Abeg go and sleep jor, Allah ya Ba ni hakuri, if you have earned respect you don't force it.
The fact that you have to squeeze it out means you have serious complex. Women like me will be flogging people will cane be that, you have a Job so what? Us that give people jobs should jump in the market square be that.

debrief08: Kuylie, it doesn't excuse the fact that you could think about such extreme amount of wickedness because someone called you by your first name.She is not related to you and is not under obligation to call you Anty.
So what if after your lecture she told you she is sorry but she doesn't see the need to call you Anty, what would you have done?

lol,of course ill say no problem and smile,but what she should get or have done easily will become complicated,if her other coursemates got my signature and other things easily from me,ill do what i was paid to do,but she will go through hell before she gets it done,even if she reports me to any one my superior ones or whoever she reports me to will have to check and find out whether that's the way i have been treating her other coursemates and or check my past records before judging and if they did not find anything to rope me,they will be left with no option than to ask me why i treat only her like that.thank God i am not kuku a man that will make them say maybe i want to victimize the girl so that i will have sex with her,i will tell them what transpired between us and leave them to judge,i will refer to the hand book she was given and the documents she signed during her matriculation day stating that she will abide by all university laws as long as her studentship exists and will respect all university staffs,particularly in her department,or am i the one who wrote the laws.look this is nigeria and i work in a yoruba community and environment.whatever you are must be dropped in your house and respect staffs if you must have a pleasant stay here.if u call older ones directly by their name wherever,no one tries that with me and really no one has,except her and that was why i warned her,at least am practicing what i preach,i call people who are older than me aunty,mummy,daddy even though we are not related by blood,whether superior or juniour to me so i will not entertain it

I withdraw my earlier apology, You are a bully and an abuser, abusing the little power you have, shame on you for such wicked thoughts.
Shame

debrief08: I withdraw my earlier apology, You are a bully and an abuser, abusing the little power you have, shame on you for such wicked thoughts.
Shame

debrief08: I withdraw my earlier apology, You are a bully and an abuser, abusing the little power you have, shame on you for such wicked thoughts.
Shame

kulyie: lol,of course ill say no problem and smile,but what she should get or have done easily will become complicated, if her other coursemates got my signature and other things easily from me,ill do what i was paid to do,but she will go through hell before she gets it done even if she reports me to any one my superior ones or whoever she reports me to will have to check and find out whether that's the way i have been treating her other coursemates and or check my past records before judging and if they did not find anything to rope me,they will be left with no option than to ask me why i treat only her like that.thank God i am not kuku a man that will make them say maybe i want to victimize the girl so that i will have sex with her,i will tell them what transpired between us and leave them to judge,i will refer to the hand book she was given and the documents she signed during her matriculation day stating that she will abide by all university laws as long as her studentship exists and will respect all university staffs,particularly in her department,or am i the one who wrote the laws.look this is nigeria and i work in a yoruba community and environment.whatever you are must be dropped in your house and respect staffs if you must have a pleasant stay here.if u call older ones directly by their name wherever,no one tries that with me and really no one has,except her and that was why i warned her,at least am practicing what i preach,i call people who are older than me aunty,mummy,daddy even though we are not related by blood,whether superior or juniour to me so i will not entertain it

I am trying so hard not to curse you out.

Did you read your post at all? So because someone didn't teribale and worship you....you would ruin their life? What are you gan sef in the school? From the omo la bindin style you type, we know you are not the Dean....so what are you? Who are you?

People who can actually make or break others haven't gotten power drunk it's you in your teshere position that won't let us breath.


And your colleagues won't take your side because I am certain there is place in the student handbook that states students must call someone Aunty or Uncle. It probably has something in there about respect and if they were to go by that. ...it's YOU who will be found lacking of it.

Aunty ko, Panti ni.

If she cals you aunty, will it get you promoted?

kulyie: lol,of course ill say no problem and smile,but what she should get or have done easily will become complicated,if her other coursemates got my signature and other things easily from me,ill do what i was paid to do,but she will go through hell before she gets it done,even if she reports me to any one my superior ones or whoever she reports me to will have to check and find out whether that's the way i have been treating her other coursemates and or check my past records before judging and if they did not find anything to rope me,they will be left with no option than to ask me why i treat only her like that.thank God i am not kuku a man that will make them say maybe i want to victimize the girl so that i will have sex with her,i will tell them what transpired between us and leave them to judge,i will refer to the hand book she was given and the documents she signed during her matriculation day stating that she will abide by all university laws as long as her studentship exists and will respect all university staffs,particularly in her department,or am i the one who wrote the laws.look this is nigeria and i work in a yoruba community and environment.whatever you are must be dropped in your house and respect staffs if you must have a pleasant stay here.if u call older ones directly by their name wherever,no one tries that with me and really no one has,except her and that was why i warned her,at least am practicing what i preach,i call people who are older than me aunty,mummy,daddy even though we are not related by blood,whether superior or juniour to me so i will not entertain it

kulyie: that u dont believe in respect doesnt mean u should demean what i typed up there,someones poison might be someone elses food.

re·spect/riˈspekt/
Noun:
A feeling of deep admiration [/b]for someone or something [b]elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Verb:
Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Lol. Even the respect you are chanting about has nothing to do with age . Aunty mi, Daddy mi, brother mi, na all ego-stroking.

So I'm thinking you won't be able to live in the West, make dem no poison you there.

ego stroke
verb: when someone purposely fishes for compliments from other people to reassure themselves that they are in fact good looking and/or good at a certain subject.

I know kulyie's type. They're many in offices and university environments. I encountered some of them while in UNI. They're suffering from inferiority complex. They see these young, beautiful, brilliant and gorgeous girls and can't help envying them. To top it all, these girls are going to badge uni certificates while all they have is ordinary pass on their OND certificate. They're office clerks who would go to any length to frustrate students, especially females because of the little power they hold: issuing out course forms, receipts etc.

They demand respect and if you don't give it, you're in trouble. Some like kulyie will ask for it, others who are not so vocal would nurse resentment against you and make things difficult for you in the department.

I particularly hate this brother, anty, daddy, mummy thing. Very irritating. I don't call anyone that and will not have anyone call me that except those I'm truly related to. At a point in school then, some of my course mates started calling our HOD daddy. I was marvelled to say the least. And the man too was happy with it.

Whatever happens to 'Mr, mrs, miss'?

I concur: kulyie and her likes. You're bullies!

Even though we live in an environment where respect is rated high, It still has to be earned. If you think you're older than everyone around and start making noise about your age, you'll get more disrespect. Age is nothing but a number.

There are many ways to respect a person without calling the person anty/brother.

kulyie: lol,of course ill say no problem and smile,but what she should get or have done easily will become complicated,if her other coursemates got my signature and other things easily from me,ill do what i was paid to do,but she will go through hell before she gets it done,even if she reports me to any one my superior ones or whoever she reports me to will have to check and find out whether that's the way i have been treating her other coursemates and or check my past records before judging and if they did not find anything to rope me,they will be left with no option than to ask me why i treat only her like that.thank God i am not kuku a man that will make them say maybe i want to victimize the girl so that i will have sex with her,i will tell them what transpired between us and leave them to judge,i will refer to the hand book she was given and the documents she signed during her matriculation day stating that she will abide by all university laws as long as her studentship exists and will respect all university staffs,particularly in her department,or am i the one who wrote the laws.look this is nigeria and i work in a yoruba community and environment.whatever you are must be dropped in your house and respect staffs if you must have a pleasant stay here.if u call older ones directly by their name wherever,no one tries that with me and really no one has,except her and that was why i warned her,at least am practicing what i preach,i call people who are older than me aunty,mummy,daddy even though we are not related by blood,whether superior or juniour to me so i will not entertain it

Oh boy! O tun ba'oro je!


That being said, I definitely struggle with this whole respect must be earned when it comes to simply greeting and addressing people. I don't think anyone has to earn the right to be spoken to respectfully. It's common courtesy. Unless you all are telling me now that you go around addressing elder people by their first names until they earn your respect. Do you call all your parents friends, for example, their first names till they have demonstrated they are worthy of being called 'sir'?

As to the words aunty, brother and their appropriateness in a work environment, that's a different debate. Some people find it local and absolutely distasteful while some have only known and greeted that way (like Kulyie who greeted everyone aunty/brother). If you don't like aunty, call them Mr or Mrs so and so unless you are in a work environment where the culture is to use first names. Even if you call people first names, you still speak to them respectfully and with decorum whether they earned it or not. (at least until someone does something worthy of disrespect) I don't think Kulyie would have had a problem with that student if she had called her Mrs ... (don't take me to the bank though, I've already been burned once defending her)

Am I missing something in this debate?

@ Ileobatojo
This isn't about common courtsey i.e seeing someone and greeting and talking to them respectfully. In fact I am willing to bet the house that no Nigerian person will see anyone for the first time and go wasssup just because they think they person hasn't earned it. I will even take the bet up a notch by saying I don't believe the student was rude to Kulyie at all with regards to how she must have spoken to her. Kulyie's bone of contention here is the girl not calling her AUNTY.


I remember one time I went to this store with my sister and we. . .well she was roped into settling fight between two women, an older woman and a slightly younger woman. All through the mediation, I had to stop myself from laughing. . .the younger woman kept referring to the older woman as Aunti mi, Aunti mi and using "eh" for her right in the middle of cursing her out.

Aunti mi, I have told you....you will never do well in your life.

Aunti mi, It is my prayer that all your helpers miss the road to you

. . . .On and on she went, calling her Aunti mi and cursing her.

Are gonna say she was being respectful because she didn't call the woman by her name? If given a choice, I think the woman would have preferred to be called her full name with oriki on stop sef and be spoken to in a respectful manner than what she got.

The point is. . .calling someone Aunty does not mean you respect them neither does it mean you are disrespecting them. In the grand scheme of things. . .AUNTY is just another word. So it is truly amusing to see people hold on to it like their lives depended on it. I mean look at what Kulyie detailed out in her revenge manifesto. . .all of that because someone didn't call her Aunty?!!!

Come now!!

O ba oro ję kę? Someone just said her mind and what havoc and pains she would've done otherwise and you're making excuses for her .

as a respectable Yoruba woman I pick my battles and chose what's necessary and not seek for people's false pretences to get whatever I don't care for.
I earned it even where I don't expect it.... good deed is never forgotten and I am proud if my self.

No matter how gray haired you are as long as you're not family... It's gonna be your fist name or go to h ell
( we don't even use mr or mrs except in etiquette class or ballet school )

O sese n mu eye bo Lapo ni... Hehehe I don't have anything against you Kulyie but your ego sucks....you really need to change your ways of thinking when it comes to earning respect from a minor. Peace

Sisi_Kill: @ Ileobatojo
This isn't about common courtsey i.e seeing someone and greeting and talking to them respectfully. In fact I am willing to bet the house that no Nigerian person will see anyone for the first time and go wasssup just because they think they person hasn't earned it.

Then why are people using the argument that you should not call someone 'aunty' or any other title because they have not earned it? It is this argument of not earning a title that I'm having issues with.

I will even take the bet up a notch by saying I don't believe the student was rude to Kulyie at all with regards to how she must have spoken to her. Kulyie's bone of contention here is the girl not calling her AUNTY.

Well, I can't say for sure (because that kulyie is something else) but if I were to give my opinion, I would say Kulyie's bone of contention was the girl calling her by her first name. Or is it now the norm for students to go calling the secretaries, clerks and office workers in their Naija Universities by their first name? Wasn't it always Mr so and so, Mrs so and so, we addressed them by? Call her bush or razz by wanting to be called aunty, I can agree with. But to automatically say the girl should be calling her by her first name till she earns her respect is something else.

If u think i have ego issues,o well,i could care less,if you are in rome you have to behave like the romans.what respect is to individuals differ and under no circumstance will i let anyone disrespect me or any lower level staff that works around me,call me whatever,thats absolutely up to you,but respect is the hall mark of a yoruba lady and no amount of civilization and exposure will take that away.it has nothing to do with inferiority complex,whether your father is bill gates or donald trump,as long as u work around me,u cant be saucy.i believe in respecting every one even up to d lower level staffs,be it the janitors,messengers and clerks

ileobatojo:

Then why are people using the argument that you should not call someone 'aunty' or any other title because they have not earned it? It is this argument of not earning a title that I'm having issues with.



Well, I can't say for sure (because that kulyie is something else) but if I were to give my opinion, I would say Kulyie's bone of contention was the girl calling her by her first name. Or is it now the norm for students to go calling the secretaries, clerks and office workers in their Naija Universities by their first name? Wasn't it always Mr so and so, Mrs so and so, we addressed them by? Call her bush or razz by wanting to be called aunty, I can agree with. But to automatically say the girl should be calling her by her first name till she earns her respect is something else.

I don't know about others but my argument has always hinged on the AUNTY=RESPECT equation which was why I used the example of the two women fighting. If we are to go by that then the lady who was raining curses was respectful.

If the girl called her by her name and was polite and cordial to her, said her pleases and thank yous. . .does it mean she is still disrespectful?!

Real respect is earned not forced down people's throat which is why calling someone AUNTY can never be a form of respect. . .at least in the real sense of the word.

Sisi_Kill:

I don't know about others but my argument has always hinged on the AUNTY=RESPECT equation which was why I used the example of the two women fighting. If we are to go by that then the lady who was raining curses was respectful.

If the girl called her by her name and was polite and cordial to her, said her pleases and thank yous. . .does it mean she is still disrespectful?!

Real respect is earned not forced down people's throat which is why calling someone AUNTY can never be a form of respect. . .at least in the real sense of the word.

I really believe we are applying 2 different (but correct) definitions of respect to this issue.

For example, a soldier may salute a senior officer out of respect. Does that mean he really respects him? That type of respect is there by virtue of their different positions in life and does not need to be earned. One would address one's parents friends as 'sir' and 'ma' and would do so even if they are the biggest douchebags on earth. That 'respect' of calling them sir does not hinge on them earning it. One wouldn't walk into a doctor's office, see their first name on their badge and begin to address them by that instead of Dr so and so.. I see the use of aunty to = respect in the same way as I see these examples. It just a way of being courteous.

kulyie: If u think i have ego issues,o well,i could care less,if you are in rome you have to behave like the romans.what respect is to individuals differ and under no circumstance will i let anyone disrespect me or any lower level staff that works around me,call me whatever,thats absolutely up to you,[b]but respect is the hall mark of a yoruba lady and no amount of civilization and exposure will take that away.i[/b]t has nothing to do with inferiority complex,whether your father is bill gates or donald trump,as long as u work around me,u cant be saucy.i believe in respecting every one even up to d lower level staffs,be it the janitors,messengers and clerks

I understand your point o Kulyie but what I don't get is why that Aunty is very important addition to your name from minors ,

I have facilitated many training a and in-service which I have Yoruba trainees come to me and address me with whatever they please.... okay accepted it's a one time thing as per training cos I won't probably see them again.

Another example.... I taught a nursing class that was like 70% Nigerian half and half Yoruba and Igbo ....

Igbo I don't care cos they call you as is it and I honestly don't get offended by that,

I've had Yoruba complained about them and I've defended them because I believe it's just the language barrier ...

. The Yorubas in that class all addressed me aunty this , madam that and I actually corrected them to call my last name instead with a Mrs ,

I had a 47year old lady that still calls me aunty and I do the same..... that's when you earn it ....

If any of those teenagers had called me by my first name cos that's what's on my name tag , would I have been offended? H ell NO!

ileobatojo:

I really believe we are applying 2 different (but correct) definitions of respect to this issue.

For example, a soldier may salute a senior officer out of respect. Does that mean he really respects him? That type of respect is there by virtue of their different positions in life and does not need to be earned. One would address one's parents friends as 'sir' and 'ma' and would do so even if they are the biggest douchebags on earth. That 'respect' of calling them sir does not hinge on them earning it. One wouldn't walk into a doctor's office, see their first name on their badge and begin to address them by that instead of Dr so and so.. I see the use of aunty to = respect in the same way as I see these examples. It just a way of being courteous.

But Ileoba, the examples you gave are different from Kulyie's own. By virtue of being a SENIOR HIGH RANKING OFFICER, the officer is expected to be called SIR, expected to be SALUTED because his POSITION calls for it. If the high ranking officer is younger than the low ranking officer, is the latter allowed to call the former by name and swaggalishously stroll by him whenever the meet? NO!! Again, The respect IS for the position, it is a universal law which it all laid out in their military code of conduct hand book.

Does Kulyie's position in the school demand she should be called Aunty?!

Sisi_Kill:

But Ileoba, the examples you gave are different from Kulyie's own. By virtue of being a SENIOR HIGH RANKING OFFICER, the officer is expected to be called SIR, expected to be SALUTED because his POSITION calls for it. If the high ranking officer is younger than the low ranking officer, is the latter allowed to call the former by name and swaggalishously stroll by him whenever the meet? NO!! Again, The respect IS for the position, it is a universal law which it all laid out in their military code of conduct hand book.

Does Kulyie's position in the school demand she should be called Aunty?!

Exactly my point! The respect is for the position, not their being.

I would say, culturally speaking in Naija settings, Kulyie's position as a significantly older person demands she should be called by Mrs.... or Ms... Aunty is a culturally acceptable variant of that in some circles. (certainly not every one finds that tasteful but it is what it is in some circles)

I'm going to throw my neck on the line once more and say that if the student had called Kulyie Mrs.... instead of her first name, we would not be having this discussion right now. If she had called her Mrs ... and Kulyie still sat her down to that speech over a can of malta, then there is serious problem o.

Someone outlines a step by step wicked plan of how she would have dealt with a student for not calling her "anty" and you don't get it?
Lol. I am a firm boss, very firm but I am not vidictive, and an ego maniac. I just wonder what she will do if she was VC or registarer. Nonesense. I hardly curse but the silly pride based on nothing pisses me off totally jor

debrief08: Someone outlines a step by step wicked plan of how she would have dealt with a student for not calling her "anty" and you don't get it?
Lol. I am a firm boss, very firm but I am not vidictive, and an ego maniac. I just wonder what she will do if she was VC or registarer. Nonesense. I hardly curse but the silly pride based on nothing pisses me off totally jor

Don't confuse issues, there are many places I have expressed my disgust at that her plan. If it wasn't clear enough, I find that her outlined plan to be desperately wicked and disturbing. The point I'm arguing here is completely separate from that.

jidegirl12:

I understand your point o Kulyie but what I don't get is why that Aunty is very important addition to your name from minors ,

I have facilitated many training a and in-service which I have Yoruba trainees come to me and address me with whatever they please.... okay accepted it's a one time thing as per training cos I won't probably see them again.

Another example.... I taught a nursing class that was like 70% Nigerian half and half Yoruba and Igbo ....

Igbo I don't care cos they call you as is it and I honestly don't get offended by that,

I've had Yoruba complained about them and I've defended them because I believe it's just the language barrier ...

. The Yorubas in that class all addressed me aunty this , madam that and I actually corrected them to call my last name instead with a Mrs ,

I had a 47year old lady that still calls me aunty and I do the same..... that's when you earn it ....

If any of those teenagers had called me by my first name cos that's what's on my name tag , would I have been offended? H ell NO!

try and understand me because i understand u perfectly.u are saying respect is earned and i am trying to make u realise that no matter who you are,how low or high you are,even if you are a junkie or nonentity,respect should still be given to d person because 1st he is a human being, and 2nd by virtue of his age.even my parents driver who is over 30 years older than i cant call him by his name,its not in me,i can see myself calling him directly by his name whether or not my parents are there.i use these terms when adressing him daddy and sir, same with the woman that washes my parents clothes,i adress her as aunty i dont know where anyone comes from,but from where i come from respect is a serious issue and my parents take it very personal and so naturally i get offended when i am not adressed respectfully,some other people might not have a problem with it,but i do

ileobatojo:

Oh boy! O tun ba'oro je!


That being said, I definitely struggle with this whole respect must be earned when it comes to simply greeting and addressing people. I don't think anyone has to earn the right to be spoken to respectfully. It's common courtesy. Unless you all are telling me now that you go around addressing elder people by their first names until they earn your respect. Do you call all your parents friends, for example, their first names till they have demonstrated they are worthy of being called 'sir'?

As to the words aunty, brother and their appropriateness in a work environment, that's a different debate. Some people find it local and absolutely distasteful while some have only known and greeted that way (like Kulyie who greeted everyone aunty/brother). If you don't like aunty, call them Mr or Mrs so and so unless you are in a work environment where the culture is to use first names. Even if you call people first names, you still speak to them respectfully and with decorum whether they earned it or not. (at least until someone does something worthy of disrespect) I don't think Kulyie would have had a problem with that student if she had called her Mrs ... (don't take me to the bank though, I've already been burned once defending her)

Am I missing something in this debate?

exactly my point and all the nairaland folks want to crucify me because i reject insults

ileobatojo:

Exactly my point! The respect is for the position, not their being.

I would say, culturally speaking in Naija settings, Kulyie's position as a significantly older person demands she should be called by Mrs.... or Ms... Aunty is a culturally acceptable variant of that in some circles. (certainly not every one finds that tasteful but it is what it is in some circles)

I'm going to throw my neck on the line once more and say that if the student had called Kulyie Mrs.... instead of her first name, we would not be having this discussion right now. If she had called her Mrs ... and Kulyie still sat her down to that speech over a can of malta, then there is serious problem o.

if she called me mrs abc,i would have been ok with that,theres nothing disrespectful about that,if u cant call me aunty in my place of work,you can call me mrs abc and i wouldnt have any problem with that,but my bone of contention is calling me directly by my name,its only people who are older than me that can do that,if a cleaner who is older than me calls me by my first name,i dont mind but i would not take it when anyone who is younger than i am calls me directly,abi is that one a crime correcting a younger one and every one is acting like i did something so terrible to her

Kulyie I understand you perfectly too and just so you know I'm from a Moslem home so you know we just don't bend we actually kneel with whatever gold you're wearing.

The reason why NL folks are not okay with your role is because you actually called the girl to do as you pleased.

It doesn't sit well with me neither I tell ya.

So why crying over a spilled milk?:..... well it's just a discussion, people will agree or disagree so don't get worked up about it

jidegirl12: Kulyie I understand you perfectly too and just so you know I'm from a Moslem home so you know we just don't bend we actually kneel with whatever gold you're wearing.

The reason why NL folks are not okay with your role is because you actually called the girl to do as you pleased.

It doesn't sit well with me neither I tell ya.

So why crying over a spilled milk?:..... well it's just a discussion, people will agree or disagree so don't get worked up about it

hehehehe ok o.lolz

Ileoba, after reading her subsequent posts isn't it obvious now that it is not about her position but her being? There is no where in the School rule books which states Students should call people Aunty and Uncle. This is KULYIE'S PERSONAL THING.

I know we are expected to call people Aunty and Uncle because they are older but that doesn't mean not calling them that is a crime. Kulyie used her position as someone in authority to intimidate that girl into submission all because SHE wanted to be called Aunty. Yeah because she she calls others uncle and Aunty (I doubt anyone forced it on her) she expects people younger than her to do the same and if they don't she will make them miserable.

Abeg o sisi leave my sista be jare

Lmao! I'm done oh! I really am!

Okay I read my posts again and I kinda do come off. . .mean.

@ Kulyie
I'm sorry If it felt like I was picking on you, I didn't mean to.

We all have different backgrounds and personal set of rules. What A can take, B won't even let it get to the halfway point before they nip it in the bud. These are the things which makes us unique and although my posts on this thread probably doesn't show it. . .I do appreciate that we are all different, it makes life interesting.

I can't change your mind on this issue (and quite frankly, I don't want to) I can only beg you to remember the differences I mentioned above and not use the power your position affords you for revenge just because someone else doesn't do things they way you expect them to. Even if no one can trace the act back to you, remember everyone has an eleda and the chickens always come home to roost.

Anyway, I hope you don't feel persecuted. . .that's honestly wasn't my intention when I first responded to this thread.

Ok, never mind. Saw the post above me and my post looks like overkill now. Sorry..Deleted.

Sisi_Kill:
I can't change your mind on this issue (and quite frankly, I don't want to) I can only beg you to remember the differences I mentioned above and not use the power your position affords you for revenge just because someone else doesn't do things they way you expect them to.

+1