Married women and male friends

There is the story of a friend who visited her married friend and found her talking on phone intimately for some time, which made her naturally assume the woman was talking to her husband, only to be told by the woman that she was not talking to him.

She said her husband didn’t have time to talk to her like that, but the person on the phone has been a friend for five years. Though she was quick to point out that they only met twice in a restaurant (public place) ,but spoke on the phone almost every day. Well, well, even though this is surprising, even shocking to some, a lot should be taken into consideration.

How serious do people take marriage? Do the husband and wife know their duties or obligations to their spouses?

However in our society, it seems the wooing of a girl or a woman stops after the marriage; all the jokes that make her laugh, the little gifts that make her feel loved and special are stopped. At times she has to ask for them by complaining, and the husband gives out grudgingly or refuses, saying she wanted to control him!

Gradually, the wife becomes alienated from the husband because he would hardly sit and talk to her. She may eagerly want to tell him some things about the progress of the children, for instance, a toddler started to walk that day, or he said a new word. Besides, doesn’t she have the right to sit and chat with him, as her husband?

But no, she would be seen as wanting to discuss trivial issues by the husband. Therefore, as times goes on the words he says to her are only instructions.

The challenge now is that with mobile phones and social media, some women may be tempted to have male ‘friends’ that they can talk to because their husband have failed in that regard.

In our setting it is assumed that if a husband provides housing, feeding and clothing to his wife, she has no other needs. And if she dares complain, some would see her as an ungrateful person who doesn’t ‘thank God’.

So things that are seen as trivial, like the husband to sit and talk to his wife, joke and make her laugh, admire her dressing, her cooking, are left out, and at the end they affect the marriage more than the lack of basic essentials. This is because this sort of care and attention would make her happy and as such make her overlook many financial shortcomings of the husband.

This is not in any way encouraging married women to have male so-called friends. But since men are the leaders of the household and they know the ways they go about to win the love of their wives, they should continue to ‘court’ them even after marriage to maintain the tempo.

It does not speak well of a husband that his wife would befriend another man, just to have somebody to talk to. If the husband thought that after marrying the woman, his ‘job’ has finished, it apparently hasn’t. It seems it just started.

On the other hand, wives may be blamed for concentrating on their children and neglecting the husbands, being untidy, bad cooks and so on. So the husbands keep them at arm’s length. These problems can be tackled with the intervention of mothers and aunties.

But the irony of this type of problem is that, the man the married woman befriended for five years is also married, and don’t be surprised that the way he has time to talk to another woman, he may not have time for his wife, which is a tragedy.

What is it about marriage that breeds this sort of boredom with your loved one? Is marriage not meant to be forever? In other words till death do you part?

May be it is the familiarity of living ‘forever’ with somebody that creates boredom. The novelty of the marriage would wear out and habits that are not visible come out. Some habits you might have admired during courtship, but you may dislike after sometime.

Instead of enduring and looking at the good things of their spouses, some people seek excitements outside, which men do all the time. But which women should avoid at all costs.

So over to you men, the ball is in your court on how to keep your homes happy ones, not cages where your wives would feel they need to escape for respite even through phone to talk to other men that would listen and make them happy.

Culled from Daily Trust

Give it like its hot!...... Food for thot .... Oya make folks... Where @ thou?...we need answers..

Thanks alot for this kind of post. it is very disheartening that alot of marriages always loose its fun and taste as if they are now small scale business dt doesnt exist for too long. unless spouses "men mostly" begins to appreciate what they have with time marriage will more or less become a contract. For the fact dt women bears children and as such attimes loose the figure she was before pregnancy should not be use against her for the man to start cheating or making her feel less beautiful. if the woman has been left in her world alone by that particularly person she trust so much to tell her what pleases her ear what do u expect her to do? die in self pity? Of course she will definitely look for option

So on point! It's a trend I sense with a lot of Nigerian marriages and mindset of individuals too!

The man provides, sic. The woman performs her wifely duties, sic. All according to some hidden marriage manuals which no one has seen and can update.

You then dare as a woman to ask for more, you are labelled Oliver Twist, one who can't count her blessings etc. they say after all he is not cheating on you or beating you, forgetting there were and still 2 individual souls, who like all living organisms need nurturing, care and love. It's worse when the other party is ignorant of the fact too, very oblivious even when the neglect issues and lack of connection issues were several times highlighted! Quick to call on the 'marriage manual' as a testament only when pushed to the wall starts to act and then relents soon enough. Back to square one!

Occasional cracks are good for relationships; they can be mended and the 'super glue' does strengthen the 'plate', but when these cracks become too many, then the 'plate' can be termed as unrepairable.

I have never had an issue with sticking out and being different, so I chose my path to be happy. Many can't relate with my reasons, but only me knows the emptiness I feel inside and hears the voice that tells me 'I could do better and deserve better!

maclatunji: Instead of enduring and looking at the good things of their spouses, some people seek excitements outside, which men do all the time. But which women should avoid at all costs.

Here we go again....

Make i just shut up and watch how this would roll..

You guys should be real for once. Two people are involved in a marriage and they should both take the blame if it fails - it is not always the man's fault.

I will first of all address the issue at hand. That women is cheating - simple. Any relationship you have with the opposite gender that you know your spouse would not approve of is cheating. You dont have to sleep together to start cheating. She is emotionally cheating on her husband.

And it is sooo easy for such a women to use her husband as an excuse. Cheating is cheating. By the time she is finished flirting with another man, she would find faults in everything her husband does so he will be the scapegoat.

Bottomline, men cheat and women cheat. And cheating is a choice. No one forces you to cheat and there is never a good reason to cheat. Just last week, my wife just booked a family holiday for easter saying we hadnt gone away for a while. I agreed and I refunded her the money because I realise we hadnt gone away at all this year and needed time to spend together. That is what a sensible woman should do and not resort to talking to other men!

No one is perfect, if your husband isnt doing enough of romantic stuff, why cant you bring it up? Anything wrong in a woman planning a family trip or even dinner? Cheating is a choice, never blame your spouse for it!

Any opposite s e.x friend each party keeps should be known and approved by both parties, otherwise, cheating has set in.

In marriage, any of the spouse can wake up dead communication, it doesnt have to be limited to a particular gender.
May God help us all.

victorian: Give it like its hot!...... Food for thot .... Oya make folks... Where @ thou?...we need answers..

what answers?

victorian: Give it like its hot!...... Food for thot .... Oya make folks... Where @ thou?...we need answers..

Make folks does this mean married men

I don't believe in marriage

Nashville: You guys should be real for once. Two people are involved in a marriage and they should both take the blame if it fails - it is not always the man's fault.

I will first of all address the issue at hand. That women is cheating - simple. Any relationship you have with the opposite gender that you know your spouse would not approve of is cheating. You dont have to sleep together to start cheating. She is emotionally cheating on her husband.

And it is sooo easy for such a women to use her husband as an excuse. Cheating is cheating. By the time she is finished flirting with another man, she would find faults in everything her husband does so he will be the scapegoat.

Bottomline, men cheat and women cheat. And cheating is a choice. No one forces you to cheat and there is never a good reason to cheat. Just last week, my wife just booked a family holiday for easter saying we hadnt gone away for a while. I agreed and I refunded her the money because I realise we hadnt gone away at all this year and needed time to spend together. That is what a sensible woman should do and not resort to talking to other men!

No one is perfect, if your husband isnt doing enough of romantic stuff, why cant you bring it up? Anything wrong in a woman planning a family trip or even dinner? Cheating is a choice, never blame your spouse for it!

To me, this answers it all. QED!

dont touch my space.

coogar:

what answers?

Question: why are most married oblivious about their wives emotional needs? ... Not for me , cause am ok with my hussy, but for majority of wives out there, hoping the husband will change ....

To be sincere av been guilty of that sometime ago,caught up with my uni friend at Texas some years ago and we started talking everyday,I noticed that unlike before,I always try to accommodate and forgive my hubby when he does anything but I soon as I met the friend,I stopped giving excuses for some shit men do,I couldn't wit for my hubby to leave the house and when he keeps late nights I don't bother calling cos am busy on the done or skypeing with the friend.it was as if there was much much more peace at home cos I do my job as a wife and everyone should be happy with that.to cut story short it was a peace before a storm.thank God I was able to cut all that out of my life.please ladies ,I know we have self control but don't push it ! And men talk to your wives,let her be your best friend and women let your huusbands be your best friend and you will never be alone. Now I gist everything with my hubby even the sillest of things.luv ya all and happy Easter in advance.

victorian:
Question: why are most married oblivious about their wives emotional needs? ... Not for me , cause am ok with my hussy, but for majority of wives out there, hoping the husband will change ....

because women often ask more than any man can give......
the man has to be a man, he must work to bring the bacon home and provide security for the family. when exactly is he meant to sit down with wife and start bursting tales about the turtle race with the hare?

If both were best friends prior marriage, I don't see why "I do's" should cause any dramatic downward spiral.
A Best friend is far from being "nagging friend" "just sèx buddies", or "I need money friend".

It's hard to find an initial spark lasting for a long time. It's mostly initial gra-gra.
If you're not obsessed with your spouse before marriage; if the honeymoon phase is already super diluted prior marriage, what will be left to bank on for the remaining 40yrs of the union?

alpha conde:

Male folks does this mean married men

Married men,yes! Single guys , please take note!

Marriage.

















SUCKS

coogar:

because women often ask more than any man can give......
the man has to be a man, he must work to bring the bacon home and provide security for the family. when exactly is he meant to sit down with wife and start bursting tales about the turtle race with the hare?

he is meant to be all of that and also the lady can help to.

I think my wife is being referred to here.... hearing her converse with one Emeka suggests soemthing beyoind the ordinary. I just can not imagine...

Keneking: I think my wife is being referred to here.... hearing her converse with one Emeka suggests soemthing beyoind the ordinary. I just can not imagine...

Then communicate with her , more..

victorian:

Then communicate with her , more..

What a piece of advice!!! You dont even know the situation and then you just conclude he should communicate more. Obviously this guy spends enough time at home to know about Emeka!

The married women on here who engage in e-flirting and e-sex should come out to tell us the whys..
It would be interesting to know where these husbands have gone wrong..

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Generally women are moved by WHAT THEY HEAR,
while men are moved by WHAT THEY SEE.

It is not a trivia matter at all, a married person (male or female) should try to ensure that his or her spouse remains your best friend, because frequent interactions such as narrated above is a gateway to a whole world of temptations.

You see it might start so small and inconsequential but when it starts it may not be so easy to stop.

Even if there is no intimacy (sexual) overtone or undertones involved, trust me on this your strong faith or control just may not be there to bail you out.

If the OP is asking for advice, the only thing to do is STOP IT, very fast or else ..........





omo you are on your own o

slimyem: The married women on here who engage in e-flirting and e-sex should come out to tell us the whys..
It would be interesting to know where these husbands have gone wrong..

For where? See how dry this joint is? Sahara ain't gat nothing on this topic.

2baga:
It is not a trivia matter at all, a married person (male or female) should try to ensure that his or her spouse remains your best friend, because frequent interactions such as narrated above is a gateway to a whole world of temptations.
o

In addition, this best friendship has to come naturally; willingly from both sides. Forced friendship don't last.

BABE!:


For where? See how dry this joint is? Sahara ain't gat nothing on this topic.

Haha!
My lips are sealed..

slimyem: Here we go again....

Make i just shut up and watch how this would roll..

I siddon opposite you lookin and drinking my ice cool palmie


Women have too much drama

Nashville:

What a piece of advice!!! You dont even know the situation and then you just conclude he should communicate more. Obviously this guy spends enough time at home to know about Emeka!

Spending time at home, does not mean communication dear... Some men can stay at home, but still ignore their wives, or be preoccupied with work, or preoccupied with his frnds coming over, while still keeping an eagle eye on their wives...so trust me, it's a good piece of advise!

Finally scanned through the op's post......

BABE!:
If both were best friends prior marriage, I don't see why "I do's" should cause any dramatic downward spiral.
A Best friend is far from being "nagging friend" "just sèx buddies", or "I need money friend".

It's hard to find an initial spark lasting for a long time. It's mostly initial gra-gra.
If you're not obsessed with your spouse before marriage; if the honeymoon phase is already super diluted prior marriage, what will be left to bank on for the remaining 40yrs of the union?

You obviously haven't kept a best friend for a long time. Being best friends before marriage doesn't change the fact that boredom doesn't kick in. Your feelings don't change and they still remain your back bone and sh1t but as long as you're not an indoor wife and u get the opportunity to meet other people, being best friends no longer cuts it.

Every relationship has to be worked on and bla bla bla....

BABE!:


For where? See how dry this joint is? Sahara ain't gat nothing on this topic.