|Join Nairaland / Login / Trending / Recent / New|
Stats: 1319744 members, 1908107 topics. Date: Saturday, 28 February 2015 at 08:18 PM
|akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:23pm On Nov 02, 2012|
Follow dis trend and laf at all akpors joke
(1)Akpors goes into a chemist,
reaches into his pocket and takes
out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the
teaspoon and offers it to the
chemist's assistant."Coul d you taste
this please?" says Akpors. Chemist
Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it
in his mouth swills the liquid and
swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?"
says Akpors "No, not
at all" says Chemist Assistant.
"Good" says Akpors....."the doctor
told me to come here and get my
urine tested for sugar"The Chemist
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:28pm On Nov 02, 2012|
(2)Akpors was doing his maths
homework & saying:
2+5, the son of a Dam is 7
3+6, the son of a Dam is 9. ..
His Mom : What are you doing?
Akpors : I'm doing maths homework
Mom : this is how your teacher
taught you ?
Akpors : Yes
Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher
the next day -
'What are you teaching my son in
Teacher : Right now, we are
Mom : you teaching them to say 2+2, the Son
of a Dam is 4 ?
Teacher after laughing :
What I taught them was, 2+2,
The Sum of Which is 4 !
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:32pm On Nov 02, 2012|
(3)AKPORS THE PRESENTER
PRESENTER AKPORS:Wats ur contribution?
CALLER:There is dis lady i wanted in my life
after my NYSC,Bt all my efforts proved
abortive, She wouldn't pick ma calls, she
would laff at me while passin
by for reasons best known to her, 5 months
later, i was able 2 get an apartment, get a
new car courtesy of a contract job i secured
with a major oil
company. Now most of d missed calls i have
hers, barrage of sms and all dat, i am
confused on wot 2 do, Plz advice me.
PRESENTER AKPORS: Listen up give her a call
letting her knw
u'll be at her house in 2hrs, Wen its tym call
her up and delay for anoda 2hrs,Take a cool
Shower, wear a nice outfit and attention
catching perfume, When its tym drive 2 her
house, Walk 2 her door and knock,once she
opens, with d sexiest smile u've got, look
her eyes, draw her slowly to urself, take ur
mouth close to her ear and whisper
''THUNDER FIRE U'
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:35pm On Nov 02, 2012|
(4)Girl: If we get married, stop smoking.
Girl: Drinking too.
Girl: N going to the night club too.
Girl:-You stop watchin soccer matches with yo
Girl:- What else can u leave??
Akpors:- The idea of marrying You
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:37pm On Nov 02, 2012|
(5)Akprs was making love to a village girl
whe she realized he was not using a
She asked him, "U 're not using a
Akpors answered, "Yes".
She said, "Hope u don't have HIV /
Girl: "Thanx God, i don't want to get
that thing again"
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:46pm On Nov 02, 2012|
(6)Akpors last week moved with his wife to
Victoria Island, Lagos.
A thief came to his house one night and
threatened to inject him with blood
containing the HIV virus if he didn't drop all
the money he collected from the bank the day
Akpors: Are you going to leave me with the
money if I allow you to inject me with the
The Thief: I will not collect the money and I
will leave you.
On hearing this, he told the thief to give him 2
minutes and he went to the toilet. When he
came back from the toilet, he asked the thief
to inject him with the HIV virus.
The frustrated thief injected him with the HIV
virus and left immediately.
Immediately the thief left, the wife became
The Wife: What the hell did you just do?
Akpors: Don't mind the silly thief, he doesn't
know that I put on a condom the other time
Iwent to the toilet
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 12:50pm On Nov 02, 2012|
(7) Whoeva answer my nxt questn right can go
Akpos throws his bag outside..
Teacher : Who threw d bag?
Akpors: Me, can I go home?
( Teacher: Pig = Piglet, Eagle = Eaglet
Akpors please give us another example.
Akpors: SING = Singlet"
(9)Father: I heard you fell in love? Akpors: Yes
papa!, I dug a big hole , named d hole love,
climbed papa emeka's roof, and fell in it
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 8:47pm On Nov 04, 2012|
(10)Akpos died and went 2 heaven
met Angel Micheal
Akpos::: So finally I mak heaven
afta all d rubbish wey I do 4
life Tank God 4 God o
Angel Micheal::: Oya cum enta ya
Akpos::: Bros Micheal wetin dey
sup 4 downstairs cos d noise na
Angel Micheal:: Na hellfire b dat
Akpos:: I fit go peep?
Angel Micheal:: No wahala but we
go lock gate by 5pm so if u nor
quick cum back u go jus stay
""Akpos goes 2 peep and der he
sees all d celebrities dat ever lived
on earth clubin and avin alot of
fun. Akpos comes bac by 4pm
Angel Micheal speaks::: 9ce 2 see
u bac early my son you r truly a
son of God O
Akpos:: I come pack my load
before Una Lock Heaven..
Angel Michael : Y ?
Akpors: i wan go groove 4 hell
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:43am On Nov 09, 2012|
(11)Akpors and johnny went for an interview for
employment. johnny was the first to enter the
interviewing office.. (the manager asking
Manager: who was the first millitary head of
state in Nigeria..
Johnny: General Aguyi Ironsi..
Manager: when was the North and southern
protectorate in Nigeria Almagamated. .
Johnny: 1914.. Manager. Dat is gud of you..
Question no 3, is it true that the cure for hiv/
aids is discovered.. Johnny: eehm.. yes but
not scientifically proven...
Manager: good way of answering questions,
pls can you wait for us outside and we will
attend to you later... (when johnny went
outside akpors asked him)..
Akpors: johnny, what are the questions and
please tell me the answers??..
(as johnny was about to tell akpors the
questions and answer, the manager shouted
from inside `NEXT'..
Akpors then said to Johnny)..
Akpors. Ok tell me only the answers..
Johnny: answer to
number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi,
number 2 is=1914,
number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven
(mumu Akpors got to d interview, after
exchanging greetings, d manager told him to
manager. Please sir, What is ur name?
Akpors : General Aguyi Ironsi
(manager became confused)
Manager. Please what year where you born?
Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpors)!! are
Akpors: Yes, but not scientifically proven.
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 8:03am On Nov 09, 2012|
(12)Akpors enters a church n finds the
priest."How may I help you son?" asks the
"Am looking for my wife, she said she would
be here but as I can see she's not around.
Now that am here, I would like to confess".
They go to the confession area,"forgive me
father for I have sinned."
"What are your sins my son?" The man replies,
"The other day, I went looking for my wife at
her home but she was not there. I found her
sister alone, I slept with the sister."
Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to
"Then another day I went looking for her at
her aunt's place but she was not there, I
found her cousin alone, I slept with the
"You know that is wrong my son".
"Then the other day I went looking for her at
her working place. She was not there, I found
her colleague alone,.."
The priest interrupts, "Let me guess, you slept
with her colleague?"
"Yes father". There was silence after that.
Father?" Father?" Still silent.
Akpors peeps through and finds out that the
priest is no longer there . He looks for him
and finds him hiding."Why aree you hiding
The priest replies, "I've just realized I'm the
only one here and you came looking for your
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by chakula(m): 3:19pm On Nov 09, 2012|
Never Scan through your posts but I feel you as nobody want to reply your post! Try harder and convince dudes next time by pasting interesting joke on board.
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by liljboy(m): 10:04pm On Nov 09, 2012|
It was God damn fummy joor.... Cant stop laughing "SINGLET"
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 5:14am On Nov 10, 2012|
chakula: Never Scan through your posts but I feel you as nobody want to reply your post! Try harder and convince dudes next time by pasting interesting joke on board.i knw it funy, and pple keep viewing and viewing not wantin 2 post no cos they dont like it but cos they 2 lazy.
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by aminho(m): 8:57am On Nov 10, 2012|
hahaha uncle Akpors no dey carry last
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by mistaswag(m): 2:14pm On Nov 10, 2012|
nice one! LWKM
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:23pm On Nov 10, 2012|
(13)Akpors had a broda whom his mother usually
refer to as a little angel.
So one day,akpors came to where his mum
He askd"mum,shebi little jonny z ur little
angel",the mum replied him yes he is and
"i just threw him down from the balcony"And
he did not fly.
Now the question is, who is at fault
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:26pm On Nov 10, 2012|
(14)Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghene
decided to go for a picnic.
Rukewe packs the picnic basket with
drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the
basket and they set out for
the park 10km away.
It takes them 2 hours to get there.
When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the
mat and set out the sandwiches. After
checking around, Oghene found out that
not pack the bottle opener. They then begged
Akpos to make the 4 hour trip
to go for the opener. He disagreed.''You 'll
finish the sandwiches before I return,''Akpos
''No we won't'', assured Rukewe.
After some more cajoling from them, Akpos
reluctantly sets out for the opener.
After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors.
They decided to wait for another 3 hours. Still
no sign of Akpors.
Oghene and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors
for more than 8 hours were by
now very hungry so they decided to
take one sandwich each.
As they were about to eat, Akpors pops
out from behind a rock screaming:' I
KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN''!!!
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by Anyi3(m): 12:33pm On Nov 11, 2012|
MR XELA: (14)Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghenethis one killed me. I really laughed out loud.
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 3:04pm On Nov 11, 2012|
(15)Akpos was tired of City Girls so went to his
village in search
of a decent girl to pick as a Wife. He got
a real village
Girl, paid her bride prize and brought
her to the City. When he wanted to make
Love to her, he found out that her pubic
hair was too much and asked her to
shave. The Girl said," Sir, I no fit shave
oo! Nah this hair make all di boys wey
dey village dey call me"NKECHI, AFRO
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by safarigirl(f): 1:12am On Nov 12, 2012|
Really cool jokes, was LMAOing, all through. Nice
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:16pm On Nov 14, 2012|
(16)Hon Patrick Obahaigbon drives into a petrol
station in his sleek, state of the art range
Patrick : Guy, give me full tank (in Benin
Akpors : I only speak English,sir.
Patrick : Ok brother, good morning. I currently
feel a profound desire to replenish the
propellant of my motorized automobile.
Therefore I cordially request you to transfer
from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient
quantity of the combustible fluid of the
highest octane rating to fill the appropriate
receptacle of the said means of
perambulation to the brim.
Akpors collapsed and fainted!!!
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:18pm On Nov 14, 2012|
(17)Akpors: pls show me where Radio is in this
Musa : But BB doesn't have Radio.
Akpors: Shut up, If u knw u dnt have any idea
about it, jst tell me, cos my BB just displayed
'Battery too low for radio use'
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:19pm On Nov 14, 2012|
(18)Akpors took his new girlfriend home to meet
His dad whispered to him, "Where the hell did
you meet her? She's cross eyed, bald, bow
legged and she's got no teeth"
Akpors responds, "There 's no need to
whisper, Dad! She's also deaf!"
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:29pm On Nov 14, 2012|
(19)Akpors walked into class with a black eye.
Teacher: what's wrong?
Akpors: my house is very small. Me, my mum
and my dad sleep on the same bed. Every
night, my dad asks,"Akpors are u sleeping?"
Then i say No and he slaps my face and gives
me a black eye.
Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks again,
keep dead quiet and dont answer.
The following morning, Akpors comes back
with a severe black eye again.
Teacher: My goodness! Why the black eye
Akpors: dad asked me again,Akpors are u
sleeping?& i shut up and kept dead still.
Then my dad and my mum started moving, u
know,at the same time mum was breathing
erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and
squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my
dad asked my mum, "are u coming?"
Mum said, "yes, i'm coming, r u coming too?"
Dad answered, "yes."
They dont usually go anywhere without me
so i said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!"
6 Likes 1 Share
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:03am On Nov 16, 2012|
(20)Akpors wanted to get rid of his nagging and
over demanding girlfriend. He tried all
attempts which did not work out.
One day, an
idea flashed into his head. He logged in to
facebook, browse d into people's profile and
suceeded in downloading 4 beautiful girls
pictures. He printed it out and wrote R.I.P
with a red ink on each of the pictures. He hid
them in a magazine and kept it on top of his
On saturday morning, his girlfriend was
cleaning the house and saw the pictures
on the magazine. She walked up to him.
Akpors: Sweetie, what is it?
Girlfriend: I saw this pictures on a magazine
at the top of the television, who are these
Akpors: Oh! Forget about them, it's not
Girlfriend: It's important to me, i need to
Akpors: Ok, this one is Onome, i met her at a
friend'swedding . We dated and wanted to
get married but 2 months before the
wedding, she got involved in a car accident
and died. This one is Ngozi, we met at Mr
Biggs restaurant in Ughelli, we dated for a
while. One day she was goingto Lagos and
her car catched fire, she got burnt beyond
recognition. This one is Amanda, she was my
neighbour's daughter who came back from
London where she was schooling on a visit.
We met and spent a night together. She was
involved in Dana Air Plane Crash while
returning to London. Her body was not found.
This one, oh Eloho, her name is Eloho, we
went to visit my Pastor, on our way back, a
truck ran over our Keke Napep, she died
instantly, the driver and i survived. It was after
her that i met you.
Girlfriend: Met who? No be me and you o! I
am no longer interested in this relationship,
(She quickly picked up her bag and took to
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by AVRS: 7:01pm On Nov 16, 2012|
Nice jokes peeps! Akpors my main man!
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:30pm On Nov 20, 2012|
(21)Akpors got 2 school on monday morning and
d Teacher Asked: why did u come
late 2 school?
Akpors: "one man lost #1,000 Note at d bus
Teacher: oooooooh dat's Gud of u, were
u helping him 2 luk 4 d money?
Akpors: nooooo!!! I DEY CRAZE
Na me stand on top of d money..........
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:34pm On Nov 20, 2012|
(22)CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE
Ekaitte: daddy, u remember telin me dat,
when a man get ontop of me, he is digracing
FATHER: yeah, gud girl, u remember tinz...so
Ekaitte: Last nyt when i went 2 Akpors h0use.
He tried getting ontop of me while on d bed,
bt i refused
Father: That's my girl. I knw u will neva
disappoint me, so wat happened next?
Ekaitte: I got ontop of him instead, and i
disgraced his family
Father: OMG... (father collapses)
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 7:41pm On Nov 20, 2012|
(23)AN ANGRY WIFE (EKAETTE) 2 HER HUSBAND
(AKPORS) ON PHONE.
Ekaette: Where the hell are you? ...
Akpors: Honey, u remember dat gold shop
where u saw the diamond necklace & totally
fell in luv wit it?
Ekaette (relaxed): Yes, my king
Akpors: Remember I had no cash 2 buy it 4
udat day & I said I will buy it 4 u one day?
Ekaette (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush):
Yes I remember my love!
Akpors: Good, I am in a beer palour next to
Ekaette: thunder fire u, mad man.
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 9:17pm On Nov 28, 2012|
(24)AKPORS AND OKON IN THE OFFICE
Okon: Akpors, I have been attending night
classes for 5 months now and I have exams
Okon: For example, do you know who is
Okon: He invented the telephone in 1876; if
you take night courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place.
Okon: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Okon: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers",
if you take night courses, you would know
The next day, once again.
Okon: And do you know who Jean Jacques
Okon: He's the author of "Confessions", if you
take night courses, you would know this.
This time, Akpors got irritated and said: Do
you know who Adewale Azeeze Saremekun
Akpors: He is your neighbour, screwing your
wife since five months ago. If you stop taking
night courses, you would know
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 9:24pm On Nov 28, 2012|
(25)Akpors came home one night and his wife
throws her arms around his neck: "my
husband! I am a month overdue. Its like i'm
pregnant, d doctor give me test today but
until it dey sure, we no go tell anybody.
"The next day Akpors' wife receives a
telephone call from PHCN because dey had not
paid their bill. Am I speaking to Mr Akpors?
"Na im wife be this" she says
PHCN guy:"u're a month overdue shey una
Hw u take knw? stammers Akpors wife.
"Madam its in our files" says the PHCN guy.
She shouts "how it take enter una file?"
Phcn guy: Yes, We av a system of finding out
Akpos's wife: GOD, dis is too much which kain
tin be dis?
Phcn guy: Madam, I am sorry Iam following
orders ,I have to inform u dat u are overdue
Akpos's wife: no wahala Make I tell my
husband wen he come back. dat night she
tells Akpos "dem know say i dey overdue for
The next day Akpors rushes to PHCN office.
"Wetin dey happen? i hear say una get file say
my wife dey overdue. It concern una"he says
Just calm down, says the lady at the reception
at PHCN, its nothing serious. All u have to do is
Akpors: PAY una 4 wetin? If i no pay nko?
Lady: Well in dat case sir, we have no option
but to cut yours off.
Akpos: if u cut am wetin my wife go do?
Lady: I don't know, I guess she would have to
use a candle!!!
|Re: akpors is realy funny (check) by MRXELA(m): 9:30pm On Nov 28, 2012|
(25)IS AKPORS WISER THAN THE DEVIL?
Three Men, A Philosopher, A
Mathematician And Akpors, Were Out Riding
In The Car When It Crashed Into A Tree. Before
It, The Three Men Found Themselves
Standing Before The Pearly Gates Of Heaven,
Where St. Peter And The Devil Were Standing
“Gentlemen,” The Devil Started,
“Due To The Fact That Heaven Is Now
Overcrowded, Therefore St. Peter Has Agreed
To Limit The Number Of People Entering
Heaven. If AnyoneOf You Can Ask Me A
Question Which I
Don’t Know Or Cannot Answer, Then You’re
Worthy Enough To GoTo Heaven; If Not, Then
You’ll Come With Me To Hell.”
The Philosopher Then Stepped Up,
“OK, Give Me The Most comprehensive
Report On Socrates’ Teachings.”
With A Snap Of His Finger, A Stack Of
Paper Appeared Next To The Devil.
The Philosopher Read It And Concluded It Was
“Then, Go To Hell!”
With Another Snap Of His Finger, The
The Mathematician Then Asked, “Give
Me The Most Complicated Formula You Can
Ever Think Of!”
With A Snap Of His Finger, Another
Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil.
The Mathematician Read It And
Reluctantly Agreed It Was Correct.
“Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His
Mathematician Disappeared, Too.
Akpors Then Stepped Forward And Said,
“Bring Me A Chair!”
The Devil Brought Forward A Chair.
“Drill 7 Holes On The Seat”, Said The .
The Devil Did Just That.
Akpors Then Sat On The Chair And Let Out A
Very Loud Fart. Standing Up, He
Asked, “Which Hole Did My Fart Come
Out From?” The Devil Inspected The Seat And
Said, “The Third H0le From The Right.”
“Wrong,” Said Akpors, “It’s From My Assh0le.”
....Akpors Went To Heaven.
|Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health |
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket
Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2015 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 147