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Who knew that very white walls could feel so dark? I didn't. No one told me this place with so many people like myself would feel so lonely and more depressing.






My name is Cara. I don't even remember what I look like anymore. I haven't seen myself through any shard of glass for ages. I'm a tainted individual of who I used to be.



I was raised in a farm, that kind with harvest of plenty. We never got starved and so did our animals. I loved life and was expectant of what it had to offer.



I remember having big Sunday family dinners with my Aunties, Uncles and Cousins. I would dance to the 80s tunes on the radio, until my dress would get stained with my sweat. I would laugh so hard until I eventually cried. I also remembered going to the end point of the big farm house, where I would kiss my Cousin, Benjamin.



I knew kissing was a thing for adults but I was only 12 and enjoying how my raging hormones were surging my entire system. I felt so alive locking lips with Benjamin, my copper haired cousin near the farm house, where foul smell of Cattle dung filled the air but we didn't mind, we enjoyed every moment of our moment.



My favourite Auntie was Auntie Tina. I remember her being huge but not green at all. She was round but tall. She had the sweetest smile on her round face but she prepared the nicest pancakes for breakfast. She and my Mother were sisters and best friends. They would talk to each other in whispers and laugh over anything and everything.



As the only child of my parents, I desperately desired a playmate, someone I would talk to, play with and share my emotions and thoughts with. Benjamin was the right relative for the job, making me more and more attracted to him. He was 15 but we kissed like overrated actors in romantic movie. Sometimes, I would tiptoe on my tiny toes, so I could perfectly meet my lips with his.






It was just another day at the Mental Institute. My folks back home didn't like telling the neighbours and others around that I was insane, but it was true. I was insane. I ate vegetable with a spoon. I drank water with my hands instead of a cup until I tied to the place I belonged.



I had a friend in this place. She told me her name was Sandy but I doubted it. She was just as insane as I was. She ate more vegetables with a spoon and said my hands were more effective for drinking water than hers. But she was kind, truly kind and loyal to the kind of friendship we had with each other.



Sandy and I were casually having a drink and a bite, after our favourite nurse, Miss Candice served us a treat. We were sitting right next to the waste bin, mostly filled with used wrappers of chocolates than actual garbage when our eyes met with a gray haired lady. She was in red, her lips shiny but colourless. She smiled at Sandy and reached for her. Nurse Candice quickly stopped her and we sighted them talking by the corner of the room. Others stared at the red lady as they talked for a lot of minutes.



The red lady was all smiles again and reached out for Sandy. Sandy's eyes were jolted open in bewilderment and fear. She screamed and moved away from the lady. Soon, Sandy couldn't make comprehensible words out of her mouth. She was stuttering and screaming at the same time. I couldn't understand what was happening right before my eyes. My brain was getting bored of the events I was seeing right there and then.







Auntie Tina got out of the house as the temperature was rising every moment. I could sight her with a cigarette and a lighter. Lately, she has been smoking. I overheard my Mother caution Auntie Tina about the dangers of smoking but she wouldn't listen. I knew smoking was a bad thing to do and I also knew kissing a relative was even a more bad and offensive thing to do.



But nevertheless, I went on with the act. Benjamin's mother, Auntie Tina was out and about for her smoking expedition and I was out for kissing lessons.



I was now 13 and Benjamin, 15. I was carefully walking through the paths of the farm house when Benjamin startled me with a "Boo!". I was so petrified, as the hairs on my ears were awakened. It was only Benjamin and he had a small rose flower in his hands. He grabbed my tiny waist and the kissing lessons suddenly began.



We kissed and kissed until the only thing I could hear was the sudden slap resounding on my left ear.



"Aun-tie!" I stuttered as my hearing wasn't yet regained from her hot slap on my face. I almost wanted to cry.
"You child of filth. How dare you!" Auntine Tina yelled, pulling my ears and yanking them. Benjamin raced himself from our presence, even when he heard me screaming and pleading for mercy from his Mother.



"I'll teach you a lesson, you LovePeddler!". Auntin Tina threatened me greatly, twisting my ears a little more. She decided to place the burning ends of her cigarettes on my flesh, making me wince loudly. She twisted my nipples through my lacy dress and laughed as she did so. She laughed some more as she asked me to UnCloth. Why would Auntie Tina ask me to take off my clothes? Even Benjamin never did so.





That was actually the last time I set my crying eyes on Sandy - which actually wasn't her real name. Her real name was Angela, that was what Nurse Candice spoke to my hearing a few weeks after she left the Mental Institute.



The lady in read was her Mother and she had finally redeemed her lost daughter. No one was there to redeem me. No one knew the true story. Just I and Auntie Tina.






Auntie Tina ordered me to take off that floral lacy dress from my burning skin. I wanted to say no but she was about lighting another stick of cigarette. I was so scared, making me divest myself of my clothing.



"Get on with it, you little bitch!" Auntie Tina said, the stick of cigarette put in place with her big teeth. I eventually took off my dress, leaving me ashen in just my underwear. Auntie Tina smiled and licked her now dark lips in the most disturbing manner.



She pinched on my nipples yet again but she didn't laugh this time. Soft moans escaped from her lips as she did so. I screamed loudly but no one was there to rescue me from what was happening.






Inside the white walls of the Mental Institute, I got the news that Auntie Tina was confirmed Lesbian and decided to take up smoking and drinking, to tame the roaring thoughts back then. I was the only victim and she took advantage of me gladly.



I gave in to the Mental Institute because I was different. None of my Uncles plucked my nipples or kissed me passionately the way Auntie Tina did, not even Benjamin did. I thought I was abnormal. I thought I deserved to be locked up. For I thought my mind was just bored and deserved a little more.