The economy is still in shambles, drones could be surveying your house any day now and to make matters worse, penis stealing is 'on the rise'.

Alternet's headline warns, "Penis Snatching on the Rise -- Africa’s Genital-Stealing Crime Wave Hits the Countryside."

The story comes from UC Berkley anthropologist Louisa Lombard, who writes in Pacific Standard Magazine that reports of penis theft, typically confined to urban areas in West and Central Africa, have now spread to Tiringoulou, a "peanut-growing hamlet" in the Central African Republic that's "so small and poor it barely has a market."

Though Lombard admits she has never witnessed someone's manhood getting snatched, she spoke with "several eyewitnesses" who assured her this crime is all too real.

Some thieves are out to cash in on the "illicit and lucrative trade in organs," residents told Lombard.

Reports of penis larceny are older than Christ.

Harper's traces the first accounts of penis disappearance to China around 300 b.c., "when the mortal dangers of suo-yang, or 'shrinking penis,” were briefly sketched in the Nei Ching, the Yellow Emperor’s Classic Text of Internal Medicine."

The last penis stealing incident to grab worldwide headlines also took place in China. In July, 2012, Fei Lin of Niqiao village was sleeping when thieves reportedly put a bag over his head and then cut off and took little Fei.

Police suspected the heist was carried out by the jealous husbands of women Lin was rumored to have slept with.

Nawa o wonders shall never end in this world.everyday we keep hearing strange things.when you hear the worst,you will think that's the height of it,till you see another one that will blow your mind.penis theft infact,i dont know what to say.i am short of words by the way i wonder what family section of nairaland is turning to.before i used to read of happy couples,happy families,people having beautiful kids and now they have defiled this place with mind boggling and disturbing tales.but wait o.the people that are stealing this penis sef is it that they want to sell it to make money or they want to use it to cook soup.nawa

kulyie: Nawa o wonders shall never end in this world.everyday we keep hearing strange things.when you hear the worst,you will think that's the height of it,till you see another one that will blow your mind.penis theft infact,i dont know what to say.i am short of words by the way i wonder what family section of nairaland is turning to.before i used to read of happy couples,happy families,people having beautiful kids and now they have defiled this place with mind boggling and disturbing tales.but wait o.the people that are stealing this penis sef is it that they want to sell it to make money or they want to use it to cook soup.nawa

Looooooooooooooooooool....Kulyie u wee not kill me o. Actually love the name "joystick", touche at its best. It was happening here nao. D hausas were snatching and snatching until they got tired. I dunno if they under perform with theirs or they have erectile dysfunction or they use it to make suya and ppl gan buy...i really dont understand....SAD STIL!!!!

mavinkajah:

Looooooooooooooooooool....Kulyie u wee not kill me o. Actually love the name "joystick", touche at its best. It was happening here nao. D hausas were snatching and snatching until they got tired. I dunno if they under perform with theirs or they have erectile dysfunction or they use it to make suya and ppl gan buy...i really dont understand....SAD STIL!!!!

lol,yeah i remember.jeez