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Jokes Section Library Updated - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland

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All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. / Jokes Section Offtopic Chat Thread / Jokes Section Library. .UPDATED!! (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 12:04pm On Dec 27, 2012
Girl:It's 2 tight

Boy:Don't worry,I do it slowly,

Gal:Push it in,

Boy:Ah..I cann't,

Gal:It's painful,





Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.























We will buy new WEDDING RING!
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 12:11pm On Dec 27, 2012
Kissing at Top,
manipulation at Middle,
Firing at Bottom,
U know the answer?













Cigarette smoking is injurious to health







what were you thinking undecided undecided undecided undecided
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by ARareGem(f): 12:27pm On Dec 27, 2012
Mr B, you know say I nor run leave you na. We were hanging out just yesterday. Abi are you the man in the 'Absent-minded man joke'? shocked

My friends are never forgotten. Season's greetings. smiley
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 12:42pm On Dec 27, 2012
ARareGem: Mr B, you know say I nor run leave you na. We were hanging out just yesterday. Abi are you the man in the 'Absent-minded man joke'? shocked undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided






My friends are never forgotten. Season's greetings. smiley








kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 6:43am On Dec 29, 2012
In Abuja, An Atheist brought up a case against the ongoing Christmas Holiday. He hired a Lawyer to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Muslims concerning observation of their Holy Days. The Argument was that it was unfair that Atheists had no such recognised days. The case was brought before (The Judge) Akpos. After listening to the passionate presentation by the Lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel declaring; "Case Dismissed".



The Lawyer quickly stood up, objecting to the ruling and said; Your honour,how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and Others.



The Muslims have Id-el-kabir, Id-el-fitri and Others. But my client and other Atheists have no such holidays. (The Judge) Akpos leaned forward in his chair and said; Your client and other Atheists have.



Is just that your client is woefully ignorant. The Lawyer said; Your honour, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for Atheists.



(The Judge) Akpos said; The Calendar says April 1st
is April Fools day.










Psalm 14 verse 1 says, The fool says in his heart, there is no God. It is the opinion of this court that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool.










Therefore, April 1st is his day.
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 6:46am On Dec 29, 2012
TEACHER: akpors if The 2 yams u
ate, gave u *Carbonhydrate* .
What will 1yam give 2 u?
AKPORS: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.



TEACHER: akpors wats funny?
Nd y ar u laffin?


AKPORS: teacher True to God, i
no like dis kind tin o, Na so i
don dull reach?


TEACHER: meaning?



AKPORS: meaning dat question 2 easy na.



TEACHER: ok akpors av heard u,
so wats ur ansa?




AKPORS: Aunty if 2 yamz Give


*CARBONHYDRATE, * Den 1 Yam go
Give *CARBO-LOW -DRATE* NA,




MTCHEW AUNTY NA WA 4 U o
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 9:04pm On Jan 10, 2013
A Husband comes home drunk, vomits and falls down on the floor. His Wife gets him up and cleans everything.
Next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him. He braces for a fight,but finds a note near the table.
"Honey, your favorite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy groceries.I'll come running back to you, my love. I love you.
Surprised, he asks his son, "What happened last night?"
The Son replies, "When mom got you up to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt.

You were dead drunk and you said,


"Hey Lady! Leave Me Alone.






I'm Married!!!"
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 9:10pm On Jan 10, 2013
The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.

She asked, "Now, Helen,why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons.

The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The third reason is that I
am a better in Sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Helen: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 9:11pm On Jan 10, 2013
An elderly couple is enjoying a 50 year
anniversary dinner together in a small tavern.
The husband leans over and asks his wife,
“Do
you remember the first time we had sex
together
over fifty years a go? We went behind this
tavern
where you leaned against the fence and I
made love to you.” “Yes,” she says, “I
remember it well.” “Ok,” he says, “How about
taking a stroll round
there again and we can do it for old time’s
sake.” “Oooooooh Charlie, you devil, that
sounds like a
good idea.”
There’s a police officer sitting in the next
booth listening to all this, and having a
chuckle to himself. He thinks, “I’ve got to see
these two old-
timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep
an
eye on them so there’s no trouble.” So he
follows them. They walk haltingly along,
leaning on each other for support, aided by
walking sticks. They finally get to the back of
the
tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers
down and
the old man drops his trousers. She turns
around and as she hangs on to the fence, the
old man
moves in.
Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex
that the watching policeman has ever seen.
They
are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-
olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes. She’s
yelling, “Ohhh, God!” He’s hanging on to her
hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex
imaginable.
Finally, they both collapse panting
on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He
thinks he has learned something about life
that
he didn’t know. After about half an hour of
lying on the ground
recovering, the old couple struggle to their
feet
and put their clothes back on. The Policeman,
still
watching, thinks that was truly amazing. He
was
going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his
secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them,
“That
was something else. You must have been
having
sex for about forty minutes. How do you
manage
it? You must have had a fantastic life together.
Is
there some sort of secret?”
The old man says,





“Fifty years ago that wasn’t
an electric fence!”
Re: Jokes Section Library Updated by bunmioguns(m): 2:07pm On Jun 01, 2013
There are group of women who gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband.
.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'
All the women raised their hands.


Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..



The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband:



I love you, sweetheart.




Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:


1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?



2. What now? Did you crash the car again?



3. I don't understand what you mean?



4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?


6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?




7. Am I dreaming? ?



8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!




9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!
and the one dat cracks everyone's rib:

10. Who is this?

cool cool

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