Everyone has seen movies or read books about the husband who has a mistress or the wife who has a lover. But you never think it’s going to happen to you. Unfortunately, infidelity occurs more often than it should. In this guide, we give you suggestions on how to deal with infidelity in a relationship.
Is It Over?

If you or your spouse has had an affair, it’s very likely that your relationship is in big trouble. The two of you might even be on your way to divorce. An affair is a loud and clear signal that your relationship needs serious re-examining. But don’t assume your marriage is definitely over. In the majority of cases, it’s possible, with determination and outside help, to salvage your relationship.
Your Spouse Cheated on You

If you found out that your spouse was having an affair, it would probably be one of the worst moments in your life. Some people feel there is no way they could ever forgive their spouse if he or she cheated on them. It’s certainly justifiable to feel that way. But remember, if you cannot eventually forgive your spouse, you will never be able to repair your relationship.

If your spouse cheated on you, ask yourself the following questions:

Did you suspect that something was wrong in your marriage?
Do you have any idea what it is?
Do you think it could be fixed with time and hard work?
Is there at least a small chance that you will be able to forgive your spouse?
If you feel there is no way that you could ever forgive your spouse, do you want to give up on your marriage?

After their spouses have an affair, many people realize or can finally admit their marriages needs work. Look at your answers. If you can identify a problem and are willing to go to therapy and work on it, there is an excellent chance your marriage will improve greatly. But you also need one additional element—forgiveness. It will take time to forgive your spouse; that’s okay. But the most important thing is that you need to be open to the idea of forgiving your spouse over time. If you feel you can never forgive your spouse, you’re saying that you’re giving up on your marriage.
You Cheated on Your Spouse

If you are cheating on your spouse, you need to end the affair completely. This might seem obvious, but it needs to be said directly. Some people think that after their affair is discovered, they might simply need to be more careful! This will only prolong the agony of the situation, both for you and your spouse. You must end your affair completely before you can have a successful relationship with your spouse.

If you cheated on your spouse, ask yourself the following questions:

Why did you cheat on your spouse?
Do you know what is wrong with your marriage?
Do you think that it can be fixed with time and hard work?
Are you willing to completely give up the affair?
By having an affair, are you saying that you want to give up on your marriage?

Many people have an affair as a way of expressing their frustration in their marriage. Look at your answers. Consider carefully why you had an affair. If you’re willing to go to a therapist and work hard on repairing your marriage, there is an excellent chance you will be able to have a great relationship with your spouse. If you feel like giving up on your marriage and continuing your other relationship, we still strongly encourage you to seek counseling. The decision to stay with or leave your spouse might be the biggest one you ever make. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to think it through carefully and make the decision for the right reasons.
Starting Over

You and your spouse absolutely must do three things for the two of you to get past the infidelity and continue your marriage:

You both need to recognize that your relationship needs work and agree to work on it.
The person who is having the affair needs to end it completely.
The person whose spouse was unfaithful needs to forgive, over time, and move on.

When someone has an affair, it creates a division in your relationship. Your marriage is now divided into the time before and the time after the affair. You might idealize the time before the affair as a wonderful part of your marriage. You might remember it as a time in which you trusted your spouse, you loved each other, and your relationship was good, even if these things were not true. The time after the affair, on the other hand, is now tainted. There has been a huge breach of trust and you are living the aftermath of that.

To give your relationship the best chance of survival, you need to consciously and actively do things to redefine your marriage. You cannot simply go back to where you were because you have crossed over a line. Don’t fall back into the exact same patterns you had before. What you need to do is start over.
Rebuilding Trust

The hardest thing you will need to do is rebuild trust in your relationship. Whoever was unfaithful did major damage to the trust in your marriage. You can start to rebuild trust in your relationship by starting small and being consistent. Always be on time, do what you say you will do, and be honest. There will probably be many setbacks along the way, but keep being trustworthy. It will pay off eventually.

If you cheated on your spouse, it will take time to rebuild the trust that the two of you had. Make sure you do the following regularly and consistently:

Never lie to your spouse.
Communicate clearly at all times.
Accept the fact that your spouse wants to know your schedule in great detail.
Talk with your spouse every day from work or if one of you is out of town.
Always be on time.
Take the time to reassure your spouse if he or she feels insecure.
Remember to do one nice thing each day for your spouse.
Show your spouse affection on a regular basis.
Do one fun activity every week alone with your spouse.
Be especially patient with your spouse.

Get Help

We believe some situations make it mandatory to get outside help, and the crisis of infidelity is one of them. It would be very unusual for a couple to get past infidelity without the assistance of a trained therapist. A therapist is a neutral third party who will help you understand what went wrong in your relationship. Instead of allowing your discussions to dissolve into yelling and screaming sessions, a therapist will constructively focus you toward solving the problems in your relationship.

Handling an affair in a marriage is never easy, but taking these steps will help you start to sort things out and see where you and your spouse go from here. Good luck!
















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christ!
this marriage thing is becoming scarier - all these steps to learn by heart?

Nice post. Either ways everyone should read about being a good partner, avoid such temptations and when it happens what to do to heal n move on. Most times men never forgive women for cheating but statistics from my oga at the top shows men cheat more and expect to be forgiven. It can happen to any1...

Reality is that men cheat more & they most times believe the spouse will forgive them when she finds out which is the opposite when the woman is involved! Most men will show her the red card! Very unfair right? But that's how life is around here!
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Conclusion....if u can't fully accept ur spouse back & forgive totally, don't waste each other's time & build up anger ...let them go!
Abo oro la n so fun omo l'uabi...to ba de inu re a di odidi!!

Heeee God! ds marriage institution don dey fear me o....
Its so painfully when ur guy cheats on you during courtship,atleast u can stil opt out if its unbearable buh in the case of marriage.....hiannnnn #xhales#

mawuqueyan: Heeee God! ds marriage institution don dey fear me o....
Its so painfully when ur guy cheats on you during courtship,atleast u can stil opt out if its unbearable buh in the case of marriage.....hiannnnn #xhales#

Madam, I agree with ur point but I will also add that marriage should also be enjoyed not endured! If your husband cheats on you & you can't cope, why not opt out of the marriage? Many believe for better for worse....true...but what if the worst is going to kill you, will you stay? The earlier Nigerian women realise that marriage is not a do or die affair, the better for them! May God give us all our flesh of flesh & bone of bone o!
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Olorun o ni je ki a gbe eegun eleegun o...Amin!

@baba oyo....smh for u...

Pardon me if you think I am wrong, but are we not overblowing this infidelity thingz in our times? This issues have been there since long time immemorial, men will always stray, since more young women has decided to wear less clothes. Women will also accept advances from married men, since they must make money and connections to compete with their men. Why are we acting so surprised about infidelity or allocating serious thoughts to it? Why

coogar: christ!
this marriage thing is becoming scarier - all these steps to learn by heart?

lol. Worthy of note is the fact that each relationship is unique & what works for me might not work for the next man.
Nice post though.