She said it's a family thing, and that her children are bound and must tell her everything that's happening in their marriage. My mother-in-law is very inquisitive and always want to know about her children's (all married)daily activity. I find this absurd and totally preposterous. My mother-in-law do contribute and most times finance her children's husbands (except me ofcourse, I'm set up already) and has the say in whatever that's going on in those homes.

All of her children's husbands had one time or other lived in her house. They (husbands) must report to her and tell her anything she wants to know. My wife is against this trend and I also kicked against it.

My wife lost her first pregnancy last year. We then decided that next time she becomes pregnant, we telling no one including both our parents until she's about 7 months pregnant.

I never told my parent and neither did my wife. But few days to become 7 months, my aunt saw my wife and told my parents about the pregnancy. Mum was so happy and called me and we told them it's our decision and they should accept it. My mum then prayed for my wife and showered her with gifts (like a real mother would do). And about the same time, my wife's mum was also intimated about the pregnancy, she became furious and discontinued her relationship with my wife. We explained why we did it and apologized. Mother-in-law wasn't having non of that. We told her it's a spiritual thing and that she accept our decision.

My wife gave birth 5 days ago. We told my parents and hours later, they met us at the hospital. We told my mother-in-law, till today we haven't set our eyes on her. She said my wife disrespected her for not telling her early about the pregnancy. I told her it was my decision and that her daughter only acted upon the instruction i gave to her, she became more angrier than ever.

We all know when you lost something, you'd be more careful next time. Not that we calling our parents witch or wizards, but we know the things of the spirit is sometimes foolish to those who know less. And as the husband, I believe my mother-in-law is egocentric and a bit disrespectful to my manhood. I give to her and not the other way round.

Are we then at fault for not telling our parents?

Na craze dey worry your mother-in-law ni? She be winch

Be respectful towards her but maintain your stand. Your family affairs remain yours, not her business. Thank God your wife is with you on this. As time goes on, MIL will get used to your style and let you be.

You are the head of your house and since you've made that decision you owe no one an apology.

Please concentrate on raising and taking care of your young family. She will come around. Thank God your wife is with you on this. Goodluck!

Keep ur fingers crossed and always pray to God.I don't trust that woman even upon ur wife(her daughter)'s safe delivery she is yet to forgive.keep ur distance bt give her deserved respect. Thank ur stars u don't depend on her or else

overdrive: Keep ur fingers crossed and always pray to God.I don't trust that woman even upon ur wife(her daughter)'s safe delivery she is yet to forgive.keep ur distance bt give her deserved respect. Thank ur stars u don't depend on her or else

You spoke my mind.

Thank God your wife is supportive,don't bother yourself.Focus on your family and keep your home peaceful.Your MIL is something else,I wonder how she much she controlled her hubby.

Thank God your wife is supportive,don't bother yourself.Focus on your family and keep your home peaceful.Your MIL is something else,I wonder how much she controlled her hubby.

Your wife might have a little tendency for postnatal depression cause of her mothers attitude towards you people, pls take care of her and the new baby.

I agree with the OP and feel mama's reaction is overboard

However CC has brought another dimension which you should look at

Go with your wife with a peace offering as pikin don show
You will need her help in so many ways

Congrats once again

chaircover: I like looking at the bigger picture when I read/see headline catching stories and so my angle of looking at things are not usually surface level.

I wouldn't blame this woman entirely. This woman is just trying to be a mother in the real sense of it. A woman you said provided financial assistance and a roof over the head of her daughters and son in laws who were needy. i.e she saw a need/was approached for help and she obliged. She could spend all her money on aso ebi and gold and no one dare fault her. She has raised her kids and if she chooses to spend it all frivolously who can stop her . . . but she didnt. She was still there for her needy grown up children.

Now if you go to someone with your financial difficulties and you live under someones roof, wont they know you in-to-to? if you are living under someones roof and you have an argument with your spouse would she know about it and get involved to try and resolve issues? She is in their biz because they invited her in and they all allowed it fullstop.she is in their biz because the wall is open and the wall gecko got in.

She is used to doing this and that is why she is attempting to do the same to you and your wife. . . .and all you have to do is to firmly, consistently but politely make your ways known to her. She will soon understand that you are not like her other children and she will eventually begin to accept that you are different from the others and she will respect your views and step back. of course she sounds like she is overdoing things . .. and she must be for you and your wife to be complaining about it, but there is a possibility that she doesn't even know that what she is doing is wrong and is a way of life for her and so you need to point that out to her but not in a "in your face way"!

Now the baby is a different issue all together. First let me congratulate you on your new arrival. but let me tell you something . . Families are different o! so you cant compare. Your family may be ok with it, but my mum will "die" if I or any one of us kids did that to her. Basically you are indirectly saying that you dont trust them and they are wicked enough to kill and eat their own grandchild. I doubt that you are looking at the bigger message that you are sending here. I CC will be devastated if God forbid my kids did that to me. Let us remember that we are parents too now and one day we will be mother and father inlaws too.

On the issue of miscarriage, 12% of pregnancy's result in miscarriages so its very common. Ive been through it, family members including my own mum have been through it, so as heaps of my friends. were they all spiritual? NO!!!! if someone really wanted to get you, they will, regardless of if you tell them about the pregnancy or not. What you did was out of fear. Fear sometimes is even worse than the actual issue at hand. When I had my miscarriage I said to myself baby wasn't meant to stay and I trusted Gods judgment end of.

You people should go and apologize your MIL. She didnt deserve that kind of treatment. You robbed her of being able to fuss round your wife and the new baby. The fact that your family understood and applauded your actions doesn't mean that everyone else has to.
She is right to stand back. She will touch the baby now and you people will say that she cast a spell on the baby?!.

Pastors in churches these days no longer teach us to be fearless and to be strong in His word, so we are fearful and running back to them every 5 minutes. Go and apologize to your MIL . . and remember to read the 5th commandment. Remember one thing too!!!! She never killed her daughter, your wife! so why now?

You made conclusions just like a typical Nigerian would do. I'm sure nothing was covering your eyes when @poster said he and his wife have begged and apologized to the MIL countless times, all with no avail. What else do you want them to do? And regarding this Nja mentality of dominating another, what difference does it even make if the MIL knows about the pregnancy at a latter stage?

It doesn't have to be a matter of spirituality, @poster is a man and can decide whom to tell and who not to. My problem with the MIL is, why was she so particular the the lady should have told her in an early stage? Wasn't this MIL present when her daughter lost the first preg? She should be sensitive enough that the couple did what they did for them (couple) only and not anyone else. All in all, she should be overjoyed and happy for her daughter for having that baby. Except if she's hiding something we all don't know.

And who even said she like her daughter, for what kind of mother would refused to visit her daughter after 5 days of delivery? Regardless of this lady's misunderstanding with her mum, mum should always act like one..always forgiving and loving. I believe there's more to this, and I also believe the MIL is selfish and lack respect for other peoples opinion or decision.

Just because she provide for her son-in-laws doesn't mean she has a good intention. Son-in-laws should be sufficient themselves and never received anything from MILs. MILs would have the final say in her daughters home if she continue feeding or assisting them. @poster is diff and a real man and would not allow any MIL to decide for him.

[quote author=chaircover]

. . . . and on the same page . . . .



For this single reason alone . . . .I wont even bother responding to the rest of your post or any subsequent ones. Have a good afternoon!!![/quote

I only asked a question, and maybe she is, who knows.

They even tried to beg,mtcheewww.I hate controllers,be it as a mother,father,MIL or the likes.

Dude you have won and God has given you the victory
Don't use hot head to spoil your joy with unnecessary ego

Calm down and go to entreat her
Na she go teach hin pikin different things - how to baff the bornpikin, tie wrapper for the tummy, help with hot water for lochia removal etc bla bla bla

If anything happen to una, who go take care of that pikin

Step down even though it seems the most stewpid thing to do

Ish

Continue to call and beg her. Even the bible refer to such behaviour as witchcraft. Allow her. Ensure you follow peace with her. After your baby is old enough buy lots of gift and visit her all in the name of peace.
However be prayerful

I am so with CC on this one. Geez! We all know that some mother in-laws can be over bearing but in this instance, you took things too far. You never told us that she is a witch or there is suspicion that she is diabolical or the sorts. But to keep the pregnancy of her daughter secret for 7 good months is plain wickedness.

If only you know how mother's pray and cry to God on behalf of their kids right from babyhood stage till adult hood, or how she would have felt bad after the miscarriage and wept before God to restore by giving her daughter another child, you would not have acted in the manner you did. Do you even know if she was waking up every night to pray and cry throughout the 7 months period for her daughter to conceive not knowing that her daughter was already pregnant. What would be in her mind now if not the fact that her daughter suspects that she has a hand in her first miscarriage. Sheer wickedness in my opinion!

I would even cut off any of my close friends that do the same to me not to talk of my daughter. I don't blame you, I rather pity your wife who feels that because she is married now, her family is no longer important. She has forgotten that in the time of crisis of whatever sort, having a solid family to support her is needed.

You people should better look for a way to humble yourselves and beg mama

simple!

guy, your decision to concel your wife's maternity is absolutely correct. Nobody in the world including your spiritual father (your pastor) shuld frown at that. except there is an interior motive. Carry on and be very careful of your mother-in-law. dont ever tell her anytin about your family and warn your wife never to do so. Dont understand this your statement though ''I believe my mother-in-law is egocentric and a bit disrespectful to my manhood. I give to her and not the other way round''

Chaircover, if she meant well.... why was she angry that the dauhgter did not inform her of the pregnancy. as a matter of fact the guyz that have allowed their mother-in-law to be the bread winner of their family needs to go back home and tink very well. cos the attitude of this mother-in-law is wat they will always get in situations like dis. For real guyz that takes the bull by the horns this will neva be your portion oo.My mother-in-law.... my bread winner!!!! ha!! Oluhun maje. If it is the guyz mother it is even fair. Your mother-inlaw. Hey!!! God i beg ooo.

chaircover:

Why wont she be angry? what runs in her veins? Is it not blood? Is she a saint? or she a plank of wood that feels no pain?

If your own kid that you give birth to did that to you, wont you be angry/hurt/disappointed/feel bad etc etc especially if they were a closeknit family to start with. . .I certainly will and if that makes me bad, then so be it

And a big Amen to your prayers. . . . No one prays to fall into hard times but ish happens.

Thank God no one has of yet mentioned that the MIL is the one who even caused her daughters husbands downfall in the first instance.

Don't you think that a mother's love should supersede whatever hurt she felt??atleast they apologised and gave her reasons??Taking it so far to the extent of not visiting when her daughter put to bed is extreme.If her daughter is anything like me,that's where the apologies ends.

byvan:

Don't you think that a mother's love should supersede whatever hurt she felt??atleast they apologised and gave her reasons??Taking it so far to the extent of not visiting when her daughter put to bed is extreme.If her daughter is anything like me,that's where the apologies ends.

before she became a mother, she is first a natural human being

biolabee:

before she became a mother, she is first a natural human being

As they always say,after the love of God,comes a mother's love.After they have apologised,what else does she want,should they kill themselves??

Visit and do wetin?

Who said the birth of the child is now proof that whoever was behind the "miscarriage" has lost the battle. Don't kids die after birth? So you expect the mum to go visiting so that if in the process the child gets sick or any negative thing happens to the child, all hands would be pointed in her direction.

The mother may have forgiven but also has her own "reasons" for not visiting

uche13: Visit and do wetin?

Who said the birth of the child is now proof that whoever was behind the "miscarriage" has lost the battle. Don't kids die after birth? So you expect the mum to go visiting so that if in the process the child gets sick or any negative thing happens to the child, all hands would be pointed in her direction.

The mother may have forgiven but also has her own "reasons" for not visiting

Have you at some point thought that if the mother in question has had a good relationship with her daughter, that she couldn't have kept it away from her.The daughter probably don't even trust her mum,believe me,there are terrible mums out there.She knows her mum better than anyone else,that's probably why she stood with her hubby.

I really can't see myself abandoning my child with a newborn because she erred me.I can simply pay a visit and go back home if things are that bad.

Or maybe daughter didn't tell mother not because she doesn't trust her but because her husband laid down the law and she can't go against him?! Could it be that she couldn't tell her mom in case something went wrong, they won't put the blame on the woman. . .after all, it is obvious hubby is one of those people are after us therefore someone must be behind whatever goes wrong in our lives thinkers?

Just putting it out there. . .I know, I know It sounds far-fetched because it doesn't fit into the Mother must be a witch story we are trying to weave here but let's at least try to pretend we are not one way traffic thinkers and leave room for other possibilities.

Sisi_Kill: Or maybe daughter didn't tell mother not because she doesn't trust her but because her husband laid down the law and she can't go against him?! Could it be that she couldn't tell her mom in case something went wrong, they won't put the blame on the woman. . .after all, it is obvious hubby is one of those people are after us therefore someone must be behind whatever goes wrong in our lives thinkers?

Just putting it out there. . .I know, I know It sounds far-fetched because it doesn't fit into the Mother must be a witch story we are trying to weave here but let's at least try to pretend we are not one way traffic thinkers and leave room for other possibilities.

Ofcourse,there can be many perspective to the story.That's really why I expected her mum to understand that maybe her son in law ordered her daughter not to tell.She is a woman,atleast she must have heard that some men's words are commandments thus the need to pardon her daughter without stretching it out of proportion.

@OP,please miscarriage happens all the time,you don't have to panic over any little thing.A good percentage of women knows what its like,so is nothing unusual.

If my daughter did to me what your wife did to her mum, I will cut her off for a very long time (if not forever). I can only imagin how hurt that woman feels. This is just plain wickedness!!!


Why exactly do u want her to come around now na? Or do u think she can no longer "kill" the baby? She can ooooo, so keep her far away
from your home. Oooohhhh, how can I forget dat even d "kill" chip can be transfered through the wireless medium and can still get ur baby killed . . .I've a better solution. . .why don't u just kill d woman. That way, she won't hurt u and ur family. Father of the year!

How can one's daughter get pregnant for her husband (not boyfriend oooo) and her mum doesn't know till about 7months? The mum that gave birth to her? Ok, what did u think she would have done if u told her earlier? Eat d baby? Cause another miscarriage? Or even kuku kill her own daughter?

What happened to families standing by us in hard times and rejoicing with us in good times? What happened to families lifting each other up and providing support while needed? Do human beings always have to see poeple in a bad light?

Do u think if she really wanted to harm the baby, u or your wife, she wouldn't have done that before now? It is even pardonable wen u say u didn't tell ur own parents, who are ur wife's parents in-law. But to keep that from her own mum is just evil!!!

And the poor woman would have been there crying, begging God and even sowing seed for her daughter to get pregnant. And this is the way she gets treated? What sane woman doesn't want her daughter to have a child in her matrimonial home? Mstcheeeewww! And some pathetic poeple are here talking trash!

I even hate it when friends get all secretive about something as "mundane" as pregnancy, talk more my daughter.

There are somany things I can forgive oooo, but this. . . I might just go to the grave with it. Arrant nonsense!

CC, may God continue to bless and keep u and ur family! U will never lack in the wisdom department.

May our daughters never do this to us, AMEN!