Sorry to have to say this but what' s happening is your kid is the self doubt and uncertainty that will come to any intelligent kid about organised religion. Forcing the kid to go to church will be a big mistake now. She will definitely hate you and the church more for that. Funny enough YOU are actually the one that needs some change to solve this problem. You will need to be more open minded in your ideas about religion. Worshipping God is not the same as spending hours in a church or mosque but in the way we live our lives and interact with people around us. If we choose to be Christian then regular church attendance aids our worship of God, otherwise it does not. I think you should encourage her to be close to God in her life, sounds like you're probably doing this in the way you interact with her already. Forcing her to go to church passes the exact opposite message, tells her you are am arrogant, authoritarian. Not the image of the God fearing parent you want at all!

The issues of what she can be up to when you leave her alone at home is a completely different issue. You sound like an intelligent person, think about a solution to this. Perhaps there is a safe place when she would not mind going during church hours, the library, swimming or tennis lessons etc. Places where she will have adult supervision for a few hours.

Just my ideas on the subject, good luck and God bless.

I agree with AJ for the most part

to the OP, I don't think you should FORCE her as that will definitely cause resentment which is worse IMO. You can just talk to her and try to understand why she suddenly feels this way and then you two can have a discussion of some sort

and yes like AJ said at least understand God's goodness and the general *rules* of treating others well, etc since yea some church goers tend to forget those things. As Tasma mentioned, I do think she shouldnt be left alone at home btw.

story story.

this battle is a spiritual battle. you cant fight satan with sticks and stones. use the weapons God has given you. call on Jesus. Matthew 19:26 nothing is impossible with God.

it my be a narrow and long road but wait for Gods timing. God bless you

Hello Yvskc.

I'm curious - have you spoken to your daughter to find out why she doesn't want to go?

Someone may be still be interested in Christianity but not interested in church.

Anyhow, perhaps you should look at this issue from another point of view. If you want her to go to church because you want her to become a strong Christian, perhaps you can explore alternative ways to getting her to be a strong Christian that don't necessarily involve church. Or perhaps you can negotiate so that she goes to church at least some Sundays, or she stays for some part of the service. But I think it's a bad idea to force someone to do something that they're not really convinced they should do, especially when they're old enough to know better. Would you like to be forced to do something by someone who felt it was right for you?

all the girl wants to do is sleep out on sundays and not spend the whole day in the church.
no child at that age wants too.
It has nothing to do with believing or not believing.
That story she is giving you is just an excuse.
If you attend a church  like a church that lasts the whole day then it should be clear to you that she dose not want to go.

god is in you and not on yo

by the way what is the father saying to all this

dimpules:

story story.

this battle is a spiritual battle. you can't fight satan with sticks and stones. use the weapons God has given you. call on Jesus. Matthew 19:26 nothing is impossible with God.

it my be a narrow and long road but wait for Gods timing. God bless you

Uhm uhm! Beni! Hand her over to Reverend King please!

No, forcing her is a mistake. The majority of the advice being offered here is bad advice, given on the basis of strong religious belief and old-fashioned attitudes that a child must never talk. Look at your child and know your child. If at 13 she's saying she is an atheist, then she is obviously able to think for herself, and has come to some conclusions. She is not 'an infant' and she is not 'too young'. You will not succeed by punishing her or forcing her, it will teach her that religion is her enemy and there is no free acceptance. I myself went to a missionary school, and there were plenty of stubborn atheists there.

You are right, it is fair enough that she attends prayers at home, for family togetherness. Please, please don't let this issue spoil your relationship with your daughter.

Just check to make sure that she still has good morals - they come from her family, not from God. If she is generally a good child, then pregnancy and such-like is just scaremongering. Similarly, put 'bad influences' and other ideas in the bin with 'evil spirits'. It is a bad idea to start carrying her round pastors as if she is sick rather than having a philosophical difference. Make sure she is at home and maybe reads or studies while you go to church.

You will have to be strong, don't worry if your friends and relatives talk, or even if other siblings copy her. If you stay close to her, it is possible for her to think again in later years. I would say 'God's time is the best'.

Good luck.

force her and alienate her completely
a chicken dat strays would still come home to roost, so be patient, guide and pray for her

i would drag her to church screaming.

@ poster,

Omo, gbagb' oshi! Fi'yen le iya, pankere shin' ben le! Fun l'anaa pa ko ja eti e wale!

Omo du melo ni to tin proudin'? Ab'o ya were ni, ab'o fe ya were ni, what differences?!! To ba ti fe ma fumble, l'opolo ko naa' owo igbaju fun.


Lol, na Naija setting be that. . . .

The Bible says "Aya Omode ni were di si, egba ni afi ntu", - Proverb 1: 8 also advised children to listen to the cousel of their parents. YOu have to apply the rod at this age. Prov 13: 24 clearly says He that sapres the rod hates his son; but he that loves him chasteneth him betimes!

Go truough Prov 23:13 -Withold not correction from the child, for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.


This person here, (13 yea rold kid), by any standard is still a kid and falls under the purview of the persons being addresed in the above passages. She gotta go to church with you, either she pays attention to whatever is being preached or not. She can only decide for herself when she is of age (18 and above in most societies).

One love!

drag her men, shes still a baby, newayz, im not surprised, uk kids n freedom.

dee02:

force her and alienate her completely
a chicken that strays would still come home to roost, so be patient, guide and pray for her

Simple. My best philosophy when dealing with kids.   Like anyone forced most of you to be "born again" after crawling around bars and alley ways. I am sure the foundation was not laid by your parents dragging you to church on a tight leash.  You all had you "Caedmon's Call" of a moment abi.  After una don waka waka finish!

When most here have like 2 or 3 kids, I will see how many they can "drag"!   Many peeps here are in for early self-inflicted strokes.  For this short life?


If she does not want to go let her watch 12 hours of Joel Osteen at home--if she must be "trained in the ways of the holy books", and be preaching to herself there--or read a book--or take a nap if all else fails.   Just keep using your "Prayers of Jabez" on her to jazz her back to the zombie state you wannnna to be in.

you may force the child for the next 10 years. but not for the next 60 to 80 years

Here is one special teenager, too intelligent to be duped by anyone!

Nice post, danfodriva.

Teriba:

Here is one special teenager, too intelligent to be duped by anyone!

Co-signed.

Teriba:

Here is one special teenager, too intelligent to be duped by anyone!

Fully endorsed!  Another signatory to you account please!  Once again I ask members of the audience "Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader"?

Really too smart to be duped by anyone--including the parents!  Like a 13 year old of 2008 is the same thing as a 13 year old of 2007?

I say most of them are smart and know what they want not like most of us that were led by the nostrils and programmed never to use our brains, to so much as think about how to wipe our own behinds--in the name of religion.  You better not mess with them or they will definitely mess you up---guaranteed!


Those who have eyes, let them see--with caution! Your parents forced  you to be what you did not want to be, please do not make the same mistake on your kids.

I myself am an atheist. I grew up in Nigeria, went to church, did the whole thing. Now in my twenties, I don't belief in the bible. I keep my beliefs to myself and go to church just to fit in with being Nigerian, and from what I'm reading now, that is the right decision.
You need to make your daughter realize that she's still your daughter and you still love her. If she feels seperated from you because of her beliefs, she'll find her family somewhere else.

If you want her to a Christian, you should send her to Nigeria. In Nigeria, everyone goes to church, her friends would go to church, she'll make new friends her age in church, going to church is cool. The Nigerian environment also helps believing in God. When all the odds are against you and it takes a miracle to pass an exam or get into the college of your choice, you're more likely to look for something to believe in.

Personally, I know it's hard to let her be. If she were older, I bet she'll be considerate and keep her beliefs from you to keep you from all this trouble. Sound very supportive, and let her know you'll love her whatever she chooses to belief in. If she feels like she's being punished in anyway for her beliefs, then she'll stick to it out of rebellion.

Sorry for the long epistle.

Don't think forcing her to church will do any good. Its all about tolerance as rightly put by Seun. Prayer should be the utmost at this point in time. Well, western culture admits that every child has right to do whatever he/she wants to do in life I guess. In Africa, who is a 13 year old girl to put aside her parents suggestion? Infact, when she gets the hottest floggin, she will confess "Jesus Christ Is Lord".

Well, western culture admits that every child has right to do whatever he/she wants to do in life I guess.

thats not true

Here is one special teenager, too intelligent to be duped by anyone!

thats just the oldest trick kids play in the world.

@ mamaput,

a ni leave dem se. pikin dey gba malle, dem dey dull person for here! No be only atheist. . . .omolomo wan watch early Sunday morning cartoons, dey maga im momsi say im don turn atheist. Mid-week fellowship nko? im go tell u say im don turn ifa priestess. . .u go fear fear na.


Truth is, Nairaland can't teach you how you'll raise ur kid. . .ok, but dem fit advise small sha. all dis gbuss gbass grammar dey slow person. . .meet with ur kind (Christians), gbadura, follow d pikin talk and if she dey proudin, iya yo pankere s'idi e!


Long thing men, Long thing. . . .

Take it easy with her, ur prayers can change a lot abt her, So pls always pray 4 her
But its going to be a gradual thing
God will see u thru

Teach your children the way that they should go; when they grow up, they will not depart from it.

How old is your daughter?

When did you start showing her the way she should go?

As a parent, you need to give direction to your children. But you don't have to force them. But the best direction you can give is to lead by example. I believe that if she sees something fantastic about your God, she will want to know Him more.

I wish you God's guidance as you strive to do His will.

Once again thank you to everyone for the contributions to the debate.
Almondjoy ty for the support and kind words.
I am proud to say that my daughter is an intelligent girl and I do not punish her for saying that she is an atheist.
I believe that God has given us all free will for a reason so who am I to judge?
The question about her not being left alone while the rest of the family are at church,I appreciate the concern but I feel that my daughter is responsible to be left in the home for a couple of hours on her own at age 13.In the uk a 14 year old can legally babysit.And what of 13 year old single mothers who have to supervise their own young?
That is off the subject but I wanted to clear that point up.And it has not been every sunday as I have asked her to come to church with us most of the time.
I do try to show her examples of being a Christian in everyday life rather than expecting her to listen to sermons that she find it hard to relate to.
I have asked her why she does not believe and she said that she finds parts of the bible difficult to comprehend,such as the miracles and stories in the old testament.
I have tried to put a different interpretation on it to make it easier for her to understand the message in the Bible.
I am hoping that it is a phase

@Poster and all,

It is good to love your children but never you love them base on wrong. Remember again, “spare the rod and spoil the child.” I’m not saying you should turn her to punching bag.

Meanwhile, it’s a pity that at 13, your kid is making such decision and here, some people are advising you to leave her alone, show her love etc. Show Love? Yes, but whose detriment at last? Let me tell you, you will be held responsible for any wrong decision your daughter takes today as long as she remain a kid.

My own advice to you is to talk to her gently but if she refuses to listen, then resolutely force her to give up the idea of atheism. Though, church is not necessarily visiting that structure there. You can still have that church, I mean discussion of the bible right in your home. The only thing I’m against is that of atheism. She is still a kid and so, you must not allow that in your home. When she is of age, she can then decide what to be, but heaven will testify that you have done your best when you had the power to control her.

@yvskc,

I admire your sane attitude to your daughter - afterall, she is your daughter, and none of us understands her half as much as you do.

Two things that are of interest to me here, perhaps could be of help? These:

(1)

yvskc:

I do try to show her examples of being a Christian in everyday life rather than expecting her to listen to sermons that she find it hard to relate to.

Way to go! I trust you always do this with confidence, whether or not she might have some counter-examples of the weaknesses and failures in lives of some believers. What many people do not understand is that being a Christian does not mean that unrealistic claims have to be placed upon the believer. Certainly, we make no excuses for the sad behaviour evident in some people; but being the convictions in a Christian heart would not rejoice in those sad issues.

(2)

yvskc:

I have tried to put a different interpretation on it to make it easier for her to understand the message in the Bible.

Okay, that's quite innovative. Let me add here (perhaps by way of a reminder, since you may already know this): whatever you do explain, please do not make it easier for her to "understand" anything at the expense of what the texts say or teach.

It is often a serious mistake that many people hold that have actually resulted in unfortunate events. For example, some ministers in trying to make it "easier" for some of their brethren to relate with Christ, have tried explaining the miracle of the Incarnation in reductionist terms. The result? Their audience today deny that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit!

Okay, I'm not trying to be overstretched or overbearing on this; but I guess you get my drift?

You're in my prayers, and may God bless you as a mother for His name's sake.

@ Poster,



Proverbs 13:24
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

I think your child is not passed this stage.  If you will force her do that in Love.

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Lot's of prayers, love, understanding and respect should do.
My sister once chose that path, hers was from reading different literatures and she developed some life-ideas that really scared my parents! While I'd say we were brought up in the church way, my parents weren't involved in church activities. And in all of the years my sister was indifferent to the christian faith, I didn't try to overdo things and she always looked for opportunities to question my christian faith which to her was boring (and there I was believing I was the face of the 21st century christian, bought all the hip gospel albums; went for jeans carnival/evangelism; joined a christian dance group).
But at the end of her sojourn through other belief systems she said my life encouraged her. & these days from her school in Ife, she sends me messages to inform me why she wouldn't be going to church on any sunday.
Also, she's come to terms that CHRISTIANITY IS A LIFE STYLE FASHIONED AFTER CHRIST AND THE BIBLE IS A POINTER TO DAILY CHRISTIAN LIVING.
She's also stopped using individuals as yardsticks to measure who is truly a christian. She is a lot better now and we get to joke about that phase of her life.
@: Inasmuch as I will not advocate for a forceful decision on the 13 year old, I'd suggest you find time to talk about her ideas, since she is your daughter. It might take some years though for her to see light. Don't stop believing.

@ SEUN: how come one religion is mumbo-jumbo & the other is what again . . .?  .
Thank God Christianity isn't a religion.