The Foundation of Marriage. Marriage is like a
house. If it is to last, it needs a solid
foundation. The bedrock upon which the
foundation of marriage must rest is an
unconditional, mutual Vow that allows no
external or internal circumstances to "put
asunder" the marital union that God Himself
has established. This Vowal commitment and
conviction that God has united our lives in
holy matrimony give us reasons to believe
that He will enable us to stay together, even
when our marriages appear to be "for
worse." It is this Vow foundation that will
motivate us to seek God’s help in trying again
to make successes of our marriages, even
when our needs are unfulfilled and our
relationships seem to be sterile or sour.
It is this Vowal foundation that is often
lacking in Christian marriages today. "What is
missing in most marriages today,"
perceptively observes Paul Stevens, "is what
the Bible identifies as the heart of marriage: a
Vow.The foundation ensuring the stability and
permanence of marriage is the mutual
commitment of a couple to cleave to one
another "for better and for worse." The
Biblical concept of a lifelong, permanent bond
between a husband and a wife is quickly
becoming an outdated, foreign concept. More
and more couples enter the marriage
relationship believing that it is terminable.
They interpret the promise "Till death do us
part" as meaning "Till disagreement or other
interests do us part."
To resist this societal trend which is
undermining the foundation of marriage, we
must recover and reaffirm the Biblical view
of marriage as a sacred and permanent Vow.
Declaring our permanent commitment to each
other not only on the wedding day, but
periodically throughout our lives (especially
on the wedding anniversary and each other’s
birthday) will help us to preserve our
marriage Vow.
A Vow marriage is not a relational prison
locking a man and a woman into a
permanent relationship. It is rather, to quote
Paul Stevens again, "an elastic link between
two hearts. When they move apart, a tug
reminds them they belong. Or, a Vow is a net
beneath two trapeze artists. It is a risky
business, this high-wire stunt, and they will
undoubtedly fall sometime. But the safety net
beneath them holds."There are many people legally married today
who have never made a Vowal commitments
to their spouses. At the time of their legal
marriages, some of them were not
emotionally mature enough to solemnly make
before God that lifelong Vow commitment.
Others may have chosen to retain the idea of
divorce in their minds as a last-ditch option.
Instead of promising faithfulness to each
other "till death do us part," they pledge to
remain together "as long as we both shall
love."
Whatever the original reason may have been
for failing to enter into a marriage Vow, now
is the time to make such a Vow, even if you
are experiencing a good marriage. A refusal
to make a marriage Vow indicates a flaw in
your commitment to your spouse. That flaw
is like a tiny crack that can be fatally widened
by sinister forces working to destroy
marriage. To avoid such a risk, we must
recover and reaffirm the Biblical
understanding of marriage as a lifelong
sacred Vow, witnessed and guaranteed by
God Himself.
A Vow Under Attack. Four major social forces
today are conspiring to undermine the
Biblical view of marriage as a sacred Vow,
reducing it instead to a temporary social
contract governed by civil laws and
terminated when it no longer meets the
expectations of one or both spouses.
Secularism has caused the loss of the sense
of the sacred in various realms of life,
including marriage. For example, the Lord’s
Day is no longer viewed by many Christians
as a "holy day" but rather as a "holiday," a
day to seek for personal pleasure and profit,
rather than for the presence and peace of
God. Life is no longer sacred for many people,
as over 34,000 of 59,000 women die yearly
over abortion in Nigeria alone, besides the
countless number of persons killed
everywhere by senseless crimes, drugs and
violence. Similarly, marriage is no longer
regarded by many as a lifelong, sacred Vow
witnessed and guaranteed by God Himself,
but rather as a temporary social contract,
governed solely by civil laws.
Humanism teaches that marriage is a human
and not a divine institution. Its function is to
meet a person’s needs: social, sexual,
emotional, and financial. Accordingly, when
such needs are no longer met, the marriage
contract can be legitimately terminated.
Selfism tells us that we have the right to
reach self-fulfillment, self-sufficiency, and
self-development. If marriage becomes a
stumbling block to self-actualization, it must
be dissolved. Fritz Perls expresses it in this
way: "I do my thing, and you do your thing. I
am not in this world to live up to your
expectations, and you are not in this world to
live up to mine. And if by some chance we
meet, it’s beautiful."