Shankboye:

Yeah..I have my sister as my confidant, she knew abt it but I don't wanna go any further than that because it might be dangerous sometimes....it' is better u keep it simple considering my age. But as time goes , I will keep modifying it

Good planning . I admire your thoughtfulness

It is not easy at all. When my dad fell ill, i think we were crying more for my mum. She wept and wept and wept in his presence. kai!!! . My dad had to call to tell us to beg her. She was making him make so many promises that he wont die. .She is so lonely now. We try to pass her around as much as possible. From the looks of things, she will end up living with my sister, but move around a lot. It has not been easy at all for her, though i know she doesnt show it. She is sooo lonely without her husband. Her only love for over 42years. Chai! its not easy o. We thank God we were all grown up, and he was even the one consoling us when he fell ill. . We all broke down, and entered deep depression for like a couple of years. . Any way, she is coping sha.

In my opinion, it is the women fault.

Only a woman can understand better the plight of another woman.
However, instead of helping their fellow women, many women become accomplices when their sons and daughters oppress orphans and widows.
Tragically, we end up with a great number of women oppressing other women.

@OP, may the Lord richly bless you for this subject.
Do you know that it takes a spark to light a fire that can set the entire country ablaze?

TheCongo: In my opinion, it is the women fault.

Only a woman can understand better the plight of another woman.
However, instead of helping their fellow women, many women become accomplices when their sons and daughters oppress orphans and widows.
Tragically, we end up with a great number of women oppressing other women.

@OP, may the Lord richly bless you for this subject.
Do you know that it takes a spark to light a fire that can set the entire country ablaze?

Sadly, I agree with you!

Kobojunkie: @Poster, if you are trying to change the plight of widows, it is required that tradition be changed, else nothing will be achieved. Currently, in much of Nigeria, women, and children are still regarded as property that can be discarded at will.

@op nice topic and it brings back memory.

Kobo's post just brought back memories and this is why a male child,preferably the first child in a family is very important.

As my name goes Sapele Don indicates,I am from the Niger Delta and in my culture if a man dies the wife or wives is share to the late husbands siblings.

So I flew into the country to make arrangements for my dads burial and at the meeting the final topic of discussion was sharing of his assets.

Dad had only one wife,my mom.

There was no haggling about his property and then they said my mom had to marry from them.

I indulged them by asking which of them wants to marry my mom?they said they will have to hold a meeting to decide that.

In a very calm deadly voice, I told them if that topic is ever raised again I will make sure the person does not live to see the next day.

They believed me.

They believed me because they knew what I had done in my younger days and knew what I was capable of doing.

I felt me and my mother had been disrespected by them bringing up that topic.

And I told them what that means was that one of them had been eyeing my mom when my dad was alive.

Next day they came to me to buy a goat to appease the gods since my mom will not be marrying one of them,gave them the money and that was it.

That culture especially among the people from the Niger Delta has to change.

In some culture when a man dies they bathe him and make the widow drink the bath water to ascertain she did not kill her husband.

These cultures have to stop and I think gradually Nigeria is getting close to that place now.

Bianca has kept a dignified widows silence while the ojukwu's siblings and some of the kids have been all over the news granting interviews and disrespecting her by calling her a forger of ojukwu's will.

And as educated and beautiful as she is, the Nigeria culture prevents her from saying anything and this culture the younger generation needs to kick against it.

Sapele_Don:

@op nice topic and it brings back memory.

Kobo's post just brought back memories and this is why a male child,preferably the first child in a family is very important.

As my name goes Sapele Don indicates,I am from the Niger Delta and in my culture if a man dies the wife or wives is share to the late husbands siblings.

So I flew into the country to make arrangements for my dads burial and at the meeting the final topic of discussion was sharing of his assets.

Dad had only one wife,my mom.

There was no haggling about his property and then they said my mom had to marry from them.

I indulged them by asking which of them wants to marry my mom?they said they will have to hold a meeting to decide that.

In a very calm deadly voice, I told them if that topic is ever raised again I will make sure the person does not live to see the next day.

They believed me.

They believed me because they knew what I had done in my younger days and knew what I was capable of doing.

I felt me and my mother had been disrespected by them bringing up that topic.

And I told them what that means was that one of them had been eyeing my mom when my dad was alive.

Next day they came to me to buy a goat to appease the gods since my mom will not be marrying one of them,gave them the money and that was it.

That culture especially among the people from the Niger Delta has to change.

In some culture when a man dies they bathe him and make the widow drink the bath water to ascertain she did not kill her husband.

These cultures have to stop and I think gradually Nigeria is getting close to that place now.

Bianca has kept a dignified widows silence while the ojukwu's siblings and some of the kids have been all over the news granting interviews and disrespecting her by calling her a forger of ojukwu's will.

And as educated and beautiful as she is, the Nigeria culture prevents her from saying anything and this culture the younger generation needs to kick against it.

Hello Sapele Don,

I admire your courage to stand up for your mother when she was facing the sharks.
I am curious as to know how old were you when you threatened them.

Thanks,

When for every one woman out there saved from that exercise in humiliation, there are probably 50 other widows who in submission walk straight into it without as much as one objection. In the end, women need to stand up and say NO MORE. A 'savior' won't come for all.

@thecongo I was exactly 32 then and my mom was 50 then and this idiots still had eyes for her.

I think it has more to do with having what she comes with. This same happens all across the land. The widow, on remarriage is usually put away in the back somewhere where she is expected to live out her days with her kids and most times on her own, even though she is supposedly married to a sibling of the dead husband. And all this while the so-called husband lives on what is left of the siblings loot that was given him on marrying the woman.

Sapele_Don: @thecongo I was exactly 32 then and my mom was 50 then and this idiots still had eyes for her.

All that couldn't work with us either. We were all so grown. They just left it all to us and disappeared. Culturally though, I don't think people fight wives and kids for property in Yoruba culture. Except there is a will and someone is not following it. And forcing the wife to marry say a brother or drinking bath water will never happen. We thank God for that.

Widowhood/widowerhood is a DIE-VORCE from God!
Worse than divorce from MAN!
Very catastrophic!
Sad to lose a loved one. . .
Everyone should prepare for such an event. . . .
That's life. . . .THE WORLD MOVES ON, SO MUST YOU.

Some widows are 'winchez'. . .who killed their husbands slowly. . . .it happens ALL THE TIME, especially in foreign countries.
In Africa or Nigeria. . . a man can die in the hands of his 'polygamous' partners where many women share one pehnis.
Otumokpor from all directions. . . .
I don't know ANY widows around me. . . .I just see their plights as a DIE-VORCE from GOD!
If it happened to me. . . LIFE GOES ON! The reason I enjoy every moment cherishing my spouse. . . YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU ARE GONNA BE TOGETHER THE NEXT SECOND!

I just lost my husband aged 29 years on December 3rd to a domestic accident, and am 26years. We have been married 2years July 2012 and we have a 2year old son. It still feels unreal but the grace of God is sufficient for me. It's a week now and am still waiting to wake up from the nightmare, but Jer 29 vs 11 gives me solace and a reason to trust God. My inlaws are trying their best, because everyone is hurting. Harsh words and accusations have been flung here and there but it's just a need to be angry at something or someone. My son is giving us all solace because he is a full replica of his father.

I am not a widow and my son is not fatherless because we both have a heavenly husband and father that loves us despite the pain and grief we are going through now. I am using this medium to reach out to everyone that we should mend our ways with God and know that all the pursuit of life is vanity and that life is but like a puff of smoke that can be gone in a second.

It is well with my sisters out there that have lost the love of their lives, none of us knew that when we said the words in a vow 'till death do us part' that it would be in 2years or so sudden, but our heavenly Father knows the beginning from the end. I thank God for my Mother who is my prayer partner and my church who has stood solidly behind me.

To God be all the glory, Amen.

ekwenchi: I just lost my husband aged 29 years on December 3rd to a domestic accident, and am 26years. We have been married 2years July 2012 and we have a 2year old son. It still feels unreal but the grace of God is sufficient for me. It's a week now and am still waiting to wake up from the nightmare, but Jer 29 vs 11 gives me solace and a reason to trust God. My inlaws are trying their best, because everyone is hurting. Harsh words and accusations have been flung here and there but it's just a need to be angry at something or someone. My son is giving us all solace because he is a full replica of his father.

I am not a widow and my son is not fatherless because we both have a heavenly husband and father that loves us despite the pain and grief we are going through now. I am using this medium to reach out to everyone that we should mend our ways with God and know that all the pursuit of life is vanity and that life is but like a puff of smoke that can be gone in a second.

It is well with my sisters out there that have lost the love of their lives, none of us knew that when we said the words in a vow 'till death do us part' that it would be in 2years or so sudden, but our heavenly Father knows the beginning from the end. I thank God for my Mother who is my prayer partner and my church who has stood solidly behind me.

To God be all the glory, Amen.

Wow!

specialguest:

Exactly! She became a widow on the 12th of december 1992 and never remarried ever since even though she was barely 27 years old at that time she choosed to single handedly raise up her three kids ages 5, 3 and the last was 6months old then... Fastforward to 2012, 20 years later and we are all adults now. Went to some of the best schools in the country and are working in reputable organizations except for the last kid who is still in the university.

The last 20 years hasnt been without challenges as there were moments she cried all through the nights especially when any of us fell sick, sometimes she got queries from work because she put her family first and went to the office late, other times she had to work extra hours just to put all our school fees together etc.. I know there are many more women like my mother out there. I feel their pains and i want to know how they are doing .

Your story is also similar to mine. My mum lost her husband 29yrs ago, she was just 28. She had us 5 with the last just a day old when the cold hands of death took him away. Non of us was up to 7 years old then. She ran into God's hands knowing fully well that He is the only hope for her and her kids. She never remarried nor has since had anything to do with any man as she is a core bornagain. After our dad's death, all his siblings fled but one uncle knew the way to our house. Infact his immediate younger brother during the mourning period sold off some of his properties etc. Nemesis caught up with him, he died wayward and childless. Today to God be the glory, we are doing well, all graduates and to crown it all, yesterday she became a grand mum of twins- a boy and a girl, others are also on their way. One thing I have learnt about widowhood is that God is always there to father the fatherless and husband the widows if they run unto him. Her experience is pushing me into setting up a foundation for her in the near future I ll name after her for the care and protection, support and developement of widows and orphans.

My mum got married to my dad in 1983, they had my brother that same year. but in 1984, when she took in again, my dad left her and got married to another lady. in that same year (1984), my mum had me. subsequently, my dad died in his second marriage. so from 1984 (28 years ago), my mum took up the responsibility of raising my brother and myself single-handedly. she had brothers and sisters shaa, but they also had their own families and their own responsibilities to take care of. my mom was a civil servant in Anambra State. her salary was next to nothing. but she managed to put us in good primary, secondary and university schools. we went through a lot. At a time, we did not have money to buy kerosene to cook, so we used boiler...yes, we used ring boiler to boil tomatoes by inserting the ring into the bowl of tomatoes and allowing it to boil, then after some time we 'll take off the boiler and add salt and pepper, then viola...food is ready! then we used the same boiler to boil yam, beans and rice. infact at a time, the matter worsened. there was no food at all to eat in the house.. as in no food at all. so my mum suggested that we should declare fasting and prayers that day, so we started fasting and praying in the morning. At about 6pm, when we wanted to close the fasting, there was no food to eat. sow we continued fasting till the next day which was a sunday. my mum told our pastor our plight and he announced it in church. our church members contributed money for us that day. it was quite a lot. lasted us for the next few weeks.

my mum used to wear one cloth to work everyday, when she comes back, she will wash it and hang it to dry so she can wear it the next day. we wore the same school uniforms for years, with all the wear and tear, and on empty stomachs. at a point, our landlord drove us out of the house, so we moved in with an uncle whose wife and kids showed us hell.

Infact, i have so many instances to share, but i cant continue, cos this has brought back bitter memories and i am at my office shedding tears on my keyboard as i type.

but i wont stop without sharing the good news. . my brother is now a medical doctor and i am now a successful lawyer, with a loving husband and a cute little boy. I keep praying to God to preserve my mother for me so that she can reap the full fruits of her labour. God, I cant stop crying. . .

enkoby: My mum got married to my dad in 1983, they had my brother that same year. but in 1984, when she took in again, my dad left her and got married to another lady. in that same year (1984), my mum had me. subsequently, my dad died in his second marriage. so from 1984 (28 years ago), my mum took up the responsibility of raising my brother and myself single-handedly. she had brothers and sisters shaa, but they also had their own families and their own responsibilities to take care of. my mom was a civil servant in Anambra State. her salary was next to nothing. but she managed to put us in good primary, secondary and university schools. we went through a lot. At a time, we did not have money to buy kerosene to cook, so we used boiler...yes, we used ring boiler to boil tomatoes by inserting the ring into the bowl of tomatoes and allowing it to boil, then after some time we 'll take off the boiler and add salt and pepper, then viola...food is ready! then we used the same boiler to boil yam, beans and rice. infact at a time, the matter worsened. there was no food at all to eat in the house.. as in no food at all. so my mum suggested that we should declare fasting and prayers that day, so we started fasting and praying in the morning. At about 6pm, when we wanted to close the fasting, there was no food to eat. sow we continued fasting till the next day which was a sunday. my mum told our pastor our plight and he announced it in church. our church members contributed money for us that day. it was quite a lot. lasted us for the next few weeks.

my mum used to wear one cloth to work everyday, when she comes back, she will wash it and hang it to dry so she can wear it the next day. we wore the same school uniforms for years, with all the wear and tear, and on empty stomachs. at a point, our landlord drove us out of the house, so we moved in with an uncle whose wife and kids showed us hell.

Infact, i have so many instances to share, but i cant continue, cos this has brought back bitter memories and i am at my office shedding tears on my keyboard as i type.

but i wont stop without sharing the good news. . my brother is now a medical doctor and i am now a successful lawyer, with a loving husband and a cute little boy. I keep praying to God to preserve my mother for me so that she can reap the full fruits of her labour. God, I cant stop crying. . .

Awwww . . . it is well my sister!

I pray that God will give you a kind MIL and husband who will understand what your own mother passed through to raise you.

May God bless your mother!

ekwenchi: I just lost my husband aged 29 years on December 3rd to a domestic accident, and am 26years. We have been married 2years July 2012 and we have a 2year old son. It still feels unreal but the grace of God is sufficient for me. It's a week now and am still waiting to wake up from the nightmare, but Jer 29 vs 11 gives me solace and a reason to trust God. My inlaws are trying their best, because everyone is hurting. Harsh words and accusations have been flung here and there but it's just a need to be angry at something or someone. My son is giving us all solace because he is a full replica of his father.

I am not a widow and my son is not fatherless because we both have a heavenly husband and father that loves us despite the pain and grief we are going through now. I am using this medium to reach out to everyone that we should mend our ways with God and know that all the pursuit of life is vanity and that life is but like a puff of smoke that can be gone in a second.

It is well with my sisters out there that have lost the love of their lives, none of us knew that when we said the words in a vow 'till death do us part' that it would be in 2years or so sudden, but our heavenly Father knows the beginning from the end. I thank God for my Mother who is my prayer partner and my church who has stood solidly behind me.

To God be all the glory, Amen.

Awwwww! The Lord is your strength... Am really sorry for your loss, just 2 years into marriage! God knows best

enkoby: My mum got married to my dad in 1983, they had my brother that same year. but in 1984, when she took in again, my dad left her and got married to another lady. in that same year (1984), my mum had me. subsequently, my dad died in his second marriage. so from 1984 (28 years ago), my mum took up the responsibility of raising my brother and myself single-handedly. she had brothers and sisters shaa, but they also had their own families and their own responsibilities to take care of. my mom was a civil servant in Anambra State. her salary was next to nothing. but she managed to put us in good primary, secondary and university schools. we went through a lot. At a time, we did not have money to buy kerosene to cook, so we used boiler...yes, we used ring boiler to boil tomatoes by inserting the ring into the bowl of tomatoes and allowing it to boil, then after some time we 'll take off the boiler and add salt and pepper, then viola...food is ready! then we used the same boiler to boil yam, beans and rice. infact at a time, the matter worsened. there was no food at all to eat in the house.. as in no food at all. so my mum suggested that we should declare fasting and prayers that day, so we started fasting and praying in the morning. At about 6pm, when we wanted to close the fasting, there was no food to eat. sow we continued fasting till the next day which was a sunday. my mum told our pastor our plight and he announced it in church. our church members contributed money for us that day. it was quite a lot. lasted us for the next few weeks.

my mum used to wear one cloth to work everyday, when she comes back, she will wash it and hang it to dry so she can wear it the next day. we wore the same school uniforms for years, with all the wear and tear, and on empty stomachs. at a point, our landlord drove us out of the house, so we moved in with an uncle whose wife and kids showed us hell.

Infact, i have so many instances to share, but i cant continue, cos this has brought back bitter memories and i am at my office shedding tears on my keyboard as i type.

but i wont stop without sharing the good news. . my brother is now a medical doctor and i am now a successful lawyer, with a loving husband and a cute little boy. I keep praying to God to preserve my mother for me so that she can reap the full fruits of her labour. God, I cant stop crying. . .

After reading your post to my mum she spent over 10mins weeping.. Memories she said! Your mother is an amazon and a paragon of strength.. I pray she lives long to enjoy the fruit of her labour..

Amen to that on enkoby's story
For ekwenchi God will provide succor for you in this tryin times.Amen too

Baby123 believe it they fight for property and some times go diabolical. The najor reason why u don't hear much is becaos of lagos's cosmopolitan nature. Move into epe, ogun state and yonder you will hear things. This virus is african.

@ Ekwenchi how are you coping since the loss of you husband? I hope you are taking good care of yourself and the baby. You are in my thoughts and prayers dear

specialguest: how are you coping since the loss of you husband? I hope you are taking good care of yourself and the baby. You are in my thoughts and prayers dear

pls confirm as i dont think she lost her hubby,.....

biolabee:

pls confirm as i dont think she lost her hubby,.....

.
Thanks it was actually Ekwenchi I was referring to. Post modified

in nigeria, very bad situation, lord have mercy.

so sad.