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My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ - Literature - Nairaland

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My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 3:45pm On Dec 25, 2012
I am taking a big risk by writing this. My African Nerd fans will surely kill me if they found out I wrote this while my main story is still unupdated. God help me ooo!!!
*****************************************************************
It is Christmas morning, I turn in bed. I wake up, look at the time on my phone
6:00 am
Damn! Christmas morning.
I throw the phone off, pick it again. I want to send someone a text.
I scroll through my contacts down to her name, I say it out loud to myself.
Haaa! Just saying the name sends heavenly feeling all over me. No! She is not my girlfriend, I don’t call her that, she is just one of the few people who understand me, the true me. Heh! Who cares?! And then I proceed to type
“My Baby girl
Umbrella of beauty
Holder of a million virtues
When 2face sang African Queen, he was talking about you. Don’t ask how I know, me and face ping each other well well
Baby girl, Anytime I look into ur big brown eyes. I see our unborn children, Toafeekat, Musilihu, and Chukwudi and nine other children whose names I don’t know
They are fine like you and like to suck br.east too…………………like me
Ermmmm….. I just want to wish you a happy and chicken-filled Christmas
Happy greetings, the only Pomo in my egusi”
I smile to myself, after typing it and then click on send.
I roll once more in the bed. Hypnos carries me off for a while.
“Alomo! Wake up! Wake up my brother ooo!!”, my sister calls
“Leave ma alone jorh!”, I grumble, “ my body is paining me!”
She walks away from the room, closing the door behind her.
And true true, my body was paining me. After driving to four different banks the day before, enduring Lagos traffic, and heat. Damn! All because I wanted to get Christmas money. And then in the evening I went to buy fuel, where they wanted to break my head. I had to beg manager and form big boy with my car keys.
I was just waving the key about and shouting at the angry crowd that wanted to buy fuel.
“My car is dead, please let me just buy small fuel in this keg and fill my car!”, Chai! See lie! But it sha got me the fuel in the end. And I left other people there shouting and raving, they were the same people I met there.
I laugh it out in my sleep as I remember yesterday.
Some minutes later, father came out.
“Come Alomo my son! Let us go and kill chicken!”, he said to me as I lay on the bed.
I did not plan to answer him ooo! But what?! Chicken!? I have only killed a fish once, God rest its poor soul! And even at that it was a terrible experience.
“I cannot kill chicken jare! Have u forgotten the fish I killed last time”, I retort
My father didn’t say anything for a while, I am sure he was remembering the fish, I am sure he can still taste the bitter sting of bile in his mouth.
He is determined to force me awake
“Oya wake up! Let us wash the car then! You are very lazy! Ehn! You just stay in your room and eat and sleep and browse. Oya wake up now! “
OOOooooooo!! I cannot escape this man. So I grumble my way out of bed and to the veranda with him.
I choose the small red jeep, he chooses the big blue one.
And then he says, “Now I will show you how to wash car?!”
I was like WTF! Me?! How to wash car?!
As we wash the car jejely, I notice something.
A chicken was moving towards Jill’s plate, Jill is our dog. There were some rice in the plate, the plate is right in front of Jill’s cage.
Jill quickly pushes her head out of the cage, squeezing her small head through the small slits that were made in the bottom of the cage.
WOOOOFF! ROOOOFF!
She barks at the chicken to go away, she hates them with a passion, but the chicken ignores her. It is determined to eat from the rice in her plate. Jill knows it is the rice she is after.
And then Jill does something that surprises me, she bites unto the plate and pulls it into the cage, the chicken runs after the rice that is escaping from it. The chicken is almost close to the plate, and the plate is stuck inbetween the slits. Jill pulls the plate once more and PPOOOM!! It passes through the slits into her cage.
The chicken goes mad with rage, making noise everywhere and flapping its wings. Jill has just denied him of breakfast. Jill ignores the maddened chicken! Wetin consign her?! Shebi she don collect wetin dey attract am.
I laugh to myself, these house animals no go kill me for here ooo!!
Just then my mother appears
“Alomo! Wont you wash the car finish?”, she says
I turn to see her and then I resume the washing of the car.
“Cant you see I am training our son to wash car?”, my father says, a smile on his face, “Wont you tell me “Thank you, Honey”?”, he asks
My mother does not even look at him, she just dash him one yimu.
Exactly! Yimu for him jare! Me that I have been washing car for over fifteen years, since before 2000.
Durng the washing of the car, my father has washed his finish, I am still washing mine and then he proceeds to ask me.
“Alomo! Do you know I am a scientist?!”, he asks
I roll my eyeballs up to the sky, he doesn’t see my of course, I am bending to wash the tyres.
Oh my God! Scientists?!
“You cannot answer me?!,”, he asks again
Wetin consign me? If u like be Armu robber! As long as the money dey flow!
“Ehn!”, I answer
“Look at you, you don’t know anything!”, and then he proceeds to ask me a lot of science questions. I fail it all. Heh! Who get time for that wan?
After am true with the car, I walk to the kitchen where my mother is mutilating the chicken.
She turns to me and says, “Should I put this part in the food?”
“What is that?”, I ask
“Epon!”, she replies
“Hehn! Give it to wale, he will eat it!”, my father says
Wale, my younger brother, hears his name and comes running.
“What do you want to give me?”, he asks
“We want to give you epon!”, my father tells him
My sister speaks before he can
“Daddy what is Epon?”
“Testicles!”
My brothers’ eyes fling apart, his jaws fling down.
“Is that not the kokoro thing?”, he asks
“Yes na! it will make your own to grow big!”
"Yes ooo!! It will be so big that you will have to roll it your trousers", my sister says
"Shuttup!", my mother commands, "God will not let us see such!"

2 Likes

Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Feraz(m): 4:13pm On Dec 25, 2012
“Alomo! Do you know I am a scientist?!”, he asks
I roll my eyeballs up to the sky, he doesn’t see my of course, I am bending to wash the tyres.
Oh my God! Scientists?!
“You cannot answer me?!,”, he asks again
Wetin consign me? If u like be Armu robber! As long as the money dey flow!
“Ehn!”, I answer
“Look at you, you don’t know anything!”, and then he proceeds to ask me a lot of science questions. I fail it all. Heh! Who get time for that wan?
Olodo!!!!! shocked shocked grin grin grin
lol at epon....
nice piece....loving it.....kurisumasu ometedou...
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by AbdulAdam56(m): 4:35pm On Dec 25, 2012
Lol redmosquito u bad. grin
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by dont8(m): 4:36pm On Dec 25, 2012
Go complete your other fairy
tale joh, nice one anyway.
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by larride(m): 4:39pm On Dec 25, 2012
Red-Moss, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, oya go update that african nerd tori now. Nice one you got here.
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 4:46pm On Dec 25, 2012
You see your life angry


Anyway shaa..this is "hilariously funny" grin
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Warlord3000(m): 6:03pm On Dec 25, 2012
Now am not even sure what to do with U̶̲̥̅̊ ooo..*confused*

Whether to beat U̶̲̥̅̊ on top the African Nerd issue or just enjoy ur christmas drama..

N.B: this is the best time for me to enjoy the African Nerd oo cos busy days may take peeps away from the story ooo... smiley
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Bolushalom: 6:30pm On Dec 25, 2012
Im so into this one ...lol u aff money o, 2 cars...we, we dnt af any o...luv ur popsi
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Bolushalom: 7:17pm On Dec 25, 2012
Is this going 2 end here? Pls dnt let it o,..dnt let affect African Nerd either...abeg

1 Like

Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by ciphoenix(m): 7:31pm On Dec 25, 2012
Wonderful Piece Amigo
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by olenyi(m): 8:45pm On Dec 25, 2012
U see. I talk am. U don come here come hide, abi. Later now u'll say ur busy, lappy batt died, etc. U better come back to ''african nerd'' oooo, or .......

If i were a wizard, walahi, i would have woken tarnatos up and sent him after u.

NB: i'm at the african nerd thread waiting with arms on my waist and foot tapping the floor.
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 11:58pm On Dec 25, 2012
thanks yall for the comments, really appreciate.
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Nobody: 6:06am On Dec 26, 2012
Hilarious, man grin
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by FoxyRebirth(m): 10:34am On Dec 26, 2012
**Looks at Mosquito and shakes head**

Hahahhahahahahhaha.... Better complete this one and that other one...
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 10:47am On Dec 26, 2012
Haaa! U guys want more? this is the end ooo! It was just a short story, written under the influence of serious CHRISTMAS borebom.
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Feraz(m): 11:19am On Dec 26, 2012
So the xmas was boring for you? At least, you should have invited minion and hades to spend it with you.... grin

1 Like

Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Shugamania(f): 11:22am On Dec 26, 2012
Redmosquito:
“Alomo! Do you know I am a scientist?!”, he asks
Wetin consign me? If u like be Armu robber! As long as the money dey flow!
............
"Yes ooo!! It will be so big that you will have to roll it your trousers", my sister says
"Shuttup!", my mother commands, "God will not let us see such!"

grin grin grin grin
papa na scientist..
pikins be comedian.
Lovely family.

2 Likes

Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Nobody: 12:00pm On Dec 26, 2012
Nice smiley

1 Like

Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by ciphoenix(m): 12:06pm On Dec 26, 2012
Redmosquito: Haaa! U guys want more? this is the end ooo! It was just a short story, written under the influence of serious CHRISTMAS borebom.
i'll pretend i didn't see this angry angry end for what!!!
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 12:18pm On Dec 26, 2012
Wetin remain again? Abi u want me to write christmas afternoon? grin grin grin grin
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Feraz(m): 12:55pm On Dec 26, 2012
You go get serious problem with me if you no complete that african nerd.....you dey watch naruto? If yes, you sabi itachi and that hm illusion power wee in dey give people.....na that kind you go get...oya....go update that african nerd asap......besides, I sent you a pm......
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 1:18pm On Dec 26, 2012
I don reply ur PM tey tey! grin grin grin
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Rukemi291(f): 1:33pm On Dec 26, 2012
Nice one. I must say boredom brings out some good things sometimes though
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by ciphoenix(m): 3:55pm On Dec 26, 2012
Redmosquito: Wetin remain again? Abi u want me to write christmas afternoon? grin grin grin grin
Afternoon, Evening, Day after. All join grin cool
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Bolushalom: 8:19pm On Dec 26, 2012
Redmosquito: Wetin remain again? Abi u want me to write christmas afternoon? grin grin grin grin
disappointed sad
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 8:51pm On Dec 26, 2012
Bolushalom: disappointed sad
Haa! Dont be all like that on me na! sad
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by Redmosquito(m): 8:52pm On Dec 26, 2012
Bolushalom: disappointed sad
Haa! Dont be all like that on me na! sad
Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by olenyi(m): 10:06am On Dec 28, 2012
I've come to notice dat u write best when bored.
So am sending u a ton of ''boredness'' man.

**Waiting for the result** grin grin grin

1 Like

Re: My Christmas Morning- Boredom Things:-\ by CornerChen: 7:16am On Sep 12, 2013
We are the largest manufacturer of poultry equipment in China, Our products include Cage Rearing System(chicken battery cage), Feeding System, Egg Collection System, Manure Removal System, Temperature System and others. If you are interested, please contact me vin.chensn@gmail.com or call me 00-86-15838398703[/b]
Redmosquito: [b]I am taking a big risk by writing this. My African Nerd fans will surely kill me if they found out I wrote this while my main story is still unupdated. God help me ooo!!!
*****************************************************************
It is Christmas morning, I turn in bed. I wake up, look at the time on my phone
6:00 am
Damn! Christmas morning.
I throw the phone off, pick it again. I want to send someone a text.
I scroll through my contacts down to her name, I say it out loud to myself.
Haaa! Just saying the name sends heavenly feeling all over me. No! She is not my girlfriend, I don’t call her that, she is just one of the few people who understand me, the true me. Heh! Who cares?! And then I proceed to type
“My Baby girl
Umbrella of beauty
Holder of a million virtues
When 2face sang African Queen, he was talking about you. Don’t ask how I know, me and face ping each other well well
Baby girl, Anytime I look into ur big brown eyes. I see our unborn children, Toafeekat, Musilihu, and Chukwudi and nine other children whose names I don’t know
They are fine like you and like to suck br.east too…………………like me
Ermmmm….. I just want to wish you a happy and chicken-filled Christmas
Happy greetings, the only Pomo in my egusi”
I smile to myself, after typing it and then click on send.
I roll once more in the bed. Hypnos carries me off for a while.
“Alomo! Wake up! Wake up my brother ooo!!”, my sister calls
“Leave ma alone jorh!”, I grumble, “ my body is paining me!”
She walks away from the room, closing the door behind her.
And true true, my body was paining me. After driving to four different banks the day before, enduring Lagos traffic, and heat. Damn! All because I wanted to get Christmas money. And then in the evening I went to buy fuel, where they wanted to break my head. I had to beg manager and form big boy with my car keys.
I was just waving the key about and shouting at the angry crowd that wanted to buy fuel.
“My car is dead, please let me just buy small fuel in this keg and fill my car!”, Chai! See lie! But it sha got me the fuel in the end. And I left other people there shouting and raving, they were the same people I met there.
I laugh it out in my sleep as I remember yesterday.
Some minutes later, father came out.
“Come Alomo my son! Let us go and kill chicken!”, he said to me as I lay on the bed.
I did not plan to answer him ooo! But what?! Chicken!? I have only killed a fish once, God rest its poor soul! And even at that it was a terrible experience.
“I cannot kill chicken jare! Have u forgotten the fish I killed last time”, I retort
My father didn’t say anything for a while, I am sure he was remembering the fish, I am sure he can still taste the bitter sting of bile in his mouth.
He is determined to force me awake
“Oya wake up! Let us wash the car then! You are very lazy! Ehn! You just stay in your room and eat and sleep and browse. Oya wake up now! “
OOOooooooo!! I cannot escape this man. So I grumble my way out of bed and to the veranda with him.
I choose the small red jeep, he chooses the big blue one.
And then he says, “Now I will show you how to wash car?!”
I was like WTF! Me?! How to wash car?!
As we wash the car jejely, I notice something.
A chicken was moving towards Jill’s plate, Jill is our dog. There were some rice in the plate, the plate is right in front of Jill’s cage.
Jill quickly pushes her head out of the cage, squeezing her small head through the small slits that were made in the bottom of the cage.
WOOOOFF! ROOOOFF!
She barks at the chicken to go away, she hates them with a passion, but the chicken ignores her. It is determined to eat from the rice in her plate. Jill knows it is the rice she is after.
And then Jill does something that surprises me, she bites unto the plate and pulls it into the cage, the chicken runs after the rice that is escaping from it. The chicken is almost close to the plate, and the plate is stuck inbetween the slits. Jill pulls the plate once more and PPOOOM!! It passes through the slits into her cage.
The chicken goes mad with rage, making noise everywhere and flapping its wings. Jill has just denied him of breakfast. Jill ignores the maddened chicken! Wetin consign her?! Shebi she don collect wetin dey attract am.
I laugh to myself, these house animals no go kill me for here ooo!!
Just then my mother appears
“Alomo! Wont you wash the car finish?”, she says
I turn to see her and then I resume the washing of the car.
“Cant you see I am training our son to wash car?”, my father says, a smile on his face, “Wont you tell me “Thank you, Honey”?”, he asks
My mother does not even look at him, she just dash him one yimu.
Exactly! Yimu for him jare! Me that I have been washing car for over fifteen years, since before 2000.
Durng the washing of the car, my father has washed his finish, I am still washing mine and then he proceeds to ask me.
“Alomo! Do you know I am a scientist?!”, he asks
I roll my eyeballs up to the sky, he doesn’t see my of course, I am bending to wash the tyres.
Oh my God! Scientists?!
“You cannot answer me?!,”, he asks again
Wetin consign me? If u like be Armu robber! As long as the money dey flow!
“Ehn!”, I answer
“Look at you, you don’t know anything!”, and then he proceeds to ask me a lot of science questions. I fail it all. Heh! Who get time for that wan?
After am true with the car, I walk to the kitchen where my mother is mutilating the chicken.
She turns to me and says, “Should I put this part in the food?”
“What is that?”, I ask
“Epon!”, she replies
“Hehn! Give it to wale, he will eat it!”, my father says
Wale, my younger brother, hears his name and comes running.
“What do you want to give me?”, he asks
“We want to give you epon!”, my father tells him
My sister speaks before he can
“Daddy what is Epon?”
“Testicles!”
My brothers’ eyes fling apart, his jaws fling down.
“Is that not the kokoro thing?”, he asks
“Yes na! it will make your own to grow big!”
"Yes ooo!! It will be so big that you will have to roll it your trousers", my sister says
"Shuttup!", my mother commands, "God will not let us see such!"

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