2 thieves just stole a bag of oranges & ran to
a
cemetry, on getting there, while jumping the
gate into d
cemetry, 2 oranges fell down but dey
decided 2
ignore it @ dat moment, while inside d
cemetry, dey
started sharing d oranges saying; "ONE 4
U, ONE 4
ME"... a drunkard was passing by & heard d
sound, he ran very fast 2 d nearest parish &
told d pastor dat
he heard GOD & devil sharing dead bodies
in d
cemetry, d pastor followed d drunkard to d
cemetry to
confirm dis... On gettin dere, to his surprise,
it was
true.. D noise went on & louder "ONE 4 U,
ONE 4 ME"..
den it suddenly stoped & one of d thieves
said"wat of d two @ d gate?"... omo come see race
now.. Pastor dey
shout "we neva die o".... ...

Hahahahaahhahahahaahhakekekekekkekekek!!!!!!!!

nice share

3 men rush their wives to the hospital for delivery, shortly a
nurse came out and asked who is Tunde dat work with 3
crown ? ''congrat ur wife gave birth to 3 babies & entered.
She came & asked again ''who is musa dat work with 7up ?
''congrats, ur wife gave birth to 7 babies.
Immediately, the 3rd man named
Akpors ran away because he's workin with 33 lager beer

A certain Yoruba man always goes to eat
Rice and stew in a restaurant, so one day
when he went to eat at the restaurant they
said"Stew neva done yet", The man said "no
probs just bring the ordinary rice for me,
so he ate the ordinary rice. Immediately he
finished eating, they said the stew is done.
The man said"bring the stew wey una
suppose put 4 ma rice"so they gave him d
stew, This guy just drank the stew.B4 I
know wetin dey happen, dis guy start to
tumble and scatter d whole place, he used
his body 2 hit d ground several times. We
managed to hold him down and ask him
what was wrong. The guy said"I dey mix d
rice and stew wey dey inside my belle"

Johnny's father took him to class on his first
day at school. Johnny's dad pulled the
teacher aside and told her "Johnny has a bad
gambling problem so don't make a bet with
him coz you cant win" The teacher agreed.
When the teacher was passing out textbooks
Johnny said "Madam can i make a bet with
you?" She replied "ok what?" Johnny said "I
bet you fifty dollars i can tell you what colour
of panties you have on" She agreed and told
him to stay in the room after the last bell and
then he could guess.
While Johnny and the rest of the class were
on were on break,the teacher took her
panties off and put them in her purse. When
school was over Johnny stayed in the class
room and the teacher locked the door and
said "Okay Johnny what colour are my
panties?" He replied "Yellow" So the teacher
raised her dress and said "No your wrong,
am not wearing any."
Johnny asked her to walk him out to his
dads car and he would get her money. When
they got to the car the teacher told Johnny's
dad that Johnny finally got beat. He asked
"What do you mean?"
The teacher said "Johnny bet me fifty dollars
he could tell me what colour of panties i had
on so i had to remove them." The father
shouted "That son of a bitch,he bet me a
hundred dollars that he would see your
pussy before the end of the day."
Happy NO PANTIES DAY!!=))

A group of scientists did a competition to
test the intelligence of Nigerian students in
inventing things.
On the grand finalle, three students were
called form the crowd to come and present
what they invented.
The first student went there and said:- "I'm
Adeseun Tope from Lagos, i invented a biro
that can write what people are saying on a
paper itself,he practicalised it and he was
applauded"
The next student went there and said "i'm
Ehirim Chinwe from Imo, i invented a chip
that will tell the amount of money in the
pocket of anyone standing close to it,he
practicalised it and was applauded".
The third student went there and said "i'm
Gambo Sani from Kano,i invented an
explosive that could shatter the human
body into a million pieces, penetrating the
hardest of bones, can you allow me to sit
down while i practicalise it?" The chief
scientist stood up and said "don't bother to
practicalise it,you are the winner of this
competition"

A father buys a lie detector
robot which slaps people
when they lie.He decided to
test it @ dinner.
"Son, where
were you 2day?""At school
Dad! "Robot slaps d
son! "ok"I watched a dvd
@ my mates house!"What
dvd?" Toy story. Robot
slaps d son again! ok,it
was porn cried d
son."Wat!" Wen I was at
age I didn't know what porn
was says d Dad. Robot
slaps d Dad ! Mum laughs
"hahaha"He's certainly your
son. Robot slaps the Mum !

One day i travelled
to abuja to see my
uncle @ 8am on
getting to his office
the secretary told
me to come back by 2pm so i
decided to
hang around @ 1pm
i was very hungry
and i was left with #
200 i had searched
the whole city but could not find
any
booker to buy food
the only thing i
could see was big big
hotels so i
summoned courage and enter the
biggest hotel i could
see around cos i was
looking good so i
walked to the
receptionist and told her my name
was
star and the hotel
looked just like the
one i booked last
night in Dubai while
coming from US and i wanted to
pass the
night there but i
need to eat first so i
was ushered into
the resturant and i
ordered for akpu and ogbolor
soup
with fresh fish cat
fish kpomor
perewinko and more
appeticing meat and
fish and the waiter told me to
wait for
30 minutes while
waiting i took two
plates of isiewu
filled with meats
and fish and i took two spanish
wine as
appetiser and that
bill was 30k after
that the food was
ready so i ate after
eating they brought a bill of 94k
and i
was having just #
200 i started
sweating despite the
a.c seeing me
sweating they started suspecting
me and started
coming round me i
was very confused
until an idea came i
took my phone and faked a call to
ring
two minutes time
when the phone
rang i picked it and
answered shouting
mallam yes it's me the sucide
bomber
the bomb is still
with me it will
explode 2 minutes
time tell my family i
love them i am so happy to be a
sucide
bomber! Before i
could cut the phone
everybody has
taken off even in
the street the only thing i could
see was
abandoned shoes
they ran and forgot
oh boy who wan die!

........CHURCH SERVICE...........
there was this pastor who
was
always fond of stealing
money from
the offertory bowl anytime
the
congregation bowed down
their
heads to pray over the
money.
When it was time to pray,
he will
shout out..
"Close your eyes and let's
pray over
the coins!! Anyone who
opens his
eyes shall forever remain
poor. He or
she will be as poor as a
church rat! "
Out of fear, 99.999% of the
congregation closed their
eyes until
one day, a very poor man
decided to
defile orders.
He said to himself "What do
I loose if
i look? Today i will look!"
As the congragation had
their eyes
closed, with the pastor still
'praying' , the pastor had
an eye
contact with the poor man
who
signaled at him, his
intention to
report to the congragation.
By the end of the prayers,
the pastor
proclaimed..
"BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO
SEE AND
KEEP MUTE!"
At once, the poor man
shouted in
response
"FOR THEY SHALL OBTAIN
THEIR
SHARE!"
Have a wondafu week
ahead....

Wow!nice 1,cant remember wen last i laughed dis much,lol.

Wow....that's awesome. This is very much appreciated

I neva start with u ppl,u go laugh till u tire

Three Pastors met and agreed to sincerely
tell each other their Problem which must be
kept away from other People.
The First pastor said, My Problem is Money, I
do Steal from the Church Offering pls
brethren pray for me.
The Second Pastor said my Problem is
women, whenever i see any woman my
desire will be to go to bed with her, Infact
i've slept with most of my female church
members, Pls pray for Me.
Turning to the Third Pastor to hear his own
Problem, he started crying, it took his
Friends some effort to calm him, after that
he was asked to continue and he said still
crying that my Problem is gossiping, when
we leave this place, everybody will hear
what you two just told me
yepaaaaaaaaa

Nice collection...though some of them are old but they still got me laughing.....good work.

OMG.......i can't stop laughing, guys abeg dont kill me with laughter ;DOMG.......i can't stop laughing, guys abeg dont kill me with laughter

gajasalot: OMG.......i can't stop laughing, guys abeg dont kill me with laughter ;DOMG.......i can't stop laughing, guys abeg dont kill me with laughter

ur reply self dey make person =))
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<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P
<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P
<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P
<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P
<=-P*MC**MC**MC**MC**MC**MC**MC*<=-P
<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P<=-P

Cool....

Nice one guy

ABBREVIATION CONVERSATION
BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE. Man: I'm GEJ.
Wife: u'r kidding. Our President is
GEJ(Goodluck Ebele Jonathan)
Man: I mean i'm GEJ - GOING on EMERGENCY JOURNEY!
Wife:*smiles* Oh! u're not
serious! What kind of journey are u going on?
Man: OBJ
Wife: To meet Obasanjo!?
Man: No. It means ON a
BUSSINESS
JOURNEY. Wife: Oh!
Man: IBB
Wife: Babangida?
Man: I'LL BE BACK
Wife:☺☺
Man: Till then, i'll ACN. Wife: u want to join politics!?
Man: i'll ALWAYS CALL ur NUMBER.
Wife: Hmmm
Man: while i'm away, PDP with
our love
Wife: What!? Man: PLEASE DON'T PLAY with our
love.
Wife: u know i won't. I'll BRF.
Man: what has Lagos state
governor got to do with all this!?
Wife: ☺☺ I'll BE RIGHTEOUS & FAITHFULL!
Man: I trust u.
Wife: FOOL !
Man: *surprised* whaaat!?
Wife: FOR OUR OVERWHELMING
LOVE !

dry old jokes

OK but I forgot to laugh