.....

Dainy1: pls i need some advice 4rm matured mind in the house. this lady is pregnant and her boyfriend ask her to go 4 an abortion because he's not ready 4 any baby now. she's being a very close friend to my friend, now my frend has ask this lady to move down to lagos, so there could work things out. i like this lady 4 my friend, but what if the real father show up later and start claiming his child?

He will not only claim the child but will claim the lady as well. The beginning of this new relationship is too dodgy for me. My impression is that the girl is only going with your friend because of the financial and emotional support he is willing to offer her and not because she loves him. I'm sure she still has feelings for the one who impregnated her. When her baby daddy returns, she will carry her child and follow him again. Even if he never comes back, to enter into a relationship for entirely selfish gains is a recipe for disaster later. Your friend is preying on her desperation and she is in it for the money/support.

That being said, I bet your friend will not listen to anything you have to say if he is willing to go to this extent to get with this girl.

Wetin consern you,no be him choice,abeg leave the guy,even if u advise him,I'm sure he wont listen.
Free am

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Dainy1: i dont really blame my friend, cos he has always love this girl. and there's nothing anyone can do to stop him now. But is there any law that can bank him up to own the baby if he marries her before she deliver. is there a law that can put the biological father off totally in future? the lady is coming to lagos to meet him by next week.

Unless he legally waives his parental rights, he can always come back to try to claim the child. However, the woman (and your friend) can take him to court and go into a custody battle when the time arises. That's what I know, I don't know if lawyers here have any other ideas for you, maybe about evidence gathering to help their case if the time comes.

its your friend's decision, let him be.

Dainy1: pls i need some advice 4rm matured mind in the house. this lady is pregnant and her boyfriend ask her to go 4 an abortion because he's not ready 4 any baby now. she's being a very close friend to my friend, now my frend has ask this lady to move down to lagos, so there could work things out. i like this lady 4 my friend, but what if the real father show up later and start claiming his child? if my friend take care of the mother n child, will he now be the father of this child for ever?

if the child grows up to be successful in life, expect the father to show up and claim full ownership.
your friend must make a decision now.....raise the kid with the possibility of the biological father coming to claim the kid later or drop the woman and her "accessories"

It'll be messy legally as the s..p..e..r..m donor still has rights - I mean even rapists who get their victims pregnant, still have rights to the baby

I don't know how it works in Nigeria but over here, the court will still consider his rights as a parent. I think the child's view comes into it, when they are aged 9 and above. Under the age of 9, the court decides for a child (after the children's guardian and social services have written their reports).

If it can be proven that the biological dad will be a risk to the baby, then easy. Otherwise, abandonment will not be a factor, I'm afraid.

I can't say for a fact that he won't show up in future as it does happen. It's a risk they'll both have to take. She and your friend can move far away and sever all contact with the s..p..e..r..m donor but he can also argue in court that he was not given a chance to be a dad. He could say if he had heard about the birth of the baby, he would have been there, he would have supported the child, he would have done this and done that and the court would berate the mum for keeping him away from his child. It's a messy business. Wish your friend well.

thanks so much 4 all the contribution. i think am going to open this page for him to personally read all these comment when we meet tomorow.

Dainy1: pls i need some advice 4rm matured mind in the house. this lady is pregnant and her boyfriend ask her to go 4 an abortion because he's not ready 4 any baby now. she's being a very close friend to my friend, now my frend has ask this lady to move down to lagos, so there could work things out. i like this lady 4 my friend, but what if the real father show up later and start claiming his child? if my friend take care of the mother n child, will he now be the father of this child for ever?

if the child is legally adopted by the man then the biological father's parental rights cease to exist, therefore he cannot in future claim the child to be his.

tpia1: its your friend's decision, let him be.

y would i let him be? i have to try my best to make sure he dont get into trouble later. he's a gud friend n deserve the best too

mondi_cheeks: if the child is legally adopted by the man then the biological father's parental rights cease to exist, therefore he cannot in future claim the child to be his.

Interesting. Please would you clarify something for me though. Will any kind of clearance from the biological father be needed before he can adopt the child for himself? In other words, is there anything to stop a woman taking her children away from their dad and getting a new lover to adopt their child to prevent the dad from claiming custody? Assuming they were unmarried?

mondi_cheeks: if the child is legally adopted by the man then the biological father's parental rights cease to exist, therefore he cannot in future claim the child to be his.

adoption laws are complex in nigeria.....legally adopted by which man?
if the biological father gathers touts and claim his baby was kidnapped, they would burn the op's friend like the aluu-4. the biological father of a child in nigeria is the only father of the child - nigeria is still backwards on that.

ileobatojo:

Interesting. Please would you clarify something for me though. Will any kind of clearance from the biological father be needed before he can adopt the child for himself? In other words, is there anything to stop a woman taking her children away from their dad and getting a new lover to adopt their child to prevent the dad from claiming custody? Assuming they were unmarried?

the fact that he requested for an abortion can be used to prove that he didnt want to have the child in the first place. get him to put his words in an affidavit and present it to the court. he can apply to the court for the right to access,care and guardianship over the child.

coogar:

adoption laws are complex in nigeria.....legally adopted by which man?
if the biological father gathers touts and claim his baby was kidnapped, they would burn the op's friend like the aluu-4. the biological father of a child in nigeria is the only father of the child - nigeria is still backwards on that.

since the child will still be with the mother, the biological father cannot charge anyone for kidnapping. the court will also take into account, who maintained and cared for the child. the best interests of the child are taken into account and not the biological father's selfish interests. the other guy can apply to the court for care,access and guardianship of the child

Dainy1: y would i let him be? i have to try my best to make sure he dont get into trouble later. he's a gud friend n deserve the best too

can you predict what will happen in your own future, talkless other people's.

mondi_cheeks: since the child will still be with the mother, the biological father cannot charge anyone for kidnapping. the court will also take into account, who maintained and cared for the child. the best interests of the child are taken into account and not the biological father's selfish interests. the other guy can apply to the court for care,access and guardianship of the child

the courts? in nigeria?
don't make me laugh......this is not about the law or some constitution. it's the family of the other guy that would shout at him to give up the baby to the biological father. who would claim the ownership of a child one did not sire in nigeria? don't make me laugh! are you aware the couple would have to provide the evidence that the biological father never wanted the child? where is such evidence? he would simply claim he had no knowledge the woman got pregnant for him and now that he knows, he wants his child back......even after 30 yrs, the dna of that child would match his and he can claim him at anytime he desires. this is africa!

mondi_cheeks: the fact that he requested for an abortion can be used to prove that he didnt want to have the child in the first place. get him to put his words in an affidavit and present it to the court. he can apply to the court for the right to access,care and guardianship over the child.

The fact that he requested an abortion means jack here. Courts don't rely on hearsay and except she recorded the conversation, it would be he said/she said. Heck even if she did record it, he can always claim emotional imbalance or some crap that would suggest he was not in his right mind then. . .ya know from the shock of being told he was going to be a father.

However, She does have sole right because they were never married. An unwed mother has sole custody of her child as soon as he is born. This right gives her the ability to claim physical custody of her child and make all of his legal decisions (i.e having another man. . .her new husband adopt him) without first consulting with the other parent.

The sole custody arrangement remains in place until the father establishes paternity and establishing paternity is not a walk in the park, he's got the file papers with the courts, have DNA tests done to prove paternity and even sign an acknowledgment of paternity. In doing all of this, he establishes his rights to the child, this also establishes an obligation to that child, so he can't go "Hmm, I changed my mind. . .I don't wanna be a daddy again buh bye now". What this means that now the momma can now sue him for child support (a right she wouldn't have had if she never forced him to acknowledge paternity)

It's only the Naija mentality of the father "owning" the child that will work against them in this case. In an ideal world, If OP's friend adopts that baby, he and the baby Mommma will make the call on what that child does or does not do until he is legally considered an adult.

Reminds me of a case where a single mother married this guy, he adopted her child and when they got divorced years later. . .he sought sole custody of that child but was willing to go halfsies. The silly woman thought because the child was not his biological child, she had the case in the bag. Half way through the hearing, after seeing how well his lawyers were doing establishing that he was the more stable and capable parent, she tried to get the biological father (now married with kids of his own) to come an acknowledge paternity. . .that one told her eff off ) so she had no choice but to agree to a joint custody with her ex. That was an interesting one. Lol!

Sisi_Kill:

However, She does have sole right because they were never married. An unwed mother has sole custody of her child as soon as he is born. This right gives her the ability to claim physical custody of her child and make all of his legal decisions (i.e having another man. . .her new husband adopt him) without first consulting with the other parent.

The sole custody arrangement remains in place until the father establishes paternity and establishing paternity is not a walk in the park, he's got the file papers with the courts, have DNA tests done to prove paternity and even sign an acknowledgment of paternity. In doing all of this, he establishes his rights to the child, this also establishes an obligation to that child, so he can't go "Hmm, I changed my mind. . .I don't wanna be a daddy again buh bye now". What this means that now the momma can now sue him for child support (a right she wouldn't have had if she never forced him to acknowledge paternity)

Interesting. Thanks for the clarification. I assumed there would be some differences because they were never married but I didn't know what.

The fact that he requested an abortion means jack here. Courts don't rely on hearsay and except she recorded the conversation, it would be he said/she said. Heck even if she did record it, he can always claim emotional imbalance or some crap that would suggest he was not in his right mind then. . .ya know from the shock of being told he was going to be a father.

If he did sign an affidavit saying he requested an abortion (though the chances of happening that is probably zero), would that help her case if he does establish paternity and try to claim the child in the future?

Sisi_Kill:

Reminds me of a case where a single mother married this guy, he adopted her child and when they got divorced years later. . .he sought sole custody of that child but was willing to go halfsies. The silly woman thought because the child was not his biological child, she had the case in the bag. Half way through the hearing, after seeing how well his lawyers were doing establishing that he was the more stable and capable parent, she tried to get the biological father (now married with kids of his own) to come an acknowledge paternity. . .that one told her eff off ) so she had no choice but to agree to a joint custody with her ex. That was an interesting one. Lol!

Lol! Good one.

coogar:

the courts? in nigeria?
don't make me laugh......this is not about the law or some constitution. it's the family of the other guy that would shout at him to give up the baby to the biological father. who would claim the ownership of a child one did not sire in nigeria? don't make me laugh! are you aware the couple would have to provide the evidence that the biological father never wanted the child? where is such evidence? he would simply claim he had no knowledge the woman got pregnant for him and now that he knows, he wants his child back......even after 30 yrs, the dna of that child would match his and he can claim him at anytime he desires. this is africa!

after 30years he/she will be a grown , so the father claiming paternity then wld be useless... who paid for the child's education, food,clothihg,medical cover can be used as evidence...if u read legislation that deals with children in Nigeria u would know more

Sisi_Kill:
Courts don't rely on hearsay and except she recorded the conversation, it would be he said/she said.

if u read what u qouted carefully u wld realise i said "get him to put his words in an affidavit" how will what he wrote in an affidavit be hearsay evedince? even hearsay evidence, remember a court can permit such evidence proved that it is in the interest of justice.

mondi_cheeks: after 30years he/she will be a grown , so the father claiming paternity then wld be useless... who paid for the child's education, food,clothihg,medical cover can be used as evidence...if u read legislation that deals with children in Nigeria u would know more

and a nigerian child would not seek out his/her father? somewhere along the line - a foul mouthed relative would call him a bastard to his face. like i said, this is africa. it baffles me when people deploy western solutions to tackle a typical nigerian problem!

coogar:

and a nigerian child would not seek out his/her father? somewhere along the line - a foul mouthed relative would call him a bastard to his face. like i said, this is africa. it baffles me when people deploy western solutions to tackle a typical nigerian problem!

Not sure why you are fighting as usual but we were answering this question from the OP

Dainy1: i dont really blame my friend, cos he has always love this girl. and there's nothing anyone can do to stop him now. But is there any law that can bank him up to own the baby if he marries her before she deliver. is there a law that can put the biological father off totally in future? the lady is coming to lagos to meet him by next week.

You are fighting with the person trying to answer the right question on top a different issue. Na wa for you o!

ileobatojo:
If he did sign an affidavit saying he requested an abortion (though the chances of happening that is probably zero), would that help her case if he does establish paternity and try to claim the child in the future?

There is no reason for him to sign any affidavit because they were never married. When a married woman gives birth, the law automatically assumes her husband is the father of the child. If they get divorced and he wants nothing to do with that child, he has to sign an affidavit giving up his rights to that child. For the unweded, the baby could come out looking exactly like the papa down to the way he squints his eyes and the courts still won't assume "he the baby daddy". If he wants to be acknowledged as the daddy then he's gotta file all the necessary paper works to establish paternity.

If unwed daddies had right without never having to establish paternity. . .then giving a child up for adoption (especially for teenager mothers) won't be as easy as it is now.

mondi_cheeks: if u read what u qouted carefully u wld realise i said "get him to put his words in an affidavit" how will what he wrote in an affidavit be hearsay evedince? even hearsay evidence, remember a court can permit such evidence proved that it is in the interest of justice.

See Above!

Sisi_Kill:

There is no reason for him to sign any affidavit because they were never married.

its an affidavit giving affirmation that he requested her to terminate the pregnancy. there is no need for a marriage for such an affidavit to be made, its just to prove that he made the request

coogar:

and a nigerian child would not seek out his/her father? somewhere along the line - a foul mouthed relative would call him a bastard to his face. like i said, this is africa. it baffles me when people deploy western solutions to tackle a typical nigerian problem!

so becos some called him a bastard will lightning strike him dead for it? if i rememebr well the Nigerian Constitution is the supremacy of law, therefore any other law inconsistent with it will be void. so for u to talk about "deploying western solutions" is rather silly. Nigeria is a country where the constitution is the hightest law, not indigenous norms and customs of its people. so because its "africa" justice cannot be seeked?

mondi_cheeks: so becos some called him a bastard will lightning strike him dead for it? if i rememebr well the Nigerian Constitution is the supremacy of law, therefore any other law inconsistent with it will be void. so for u to talk about "deploying western solutions" is rather silly. Nigeria is a country where the constitution is the hightest law, not indigenous norms and customs of its people.

constitution is the highest law in nigeria? you are very naive....

coogar:

constitution is the highest law in nigeria? you are very naive....

check s1(1) of ur own Constitution

mondi_cheeks: its an affidavit giving affirmation that he requested her to terminate the pregnancy. there is no need for a marriage for such an affidavit to be made, its just to prove that he made the request

Again the affidavit is useless because he is not considered the father of the baby in the first place but let's pretend the affidavit does get some "airtime", it still doesn't mean they are in the clear.

Any lawyer worth his salt can argue that away in 15 secs or less. "Your honor, my client is not denying he said she should get an abortion, he is not denying he that he signed that affidavit. However he realized he made an awful mistake and he more than grateful to God she didn't take his idiotic suggestion and abort their child. He regrets ever uttering those words. . .all he wants now is a chance to right that mistake, to make up for the years he wasn't there for his child. Your Honor, all he want is to be part of his child life. We are not asking the court to order forgiveness, my client understand it won't be that easy, all he wants is the chance to earn it."

I have never, ever, ever seen a situation where the judge or anyone for that matter will say no to a child getting more (parental) love. The only reason Biological daddy will be turned away is if he not legally fit to be a parent but if he has everything going well for him. . .shooo affiwhatnow?.

Remember though, the case will never get that far unless he has taken all the necessary steps to establish paternity. So should the judge decide he gets to be in his child life. . . (they will never give him full custody) This doesn't mean the step daddy and momma completely lose out though, they could turn around and sue him for past child support.

Of course I am talking about how things might play out in a society where there are laws and the basis for decision making is not sentiment.

Sisi_Kill:
Any lawyer worth his salt can argue that away in 15 secs or less. "Your honor, my client is not denying he said she should get an abortion, he is not denying he that he signed that affidavit. However he realized he made an awful mistake and he more than grateful to God she didn't take his idiotic suggestion and abort their child. He regrets ever uttering those words. . .all he wants now is a chance to right that mistake, to make up for the years he wasn't there for his child. Your Honor, all he want is to be part of his child life. We are not asking the court to order forgiveness, my client understand it won't be that easy, all he wants is the chance to earn it."

this is not in anyway sentimental according to u? remember a court cannot move away froms facts in issue(a sworn affidavit,which was signed by someone who had the capacity to appreciate the consequences of his actions and continued to act upon such appreciation) and base their decision on such a flimsy closing argument by a legal representative. if a man claims that he didnt sign the affidavit, dont forget that he has to prove it before the court can consider the document irrelevant. you might be forgetting that 'documentary evidence' falls under the best-evidence rule, the court cannot find it to be inadmissible because someone simply said "i didnt sign it".

mondi_cheeks: so becos some called him a bastard will lightning strike him dead for it? if i rememebr well the Nigerian Constitution is the supremacy of law, therefore any other law inconsistent with it will be void. so for u to talk about "deploying western solutions" is rather silly. Nigeria is a country where the constitution is the hightest law, not indigenous norms and customs of its people. so because its "africa" justice cannot be seeked?

Are we talking about the same constitution which includes Sharia law that allows the stoning to death of adulterers and flogging of unmarried women?

mondi_cheeks: this is not in anyway sentimental according to u?

I guess this part flew right past your head

Remember though, the case will never get that far unless he has taken all the necessary steps to establish paternity.

Lemme ask you this, do you think if that's all the lawyer had up his sleeve, he would win the case? If no, then we can safely say sentiment was not the basis for the decision that was made, yes?

In that case where is the misunderstanding coming from?!!

Sigh!

Sisi_Kill:
Are we talking about the same constitution which includes Sharia law that allows the stoning to death of adulterers and flogging of unmarried women?

LMFAO! please check the fundalmental rights in Chapter 4 of the Nigerian Constitution, s34(1) to be specific, and tell me how the Sharia Law is consistent with the Constitution....