own my lack of trust in the faith. However, when I meet people who probably have the same issues but instead PRETEND they are Christians, I don't hesitate to call them out.

You are a Christian when you OBEY GOD, not when you are good. You are not a Christian when you willingly and openly live in sin. You are something else but a Christian. That you are born human is no reason why you should feel it is OK to live in sin. The Bible makes this quite clear and even I know that so why wouldn't someone who claims to be a Christian know that for sure? This is why when I see atheists and agnostics call Christians hypocrites, I wonder when the church is finally going to kick people who live in sin but claim they wear the Christian badge out, so they do not continue to paint God and his word black.

vivalableue:
If you read what I wrote, I've tried every legal hormonal contraceptive available to me. It's not a question of this being my go to choice, but my last stop after years of messing up my body with these hormones. Also, I had also mentioned that we did use condoms, but it's true that 1 time not using it is enough. Furthermore, I only have had 1 partner in the past 2 years and still test myself for STD on a regular 6 month basis as a matter of health. And according to my last result done 2 months ago I'm still clean as a whistle.

um . . . . it is 2012. There are many non-hormonal contraceptives on the market today, many of them available even in Africa.

vivalableue:
As for my kids, there are parts of me I wish they don't inherent, but in general if they become as hard working, get an education, develop real friendships, have compassion and have a real relationship with God I wouldn't have a problem with them at all. I'm not a loose woman, I don't give myself away for bits and pieces. This is a bad situation in the way of human imperfection, but to label me as some bad example is laughable.

Children don't automagically turn out good. They soak up the examples their parent units give them and they essentially regurgitate what they were fed during their formative years. The good part about parenthood is that you are not really responsible for other people's kids but yours.

vivalableue:
At the end of the day, there's no one who can meet me and saying that I'm this unbalanced woman who lives on the edge of life without the regard of life. On the contrary, the complaints that I get is that I get on like a woman 2x my age. For goodness sakes, I have gray hair and sleep/do laundry for fun activities.

Will life also compare you first with unbalanced women out there before it deals with you as you have chosen to deal with yourself?

Anyways, you asked for honest opinion. i have given mine.

vivalableue: Yes, I'd love to get married one day, but its not my dying wish. If I end up single at the end of my days I will be content as well. One thing I will never ever do is settle for a marriage built on so called duty to one's family. I will never ever force any man to cleave himself to me if cannot handle the full responsibility of that action. Why? Because I won't settle for a loveless life filled with sorrow where the only joy is seeing my kids, cuz once they grow and leave my home I will be stuck with a man who probably checked out mentally years earlier. My kids deserve to have the best father figure in their lives, not as a replacement of their Daddy, but as a partner to their Mummy. They deserve to see that bond, they deserve to learn from its mistakes and to emulate it. SO for my kids sake, I will not beg this man for my hand. I won't even present it, because this man is not in the position to receive it.

Good, but as you can see for yourself and for most of us, it's easier to write such things than to walk the talk . Because If you really believe what you wrote you wouldn't have dated a man who can't make up his mind about you. I think next time try to choose men you see a future with. I feel you wouldn't feel inhibited about telling him about the pregnancy if the relationship wasn't just purely physical.

andromida:

Why are you trying to be the nicest woman in the world? sorry you get no awards for not telling him. Is he of a fragile mind and will crash once you tell him the news? Please how will he fail if he gets to be part of the decision process? So because he has to succeed he is therefore absolved of all responsibility. And you call it your mistake? was he sleep walking when he did you? did he rape you? Worst part you said he deserves to be happy more than you so your happiness is not that important after all. I can see you are afraid of losing him.

We seem to have 3 related opinions about this. The way she alluded to the man has one wondering whether all is not well with him etc. She seems like a strong lady to me though, even when she has made mistakes. It's okay to rebuke her but she shouldn't be judged down and condemned. We humans sometimes make mistakes, I do hope she doesn't experience much unhappiness again after what she said she's been through.

FlowerPower:

I pray that God will be a lamp to your feet and a light for your path in this journey. Blessings to you and your children.

Cool

Update: I told the father of the pregnancy. Nothing happens without a reason, the pregnancy was making me very sick and it ended up that I was bleeding internally, probably due to excess hormones or a fibroid. We decided to terminate the pregnancy together because of health reasons. It's like my body didn't want the life inside to thrive. I was a fool for second guessing this man, he's my rock, my heart my closest friend. I know that being pregnant brought all the issues of my past to surface. This told me that I hadn't forgiven the father of my babies and that I was still punishing myself for being so stupid for getting with him in the first place.
I'm continuing my studies for an advanced degree and as usual fully submerged in the community. I'm taking better care of myself, my looks and attitude. And it's making a big difference in my life. We're not close to being married tomorrow or even next year, or even at all. My main focus is to get my degree, work on myself and if we are still together in that time frame then that discussion will happen. Until then my kids will benefit from all my extra loving!

vivalableue: Update: I told the father of the pregnancy. Nothing happens without a reason, the pregnancy was making me very sick and it ended up that I was bleeding internally, probably due to excess hormones or a fibroid. We decided to terminate the pregnancy together because of health reasons. It's like my body didn't want the life inside to thrive. I was a fool for second guessing this man, he's my rock, my heart my closest friend. I know that being pregnant brought all the issues of my past to surface. This told me that I hadn't forgiven the father of my babies and that I was still punishing myself for being so stupid for getting with him in the first place.
I'm continuing my studies for an advanced degree and as usual fully submerged in the community. I'm taking better care of myself, my looks and attitude. And it's making a big difference in my life. We're not close to being married tomorrow or even next year, or even at all. My main focus is to get my degree, work on myself and if we are still together in that time frame then that discussion will happen. Until then my kids will benefit from all my extra loving!

Good for you! I love endings like this. You also seem to be focusing on the right things. Goodluck to you.

Not trying to judge you, but reason with you here. Is sex outside marriage also not against your Christian faith? I really don't know why you should bring your Christian faith into your present predicament. I mean if you can do certain things with disregard to your faith, why on on earth can't you abort?

good question

The man has a moral right to know that you are pregnant and you should give him a chance to see how he reacts.
There should be no problem wiht you keeping this child and raising it wiht your other kid`s.
You are not in such a desperate situation to consifer adoption.
Just take time and do not make a hasty decision.
What happened is not so tragic. It can have a happy ending.