I came across a story where a pregnant woman accused her husband of cheating on her.

Her words..." [b] I needed to use the computer and when I got it out of sleep mode there it was... A chat session my husband was having with some 20something year old girl.

They were flirting a lot and he called her honey. I was going to leave him... but then i decided not to run away.. I decided to confront him.

When he got home from work I straight up asked him if he was cheating on me. He said no that he had been talking to her for a few weeks and it was nothing physical.

He said that he had been feeling lonely (since i was on bedrest) and she filled that void. I think that statement hurt me the most.

I think it would of hurt less if he said it was just physical pleasure over the net rather than saying it was filling an emotional void. Anyways... He quit chatting online and I thought everything was good.

Then i found pics on his computer. Not sexy pics but pictures of girls he met online. They were older pics from when we were dating... but then I started to think ...How long has he been doing this?

He doesn't think its cheating... To me it is. I confronted him about the pics and he deleted them and said they were old from before we got married.... He didn't say before we were dating...but before we got married.

He told me I had nothing to worry about that he wasn't chatting with girls online and that after i confronted him last time that he "recommited himself to me" That statement alone upsets me.

Do i have a right to be concerned?? Before this I never would have even worried... now its been about 7 months and i am always wondering.. Am i crazy to be worried? " [/b]

I read the story, and some questions came into my mind...

Is flirting on the net cheating the same thing as cheating...?

Why do most women over react when they notice that their husband has an online lover?

Is it right for a married man to have an online lover, with no physical contact...(eg a married Nigerian man, flirting online with a lady in Germany)

In my opinion, online cheating can actually become physical cheating, because, it may lead to unconsciuos closeness between them, and d two parties may become crazy over each other, which may lead to having to arrange on how to meet physically, and once they meet physically, nothing but real cheating will be involved, so if anybody claims to love his/her partner, he should be able to stay thru thick and thin and stop hypocrisy. I see online chatting as hypocrisy, because he will have to deny his marital status to d person online. To me, it is not a good thing and should not be encouraged. It can lead to emotional disturbance to d spouse.
Thank God for d woman who is comported enough to confront her hubby, but how do we know d hubby was actually saying d truth?


**If u want to be faithful, be faithful, dont add hypocrisy to ur faithfulness.**

^^^ I agree with the above!

@OP
In my opinion, online flirting and the real thing is the same thing. The only different is that they haven't found the time 2 meet yet.

Good points @greatgod and Rudy.... but 100% of online flirting is just go to sex and one night stands ..... I have accompanied a friend to embarrass one s lut she discovered on her hubby's computer history cos the guy was always glued to his computer everytime..... Very very ugly!!!

Flirting is flirting. Spice up your marriage and flirt with your spouse it is fun.
Hmmm Jide Girl, Accompanying someone to confront a lady, why didn't she just talk with her husband? The husband is the one she has business with, he is the one who decides if he stops or not, if he decides he wants to keep that up its just a matter of changing girls, when things like this happen talk with your spouse and keep your self respect no point going round town confronting people who owe you nothing. The one who owes you respect and fidelity is your husband

First of: how are you and yours? where have you been? I haven't seen you for a while.

Yeah about my friend.... she's my bestie and needed my support even tho she knows I'm not coming down from the car cos she knows I don't like trouble.....

She have asked him repeatedly and he denied every time so she tracked her using PI and bingo!

It was a mess! The MIL was involved too( long story).... I'm sure that girl will run next time anybody flirts with her online ever again.

Any married man who flirts online is definitely looking for something....and is on the road to cheating.
I would definitely not be okay with my husband flirting online for whatever reason!!

jidegirl12: Good points @greatgod and Rudy.... but 100% of online flirting is just go to sex and one night stands ..... I have accompanied a friend to embarrass one s lut she discovered on her hubby's computer history cos the guy was always glued to his computer everytime..... Very very ugly!!!

I have difficulty understanding the above in bold, as it is a mistake that many women make. Instead of dealing with the hubby directly, they go confront and possibly insult the stranger. If anything, the only person who has a duty towards ur friend is *her husband*, trying 2 save an addict by removing the source of his addiction, instead of curing the person directly, will have ur friend fail time and time again.

The sole problem is her man who is married and flirts with others, while he shouldn't.

Sometimes you just have to eliminate the drugs from its addict. It might be the last resort to subdue him from the act.

It worked for them.... at least from what I observe

^ removing the drug doesn't solve the problem, it just sweeps it under the rug. It would b very foolish of a woman 2 believe that her man is cured simply bcuz the other lady is gone.

btw removing the drug while still living in a drug infested environment *aka the internet* is surely a waste of time, and shows us all how some women have very distorted sense of reasoning. The problem is hubby who doesn't respect her, yet here is ur friend focussing on what isn't really important in this equation

It is always important in marriage that if one spouse feels that his/her needs aren't being te it's best to be open about to the person instead of doing something that could possibly cause a break down in ur marriage. Always let the other spouse know how u feel so that it can be fixed

The responses to this thread are all hogwash!

Why can't Nigerians be honest, at least to themselves just once?

~ Is Nairaland an online forum? YES!

~ Do some Nairalanders "flirt" with one another? YES!!

~ Does that mean they we are unfaithful to our spouses in real life? HELL NO!!!

Heck! Even Jide's got the hots for Mr Rudy, even though her ex guitarlife still sneaks back from his wife sisi...& Sagamite nor gree make any of his e-wives (moi included), divorce am.

So let's all get a grip, shall we?

^^^^ So Sagamite is the online hubby u were talking about?! taking u away from him will b like taking candy from a child. Join me in my private chambers 4 a discussion, and let me give u the attention that u truly deserve instead of being overlooked and under appreciated by that Saga bobo.

@Sagamite
stay away from Efema, u have been warned!

as 4 flirting, yes many do it innocently, and that's no big deal, but when people enter *the zone* and go online 2 meet and share special moments with someone, then it is no more play play flirting. here is another clue, NL is not a dating site, while I am sure the guy in this thread met these babes via some dating or single website.

as 4 jidegirl having the hots 4 me, That should b normal since I am a great guy, LWKMD.

Lol! Abeg make I manage my Saga jor! Greed is a sin...besides I nor want im babalawo / magun wahala!

But seriously, I'm glad you see where I'm coming from

My Dear Jide, I am trying to adjust to the new office, quadriple responsibilities, plus dealing with 2 boys alone.
Efe, we joke, will I go and collect Sagys number and start chatting with him when am meant to be with my family?
I agree with Rudy, always deal with the person who owes you fidelity. Different strokes sha as you said

debrief08: My Dear Jide, I am trying to adjust to the new office, quadriple responsibilities, plus dealing with 2 boys alone.

Efe, we joke, will I go and collect Sagys number and start chatting with him when am meant to be with my family?

I agree with Rudy, always deal with the person who owes you fidelity. Different strokes sha as you said

Exactly!

As long as what happens in nairaland stays in nairaland...yes, I get that.

But the self-righteous tone of this thread & responses are what I find offensive. Life is not all black & white. To suggest otherwise is extremely childish. We all laugh, joke, flirt (I daresay) with each other here - an online forum...so does that mean we're all guilty of double crossing our spouses / partners? NO.

I think the wording of the title thread should be adjusted. It's misleading to say the least.

I am interested in what previous posters view Efemenas first post

E.g What Sagamite does on here, Can it be classified as flirting? If any of the above was Mrs Sagamite, would she have raised eyebrows?

I have had situations where my online posts have been questioned before I thought they were harmless but not everyone thought the same

Efemena_xy:

Exactly!

As long as what happens in nairaland stays in nairaland...yes, I get that.

But the self-righteous tone of this thread & responses are what I find offensive. Life is not all black & white. To suggest otherwise is extremely childish. We all laugh, joke, flirt (I daresay) with each other here - an online forum...so does that mean we're all guilty of double crossing our spouses / partners? NO.

I think the wording of the title thread should be adjusted. It's misleading to say the least.

Please speak for your own life abeg. . not for everyone's life. We do not all joke, flirt etc. as you claim. Some of us actually find all that disgusting.

RudySmith: @OP
In my opinion, online flirting and the real thing is the same thing. The only different is that they haven't found the time 2 meet yet.

I agree completely. Flirting online, or off, is disrespectful to those we are in committed relationships with.

Efemena_xy:

Exactly!

As long as what happens in nairaland stays in nairaland...yes, I get that.

But the self-righteous tone of this thread & responses are what I find offensive. Life is not all black & white. To suggest otherwise is extremely childish. We all laugh, joke, flirt (I daresay) with each other here - an online forum...so does that mean we're all guilty of double crossing our spouses / partners? NO.

I think the wording of the title thread should be adjusted. It's misleading to say the least.

you can't be new to the hypocrisy of nigerians - why does this surprise you?
some people don't even know the meaning of flirting - back and forth exchange of messages is also flirting - it's not until there are sëxual undertones behind it to qualify it as flirting. people flirt subconsciously but as long as the boundaries are not crossed, i don't see any danger in it - but trust the sadducees and the pharisees here to make it look like people who do it are criminals!

dayokanu: I am interested in what previous posters view Efemenas first post E.g What Sagamite does on here, Can it be classified as flirting? If any of the above was Mrs Sagamite, would she have raised eyebrows?

I have had situations where my online posts have been questioned before I thought they were harmless but not everyone thought the same

it depends on the standards set by the couple - as long as it's not secretive and you don't intend to carry it to the next level - it does not qualify as cheating in my opinion!

WikiPedia to the Rescue!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting

Flirting or coquetry is a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicitly sexual advances, but indirect or suggestive advances (i.e., flirting) may at times be considered acceptable. On the other hand, some people flirt playfully, for amusement. A female, especially a young one, who flirts playfully is sometimes called a coquette or in slang a cock tease; while a male flirt may be called a womanizer or player.

Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity etc. Verbal communication of interest can include the vocal tone, such as pace, volume, intonation. Challenges (teasing, questions, qualifying, feigned disinterest) serve to increase tension, test intention and congruity.

Purpose

People flirt for a variety of reasons. Flirting can indicate an interest in a deeper personal relationship with another person. Some people flirt simply for amusement, with no intention of developing any further relationship. This type of flirting sometimes faces disapproval from others, either because it can be misinterpreted as more serious, or it may be viewed as cheating if either person is in a committed relationship with someone else. Some couples set up rules and boundries for their partner so one will know what's accepted and what's not.

I think as adults, we at least be HONEST enough to admit we know what the @Op means when he speaks on flirting here . For pete's sake he even posted an example for the dafties here . . .

In response to Efe's post...
I see all the flirting going on around here and as much as i get that most of it could be harmless,i don't see myself married/single doing all of that with someone married even if its just for the fun of it.....
Maybe i'm a little uptight and close-minded but that's just me and that's why i might not understand why my husband feels the need to do it...even if its harmless.
By default in real life,i know where to draw lines especially when it comes to married people and that extends to online relationships too.
My people say..."nnkan teeyan o ba ni je,ko kii fi run mu.." (Aint no point sniffing what you won't eat).
Seriously!!

Kobojunkie:

Please speak for your own life abeg. . not for everyone's life. We do not all joke, flirt etc. as you claim. Some of us actually find all that disgusting.

And some of us find stuck-up self-righteous judgemental people like you nauseating. Go run your mouth elsewhere Mother Teresa. I know you get your rocks off trailing Efe. Just quit it, okay? Not only do I find your type offensive, it's embarrassing to say the least.

Kobojunkie:

I agree completely. Flirting online, or off, is disrespectful to those we are in committed relationships with.

Are you running a high fever or something?Pls educate us all, seeing as you of all people would know all about committed relationships, yes? What a hypocrite!

I really don't see the reason why anyone in a serious relationship will feel comfortable enough to "flirt" with people online/offline ...

You see married men and women, and even the engaged ones scattered all over having e-girlfriends, e- $e-x buddies, e-husbands, e-all the ridiculousness you can think of. I find it rather irresponsible and disturbing ...

Your wife is lying next to you in bed and you're busy flirting and e-f^cking/kissing/paying bride prices of e-girls... doesn't make sense....

Efemena_xy:
And some of us find stuck-up self-righteous judgemental people like you nauseating. Go run your mouth elsewhere Mother Teresa. I know you get your rocks off trailing Efe. Just quit it, okay? Not only do I find your type offensive, it's embarrassing to say the least.
Are you running a high fever or something?Pls educate us all, seeing as you of all people would know all about committed relationships, yes? What a hypocrite!

What the heck? ROFLMAO!!!

slimyem:
My people say..."nnkan teeyan o ba ni je,ko kii fi run mu.." (Aint no point sniffing what you won't eat).
Seriously!!

Right on, miss.

BABE!:
I really don't see the reason why anyone in a serious relationship will feel comfortable enough to "flirt" with people online/offline ...

You see married men and women, and even the engaged ones scattered all over having e-girlfriends, e- $e-x buddies, e-husbands, e-all the ridiculousness you can think of. I find it rather irresponsible and disturbing ...

Your wife is lying next to you and you're busy flirting and e-f^cking/kissing/paying bride prices girls on Nairaland and Facebook .. doesn't make sense....

I don't see it either. Story story, I used to have a, friend of a friend, who would even flirt with the plumber if she could get a discount. I mean she had no problem with it as she felt there was no harm to all that. Well, that belief went out the door when her husband started "flirting" with his colleague at work. Long story short, they eventually split up because according to the husband "she was too jealous".

BABE!:
I really don't see the reason why anyone in a serious relationship will feel comfortable enough to "flirt" with people online/offline ...

casual flirting is not cheating - nigerians are generally obtuse about the misuse of the word. touching your hair while talking to a total stranger is flirting.....whether you meant it to be so or not is irrelevant - it's the way people perceive it that matters. you people should learn n understand the meaning of the word!

You see married men and women, and even the engaged ones scattered all over having e-girlfriends, e- $e-x buddies, e-husbands, e-all the ridiculousness you can think of. I find it rather irresponsible and disturbing ...

online banter is not cheating - it would have to be secretive to even qualify as cheating. if i make a passing comment on the wall of my female colleague telling her she's cute - that's flirting but it's not cheating.....

Your wife is lying next to you and you're busy flirting and e-f^cking/kissing/paying bride prices girls on Nairaland and Facebook .. doesn't make sense....

there's a line between flirting and cheating......find it!

Ha ha! What gives ? I left for few hours and this thread has been detailed? Efe Abeg don't work yourself out for nothing... my sister Kobo likes to shake the ground whenever she enters

Debrief awww The Lord is your strength and you earned it .. enjoy that new position to the fullest jor

Rudy darling don't take me too serious o Abeg it was just a friends story I happened to witness the yawa I was shaking in my boots and turning red waiting in the car cos I was thinking what if the gal has a gun and POW!!! and like I said it worked for her from my own point of VIEW o!

And ofcourse you are a great guy.... does that mean you accepted my proposal pleaseeeee with the rainbow on top

Efe your attention is needed ..... Saga needs you

coogar:

casual flirting is not cheating - nigerians are generally obtuse about the misuse of the word. touching your hair while talking to a total stranger is flirting.....whether you meant it to be so or not is irrelevant - it's the way people perceive it that matters. you people should learn n understand the meaning of the word!
online banter is not cheating - it would have to be secretive to even qualify as cheating. if i make a passing comment on the wall of my female colleague telling her she's cute - that's flirting but it's not cheating - ithere's a line between flirting and cheating......find it!

Who ever said it was cheating?? No need to define words, sir Coogar.

It's irresponsible and kinda weird and sorta creepy ..
It just doesn't sit well with me.

BABE!:
I really don't see the reason why anyone in a serious relationship will feel comfortable enough to "flirt" with people online/offline ...

You see married men and women, and even the engaged ones scattered all over having e-girlfriends, e- $e-x buddies, e-husbands, e-all the ridiculousness you can think of. I find it rather irresponsible and disturbing ...

Your wife is lying next to you in bed and you're busy flirting and e-f^cking/kissing/paying bride prices of e-girls... doesn't make sense....

Don't get it twisted, okay?

You cannot compare harmless JOKES on a forum like nairaland to DIRTY S/E/X talks on a Dating Website! Those are two completely different entities!

Next thing I'll read on here is that it's wrong to share a "joke" with the opposite sex on nland, because it'll lead to pasting nu.de pictures of oneself, abi?

You all need to purge your dirty minds.