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julienne86: So I had a brief relationship with a guy and we parted. Today I am married to that guy's brother. I never told my husband that I had a relationship with his brother. First I thought our relationship would just be a fling and I did not take it seriously. As time went by, we became closer and closer and fell so hard with each other. At that point I was afraid of losing him by telling him. As our relationship grew, it was harder and harder to tell him. Today we are married. I still haven't told him. His brother haven't told him either. Everyday, that past haunts me and it only gets harder. I have a gazillions of questions that runs through my mind. Am I betraying my dear husband? Will he discover that I was his brother's gf one day? How will he react? Will he despise me? How does his brother perceives me now? Am I a monster for doing what I am doing?
I do not want to lose my husband, I love and respect him beyond words. I just do not if I am doing the right thing by concealing my past to him! Should I tell him? I am getting sick. I am stressing so much. IS there a way out of this? Please advise!

I love reading of these kind of marriages. So you now believe that in order to keep your marriage, you have to, for the rest of your life, make sure he never finds out that you dated his brother?? WOW .. . and when we tell folks that you have to tell all ,and accept the consequences, they come back with block-head responses.

@Poster, what is eating at you is the fact that you are hiding something you believe is important from the man you chose to be ONE with you. As someone said on another thread, a marriage that is ENDURED and not ENJOYED is not really a marriage. Not saying you should divorce your husband, no, but you probably know what to do already but are looking for magic way out of the mess you created for yourself there. The only solution really is that you un-hide this information . . that is the only way your heart will find peace, and the sooner the better really because if he gets this information from a third-party instead of you, it might mean worse. Grow up, tell the truth and face the consequences of your own action. Note you are not the victim here so don't pretend to yourself that you can play one, even in your dreams.

You opened these thread sometime ago and some good people where able to give you good advice. JULIE TELL HIM that is the only advice good enough for this situation. Or well ..............*thinking*...........maybe you want somebody to tell you to kill him so he will never find out. I don't know oooooo, just saying.

julienne86: So I had a brief relationship with a guy and we parted. Today I am married to that guy's brother. I never told my husband that I had a relationship with his brother. First I thought our relationship would just be a fling and I did not take it seriously. As time went by, we became closer and closer and fell so hard with each other. At that point I was afraid of losing him by telling him. As our relationship grew, it was harder and harder to tell him. Today we are married. I still haven't told him. His brother haven't told him either. Everyday, that past haunts me and it only gets harder. I have a gazillions of questions that runs through my mind. Am I betraying my dear husband? Will he discover that I was his brother's gf one day? How will he react? Will he despise me? How does his brother perceives me now? Am I a monster for doing what I am doing?
I do not want to lose my husband, I love and respect him beyond words. I just do not if I am doing the right thing by concealing my past to him! Should I tell him? I am getting sick. I am stressing so much. IS there a way out of this? Please advise!

do nothing.....
for all you know, your husband might have slept with your cousin too and he's keeping that secret from you. i fail to see how telling him now would strengthen your marriage. if you could not cop the cojones to tell him before the marriage then better take that secret to your grave. as for the brother, worry not about him and if he tries to blackmail you hire an assassin......

I don't know why you will go ahead and marry the BROTHER of a guy you had a fling with. Which kind mumu love be dis. Omo, I taya jare! Fling things are supposed to be anonymous na. Na wa o. . Girl, you play too close to home. I find it hard that he doesn't know tho. Before you guys started dating his brother may have said something. Well, I say live with your stu*pidity. I taya for the whole matter and am speechless. The guys silence must be killing you. I think he knows sha. *walks away confused*

in a nutshell, these 2 brothers have been in your cookie jar? dang - better not tell your husband.....it would fuel jealousy cos his ego would be smashed! if i were you, i would take this secret to my grave....

You must not be an emotional weakling.
Here you are blackmailing yourself without help from anyone.
What are you afraid of? Are you the first to 'phock' 2 brothers in the history of the world?
Has he told you he dated your sister or your mother?

Oh gal. . .hol yasef o!
Shine ya eyes weh-weh!
If he gets to know. . . just look him in the eyes and tell him. . . .it really was not his business!
Nor be Gbenga OBJ marry im papa bed-warmer? TILL TODAY WE DO NOT KNOW THE REAL FATHER OF THE CHILDREN! shioooooooooooor!!!

The past is the past! Learn to live with the present!
If you were so concerned about all this. . .you should have told him from the beginning instead of playing 'latter-day-saint/adventist' now!

TOO LATE TO REPENT NOW. . . PLAY THE DEVIL TILL THE VERY END! TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE TOO!

Move on! IF THE BROTHERS DECIDE TO GOSSIP ABOUT IT. . . THAT IS THEIR BLOODY HEADACHE. . . If he wants a bloody divorce. . .give it to him and move da hell on! Simple!

Gosh! Women can be so hard on themselves!. . . If na me heeeeeeeehn. . . MAKE ANY BARRY KRAAAAAASE KAM TO HASK ME ANY STOOPID KWESHUN! Nonsense!!!!

What da phock is soooooo special about him that is making you shake like a leaf for a 'no crime committed' anyhoo? Abi husband hard you to get?

Everyday, that past haunts me
and it only gets harder. Should I tell him? I am getting sick. I
am stressing so much.

Its obvious the issue is a really heavy burden and it you won't be free until you tell it..

Secrets are like a cancer in the soul..
..it eats away the good part of one and leaves destruction behind.
Tell it!

Will he discover that I
was his brother's gf one day?

Maybe..
Maybe not..but are you ready to gamble on that?
Nothing stays secret forever..usually!

How will
he react? Will he despise me?

You won't know until you tell him...but you definitely cannot expect a warm hug as one of his reactions.

Am I a monster for doing what I am
doing?

More guilt....that'll remain as long as you bottle up the truth.

I
just do not if I am doing the right
thing by concealing my past to him!

You know what the right thing is.You won't be filled with this much guilt and wouldn't bring this here if you felt it was right.

IS there a way
out of this?

I don't see any other way apart from telling him.
Tell him and face the consequences...!
Your mistake was keeping it from him in the first place.
How much do you want to be free from this burden or how long do you think you can live with it?
Once revealed,a secret loses its power or hold on you..
Be wise!

Tell him, there is every probability that he already knows, only to be waiting for when u will tell him yourself. So, tell him, if he really loves u, he will admit that everybody has his/her past and will take this as one of your past, if otherwise, take it as one of d battles of life, u may either win or lose, but whichever way, u will regain your peace of mind, which is very essential for your living

OP sorry but you brought it upon yourself. #Dealwithit

@OP,
Anything involving two parties is no secret. The only option to save yourself from emotional and mental torture is to open up and confess your sins to your husband and hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you.
I can not predict the out come of this confession,but for the sake of your sanity I think it is the only solution to your problem.

Richvkunt: @OP,
Anything involving two parties is no secret. The only option to save yourself from emotional and mental torture is to open up and confess your sins to your husband and hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you.
I can not predict the out come of this confession,but for the sake of your sanity I think it is the only solution to your problem.

would you forgive your own spouse if she comes to you with such tales?
why do nigerians advise people wrongly? she decided not to tell her husband before marriage - why is it appropriate now? you people are focusing on the relationship between the couple - what about the relationship of the man and his brother? would this man feel comfortable having his own brother in his house? jeeeeeez - nigerians are clueless!

coogar:

would you forgive your own spouse if she comes to you with such tales?
why do nigerians advise people wrongly? she decided not to tell her husband before marriage - why is it appropriate now? you people are focusing on the relationship between the couple - what about the relationship of the man and his brother? would this man feel comfortable having his own brother in his house? jeeeeeez - nigerians are clueless!

I would not get myelf entangled in such a mess of having s.ex with two sisters and then marrying one of them,while feeling my secret is safe with the other party.
She made her bed so she has to lie on it.
From her posts it is obvious she is in mental torture-does my husband know or not? Has my brother in law/ex boyfriend told my husband or is he gonna blackmail her into having s.ex with him again. In this scenario the possibilities are limitless. Therefore I feel the only option for the Op is to come clean and hope hubby will be able to forgive her.

she's comfortable....
when people are comfy to a point, they would start looking for discomfort. the brother has not mentioned a word about the past - and there she is trying to be holier than prophet mohammed!!!

did she not think about this when she was kissing the groom in church? how would any man truly forget this kind of incident? if the husband travels and the brother is visiting, would the man not be suspicious? how long is he going to be suspecting his brother could still be attempting to "shåg" the wife?

there's more harm if she opens up than if she closes the mouth......

coogar: she's comfortable....
when people are comfy to a point, they would start looking for discomfort. the brother has not mentioned a word about the past - and there she is trying to be holier than prophet mohammed!!!

did she not think about this when she was kissing the groom in church? how would any man truly forget this kind of incident? if the husband travels and the brother is visiting, would the man not be suspicious? how long is he going to be suspecting his brother could still be attempting to "shag" the wife?

there's more harm if she opens up than if she closes the mouth......

okay,let us assume you are right and she keeps quiet about the mess on ground. What happens if the husband hears from the grape vine that his brother had been plantihg seeds in a field he felt belonged to him alone?
How does the OP handle this scenario if it pops up?

This is really a messy situation, i really dont know what to advice but i think d closest option is 4 u to reveal this, so that ur mind can be very clear, u made a big mistake but d conscience u have is d gud part of this. Some Ladies ve done much more worst things than u did & no remorse, no conscience, some r even doing it now as a married woman. Take courage, it might create some furies among d brothers but ur openess & repentance will go a long way 2 help. Commit it to God & do it now.

Richvkunt:

okay,let us assume you are right and she keeps quiet about the mess on ground. What happens if the husband hears from the grape vine that his brother had been plantihg seeds in a field he felt belonged to him alone?
How does the OP handle this scenario if it pops up?

she's screwed either way ever since she decided to marry this dude....
you think husband would just forgive her for opening up? would he forgive fück? men are not that wired - only women forgive because men quickly open up to their atrocities. men have egos and telling him you slept with someone like his blood brother would haunt him forever. if she keeps quiet, there's a chance this issue would never see the light of the day. if she opens up like you advised - are you ready to marry this woman when the husband batters her to stupor?

coogar:

she's screwed either way ever since she decided to marry this dude....
you think husband would just forgive her for opening up? would he forgive fück? men are not that wired - only women forgive because men quickly open up to their atrocities. men have egos and telling him you slept with someone like his blood brother would haunt him forever. if she keeps quiet, there's a chance this issue would never see the light of the day. if she opens up like you advised - are you ready to marry this woman when the husband batters her to stupor?

Do you really think the hubby would batter her if she revealed this little secret? Comon,they should be able to behave like adults and sit down and thrash this thing out in a civilised way after all these events happened in her past.
@OP,
what is your take on all this mess of two brothers dipping their hands in one cookie jar?

@OP, It's hard for me not to call you names. But you were a very bad girl.
I put myself in your husband's shoes & believe me it won't be very pleasant for you & that bro if/when I find out this aspect of your past. It was wicked not to have said it b4 marriage. It will take divine grace not despise you & the brother for life. As Coogar said you're skrewed whichever way this comes into the open. But I think you should tell @least for your own health/sanity.
You've already set husband's family up for crisis

u guys don't get it!

julienne86: Why does everybody assume that I had sex with bro-in-law? Ok lets get this straight, when i marry my husband, i was a VIRGIN... he is the one and only man i have ever had sex with.
I dated his brother very briefly. we broke up because he told me that he was married. I liked him and tried to make it work but i just knew that it was a dead-end relationship. And then I met his brother....

Not everyone assumed so, however, what is keeping you from telling your husband the truth? If you are 100% that you two were not intimate, then why are you holding back the truth from your husband?

A virgin that tried to make it work with a MARRIED man. Virgin for sale or virgin of convenience. My dear, the fact that you added virgin to your name or met your husband as a virgin doesn't diminish the fact of what you did. You don't swing from relative to relative. Even if it was just flirting. Shows you lack any sense of pride. If it is bothering you this much, tell him. He married you under false assumptions anyway. You might as well break his heart. . I have to say, it makes things a bit lighter that you didn't sleep with the brother though.

Richvkunt:
Do you really think the hubby would batter her if she revealed this little secret? Comon,they should be able to behave like adults and sit down and thrash this thing out in a civilised way after all these events happened in her past.

hehehehehe - like you don't know nigerian men.
his first reaction would be - what else is she hiding? then again, the husband is torn between 2 betrayals: his wife and his own blood brother. do you really think this dude would believe they never had sêx? if they never did, why did they keep the secret for so long?

@OP,
what is your take on all this mess of two brothers dipping their hands in one cookie jar?

she said she was a virgin when she met her hubby - as if that info would absolve her.
the hymen is no longer any proof. these days, there are anâl, oral, etc and they would all fall under the umbrella of sex.

coogar:

hehehehehe - like you don't know nigerian men.
his first reaction would be - what else is she hiding? then again, the husband is torn between 2 betrayals: his wife and his own blood brother. do you really think this dude would believe they never had sex? if they never did, why did they keep the secret for so long?



she said she was a virgin when she met her hubby - as if that info would absolve her.
the hymen is no longer any proof. these days, there are anâl, oral, etc and they would all fall under the umbrella of sex.

Yes o, lots of vag*inal virgins do a*nal and o*ral sex. I wonder why they still call themselves virgins. Smh. Sex is sex jare.

baby_123:

Yes o, lots of vag*inal virgins do a*nal and o*ral sex. I wonder why they still call themselves virgins. Smh. Sex is sex jare.

as long as the cookie jar has never been penetrated by a man's willy they are still virgins. other objects like fingers, dildos, carrots do not count. only a man's phallus is the forbidden tree.

So you phuckked 2 brothers, Well is their dad alive? Why not phhuck him too??

Ok i now see you didnt phhucck one but seriously I think your husband already knows, Cos I cant imagine my brother marrying my ex withoyut me telling him. The bond and code between men is stronger . Even if na my friend i go don tell am

maybe the brother told him "I used to date your wife a long time ago but the girl no gree me do anything". A man can live with that

julienne86: Why does everybody assume that I had sex with bro-in-law? Ok lets get this straight, when i marry my husband, i was a VIRGIN... he is the one and only man i have ever had sex with.
I dated his brother very briefly. we broke up because he told me that he was married. I liked him and tried to make it work but i just knew that it was a dead-end relationship. And then I met his brother....

Interesting after thought.
I wonder what some of these women on this boards take us for?
Oral dey o!
Anal dey o!
Hand action dey o!
Even toe action dey o!

Still does not take away the fact that you dated your husbands married brother before dating your husband whom you married and conveniently forgot to inform your husband of your dirty little secret.
Good luck solving your self inflicted problems,you are certainly gonna need it.

,

julienne86: Why does everybody assume that I had sex with bro-in-law? Ok lets get this straight, when i marry my husband, i was a VIRGIN... he is the one and only man i have ever had sex with.
I dated his brother very briefly. we broke up because he told me that he was married. I liked him and tried to make it work but i just knew that it was a dead-end relationship. And then I met his brother....

Okay o, madam "virgin-@-marriage". Choose what's best for you.
Eni meji kii padanu oro: bi eni a ntan o bamo eni nparo mo pe oun nparo (2 people can't lose in a game of deception" if the one being deceived does not know the liar sure his/her lies)