[quote author=maclatunji]Physical Relations

In Sahih Ibn Hibban, the following was narrated:

"The wife of 'Uthman ibn Madh'un complained to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that her husband had no need for women. During the days he would fast and at night he would pray. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him: "Am I not the best example for you to follow?" He answered: "Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you." The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) then told him: "As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you so pray and sleep and fast and break your fast."

There are several similar incidents narrated where Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) gave similar decisions in similar situations. In one story which took place in the presence of Umar, the Companion who was judging told the husband that since Allah had given him the right to four wives and he had only one that he could practice his praying and fasting three out of four nights, but that at least one in four had to be reserved for his wife.

Not to be Beaten

It is the right of the Muslim wife that she is not to be struck except in the case of nushuz (rebellion against the husband's authority). Even in that case, the husband is only allowed to "strike" her, but in a way which does no harm, similar to the proper disciplining of a child. It is never lawful for him to strike her face or cause her any bruise or injury. Allah says in the Quran:

"...And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion, admonish them, avoid them in the sleeping place and hit them. If they obey you, do not desire and further way to (harm) them. Surely, Allah is Knowing, Great." [Noble Quran 4:34]

It is incomprehensible how so many translators have translated the word "wadhribuhunna" in the above verse as "beat them" or, even more laughable: "beat them [lightly]". This is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is an abomination which has caused much misunderstanding and opened the door to the enemies of Islam. The word in Arabic means to "strike" or "hit". It includes everything from a tap with a tooth-stick to what in English we call beating. If it is stated that so-and-so "hit" so-and-so without further description, it would be assumed to be a single blow and it could be of any magnitude.

When the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) took a tiny stick and tapped one of the Muslims on the stomach to straighten the ranks in preparation for war, he "hit" him with this meaning. Contrast this to the English phrase: "beat them". The meaning is totally different. If you took a shoe lace and hit someone on the hand with it, you could properly say dharabtahu in Arabic but in English you could never say that you had "beaten" that person. Please get this straight and correct anyone you hear distorting the meaning of this verse in this way.

The verse mentions admonition, boycotting and hitting in the case of nushuz. This refers to a rebellion against the husband's authority within the marriage which amounts to a breach of the marriage contract on her part. Ibn Taimia said about this:

"Nushuz in the verse: "...And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion (nushuz)..." means that she is recalcitrant to her husband and she is estranged to him inasmuch as she does not obey him when he calls her to bed, or she leaves the house without his permission and other similar things in which she is required to obey him."

Many scholars have stated that the three steps must be taken sequentially, i.e., admonition then separation in sleeping and finally hitting, making hitting a last resort only in extreme situations. Thus the vast majority of what men do to their wives in spontaneous fits of rage often over trivial issues is absolutely haram and not sanctioned by Islam in any way. An-Nawawi said about his:

"At the first indication of disobedience to marital authority, a wife should be exhorted by her husband without his immediately breaking off relations with her. When she manifests her disobedience by an act which, although isolated, leaves no doubt to her intentions, he should repeat his exhortations and confine her to the house but without striking her... Only when there are repeated acts of disobedience may a husband strike his wife."

As we said, this can NEVER be a "beating". A husband is never allowed to strike his wife in any way which causes injury or leaves any kind of mark. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"So beware of Allah regarding women for you have taken them as a trust from Allah and you have made their bodies lawful with the word of Allah. You have the right over them that they should not allow anyone on your furnishings who you dislike. If they do that, hit them in a way which causes no

adewal15: HMMMMMMMM....... IS NAIRALAND GOING RELIGIOUS?

So when church sermons are posted nairaland is not goin religious....

Jazakumullahu khayran. Nice piece. Not many couples follow these rules nowadays. Hope this changes how some men treat their wives and vice-versa.

Jazaka llahu kayran

baby_mama:
Maclatunji continues
if a woman refuses her husband intimacy,she can be beaten up,for leaving the house and other acts of "disobedience"
kai
A religion that condones spousal abuse?

^^^

The verse you mention has been greatly misconceived by many people who focus merely on its surface meaning, taking it to allow wife beating. When the setting is not taken into account, it isolates the words in a way that distorts or falsifies the original meaning.

Before dealing with the issue of wife-battering in the perspective of Islam, we should keep in mind that the original Arabic wording of the Qur'an is the only authentic source of meaning. If one relies on the translation alone, one is likely to misunderstand it.



It is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved in a peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences.

However, in some cases a husband may use some light disciplinary action in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only applicable in extreme cases and it should be resorted to if one is sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the family, then he should avoid it completely.

The Qur'an is very clear on this issue. Almighty Allah says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things." (An-Nisa': 34-35)

It is important to read the section fully. One should not take part of the verse and use it to justify one's own misconduct. This verse neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush.

Generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)

It is also important to note that even this "light strike" mentioned in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it."



a. As defined by Hadith, it is not permissible to strike anyone's face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadith qualifies as "dharban ghayra mubarrih", or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of siwak! They further qualified permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body. It is interesting that this latter fourteen-centuries-old qualifier is the criterion used in contemporary American law to separate a light and harmless tap or strike from "abuse" in the legal sense. This makes it clear that even this extreme, last resort, and "lesser of the two evils" measure that may save a marriage does not meet the definitions of "physical abuse," "family violence, " or "wife battering" in the 20th century law in liberal democracies, where such extremes are so commonplace that they are seen as national concerns.

b. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several hadiths, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) discouraged this measure. Here are some of his sayings in this regard:

"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";

"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."


c. True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who never resorted to that measure, regardless of the circumstances.

d. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. By definition, a "permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In fact it may be to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted or unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to excesses and real abuse.

e. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any "Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur'an or Hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person(s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)."

Allah Almighty knows best

Source

Which woman will not do 'odoeshi' for this kain 'beating'?

baby_mama:

Not my words o
women una don hear am
allah says you can be beaten up by your hubby the way a child is beaten
allah allows domestic violence
hear ye
hear ye

Ignoramous, the 'beating' is not in violent terms
. It is the striking(or beating) similar to when u buy a clay pot and you hit it slightly. The hitting is not to inflict harm, rather it is a feel and a test of the pot strength. The same way u hit a sandcrete block not to destroy but to make. The same way ur hubby(if u ve any) hits u hard attimes and she murmur "girl don't write naughty things again". Is he beating u? Yes,in a way? In summary,the "beating" is more symbolic than it sounds. Seek knowledge.

baby_mama:

Maclatunji continues
if a woman refuses her husband intimacy,she can be beaten up,for leaving the house and other acts of "disobedience"
kai
A religion that condones spousal abuse?

Do u know what baby_mama does? They say tuface has plenty of them! They are the ones, just like it was displayed on NL frontpage few days back,who are seen in the society as only good as baby factory and not worth been called a wife. Now! that is the real spousal abuse. Pls seek help.

^ See them. There's no way you can justify spousal abuse. Whether it's done with toothbrush or toothpaste. Do that in more sane and civilized world and your àss would be cooling of jail. Quite rightly so.

baby_mama:

Not my words o
women una don hear am
allah says you can be beaten up by your hubby the way a child is beaten
allah allows domestic violence
hear ye
hear ye

What happened to your babyosisi moniker? Serving 1 of those bans?

Domestic Violence

I have wanted to write something on this for a while because i know, it happens in muslim homes. The worst thing is that some people attempt to justify slapping their wife using the Quran, that is enough to cause an allergic reaction. If you are going to batter your wife, please do not use the Quran to justify it. I hope to clear this up, so that men and women can benefit, Insha Allah.

Before that, Sisters, If your husband abuses you physically consistently (a serial offender), get out of the marriage as fast as you can. You could be killed as a result. My hope is that muslim sisters and brothers can help fund homes for abused women. Many of them have no place to go. The younger muslim community must look at ways to train these women in useful skills and give them a decent education in Islam, so that they know their rights and limits when they get married again. We also have to facilitate marriages for them because society is unkind to divorcees. Marriage counselling services with muslims trained in the Quran and sunnah as well as in contemporary psychology. We need to inspire a generation of muslims that will do this.

Some people have tried to justify abuse using the Quran, A famous ayat quoted by islamophobes (Quran 4:34), unfortunately some muslims use it to justify abuse as well.

This is a profoundly beautiful ayah but it has been abused by muslims, just like we have abused many ayat of the Quran.

So let's begin:

Allah says:

Alrrijalu qawwamoona AAala alnnisa-i bima faddala Allahu baAAdahum AAala baAAdin wabima anfaqoo min amwalihim faalssalihatu qanitatun hafithatun lilghaybi bima hafitha Allahu waallatee takhafoona nushoozahunna faAAithoohunna waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi waidriboohunna fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan inna Allaha kana AAaliyyan kabeeran

i. The man's authority

Alrrijalu qawwamoona AAala alnnisa

Men have made authorities and maintainers of Women.

This ayah could get you in trouble but it is clear. There are many politically correct translations out there but Allah says here that men are in charge of women. Now men can abuse this. so let us get this clear, the men have not been made absolute bosses in the household.

In every organisation, there is management and there are non-mangement staff. Both of them are employees. They both have a higher authority to answer to but without having a hierarchy, you can't function. If everyone is on an equal footing in an organisation, no work will get done. If the management staff asks the non-management staff to carry out a task, the non-management staff could refuse since the manager is not the owner. You can not run an organization like that.

The family is like an organisation, It is the most important organisation so there has to be some hierarchy however this hierarchy is not absolute. There is consultation, back and forth, the ethics of how the messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) dealt with the mothers of the believers (May Allah be pleased with them) but there is the head of the household, Allah has given that responsibility to the man of the house. This is the ideal situation of how a household is supposed to be.

In making difficult decisions after consultation, you have to go with one opinion and you have to respect the decision. Just like the man has to understand that he does not have absolute authority, the wife has to understand that he does have some authority. We have to get the balance otherwise there will be chaos in the household.

And why is man given the authority??

bima faddala Allahu baAAdahum AAala baAAdin wabima anfaqoo min amwalihim

Allah gave preference one over the other and because of what they spend from their monies

Primary Reason: Allah decided... Simple, It is not because they are smarter or wiser or bigger. It is because Allah decided to place them in Authority.

Secondary reason: They are financially responsible for the entire household.. Whatever a woman earns belong to her and she has the discretion of what to spend it on, a man is financially responsible for the household.

Allah says:

Alrrijalu qawwamoona AAala alnnisa-i bima faddala Allahu baAAdahum AAala baAAdin wabima anfaqoo min amwalihim faalssalihatu qanitatun hafithatun lilghaybi bima hafitha Allahu waallatee takhafoona nushoozahunna faAAithoohunna waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi waidriboohunna fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan inna Allaha kana AAaliyyan kabeeran (Surah 4:34)

ii. The righteous woman

faalssalihatu qanitatun

Righteous wives are devout (subservient, supportive, ready and willing to obey etc)

The first thing to note here is that they are righteous to Allah. Allah makes the obedience of a wife to the husband, a matter of her relationship with Allah. Therefore, your devotion to your husband is not because you like him but because of your relationship with Allah. The same goes for all your relationships. You are good to your mother not because she deserves it but because of your relationship with Allah. Even if your mother does not deserve it, you still have to be good to her on account of your relationship with Allah. So the first priority is that Allah wants you to. Every other thing is secondary.


bima hafithatun lilghaybi

they guard the unseen

When the husband is gone, they guard his secrets, his dignity, his conversations etc. A man is free in his house and a wife knows more about a man than outsiders, It is her place to guard his dignity. Meaning it is inappropriate to divulge intimate secrets of your husband to other people.

This means you do not go telling your friends of how loud your husband snores etc. The same goes for the husband. You can not go around exposing the flaws of your spouse. Unless, you are in a counselling session to save your marriage, even then, you should be careful about what you disclose.

hafitha Allahu

on account of what Allah has guarded

So even when your spouse guards your embarrassing secrets, It is only because Allah allowed them to be guarded. It is only because Allah allowed the secrets to be guarded that they are.

Allah says:

Alrrijalu qawwamoona AAala alnnisa-i bima faddala Allahu baAAdahum AAala baAAdin wabima anfaqoo min amwalihim faalssalihatu qanitatun hafithatun lilghaybi bima hafitha Allahu waallatee takhafoona nushoozahunna faAAithoohunna waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi waidriboohunna fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan inna Allaha kana AAaliyyan kabeeran (Surah 4:34)

iii. Rebellious wives

waallatee takhafoona nushoozahunna

And those women you fear their rebellion

nushooz is crazy stuff i.e The wife goes psycho. It is extreme stuff not the normal disagreements. The knife throwing, breaking stuff wife. Clearly outrageous behaviour. It refers to a serious, unusual rebellion by the wife. Out of control rebellion.

Now so what should you do in this case?

faAAithoohunna

then counsel them

Give them advice, sit them down and give them advice. Also, it doesn't neccesarily imply that you directly give them the sermon. Get sermon to them. you could get her to a counselor or to someone she respects.

It means you can not give your wife a slap because she is behaving badly or getting on your nerves like unfortunately many muslim men do. Maclatunji asked a question about a woman with a very bad tongue, If her behaviour is seriously outrageous, your first step is to advice her and if you think she would not listen to you, get someone to advice her. If she has anger issues, maybe she needs to talk to a professional about her anger. Get her parents to talk to her.

Lesson: MEN HAVE TO BE THE ONES THAT TAKE THE BEATING!!!

You have to take the verbal abuse and in response, Allah says: you counsel them or get counsel to them. This may go on for months or years. You keep your cool and you never raise your voice or got angry. If you do, you start over again. If after a period of trying this and it is not working. She is getting worse or not showing any signs of improvement.

Since she has gotten worse overtime, what is the next step you take?

waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi

Then leave them on their beds when they lie of their side

If all the period of counsel and trying to get her help does not work. Then leave them on their beds.

Leaving the wives bed is an expression of extreme anger. She can hit you and say mean things to you but she knows you are going to come back to bed. When you don't come back to bed, it would bother her.

Maybe that will help her rethink what she is doing. It is important to note that each step is a long process and it is only when you have thoroughly exhausted one phase and know for sure that it is not going to work that you move to the next phase.

If the woman has some decency in her, she is going to feel bad about the husband leaving the bed. However, if she shows too much pride and anger, after you have kept this up for a little while ( whilst at the same time continuing the counseling/advice).

If nothing happens, then Allah says:

waidriboohunna

Hit them

oh oh...

So how many muslim men fulfill conditions one and two?? it is so sad to see how the ayat of Quran are abused by muslims... If anything, this ayah is a lesson in patience for the man in dealing with an outrageous spouse, it is such a magnificent ayah. It is disgusting to see that women are abused under the shade of the ayah... The ayah is also very specific to a clearly rebellious and outrageous wife.

When we think of the relationship between a man and a woman, we think of the general principles revealed in the Quran and the specific application in the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). 'waidriboohunna' means how the prophet did it. So let's see what he did. From what we know:

The Messenger Said (last sermon): ‘O people! There are rights in favour of your women which are incumbent upon you, and there are rights in favour of you which are incumbent upon them. As to what is incumbent upon them in your regard, is that they should not let your beds be trampled by others besides you, should not allow those to enter your houses whom you do not like without your authorization, and should not commit turpitude. If they commit this, then Allah has given you permission to reprimand them, to separate yourself from them in beds, and to strike them without causing pain, harm and injury. If they abstain (from this wrongdoing) and obey you, then it is incumbent upon you to provide their food and clothing in goodness. And I command you to treat women (your wives) well, because they have submitted themselves fully to you in your houses, possessing nothing for themselves. You, on your part have taken them as a trust from Allah and derive benefit from them on account of a word from Allah. So fear Allah with regards to women (your wives) and I order you to treat them well.’ (Ibn Hisham).

How do you strike without causing pain, harm or injury? SubhanAllah... Maybe a tap that will get her attention.. How do people justify the monumental kind of assaults that take place??...

If we follow the Quran and the sunnah, should we not follow the words of the messenger?

A light slap on the shoulder or the hand is as far as a man can go.

A slap or hit on your wives face is absolutely haram, It must not affect the body or cause injury to to the skin or the bone.

“Aisha reported that Allah's Messenger, may Allah bless him, never beat anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, but only, in the case when he had been fighting in the cause of Allah …” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 4296)

The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?" Hadith - Bukhari 8:68 (Volume 8, Book 73, Number 68), Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a


Hadith - Tirmidhi, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami
I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will*, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.

How then do muslim men who claim to follow the example of the messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) abuse their wives??

And this ayah is very specific to women that are clearly outrageous.

Imagine after stages one and two, it is two years now, you have been completely patient with her in spite of everything. Never insulted her back, Never raised your hands,. She starts making trouble again, breaking stuff and all. This time you slap her lightly on the shoulder telling her to stop this. She is going to take notice because you have never raised your hands before and unless she is really really psycho, she would recognize that you have been incredibly patient with her and it is bound to make her think.

If you have never ever laid your hands on your wife before, this light slap will jolt her.

There is no room for the kinds of assaults, some muslims commit.

This surah started with 'have taqwa of the relationships of the womb'. How are you going to assault the mother of your children?? You are not going to have taqwa for the mother of your children

This gets me so mad i can't even begin...

fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan inna Allaha kana AAaliyyan kabeeran

If they follow you, then don't pursue a case against them, God is most high and great.

If they come to their senses, then let bygones be bygones. Do not keep reminding them of the past. Make a fresh start. This is a very important thing in marriages, you have to learn to make a fresh start. Do not bring up the past. It is done, finished!! Let things go...

And just in case, the man starts to think he is the authority..

Allah reminds you that he is the most high and the great.. Remember who the real authority is.

The conflict continues (Surah 4:35)

iv. Wa-in khiftum shiqaqa baynihima faibAAathoo hakaman min ahlihi wahakaman min ahliha in yureeda islahan yuwaffiqi Allahu baynahuma inna Allaha kana AAaleeman khabeeran

If you [believers] fear that a couple may break up, appoint one arbiter from his family and one from hers. Then, if the couple want to put things right, God will bring about a reconciliation between them: He is all knowing, all aware.

When the conflicts becomes drawn out, communication breaks ..It seems they may break up. In order to solve the conflict and communication gap, representatives from the two families meet. This is a important because when communication breaks, intentions are often misinterpreted and too much meaning is read into harmless words and actions. Even though they might love each other, they can't communicate with each other.

The arbiters help to bridge the communication gap so that the process of reconciliation can begin.

If the couple want to reconcile, Allah will make it happen, He knows all about their marriage, he is fully aware of everything.

Alright let us understand the basics.


i.Men, it is important that there is constant consultation in the home. The man should always consult his wife when making important decisions, The advice from umm salama (RadiAllahu anha) saved a very volatile situation at hudabiyyah. Do not embark on projects without telling your wife, Major lessons of the Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) on leadership included mercy and making the led feel valuable.

Make your wife feel valuable, show her love and mercy. In return, you will get respect.

ii. Women, none of us like authority but remember that the man does not have absolute authority. That belongs to Allah, do your best to serve Allah by your devotion to your husbands. But make your opinions known, we see that the mothers of the believers (May Allah be pleased with all of them) made their opinions known to the messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), do not suffer in silence.

Communication is key. Sometimes men are oblivious of what you consider a problem.


At the end of the day, we are all imperfect. All we can do is try our best. Marriage is hard and even two very good people can fail at it. It requires big doses of patience, love and mercy.

May Allah grant us all, the best homes.

Why post it on front page if u don't want people to comment? If there's something you're not hiding abt ur religion u should be able to accept critics and the best u can do is to prove and show them the truth no mata how many times they've erred. Many of us have negative knowledge about Islam and its ur duty to expose us to the real deal if truly Islam is a religion of peace. *pls don't hide my comment*

Jazakallahu khayra

adewal15: HMMMMMMMM....... IS NAIRALAND GOING RELIGIOUS?

I get to know that most of this muslim article get to frontpage mostly on Friday(wc muslims call Jummah) and yet you wrote rubish ...come on sunday and read about christianity on FP also. Religious bigot

But must you read from Fp? Go to the sections you like and nobody will arrest you

@ nobnigga, your post is only corruptible to souls like you. Believers are immune to your flu cos our hearts shield such influx from having effect. If only the mods can hide ur brain and leave ur post. The evil man does outlive them!

@ maclatunji,tbaba, May Allaah reward this priceless effort of yours immensely. They are truly educating. Thanks for expatiating on the manner of 'beating'.

@ maclatunji,tbaba, May Allaah reward these priceless effort of yours immensely. They are truly educating. Thanks for expatiating on the manner of 'beating'.

PurestBoy: Why post it on front page if u don't want people to comment? If there's something you're not hiding abt ur religion u should be able to accept critics and the best u can do is to prove and show them the truth no mata how many times they've erred. Many of us have negative knowledge about Islam and its ur duty to expose us to the real deal if truly Islam is a religion of peace. *pls don't hide my comment*

There's a huge difference between constructive criticisms and derailments - the latter however reigns supreme on NL.

tbaba1234: Allah says:

Alrrijalu qawwamoona AAala alnnisa-i bima faddala Allahu baAAdahum AAala baAAdin wabima anfaqoo min amwalihim faalssalihatu qanitatun hafithatun lilghaybi bima hafitha Allahu waallatee takhafoona nushoozahunna faAAithoohunna waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi waidriboohunna fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan inna Allaha kana AAaliyyan kabeeran (Surah 4:34)

iii. Rebellious wives

waallatee takhafoona nushoozahunna

And those women you fear their rebellion

nushooz is crazy stuff i.e The wife goes psycho. It is extreme stuff not the normal disagreements. The knife throwing, breaking stuff wife. Clearly outrageous behaviour. It refers to a serious, unusual rebellion by the wife. Out of control rebellion.

Now so what should you do in this case?

faAAithoohunna

then counsel them

Give them advice, sit them down and give them advice. Also, it doesn't neccesarily imply that you directly give them the sermon. Get sermon to them. you could get her to a counselor or to someone she respects.

It means you can not give your wife a slap because she is behaving badly or getting on your nerves like unfortunately many muslim men do. Maclatunji asked a question about a woman with a very bad tongue, If her behaviour is seriously outrageous, your first step is to advice her and if you think she would not listen to you, get someone to advice her. If she has anger issues, maybe she needs to talk to a professional about her anger. Get her parents to talk to her.

Lesson: MEN HAVE TO BE THE ONES THAT TAKE THE BEATING!!!

You have to take the verbal abuse and in response, Allah says: you counsel them or get counsel to them. This may go on for months or years. You keep your cool and you never raise your voice or got angry. If you do, you start over again. If after a period of trying this and it is not working. She is getting worse or not showing any signs of improvement.

Since she has gotten worse overtime, what is the next step you take?

waohjuroohunna fee almadajiAAi

Then leave them on their beds when they lie of their side

If all the period of counsel and trying to get her help does not work. Then leave them on their beds.

Leaving the wives bed is an expression of extreme anger. She can hit you and say mean things to you but she knows you are going to come back to bed. When you don't come back to bed, it would bother her.

Maybe that will help her rethink what she is doing. It is important to note that each step is a long process and it is only when you have thoroughly exhausted one phase and know for sure that it is not going to work that you move to the next phase.

If the woman has some decency in her, she is going to feel bad about the husband leaving the bed. However, if she shows too much pride and anger, after you have kept this up for a little while ( whilst at the same time continuing the counseling/advice).

If nothing happens, then Allah says:

waidriboohunna

Hit them

oh oh...

So how many muslim men fulfill conditions one and two?? it is so sad to see how the ayat of Quran are abused by muslims... If anything, this ayah is a lesson in patience for the man in dealing with an outrageous spouse, it is such a magnificent ayah. It is disgusting to see that women are abused under the shade of the ayah... The ayah is also very specific to a clearly rebellious and outrageous wife.

When we think of the relationship between a man and a woman, we think of the general principles revealed in the Quran and the specific application in the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). 'waidriboohunna' means how the prophet did it. So let's see what he did. From what we know:

The Messenger Said (last sermon): ‘O people! There are rights in favour of your women which are incumbent upon you, and there are rights in favour of you which are incumbent upon them. As to what is incumbent upon them in your regard, is that they should not let your beds be trampled by others besides you, should not allow those to enter your houses whom you do not like without your authorization, and should not commit turpitude. If they commit this, then Allah has given you permission to reprimand them, to separate yourself from them in beds, and to strike them without causing pain, harm and injury. If they abstain (from this wrongdoing) and obey you, then it is incumbent upon you to provide their food and clothing in goodness. And I command you to treat women (your wives) well, because they have submitted themselves fully to you in your houses, possessing nothing for themselves. You, on your part have taken them as a trust from Allah and derive benefit from them on account of a word from Allah. So fear Allah with regards to women (your wives) and I order you to treat them well.’ (Ibn Hisham).

How do you strike without causing pain, harm or injury? SubhanAllah... Maybe a tap that will get her attention.. How do people justify the monumental kind of assaults that take place??...

If we follow the Quran and the sunnah, should we not follow the words of the messenger?

A light slap on the shoulder or the hand is as far as a man can go.

A slap or hit on your wives face is absolutely haram, It must not affect the body or cause injury to to the skin or the bone.

“Aisha reported that Allah's Messenger, may Allah bless him, never beat anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, but only, in the case when he had been fighting in the cause of Allah …” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 4296)

The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?" Hadith - Bukhari 8:68 (Volume 8, Book 73, Number 68), Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a


Hadith - Tirmidhi, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami
I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will*, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.

How then do muslim believing men who claim to live according to their faith (Christianity and Islam) abuse their wives??

And this ayah is very specific to women that are clearly outrageous.

Imagine after stages one and two, it is two years now, you have been completely patient with her in spite of everything. Never insulted her back, Never raised your hands,. She starts making trouble again, breaking stuff and all. This time you slap her lightly on the shoulder telling her to stop this. She is going to take notice because you have never raised your hands before and unless she is really really psycho, she would recognize that you have been incredibly patient with her and it is bound to make her think.

If you have never ever laid your hands on your wife before, this light slap will jolt her.

There is no room for the kinds of assaults, some muslims commit.

This surah started with 'have taqwa of the relationships of the womb'. How are you going to assault the mother of your children?? You are not going to have taqwa for the mother of your children

This gets me so mad i can't even begin...

fa-in ataAAnakum fala tabghoo AAalayhinna sabeelan inna Allaha kana AAaliyyan kabeeran

If they follow you, then don't pursue a case against them, God is most high and great.

If they come to their senses, then let bygones be bygones. Do not keep reminding them of the past. Make a fresh start. This is a very important thing in marriages, you have to learn to make a fresh start. Do not bring up the past. It is done, finished!! Let things go...

And just in case, the man starts to think he is the authority..

Allah reminds you that he is the most high and the great.. Remember who the real authority is.

@ bold edited portion

It's a general problem...

Maybe men can give us the answer.

I must say it's an individual thing caressed by family orientation. The day I learnt not to raise my hand on a girl (woman) as a kid, that day left lasting impressions on 'handling women'.

The logic is difficult to comprehend - you love your rib, yet you can't avoid stabbing yourself.

The orientation in this part of the world and some other parts build the men's ego that it's difficult to let go of one's anger. Some also never had sisters or the sought, so relating with their spouses without resorting to hitting the square button in their mortal kombat state-of-mind seems to be a problem. However, I personally see that not as an excuse, more like 'inferiority complex'.

Thank you very much, OP

I have decided to go out and buy my first Quran. In english or my native language, though, since I do not speak or read arabic.

JallowBah: Thank you very much, OP

I have decided to go out and buy my first Quran. In english or my native language, though, since I do not speak or read arabic.

#Cool

@ op. gud piece . jazakallahu khairan