Nairaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / Login / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 1258690 members, 1698630 topics. Date: Thursday, 23 October 2014 at 10:24 AM

When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? - Family (1) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? (1257 Views)

Our Teens, Their Dressing, A Moral Decadence, Who Do We Blame? / How Long Does One Need To Know One's Partner? / Should We Blame Ourselves Or Society For Our Actions? (1) (2) (3) (4)

(0) (1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by coogar: 9:05pm On Dec 27, 2012
Sisi_Kill: Well this is a tough one oh but let's break it down based of on the stories we have heard.

superstory or papa ajasco?


If a man Cheats, it's the woman's fault because she is missing whatever it is he saw in the other person.

70% of the time, it's the man's fault. he's the one with the issue or the greed to go n dip his sausage elsewhere.


If a woman's cheat, it's the woman's fault because she is not content with what she has.

if she cheats, there's no excuse - she's 90% responsible. women attach emotions to everything and they must have thought it through before taking off their knickers.


If a man Cheats, it's the devil's fault since the devil is the woman, it is the woman's fault.

not true - the devil has been used as an excuse by men, women, children and animals. it applies universally.


If a woman cheats, it is the devil's fault, since the devil is the woman, it is the woman's fault.

correct!


If a man's cheats, it was in a moment of weakness, since it is a wife's duty to pray for her husband's shortcomings therefore it is her fault.

ridiculous!


If a man cheats, he was lured into it by the person he cheats with, since more often than not, it is a woman he cheats with then the woman is at fault.

bizzare!



Yeah, it think it is safe to say it is the woman. . .the omnipresence, omniscient, all powerful being who is to blame.

i wish women have such powers - unfortunately, they don't but nonetheless, they should be feared. anything that bleeds 5 days every month without dying deserves my maximum respect!
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by 2legit2qwt: 9:09pm On Dec 27, 2012
Is there like a standard formula being used to decide who should take the blame? shouldn't it be based on individual stories? This is a subjective question, tell us your story and it'll make more sense as to who should be blamed.
This don't make no damn sense at all.

1 Like

Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by chamotex(m): 9:22pm On Dec 27, 2012
kpolli:

It's not caused by the other half, it's caused by the cheater but the cheated too has a blame in this. . . Simple

My point is... the cheated does not ALWAYS have a blame. They might have a blame in most instances but not ALWAYS like you are making it seem.


kpolli:

When a relationship is great, it's cause of both of them. . . When a relationship fails is caused by only one No I beg to defer, no matter how minute, the cheated has his/her share of the blame. . .

Of course when a relationship fail, its the fault of AT LEAST ONE of them not BOTH parties. If one party decides to mess something up why should the other take the blame.

Blaming another party is just an excuse to justify the act itself.
"I had to cheat because I wasn't getting any attention"
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 9:38pm On Dec 27, 2012
kpolli:

It's not caused by the other half, it's caused by the cheater but the cheated too has a blame in this. . . Simple

When a relationship is great, it's cause of both of them. . . When a relationship fails is caused by only one No I beg to defer, no matter how minute, the cheated has his/her share of the blame. . .

Don't agree with you!

So if I'm working my a ss off and my man goes to cheat and gives me a sh itty excuse that I made him do it cos I work too much..... Isn't that what marriage is all about ? Passive communication and working together for a goal ?

So when I bring home the dough ... do I spend it alone? spare me those excuses will ya, I'm not taking that one bit and I ain't gonna take no blame for a grown A$$ six packed thirty something man! tongue
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by 2legit2qwt: 9:41pm On Dec 27, 2012
jidegirl12:

Don't agree with you!

So if I'm working my a ss off and my man goes to cheat and gives me a sh itty excuse that I made him do it cos I work too much..... Isn't that what marriage is all about ? Passive communication and working together for a goal ?

So when I bring home the dough ... do I spend it alone? spare me those excuses will ya, I'm not taking that one bit and I ain't gonna take no blame for a grown A$$ six packed thirty something man! tongue

I agree, you cheat, you take the sole responsibility for it. If you can't fix the problem or withstand it, how about backing out? Only low-lives cheat
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by kpolli(m): 4:46am On Dec 28, 2012
jidegirl12:

Don't agree with you!

So if I'm working my a ss off and my man goes to cheat and gives me a sh itty excuse that I made him do it cos I work too much..... Isn't that what marriage is all about ? Passive communication and working together for a goal ?

So when I bring home the dough ... do I spend it alone? spare me those excuses will ya, I'm not taking that one bit and I ain't gonna take no blame for a grown A$$ six packed thirty something man! tongue

So a man who chases success rather than spend time with the gf is at fault when she goes seeking attention from other men but when its the woman's turn, she is hustling for money for both of them abi?? If your bf wants a jobless girl at his beck n call and u can not provide that quality, he wud go looking for one. . . . So whether u agree or not, in theory. . . u didn't give him what he wanted, so ur partly at fault for dating that fooool. . .
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by kpolli(m): 4:47am On Dec 28, 2012
chamotex:

My point is... the cheated does not ALWAYS have a blame. They might have a blame in most instances but not ALWAYS like you are making it seem.




Of course when a relationship fail, its the fault of AT LEAST ONE of them not BOTH parties. If one party decides to mess something up why should the other take the blame.

Blaming another party is just an excuse to justify the act itself.
"I had to cheat because I wasn't getting any attention"

First, let's ask. . . Why do ppl cheat? Through that answer, you would understand my line of thought
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 5:02am On Dec 28, 2012
kpolli:

So a man who chases success rather than spend time with the gf is at fault when she goes seeking attention from other men but when its the woman's turn, she is hustling for money for both of them abi?? If your bf wants a jobless girl at his beck n call and u can not provide that quality, he wud go looking for one. . . . So whether u agree or not, in theory. . . u didn't give him what he wanted, so ur partly at fault for dating that fooool. . .

Your example contradicts your point you're trying to make.......

@the bolded...you know sometimes workaholics get carried away....it's your spouse's responsibility to call your attention to regroup...so I ain't at fault se! s hit's on him not me!

And lets face it, if the man is not successful....will the woman pay attention if he cheats or not or focus on him getting a job fist? #justbeing100%
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by bjcole: 7:40am On Dec 28, 2012
I stil think some men are partly responsible for their wife cheating, i remember d early part of marriage, i was always clubbing & not given my wife any intention, even sex wit her was like once in 3wks, i was just catching my fun outside, i felt since there was money 4 her 2 spend & kid 2 take care off, whatelse & most of my guys dat we move together were just like me. I just thank God that it wasnt too long i realised myself so if in the midst of these my wife strayed away, dont i ve some blame?
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by bjcole: 8:13am On Dec 28, 2012
@ madam jide, how are you doing? it is like you ve been away for sometime now, season greetings to you & ur entire family. keep ma jollof abeg
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by kpolli(m): 2:20pm On Dec 28, 2012
jidegirl12:
[/b]
Your example contradicts your point you're trying to make.......

@the bolded...you know sometimes workaholics get carried away....it's your spouse's responsibility to call your attention to regroup...so I ain't at fault se! s hit's on him not me!

And lets face it, if the man is not successful....will the woman pay attention if he cheats or not or focus on him getting a job fist? #justbeing100%

Obviously my point is when ur spouse draws ur attention to ur flaw but there is lil or no change from u
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 3:07pm On Dec 28, 2012
bjcole: @ madam jide, how are you doing? it is like you ve been away for sometime now, season greetings to you & ur entire family. keep ma jollof abeg

Lol oga Bjcole I dey o! Christmas was fun too..... been on and off , even though I'm off work I'm still on call ....

what bout you and family? Hope your Xmas was fun too..... Best things await all of us that believe in HIM in 2013 IJN. Amen

Don't worry jollif rice dey anytime as long as I have madam's permission grin
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by RoyalRoy(m): 3:57pm On Dec 28, 2012
Cheating I believe is not a two way thing. Some people are bound never to be satisfied with what they have! I used to have this attitude way back....that I can never have just one gf, in case she messes up, I always have a back up. It so happens that after meeting a very good girl...I still cannot let go of the others.
In my opinion...I will say a partners attitude to a relationship may cause the other partner to stray but never put the blame on him or her. Communication can surely erase those "devil pushing hands".
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by chamotex(m): 5:59pm On Dec 28, 2012
kpolli:

First, let's ask. . . Why do ppl cheat? Through that answer, you would understand my line of thought

There isn't a sole reason why people cheat, people do it for various reasons.
If a girl was throwing herself at a guy at a party for example, and he decided it's a good opportunity to 'hit' a different coochie since the opportunity presented itself, how the hell is that the partner's fault? Is it the partner's fault he can't resist temptation? No!
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by kpolli(m): 10:12pm On Dec 28, 2012
chamotex:

There isn't a sole reason why people cheat, people do it for various reasons.
If a girl was throwing herself at a guy at a party for example, and he decided it's a good opportunity to 'hit' a different coochie since the opportunity presented itself, how the hell is that the partner's fault? Is it the partner's fault he can't resist temptation? No!

Where was the partner when "a girl was throwing herself at the guy at the party?" She was filling to mature to accompany her partner abi, well competition just entered equation. . . .
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by chamotex(m): 12:42am On Dec 29, 2012
kpolli:

Where was the partner when "a girl was throwing herself at the guy at the party?" She was filling to mature to accompany her partner abi, well competition just entered equation. . . .

Okay I'm trying to get you here...
Are you saying the girl should be blamed (partly) because she didn't accompany her partner to the party?
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 1:05am On Dec 29, 2012
^^^ his posts are very confusing
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by bjcole: 10:33am On Dec 29, 2012
jidegirl12:

Lol oga Bjcole I dey o! Christmas was fun too..... been on and off , even though I'm off work I'm still on call ....

what bout you and family? Hope your Xmas was fun too..... Best things await all of us that believe in HIM in 2013 IJN. Amen

Don't worry jollif rice dey anytime as long as I have madam's permission grin
It was fun 4 me too, we had some nice time, 4 d jollof rice, i guess she wil give u d permission. regards 2 bros.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Alxmyr(m): 11:30am On Dec 29, 2012
The person the partner cheated with.....

And thsoe that will not mind their business.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by kpolli(m): 3:10pm On Dec 29, 2012
chamotex:

Okay I'm trying to get you here...
Are you saying the girl should be blamed (partly) because she didn't accompany her partner to the party?

Yes
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by chamotex(m): 3:26pm On Dec 29, 2012
kpolli:

Yes

You must be joking
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Tgirl4real(f): 9:39pm On Dec 29, 2012
chamotex:

You must be joking

He must def be joking. grin

U mean u have to hang around ur partner each tym he/she wants to go out? What if u are unavoidably absent or it's a guy hang out where 'ladies' aint invited. grin

It's still funny to me how u will blame the partner under the circumtance Chamo mentioned.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Tgirl4real(f): 9:50pm On Dec 29, 2012
jidegirl12:
[/b]
Your example contradicts your point you're trying to make.......

@the bolded...you know sometimes workaholics get carried away....it's your spouse's responsibility to call your attention to regroup...so I ain't at fault se! s hit's on him not me!

And lets face it, if the man is not successful....will the woman pay attention if he cheats or not or focus on him getting a job fist? #justbeing100%


What I will say to this is no matter how u think ur family needs the money, never abandon ur responsibility at home as a man or woman to chase after money or build a career. As a married workaholic, u should know your family comes first and always know when to press the brakes and slow down.

When we wait for our spouse to call our attention to our flaws always, it becomes very easy to take them for granting. We keep saying to ourselves that he will understand or expect him to complain when it's getting too much. What if he/she is tired of complaining?
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by ileobatojo: 10:05pm On Dec 29, 2012
Oh boy! Deluded tantrum coming in 3,2....
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 10:42pm On Dec 29, 2012
bjcole: It was fun 4 me too, we had some nice time, 4 d jollof rice, i guess she wil give u d permission. regards 2 bros.

Okay then grin will do.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 10:54pm On Dec 29, 2012
Lol @Deluded tantrum countdown .....,ASHI !!!

@ Tee.... I understand your point and that's even our number one on our new year resolution list grin

That being said ... Nobody's perfect and stuff happens and we get carried away sometimes that we are not aware we are doing something wrong..... it's the other spouse's role to regroup his/her other half ...... just about working together .....

A loving spouse will do everything for his marriage to work .....the other one will be looking for an excuse to blame on every-time he misbehaves ( sebi you're working too much and you made me do it) ....,

instead of calling his/her attention to it .

Marriage is to be enjoyed I get it..... 'complaining too much' ( not nagging type) sometimes can make a looot of difference. Folding hands will not.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by ileobatojo: 11:26pm On Dec 29, 2012
You all can thank me later for helping to avert this one. cool
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 11:31pm On Dec 29, 2012
ileobatojo: You all can thank me later for helping to avert this one. cool

Always stalking me! Abi dem swear for una?
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by bjcole: 1:31am On Dec 30, 2012
jidegirl12:

Always stalking me! Abi dem swear for una?
my dear, i dont think u need to get hurt by anyone here, u know u onced cautioned me here b4 & i saw reasons wit u. My being on Nl i am happy b'cos i stil ve pal like u dat makes me happy when i come around. Do u know someone called pase in ontario? I told my wife about u & she is fascinated, i wish i can introduce her 2 u, so u can teach her more things as a senior aunty.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 1:47am On Dec 30, 2012
bjcole: my dear, i dont think u need to get hurt by anyone here, u know u onced cautioned me here b4 & i saw reasons wit u. My being on Nl i am happy b'cos i stil ve pal like u dat makes me happy when i come around. Do u know someone called pase in ontario? I told my wife about u & she is fascinated, i wish i can introduce her 2 u, so u can teach her more things as a senior aunty.

Okay oga I don hear you, I will stop like you said....

I'm sorry but that lady just follows me everywhere cohorts with the aim to shoot all my posts down ..... I'm sure she'll be back again but I will try to ignore her.

I'm honoured.....good to know men like you still exist. Shoot me pm and I'll give my email and we can go from there..... grin

I guess I'm making friends be that when I come home and places to visit grin your family and Greatgod's .... I will find you for sure.

It is well sir.
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by ileobatojo: 2:27am On Dec 30, 2012
bjcole: my dear, i dont think u need to get hurt by anyone here, u know u onced cautioned me here b4 & i saw reasons wit u.

Please sir, can you stop messing with my entertainment? I'm here to watch an implosion and you're trying to spoil my fun. Please stop it. Thank you. cool angry grin
Re: When One Partner Cheats, Who Should We Blame? by Nobody: 2:34am On Dec 30, 2012
Bjcole ^^^^ see ? Told you. grin grin

Just half an hour difference.... the gal is stalking me... but it's okay .... I'd listen and practice what I preached to you and sapele don.

(0) (1) (2) (Reply)

When You’re Married To A Woman With Natural Hair / My Wife Wants To Go And Marry A Very Wealthy Man: Advise Me. / Why Do Old People Cough

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2014 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See Nairalist and How To Advertise. 98
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.