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Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. - Religion - Nairaland

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Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Frostyzone(m): 3:19pm On Nov 24, 2012
The funny thing about church is that even after
years and year of attending you often end up
hearing about the same ten or fifteen stories,
only with a new twist on them each time.
Or better yet the preacher has his own moral
lesson he wants to teach and while he does it
picks out individual lines here and there from
the Bible. So you end up walking away with this
idea that the Bible is mostly stories of "God's"
love and how to be a good moral person.
Well that's because if anything other than those
handful of cherry-picked stories were peached
and the rest of the stories in the Bible were
taught in their entirety, people would go, "Are
these people insane?" and immediately walk out of the building.
Anyways, see the entire
list below. It's pretty damn funny -- well until you
realize people actually believe this stuff.
.
.
2 Kings 2:23-24
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
.
.
Mark 14:51-52
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his Unclad body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped na.ked.
.
.
Deuteronomy 23:1
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose
male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
.
.
Genesis 38:8-10
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.”
Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
.
.
1 Samuel 18:25-2
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law.
Before the time had expired, David arose and
went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law.
And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
.
.
Exodus 4:24-25
Now it came about at the lodging place on the
way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
.
.
Ezekiel 16:17
You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the
jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you
made for yourself male idols and engaged in
prostitution with them.
.
.
Ezekiel 23:19-20
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their ge.nitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
.
.
Judges 3:19-25
And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the
sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.
.
.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men, a man and his countryman, are
struggling together, and the wife of one comes
near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his ge.nitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.

6 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by OME1(m): 3:27pm On Nov 24, 2012
Does this make sense ?

2 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Frostyzone(m): 3:35pm On Nov 24, 2012
O.M.E:
Does this make sense ?
Apparently you don't understand English.

1 Like

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by ITbomb(m): 5:55pm On Nov 24, 2012
Thy two bosoms are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by DandeNumeruno(m): 6:21pm On Nov 24, 2012
Frostyzone:
Deuteronomy 23:1
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose
male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
.
.
Ezekiel 23:19-20
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their ge.nitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
.
.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men, a man and his countryman, are
struggling together, and the wife of one comes
near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his ge.nitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
The above 3 qoutes got me cracking. To think that the bible actually quoted those is amazing.

1 Like

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Frostyzone(m): 6:26pm On Nov 24, 2012
Dan_de_Numeruno:
The above 3 qoutes got me cracking. To think that the bible actually quoted those is amazing.
Lolz, believe it or not the Christian's holy book did. Large chunk of the old testament seemed to be written by men on weeds.

2 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 6:39pm On Nov 24, 2012
Frostyzone! You don craze finish!


I am dying of laughter!!!!


Crushed testicles? Unclad men in linen shorts? Prosti.tution?


grin grin grin


The bible was written by crazy Hot middle eastern cavemen

3 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Frostyzone(m): 6:43pm On Nov 24, 2012
Logicboy03: Frostyzone! You don craze finish!


I am dying of laughter!!!!


Crushed testicles? Unclad men in linen shorts? Prosti.tution?


grin grin grin


The bible was written by crazy Hot middle eastern cavemen
No bi small tin oo!
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 7:10pm On Nov 24, 2012
why do yall read the bible literally undecided oops i forgot, the secret of the words is not revealed to heathens grin

3 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 7:31pm On Nov 24, 2012
obadiah777: why do yall read the bible literally undecided oops i forgot, the secret of the words is not revealed to heathens grin


I see that you read the bible "weedtrarily"

4 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 7:40pm On Nov 24, 2012
Logicboy03:


I see that you read the bible "weedtrarily"
IF YOU SAY SO undecided
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 7:53pm On Nov 24, 2012
undecided
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 7:57pm On Nov 24, 2012
frosbela: undecided
AWWW YOU ARE MISSING FROSBEL LOLZ
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by abdulkayus(m): 8:56pm On Nov 24, 2012
Hmmmm
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Brisingr(m): 10:33pm On Nov 24, 2012
I heard about the story of elisha and the wolves at sunday school.the teachers used it to teach us to respect our elders and revere pa james and pa ajasco.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by CrazyMan(m): 10:39pm On Nov 24, 2012
Logicboy03: Frostyzone! You don craze finish!


I am dying of laughter!!!!


Crushed testicles? Unclad men in linen shorts? Prosti.tution?


grin grin grin


The bible was written by crazy Hot middle eastern cavemen
I know you would comment...this are the kind of threads that brings joy to you.

Better repent and stop being an atheist, or would burn in hell for all eternity.

I would tell you the dream I had about you later.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 10:43pm On Nov 24, 2012
CrazyMan:
I know you would comment...this are the kind of threads that brings joy to you.

Better repent and stop being an atheist, or would burn in hell for all eternity.

I would tell you the dream I had about you later.



lol....I am not afraid of hell. Actually, I'm more afraid of being defrauded by a tithe preaching pastor
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by CrazyMan(m): 10:59pm On Nov 24, 2012
Logicboy03: lol....I am not afraid of hell. Actually, I'm more afraid of being defrauded by a tithe preaching pastor
Maybe we would discuss on your obsession with tithe pastors on of this days...cos this seems to be your latest headline of recent.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by ifeness(m): 11:07pm On Nov 24, 2012
Dan_de_Numeruno:
The above 3 qoutes got me cracking. To think that the bible actually quoted those is amazing.

I thought so too.The bible is freaking hillarious! Why would i want my child to read such a garbage book?

If a woman doesn't support her husband in a fight,her hands should be cut off? Damn! The bible is full of ...........
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by frosbel(m): 11:15pm On Nov 24, 2012
ifeness:

I thought so too.The bible is freaking hillarious! Why would i want my child to read such a garbage book?

If a woman doesn't support her husband in a fight,her hands should be cut off? Damn! The bible is full of ...........


Your kids will most likely grow up and dump your foolish atheist ideology.

Be careful , because just like in my case when I left home and dumped the catholic religion, when they follow Jesus it just might give you a sufficient amount of heart ache into your old age.

2 Likes

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by frosbel(m): 11:18pm On Nov 24, 2012
frosbel:


Your kids will most likely grow up and dump your foolish atheist ideology.

Be careful , because just like in my case when I left home and dumped the catholic religion, when they follow Jesus it just might give you a sufficient amount of heart ache into your old age.

1 Like

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by ifeness(m): 12:02am On Nov 25, 2012
frosbel:


Your kids will most likely grow up and dump your foolish atheist ideology.

Be careful , because just like in my case when I left home and dumped the catholic religion, when they follow Jesus it just might give you a sufficient amount of heart ache into your old age.


. Unless you upgrade your awareness,talking to you will be like talking to a cow. So,i reserve my comments!

1 Like

Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by ifeness(m): 12:24am On Nov 25, 2012
Logicboy03: Frostyzone! You don craze finish!


I am dying of laughter!!!!


Crushed testicles? Unclad men in linen shorts? Prosti.tution?


grin grin grin


The bible was written by crazy Hot middle eastern cavemen

The more we read the bible, the more we see that the muslims are the ones obeying yahweh. Cutting off the hands of a woman who doesn't support her husband,stoning children to death........the evil deeds goes on.... And yet one Mr Frosbel comes up with quotes from this trash,trying to judge right thinking people on this thread. How dare you?!!

How could educated people follow such a primitive book?

What is the difference btw the bible and boko haram principles?

I read a passage where yahweh asked the Israelites not to add salt to his burnt offering! Salt? Yahweh actually eats the meal? this yahweh dude must be flesh and blood! (Alien)

If you were one a catholic and you are still a christian,i think you are just an old washed up wine in a new bottle.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 12:28am On Nov 25, 2012
ifeness:

The more we read the bible, the more we see that the muslims are the ones obeying yahweh. Cutting off the hands of a woman who doesn't support her husband,stoning children to death........the evil deeds goes on.... And yet one Mr Frosbel comes up with quotes from this trash,trying to judge right thinking people on this thread. How dare you?!!

How could educated people follow such a primitive book?

What is the difference btw the bible and boko haram principles?

I read a passage where yahweh asked the Israelites not to add salt to his burnt offering! Salt? Yahweh actually eats the meal? this yahweh dude must be flesh and blood! (Alien)

If you were one a catholic and you are still a christian,i think you are just an old washed up wine in a new bottle.








lol.......Man created god. It is clear that crazy men (not women)
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by ifeness(m): 12:47am On Nov 25, 2012
Logicboy03:



lol.......Man created god. It is clear that crazy men (not women)

I recently saw on the news,the women in the church of England fighting for an equal right in the church. They had a vote and narrowly lost. The arch bishop kept claiming it is not biblical to have women leaders. Now the women are threatening to boycott the church.

The question is,how long will women realise that the bible is anti- women. It doesn't support a woman offering her opinions,they have got no right just like it is being done in the middle east. Over there,women ain't allowed to drive,they must wear a black overall while the men move freely.

The bible is very backward, not needed in our present society. It has for over 2000 years been a book of oppression

Talk about slavery,its all in the bible...genocide ,racism etc

I for one do everything the bible is against,cos that is the real life!
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Ubenedictus(m): 12:54am On Nov 25, 2012
Frostyzone: The funny thing about church is that even after
years and year of attending you often end up
hearing about the same ten or fifteen stories,
only with a new twist on them each time.
Or better yet the preacher has his own moral
lesson he wants to teach and while he does it
picks out individual lines here and there from
the Bible. So you end up walking away with this
idea that the Bible is mostly stories of "God's"
love and how to be a good moral person.
Well that's because if anything other than those
handful of cherry-picked stories were peached
and the rest of the stories in the Bible were
taught in their entirety, people would go, "Are
these people insane?" and immediately walk out of the building.
Anyways, see the entire
list below. It's pretty damn funny -- well until you
realize people actually believe this stuff.
.
.
2 Kings 2:23-24
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
.
.
Mark 14:51-52
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his Unclad body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped na.ked.
.
.
Deuteronomy 23:1
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose
male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
.
.
Genesis 38:8-10
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.”
Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
.
.
1 Samuel 18:25-2
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law.
Before the time had expired, David arose and
went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law.
And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
.
.
Exodus 4:24-25
Now it came about at the lodging place on the
way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
.
.
Ezekiel 16:17
You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the
jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you
made for yourself male idols and engaged in
prostitution with them.
.
.
Ezekiel 23:19-20
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their ge.nitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
.
.
Judges 3:19-25
And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the
sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.
.
.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men, a man and his countryman, are
struggling together, and the wife of one comes
near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his ge.nitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
i come across these passages pretty often except d part on d mosiac law and d parts on war.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 1:15am On Nov 25, 2012
ifeness:

I recently saw on the news,the women in the church of England fighting for an equal right in the church. They had a vote and narrowly lost. The arch bishop kept claiming it is not biblical to have women leaders. Now the women are threatening to boycott the church.

The question is,how long will women realise that the bible is anti- women. It doesn't support a woman offering her opinions,they have got no right just like it is being done in the middle east. Over there,women ain't allowed to drive,they must wear a black overall while the men move freely.

The bible is very backward, not needed in our present society. It has for over 2000 years been a book of oppression

Talk about slavery,its all in the bible...genocide ,racism etc

I for one do everything the bible is against,cos that is the real life!




Free speech kills religion everytime. The church of england loses its power every year in the UK
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Sweetgurl2(f): 3:59pm On Dec 27, 2012
Well so? Ive heard and read all that. Its Old Testament. Whats ur point
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Nobody: 4:03pm On Dec 27, 2012
Sweet.gurl:
Well so? Ive heard and read all that. Its Old Testament. Whats ur point


You didnt read it. Mark is not old testament

Mark 14:51-52
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his Unclad body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped na.ked.
.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Sweetgurl2(f): 4:14pm On Dec 27, 2012
.
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by Sweetgurl2(f): 4:16pm On Dec 27, 2012
Logicboy03:


You didnt read it. Mark is not old testament

Mark 14:51-52
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his Unclad body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped na.ked.


Yep. Definitely read it mate. I've read it a lot of times. When the soldiers came to arrest Jesus. What's ur point? I don't get it?
Re: Top Ten Bible Verses You Will Never Hear In Church. by jcf(m): 4:17pm On Dec 27, 2012
Careful Guys, We are talking about God's word..

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