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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Laf Ur Ribs Out. (12198 Views)
Babalawo Agbaye Hilarious Pix Dnt Brake Ur Ribs After Watching / If U Don't Want Ur Ribs To Crack, Please Don't Read These Jokes / Dnt Over-laugh, Dnt Break Ur Ribs (2) (3) (4)
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 6:59pm On Mar 26, 2013 |
Akpors visit an hotel After knoking Discussn goes thus: Akpor: hello pls am looking 4 juilet. Lady: sorry dirty guy rough and stinky like u dont look 4 expensive Juilet..! Akpors: am expensive I have money..,(hearing the discussion going on Juilet came to them) Juilet: am Juilet what did u want? Akpors: I need to see u..! Juilet: b4 any guy can see me talkless of sleeping with me., he must hand me #50,000, suprising akpors brought out the money and they went in 4 about 5hrs..! The next day Akpors come back again.! Akpors: I want to see Juilet. Juilet came and Demand 4 another #50,000 saying d same words, akpors dips his hand into his and bring out the money..., This also happened on the 3rd day.., as they finished with what they had Done Akpors said I really enjoy You.., then Juilet asked what happen Mr. Man no guy has ever had sex with me, 3 times in a row and give me such money.., are U rich Like that? Akpors replied did u know Mr. Eazy at the end of the street., she replied yes he his my former Boss where I worked b4.., ok..Mr Eazy said u forgot ur bag in his shop with #150,000 so he sent me to give u..! Gbam||| the girl fainted 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 4:12am On Mar 29, 2013 |
Akpos has tickets for the World Cup final. As he sits in the stadium, a man comes over and asks if anyone is sitting in the seatnext to him. ‘No,’ says Akpos. ‘That seat is empty.’ ‘That’s incredible!’ says the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup final and not use it?’ Akpos replies, ‘Well, actually, I’ve got the tickets for both these seats. My wife was supposed to be here with me, but she passed away.’ ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ says the man. ‘But couldn’t you find a friend or relative to take the seat?’ Akpos shakes his head, ‘No, they’re all at the funeral. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:48am On Mar 29, 2013 |
At a Sunday worship service, Pastor said; Turn to your left and say to your neighbour, "neighbour, it shall be permanent in your life". Akpos turned to his left and saw a cripple. Apparently confused and full of pity, he stared at him and said; Please don't mind Pastor. The cripple replied; Is God dat saved you today, i wish you had said it, i would have use slap to scatter your face. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by dhrey: 9:53am On Mar 29, 2013 |
[quote author=DONFAITH]Akpors was tired of City Girlswent to his village in search of a decent girl to pick as a Wife. He got a real village Girl, paid her bride prize and brought her to the City. When he wanted to make Love to her, he found out that her public hair was too much and asked her to shave. The Girl said," Sir, I no fit shave oo! Nah this hair make all the boys wey dey village dey call me "NKECHI AFRO" [/quote lol,i beg no kil me.nkechi afro ke. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:01pm On Mar 30, 2013 |
Akpos dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They’ll go to heaven and you’ll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room." The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman. "I choose this room!" Akpos says. "Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've found your replacement." 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:20pm On Mar 30, 2013 |
Akpos farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He asks, "Akpos what are you doing outside sitting here laughing?" Akpos replies, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out." The principal says, "Well then, why are you laughing?" Akpos replies, "Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class room smelling and enjoying my fart while they put me outside in this beautiful, clean air. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:32pm On Mar 30, 2013 |
WIFE: How many girlfriends did you have before we got married? Husband remains silent...Five mintues later. WIFE: Why are you silent? HUSBAND: Don't disturb while I'm counting! |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DAVE5(m): 11:53pm On Mar 30, 2013 |
Ok...... |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:50am On Mar 31, 2013 |
Akpos, rukewe and John decided to go to China for vacation. Since they were new to the place they had to stay in a hotel. And their room was on the 60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that at midnight the elevators were shut down. The next day, this guys rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel past midnight. The elevators were shut down. There was no other way to get to their room but to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. John said'''for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then Tito could say wise stories for the next 20 floors and lastly, we will cover the final 20 floors with sad stories from akpos.'' So,John started with jokes. With laughs and joy, they reached the 20th floor. Tito started saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor. Now it was time for sad stories. So, Akpos started: ‘My first sad story is that I left the key for the room in the car |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:06am On Mar 31, 2013 |
Weight Reduction Therapy A very fat woman went to see her doctor for weight reduction therapy. DOCTOR : Take a half teacup of tea every morning, one ball of kenkey (small size) every afternoon and three slices of yam every evening. WOMAN: errm doc, should I take it before or after meals? |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 1:07pm On Apr 02, 2013 |
AKPOS AND AKPAN Akpos and Akpan were friends and great hunters. They hunted and killed animals which they skinned and sold in the market. This time they decided to skin a lion. They went to the deep forest and built a house because they figured it was going to be a long hunt. Early the next morning Akpos woke up and said to Akpan, "bro it's morning and we need to get two lions to skin, so we should get going". But Akpan told him he wasn't feeling well. So Akpos set off to look for the lion alone. Akpos had not gone very far from the house when he met a huge lion in the forest. He turned and ran for his life heading back straight to the house with the lion in hot pursuit. Akpos ran and ran and then he saw the house at a distance with the door wide open. He was determined to get to the house and lock up the door behind him. But just a few yards to the house, he tripped and fell, the lion was so close behind that it couldn't stop. The lion ran head on into the house and Akpan was still in bed. Akpos quickly got up and locked the door from outside and said to Akpan through the window "hey bro, here's the first lion, you skin it while I go look for the second one." |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by Nobody: 9:38pm On Apr 03, 2013 |
D.A.V.E: lol |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 2:36pm On Apr 08, 2013 |
Why I hate My Boyfriend GIRL: I hate my boyfriend! BOY: Why? GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that? BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that. GIRL: I'm going to break up with him. BOY: Ok but know I'm available. [Girl stands to leave] BOY: Wait, where are you going? GIRL: To break up with my boyfriend of course. BOY: You can't leave. GIRL: Why? BOY: Who is going to pay for the lunch we just had? |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:05am On May 06, 2013 |
Akpors & his wife were in a public transport. He gave money to a beggar inside d bus & by d tym they got to d nxt bus stop, his pen*s disappeared..... Akpors shouted "my pen*s is lost oo!" and d ppl in d bus ordered d driver to stop. Akpors told d passengers wat happened & dey started beating d begger up. After receiving hot beatings, d begger agreed to fix his pen*s back, he brought out his bag containing all d dicks he had collected dat day, & poured dem on d ground. Akpors shouted "dat is my pen*s", and as he was about to pick it up, his wife shouted "my friend put dat tin down & pick a bigger one, nonsense". |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 10:47pm On May 18, 2013 |
Jamb Result! Eng=35 Maths=21 physics=20 chemistry=31 total= 107 BUT your; Facebook frndz= 4,999 Twitter followers= 10,572 BBM frndz= 1,520 2go frndz= 980 Whatsapp frndz= 632 2go star level= Ultimate U BE AKPOS I Pity you,THE DEVIL must have been singing LIMPOPO on your BRAIN |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 6:15am On May 20, 2013 |
Akpos saying 2 his mother : Hey mom mom ! I saw dad taking off the secretary's shirt in the office & he ....... She said : what ! Hold it there son! I want u 2 say all that when ur father comes home . That son of a bitch! As The father gets in the house..... Akpos : Hey mom mom ! I saw dad taking off the secretary's dress in the office & he... did 2 her the same stuff our neighbour did 2 u yesterday. The mom fainted!! |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:43pm On May 21, 2013 |
you can now check your weight with your blacberry phone. Just dial *2352# then keep it on the floor and stand on it accurately and wait for the result. Before standing on it make sure you chop akpu and egwisi soup. Message from Akpos. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:56pm On May 21, 2013 |
Daddy Charges A young blonde farm girl answers the door and sees an older neighbor there. "Daddy isn't home, but I know what you want and I can help you," she says. "You want our bull to service your cow. Well, Daddy charges $100 for his best bull." "That's not what I want," the neighbor says. "Well, we do have a young bull who's just starting out. Daddy charges $50 for him," the girl says. "That's not what I want," the neighbor sternly says. "We have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do the job. Daddy only charges $20 for him," says the girl. "That's not what I want. I came here to see your father about your brother," the neighbor explains. "Your brother, Henry, made my daughter pregnant." "Oh! Well, you'd better talk to Daddy about that," the girl says, "cause I don't know what he charges for Henry." |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:19pm On May 22, 2013 |
Akpors was fond of puttn his wife photo inhis wallet so one day d wife asked Him Wife:Y z my foto always in ur wallet Akpors: wen am in trouble...i just look at it and d problem disappears Wife:hmm...do u c how miraculous i am in ur life? Akpors:...I just look at ur picture and say to my self "wat problem could be bigger dan this"?.. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 6:21pm On May 26, 2013 |
What your mother likes Three sons left home to make their fortunes and did very well. one day, the three competitive brothers got back together to discuss the gift that they were giving their elderly mother. The 1st said,"I built a big house for Mom." The 2nd said, "I got her a Mercedes with a driver." "I've got you both beaten," said the 3rd."You know Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty monks in a monastery twelve years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for ten years for them to train him, but it is worth it." Soon thereafter, their mom sent out her letters of thanks. To the. 1st son, she wrote, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only 1 room, but I have 2 clean the whole house." To the 2nd son, she wrote, "Marty, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver was rude!" To the 3rd son, her message was softer: "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious!" |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by Obama9ja(m): 11:12am On Sep 12, 2013 |
MY TESTIMONY GOES LIKE THIS.. I HAVE BEEN PRAYING TO GOD HELP ME AND BLESS ME. AND LAST WEEK GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYER.. AM A COMEDIAN IN ABA, AFTER ANCHORING AN EVENT IN LAGOS, MY CLIENT PAYED ADVANCE AND WE AGREED THAT AFTER THE EVENT HE WILL GIVE ME THE REST, I WENT TO LAGOS WITH HOPE... BUT AFTER THE EVENT, THE MONEY DIDN'T MATRILISE AS HE SAID, RATHER HE GAVE ME TRANSPORT MONEY TO GO BACK TO ABA. DUE TO MY CHRISTIAN MIND, I ACCEPTED AND WENT HOME, WHEN I REACH ABA, AFTER TWO WEEKS THE CLIENT CALLED THAT I SHOULD COME TO LAGOS THAT HE HAS SOMETHING FOR ME, I CAME, HE TOOK ME TO HIS OFFICE AND GAVE A CAR KEY AND POINTED AT THE BLACK TOYOTA CAMRY 2012 MODEL OUTSIDE HIS OFFICE AND SAID THAT I SHOULD TAKE IT HOME, THAT HE WANTED TO TEST ME, AND I DIDN'T FAIL THE TEST SO HE THEN SUPRISED ME.. I COLLECTED THE KEY WALKED TO CAR AS I WAS ABOUT TO OPEN IT I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED I WAKE UP FROM SLEEP.... THAT IS MY DREAM. Need a good profesional funny mc contact MC OBAMA9JA 07060922566 http://facebook.com/mcobama9ja |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by cutieepearl(f): 5:26pm On Oct 10, 2014 |
DONFAITH:soo funny,water dey pour for ma eyes like rain,keep it up. Thumbs up! |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by philo3(m): 6:41pm On Oct 10, 2014 |
if diz tin no reach FP..ai dn quit nairaland ooooo |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by charijee(f): 7:13am On Oct 11, 2014 |
Really funny and ribs cracking, keep them coming |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by jbblues24(m): 3:50pm On May 31, 2019 |
Appealing. So sublime. |
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