Hello guys! I will try to summarize my dilemma and the important information as much as I can so it will be easier for you guys to understand my struggle.

I am Brazilian but lives in the USA and my husband was born and raised in America by very traditional parents (living in the states for about 38 years), but still very much involved with the culture, who dresses traditionally to parties and events and all their friends are Nigerian, so even though they have been in the states for almost 40 years they are VERY nigerian and embraces their culture to the max. DH was born and raised in here, so the typical American but raised by Nigerian parents. DH was not around his family much after he was in his 20's and he always tried not to be involved in the cultural aspect of it, he was always away from everything. He never came around a lot, never dated a Nigerian women, never brought a GF to meet his parents, and his parents always wanted him to get married to a Nigerian and have kids and they were on him all the time about that. He is the oldest and the only man out of 3 girls. His parents are from Delta State, I think they are Ikas (??) Ok so that is the background on them.

Here is where I come into play. DH and I were friends with benefits for 3 years, on and off, never really committed, so I never met his family as no other girl ever did. I got pregnant and when I was 5 months pregnant he went and told his parents and said we were getting married. Of course his family was in shock, they questioned, asked all this questions about me. I was in College when I got pregnant, I did not have a green card. They were telling him I was no good for him, i just wanted a greencard and then I would leave him and all that stuff. I love this man, and I was going to keep the baby regardless if we get married or not, if he wanted anything to do with the baby or not. So I met his family, they took me in because they saw i come from a good family and I am a good women.

Now, our son is 9 months old, and MIL never see our son, she is always busy with work or going to her Nigerian functions, and her friends are always priorities, never her grandson. She probably see him once a month because i keep calling her to see if she is home and if I can bring my son for her to see him.

I am really struggling with this because I feel like she neglects our son because he is mixed?! Because I am not a lawyer, a doctor, doesnt have a career yet and I am still in College. She doesn't treat me bad, she just doesnt make any effort to be in our lives and it hurts me so bad because I want my son to be close to his dad's side of the family. I am very family oriented and it is very important to me to have a good relationship with my in laws and to be close to them. I want my son to be exposed to the culture.

Any insight on what to do and how to handle my situation would be much appreciated. I would also love to understand the Nigerian side of it, as far as how they would handle a situation like mine and my husbands.

You think and type like a typical 9ja gurl.so quit the Brazilian crap. Forget the mother in law. You aren't married to her are you?

Hmm! From what I see,your MIL doesn't hate you but maybe she is trying not to be involved in your marriage and will only be available when the need arises.you don't need to bother yourself as long as your inlaws love and cherish you.they must not be always by your side to prove they love you.Trust me,some naija girls would want their MIL to be far far away from them but yours is the opposite.just focus on your marriage and don't let that bother you.as for the cultural thing,you need to talk to your husband.maybe he need to talk to his parents about it since he too isn't familiar about nigerian culture.

Aizebioje: You think and type like a typical 9ja gurl.so quit the Brazilian crap. Forget the mother in law. You aren't married to her are you?

Obviously I am new in this forum, so I am confused by your comment..

What is a Naija girl?! I am assuming it is a way of saying Nigerian girl?!

talk to your husband. It is his responsibility to make his parents see reason not you.

berem: Hmm! From what I see,your MIL doesn't hate you but maybe she is trying not to be involved in your marriage and will only be available when the need arises.you don't need to bother yourself as long as your inlaws love and cherish you.they must not be always by your side to prove they love you.Trust me,some naija girls would want their MIL to be far far away from them but yours is the opposite.just focus on your marriage and don't let that bother you.as for the cultural thing,you need to talk to your husband.maybe he need to talk to his parents about it since he too isn't familiar about nigerian culture.

Yeah I don't think she hates me, they treat me with respect, she calls me every once in a while to check on us. She is just not present in my son's life at all. Maybe because in Brazil, at least my family, we VALUE family a lot, and everyone is so close, specially the grandmother with the grandchild.
BUT, if I was Nigerian with a career, making tons of money, or if her son was married to a Nigerian women that she picked, I guess it would've been very different. Maybe I am wrong, but that thought never leaves my mind.

I just wanted to get some insight on my situation from other Nigerians (the cultural aspect of it).

Thanks for your response!

davidylan: talk to your husband. It is his responsibility to make his parents see reason not you.

My husband is something else, he doesn't care if his parents is present. He tells me "Don't worry, they will be in our sons life, -----(our son's name) have a whole life ahead of him to be close to my parents" ARGHHHHH He is just too relaxed about everything and he doesn't care a bit about his mom not being close. Everything to him is fine, everything to him will be alright.

Nmrk11:

My husband is something else, he doesn't care if his parents is present. He tells me "Don't worry, they will be in our sons life, -----(our son's name) have a whole life ahead of him to be close to my parents" ARGHHHHH He is just too relaxed about everything and he doesn't care a bit about his mom not being close. Everything to him is fine, everything to him will be alright.

i guess you ended up with an irresponsible fellow who needs to grow up. His number one priority should be his wife and son.

Nmrk11:

Yeah I don't think she hates me, they treat me with respect, she calls me every once in a while to check on us. She is just not present in my son's life at all. Maybe because in Brazil, at least my family, we VALUE family a lot, and everyone is so close, specially the grandmother with the grandchild.
BUT, if I was Nigerian with a career, making tons of money, or if her son was married to a Nigerian women that she picked, I guess it would've been very different. Maybe I am wrong, but that thought never leaves my mind.

I just wanted to get some insight on my situation from other Nigerians (the cultural aspect of it).

Thanks for your response!

that's not normal. Nigerian mothers i know constantly harass their kids for grandchildren.

1. Unless this mother inlaw is from another planet, most Nigerian mothers that I know love children. Even if they don't like you, they will still love their grandson unless maybe they suspect the baby is not for their son and you are forcing him to take responsibility...

2. You are not married to the mother inlaw, stop worrying too much about her.

3. You are not yet married to your boyfriend, that you have a son for him is no guarantee for marriage. I will advise you not to force yourself into this family. if they dont love you know and you finally force things and marry this guy, you may end up regretting it. So better be vigilante.

4. I understand where they are coming from. Their son is the only male child and they expect him to marry from Nigeria. They are not alone, many Nigerian parents act and behave this way.

5. Why did you come to Nairaland for advise? Your boyfriend must have friends or family members you could talk to one on one? Dont you have parents? If you cannot listen to your parents whats makes you think you will listen to us?

If you believe you are not wanted please dont force your way in because it will certainly backfire later and you will regret it. Good luck but most importantly use your head...

Nmrk11:

Yeah I don't think she hates me, they treat me with respect, she calls me every once in a while to check on us. She is just not present in my son's life at all. Maybe because in Brazil, at least my family, we VALUE family a lot, and everyone is so close, specially the grandmother with the grandchild.
BUT, if I was Nigerian with a career, making tons of money, or if her son was married to a Nigerian women that she picked, I guess it would've been very different. Maybe I am wrong, but that thought never leaves my mind.

I just wanted to get some insight on my situation from other Nigerians (the cultural aspect of it).

Thanks for your response!

are you saying its because you don't have a career that's why she is looking down on you? Naa! I don't think so.if it were to be,she wouldn't welcome you in the first place.I advise you to stay calm and don't let such weigh you down.I think your main concern is your husband.he needs a lot of tutoring especially the cultural aspect.seems he doesn't know he has a son whom he has so much responsibilities or maybe he thinks he still a moma's boy.as someone who is not nigerian,I advise you to take it slow so that your inlaws won't easily find fault in you.

Everyone b4 me adviced u well. Forcus on ur husband and child 4get anyother thing. U'd see, once ur son gets older, MIL would definitely come around. U'd be d one that would feel suffocated.

berem: are you saying its because you don't have a career that's why she is looking down on you? Naa! I don't think so.if it were to be,she wouldn't welcome you in the first place.I advise you to stay calm and don't let such weigh you down.I think your main concern is your husband.he needs a lot of tutoring especially the cultural aspect.seems he doesn't know he has a son whom he has so much responsibilities or maybe he thinks he still a moma's boy.as someone who is not nigerian,I advise you to take it slow so that your inlaws won't easily find fault in you.

Thanks everyone for all the great responses. He is a great dad, very responsible, but he is not so connected with his family and I am trying to bring him closer to his family very carefully and slowly, not because of issues they have but just because that is how he is, a loner. I know it is not my job to do that, but I am a believer that the women is what keeps the family together, it all falls in the women.
I also to know needs to stop being too laid back and take charge of things like this sometimes, it will take time for him to change.

I feel so much more at ease now that there is nothing wrong with the relationship with my MIL, that is just how she is. My SIL's always tell me that their mom is weird.
I guess I should be glad she is like this instead of a helicopter MIL. I am trying with little steps to prove to her that Even thou I am not Nigerian, I am still good enough to be her DIL.

Thanks again, it is always so helpful to hear from people who understands the culture!

Ricky_Ross: 1. Unless this mother inlaw is from another planet, most Nigerian mothers that I know love children. Even if they don't like you, they will still love their grandson unless maybe they suspect the baby is not for their son and you are forcing him to take responsibility...

2. You are not married to the mother inlaw, stop worrying too much about her.

3. You are not yet married to your boyfriend, that you have a son for him is no guarantee for marriage. I will advise you not to force yourself into this family. if they dont love you know and you finally force things and marry this guy, you may end up regretting it. So better be vigilante.

4. I understand where they are coming from. Their son is the only male child and they expect him to marry from Nigeria. They are not alone, many Nigerian parents act and behave this way.

5. Why did you come to Nairaland for advise? Your boyfriend must have friends or family members you could talk to one on one? Dont you have parents? If you cannot listen to your parents whats makes you think you will listen to us?

If you believe you are not wanted please dont force your way in because it will certainly backfire later and you will regret it. Good luck but most importantly use your head...

Now it is time to answer to your very nice response with the same tone.

First of all the title of the thread says " Brazilian MARRIED....." So he is NOT my Boyfriend, he is my HUSBAND. Got it?

1- our son looks just like his dads side of the family, exactly the same, so this is not the problem.

2- that advice I can take.

3- Again, I am not forcing myself into this family and hoping for a marriage. I carry the Family last name, And AGAiN we are MARRIED.

4- I can understand that and sometimes I do think this is part of the reason she is not so close to me.

5- I came here because While researching on common issues foreign married to Nigerians, so this forum came up and after reading topics in here for a while I felt comfortable in posting my question. And yes I have talked with my HUSBAND's sisters, and not friends because I do not want them to know the issues with the in laws in respect of their name. And yes I do have a mother who is NOT Nigerian so she can't advise me from a Nigerians perspective as she knows less than I do of the culture. And last but not least, it is always good to hear from people who understands the culture and it is part of it.

@poster, there is really nothing to worry about. I'm Nigerian, live in Nigeria and married to a Nigerian. My mother-in-law is not into my son and there hasn't been any dispute btw us. She has only visited us once and never calls except when she wants to speak with my husband .That's just who she is. I'm not bothered.