I've been a bit concerned lately considering the relationship between me and my sister in law.I've been quite puzzled at her many flaws and I've thus vowed to keep her at arms lenght to keep the peace.I notice her lazy attitude each time she comes around to visit,three months stay and couldn't even scrub the floor or the back of a single pot.She is better with the phone and watching TV and sees nothing wrong with spending time speaking with her boyfriends in my presence.I wonder how many Yoruba nairalanders are online to help advise me on this issue and be objective too.Don't get me wrong,others can also contribute except that respect is a thing of the Yoruba race and my dilemma has a lot to do with respect.

Na dis kind girl my people dey call winch (witch)...


I guess you have a house help... cos I don't expect your wife to tolerate that nonsense.

barakah: I've been a bit concerned lately considering the relationship between me and my sister in law.I've been quite puzzled at her many flaws and I've thus vowed to keep her at arms lenght to keep the peace.I notice her lazy attitude each time she comes around to visit,three months stay and couldn't even scrub the floor or the back of a single pot.She is better with the phone and watching TV and sees nothing wrong with spending time speaking with her boyfriends in my presence.I wonder how many Yoruba nairalanders are online to help advise me on this issue and be objective too.Don't get me wrong,others can also contribute except that respect is a thing of the Yoruba race and my dilemma has a lot to do with respect.

The person detesting here is you so the problem will leave when you take away the "detest" from you and you will begin to view her without detesting her.

.

She obviously is an irresponsible person and your wife doesn't seem to be saying or doing anything about it.
...and why do you think her tribe has something to do with her attidude?
Is your wife not from the same?
Anyone can be disrespectful or irresponsible irrespective of the tribe..
What advise do you want?
Do you want her to change,want to know if you should be involved in the change, or you want to stop detesting her even if she doesn't?

have u try to caustion her on those things she do,maybe dat is how she brought up,talk to her let her know,she's not doing the right thing

bro where she come from ain't the problem,the problem is how she brought up,u are a man see her as ur daughter dnt condemned her all she need is direction u can condemned her attitude advise her in good manners

slimyem:
Do you want her to change,want to know if you should be involved in the change, or you want to stop detesting her even if she doesn't?

Detesting her is the problem, I shouldn't do that.
I need a good reason not to feel bad about her attitude but It amazes me each time I think about it...who should've told her that she was wrong?
I told my wife to correct her several times but I wonder if she did or not.
She also got her share of her Sister's show of shame.
I suppose she was being nice to her youngest sibling.
The age difference is enough to scare her or make her respect me, I'd say some fifteen long years.
She's in her second year in the University.
I'm the reserved type, I've never engaged her in free talk to suggest that I encourage her keeping a boyfriend.
However,I'm the conventional type one who holds custom in high esteem.

barakah:
Detesting her is the problem, I shouldn't do that.
I need a good reason not to feel bad about her attitude but It amazes me each time I think about it...who should've told her that she was wrong?
I told my wife to correct her several times but I wonder if she did or not.
She also got her share of her Sister's show of shame.
I suppose she was being nice to her youngest sibling.
The age difference is enough to scare her or make her respect me, I'd say some fifteen long years.
She's in her second year in the University.
I'm the reserved type, I've never engaged her in free talk to suggest that I encourage her keeping a boyfriend.
However,I'm the conventional type one who holds custom in high esteem.

Now my friend, do not think that you are going to change her. The question I ask is why is she staying with you for three long months? Holiday or something else. You said you have spoken to your wife but she doesn't seem to want to speak/correct her. It seems you wife knows her and has accepted her just like that.

I do not think she has done anything too wrong for you to detest her yet, honestly. She is just being spoilt and a bit disrespectful. Lots of young people of today are like that so you should learn to understand that. You claim she doesn't do any house work - is it that she does not even wash her own plates? So if she doesn't, who does? Your wife?

I will say you speak to your wife again and let her really know what you think. The word you used "detest" is a very strong word and I would not have anyone I detest live under my roof. Either you overlook/accept her as a lazy kid sister you now have or you just use style to tell her to live. Its your house and your choice.

barakah:
Detesting her is the problem, I shouldn't do that.
I need a good reason not to feel bad about her attitude but It amazes me each time I think about it...who should've told her that she was wrong?
I told my wife to correct her several times but I wonder if she did or not.
She also got her share of her Sister's show of shame.
I suppose she was being nice to her youngest sibling.
The age difference is enough to scare her or make her respect me, I'd say some fifteen long years.
She's in her second year in the University.
I'm the reserved type, I've never engaged her in free talk to suggest that I encourage her keeping a boyfriend.
However,I'm the conventional type one who holds custom in high esteem.

Yes,you shouldn' detest her..Its not healthy.
Isn't there anything good or remarkable about her that you can't focus on instead of her faults?
That might help you deal with the "detest".
..and since she's in the university already and your wife too isn't complaining about her boyfriend status,your encouraging it or not will not count.
You also have to be careful about getting too concerned or invovled in trying to correct her as she is a grown female and it might be interpreted as something else.
Pass on all your concerns/grouse to your wife and have her act on them as she deems fit.

well since you marry a Yoruba woman, then the in-law should not be a problem (most especially one that is 15 years younger than you).
Simply tell your wife that if her sister doesn't change her attitude she should leave your house. Infact our culture frown at the wife side of the family living with a couple and disrespect is one thing that is not taken lightly in our culture.

I believe if you stand your ground your wife will understand and she will be able to pass the message on to her sister better.

Note: you are her sister's husband no matter how young, old, rich or poor you are she have no choice but to respect you and give you your honor. You are the one that need to establish your authority in your own home.

you should sit her down and talk to her since you feel your wife is not doing that
This is your house and if you believe what she is doing is not right tell her how you want it to be done
by you detesting her, the outcome of it won't be nice
at this point you are like a ticking bomb and after much of keeping that in, you might explode and everything will spill out of control

Whats wrong wirh you telling her what you expect in your house? your wife probably don't want to come off as the bad person so she probably never told her.

Like Y-me said,you need to sit her down and talk to her.You are the man of the house and if condoning such rubbish would continue fueling your extreme dislike for her,it's high time you did something about it.Talk to her in love just like you would to your kid sister.You could start with things that are of interest to her then gradually move to the problem at hand.

You are a weak man!!! Allow person dey indirectly disrespect you FOR YOUR OWN HOUSE!!!!! mtchewww

Obviously you are much older than she is!
You should be a role model to her instead of complaining.
If she were YOUR OWN SISTER. . .would you be on NL. . . ?
What has Yoruba got to do with this?

Please, start taking charge of your environment in your marriage. If you can't solve simple problems without getting 'the world' involved. . .I doubt you can solve MAJOR ones.Not everything should be a 'village' court matter to judge!
Goodluck with that your marriage!

The fact that you can 'detest' her soooooo much tells the kind of person you are. ONE THAT LACKS LOVE, TOLERANCE AND PATIENCE! You married someone. . .you should be able to accomodate/CORRECT some issues with love, care and role-modelling. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE LIKE YOU!

Learn to see the good in others.

Goodluck!

OP, leaving the girl to her sister is the safest option. However, if your relationship with her is more of guardianship, there will be times and opportunities to lay down the law. I am not directly responsible for my younger ones but they know I won't take nonsense upon all of their tendency to let me know that "they have reached adulthood" and forming "big boy".

Wow callotti oops Blazay .... I can't believe you just posted that .... words of wisdom I'm leaving now

jidegirl12: Wow callotti oops Blazay .... I can't believe you just posted that .... words of wisdom I'm leaving now

Am I supposed to be flattered by you?
You need to make your posts without calling on me.
Thanks in advance!

You're welcome

I don't need to post anymore ...... you post said it all.

[quote author=Blazay]

Obviously you are much older than she is!
You should be a role model to her instead of complaining.
If she were YOUR OWN SISTER. . .would you be on NL. . . ?
What has Yoruba got to do with this?

Please, start taking charge of your environment in your marriage. If you can't solve simple problems without getting 'the world' involved. . .I doubt you can solve MAJOR ones.Not everything should be a 'village' court matter to judge!
Goodluck with that your marriage!

You're judging me already.
Well, the events I posted happened some 3 months before and I salute the manner I handled the situation.
Everybody is back where we all started and I bet she has learned from her mistakes.
From all the comments on this thread it's glaring that we all have different approaches to situations in life.
Its easy to post comments here but in a real life situation the decision you take may make or mar you.
As the man of the house,your actions travel beyond just your household.
It lingers on in the minds of those who come around you and lasts long enough to affect the lives of your loved ones in the not too distant future.

Double post!

barakah: You're judging me already.
Well, the events I posted happened some 3 months before and I salute the manner I handled the situation.
Everybody is back where we all started and I bet she has learned from her mistakes.
From all the comments on this thread it's glaring that we all have different approaches to situations in life.
Its easy to post comments here but in a real life situation the decision you take may make or mar you.
As the man of the house,your actions travel beyond just your household.
It lingers on in the minds of those who come around you and lasts long enough to affect the lives of your loved ones in the not too distant future.

Well, your actions are always being judged just like mine.
I found it a tad harsh that you would 'detest' someone for the kinds of things you claim she is guilty of.
Detest is a strong word. The bases of your 'hate' is not justifiable.
In your first post. . .you stated that they were 'flaws'. Would you like anyone to 'detest' or 'hate' you for your flaws. . .something you can't change. . .OR TOLERATE YOU WITH EXTRA CARE?