Pls in all sincerity, i want to know the role of a wife in Islam,i would want my fellow brothers and sisters on the forum to say exactly what Islam says and,what It approves and what it frowns at, women particularly wives,cos i think majority of muslims are not following Islam in this matter,how do the wives from Ilorin,Ibadan,Ogun cope? except the Ondo's,cos those three i mentioned use wives like slaves regardless of their Aqeedah even some foolish ones with strong iman.

read the bible and ur life will never remain the same again.

[size=25pt]The Virtuous Woman

Proverbs 31:10-31[/size]


http://www.middletownbiblechurch.org/homefam/prov31.htm

^ lol uplawal is an ex-christian

tbaba1234: ^ lol uplawal is an ex-christian

yes

toba,you should know am not asking for your opinion as you are not one of us.

uplawal: toba,you should know am not asking for your opinion as you are not one of us.

Im i not a human being?

uplawal: Pls in all sincerity, i want to know the role of a wife in Islam,i would want my fellow brothers and sisters on the forum to say exactly what Islam says and,what It approves and what it frowns at, women particularly wives,cos i think majority of muslims are not following Islam in this matter,how do the wives from Ilorin,Ibadan,Ogun cope? except the Ondo's,cos those three i mentioned use wives like slaves regardless of their Aqeedah even some foolish ones with strong iman.

I fear for this your post O. Islam is not about categorizing people's behaviour by their tribe. Hence, you can only say that some Muslim men don't follow the teachings of Islam not men from X, Y and Z place.

Well, you can knock yourself out with information here: http://www.searching-islam.com just search for 'Duties of a Wife in Islam.' Remove the quotation marks so as not to limit your search results. I hope you find this helpful.

thanks @ sis uplawal. Am interested in this topic. have nothing to say now though. brb IA.

@maclatunji,lets face reality,women marrying from this areas face alot of challenges from their inlaws,they dont see any bad in intruding in marriages,but come to think of it,marriages are better off if they are extended as the title implies,and the men are so weak they can't handle situations.

@Sis Deols,you are highly welcome to contribute,asalamu alaykum.

uplawal: @maclatunji,lets face reality,women marrying from this areas face alot of challenges from their inlaws,they dont see any bad in intruding in marriages,but come to think of it,marriages are better off if they are extended as the title implies,and the men are so weak they can't handle situations.

@Sis Deols,you are highly welcome to contribute,asalamu alaykum.

Can you explain what you mean by marriages are better-off if they are extended as the title implies?

What i meant is most marriages are better off without them intruding,they should maintain their extension.

uplawal: What i meant is most marriages are better off without them intruding,they should maintain their extension.

Of course, that kind of goes without saying. Talking about these issues is important before getting married. For example, I know people within my family my future wife might have issues it. It is my duty to advise her on how to navigate her relationship with them. Not that they are bad, but each person has their peculiarities. For married couples, they need to be able to communicate effectively, there has to be chemistry such that wife can tell husband that your niece for example has done this to me and it bothers me. Husband should be able to say, 'don't fret about it babe, she means no harm' and if he finds that the other party is culpable. He finds the right time and place to sort it out whilst his wife has enough trust in him to know that he will protect her.

Extended family rarely succeed in breaking a couple if they don't leave opportunities for them to do so.

Asalamu Alaykum brother maclatunji,this that you've said made sense,but its sometimes difficult when the people in question are not believers or dnt have the same islamic knowledge as the husband.

@logicmind,must you comment on all thread?believers and unbelievers are not alike,if you call it segregation,so be it.

uplawal: toba,you should know am not asking for your opinion as you are not one of us.

excellent. this is why i like islam. the religion of tolerance and peace. Peace be unto you all. Let those that critisize you be hidden from view. Allah is great and mohamed is his prophet. We should always watch out for the infidels and their evil deed and make sure we protect our own. Allah Arkbah!

mr moderator, this post was actually a sarcasm. please hide it.

uplawal can we talk?

uplawal, honestly speaking it is a good question, but you shouldn't have made mention of any tribe. Human being are different from one another. You can not say because a short man has done you bad for once in your life, so therefore all short men are bad, likewise a tall person, like wise in religion, likewise in tribe. If you meet another Ibadan Man, you'll think there is no better man on earth other than him. I know of a twin sister who are married to two Ibadan men, one is finding life easy with her Ibadan husband, while the other divorced the Ibadan husband sometimes 2010, because of series of misunderstanding, complains here and there saying Ibadan men her bad, while the other is saying Ibadan men are the best. WHICH ONE WILL YOU NOW VOTE FOR

I see some truth in what Uplawal said of Yoruba men. Matter of factly, many of them dont treat their wives right. Worse is that many young males are brought up with the same ideas that women are meant to be their 'slaves'.

I read some archaic writings of a man on Fb yesterday. if not that I ddnt want any wahala, would have tried to correct his belief. He was praising the authoritative nature of his dead father and he already had some others liking and commenting. They all would most probably live the same life. I believe in speaking the ills of the society so we may find solutions to them rather than trying to cover them up cos they are ''our people''.

I wrote this article, the position of Women in Islam sometime ago. A part of it is related to your post. here's the link---http://ammeerrahh./2011/07/29/the-position-of-women-in-islam/



As Wives

-Women have the entire right to decide on who to marry, although not without the consent of a waliyy (this is to protect them) except in certain circumstances.

- The role of a woman in her marriage is to be the partner, and comforter. To bear the children and take care of them and to protect her husband’s property and interest as well as to guard her chastity.

-So many cultures have definitions for the role of the woman as a wife, this should not be interwoven with her role under Islam. For example, cooking for her household or washing the clothes of her husband are not specified in Islam as her role in marriage but are part of some of our cultures especially in Africa.

-In return, She’s entitled to shelter, clothing, feeding, and the comforts of life according to her husband’s capability.

-In a polygamous setting, women are to be treated with equity in terms of the provision and attention they get from their husband.

-They are not to be prohibited from their acts of worship by their husband but they take permission from him in non obligatory acts such as visiting.

-During menstruation, a woman does not lose her position with her husband. It is related that the prophet used to stay with Aisha during her period and would even place his head on her laps.

-Even though coitus in its real sense is not allowed at this time some, level of sexual interaction is allowed.

-Women are to be submissive to their husbands except in matters that deviate from the principles of Islam. Just like a ship would need a captain, a home needs a leader and Allah has made the man it. Reasonable men seek their wives’ advice in matters before taking actions and that is evident in the life time of the prophet. This will foster trust, understanding and respect between the spouses.

-Just as women are able to choose their spouses, they are allowed to leave their marriages when the condition becomes unbearable. Whether because they’re treated unfairly or for other reasons.

^At the risk of looking like a serial trouble maker (I only ask these questions because that is not my intention). What do you really mean by the statement that it is not clearly specified in Islam that a woman must cook for her husband?
Are you saying she is in charge of providing meals to her husband although she might not be the one that actually cooks the food? Or are you saying a wife is at liberty to decide whether to provide food to her husband or not?

I want to think you are talking of the former but please clarify.

@Uplawal, it breaks my heart that I typed a reply to your last post to me on this thread and could not post because my laptop internet connection ran out as I was pressing reply. Insha Allah, I will post it when I get the laptop connection back.

The roles of a wife in Islam is very clear as it has been highlighted by deols, but i'll like to say Islam is a religion with rules and regulation that did not come to abolish any culture or tradition, rather, Islam came to abolish evil practices within any culture and tradition. When islam came to mecca according to the sirah, it upheld practices among the arabs that did not negate islam, but further encouraged them.
Our culture and tradition is that a wife should cook for her family and i believe this is part of taking care of her household.
A wife must understand that primarily, her actions are to please Allah(swt). Her roles in her husband's house is to please her creator. A story of a female sahabah that did her necessary responsibilities to her husband even though her child died comes to mind(i cant lay my hands on the hadith now), she did'nt do that to please her husband but Allah and she was adequately rewarded.
@uplawal, you fall my hand o, you just cast a serious allegation against the totality of my people even those with iman. Our people dey try o, at least we allow our women to work and own thier own houses...lol

^My brother thank you for your insight O. No be small thing.

@sino
I understand clearly what you mean. Cooking for ur husband as a woman isnt a bad thing. There's also the hadith where Fatima demanded a maid and the prophet encouraged her to go ahead working in her home.

I just like to make things clear. What Islam says versus what our cultures permit. Islam is a way of life and a couple accepting to live an Islamic life should know exactly where the lines are drawn..I wish i can express myself better

deols: @sino
I understand clearly what you mean. Cooking for ur husband as a woman isnt a bad thing. There's also the hadith where Fatima demanded a maid and the prophet encouraged her to go ahead working in her home.

I just like to make things clear. What Islam says versus what our cultures permit. Islam is a way of life and a couple accepting to live an Islamic life should know exactly where the lines are drawn..I wish i can express myself better

Now that you have clarified your position somewhat. I must ask: are you kidding? You really think that a woman cooking for her husband according to Islam is something to be classified as 'ISN'T A BAD THING'? Say WHAAAAAT?

My sister, let us add jokes to it and not set it apart. Apart from conjugal relations, having and taking care of children, the next priority of the wife is to COOK for her family. So you are actually expecting an hadith or a Quranic verse that says a woman must cook for her husband before you know that or what are you saying?

Young ladies I beg you in the name of Allah not to mind Deols (She is a sweetheart I know), make cooking one of your key points for a successful marriage and your duty. I love to cook, I have cooked this morning but please and please cooking is one of the duties of a Muslim wife. My wife must see cooking as her duty, I will help her if she is overwhelmed, ill, pregnant or because I just want to cook myself but it is her duty NOW!

oh, I seem to put much emphasis on cooking. My post regards other things too, like washing his clothes.I personally cant imagine doing that . I think the couple would have to decide what works for them. If a woman would do it though, nothing wrong with it. Her not doing it doesn't make her a bad wife either.

deols: oh, I seem to put much emphasis on cooking. My post regards other things too, like washing his clothes.I personally cant imagine doing that . I think the couple would have to decide what works for them. If a woman would do it though, nothing wrong with it. Her not doing it doesn't make her a bad wife either.

I understand where you are coming from but let me give you a hint- you cannot successfully negotiate every detail of your being subject to your husband's authority before getting married. So there is nothing like: "I will tell him EVERYTHING I will not take BEFORE I get MARRIED. "

NEWSFLASH: Your husband will demand things of you that YOU MAY NOT LIKE and you will not find any hiding place in the Qur'an or Hadith to use to DISOBEY/QUESTION his orders if you want to be a good WIFE. Ladies, husbands are leaders and as such WILL and MUST give orders. A good wife will bury her pride and accept them if she really has faith in Allah and wants to keep a happy home (yes there is a condition but it remains just that a CONDITION, the RULE still applies in the FIRST PLACE).

I am saying this in general terms so that we don't reduce this topic to will I wash plates?; change baby's diapers?; leave my job and travel to a new country with my husband and blah, blah, blah (you get my drift).

This is nothing personal but let us be honest and frank with each other here and not be hypocrites or people who don't have the courage to say the truth about sensitive issues.

Thank you.

maclatunji:

I understand where you are coming from but let me give you a hint- you cannot successfully negotiate every detail of your being subject to your husband's authority before getting married. So there is nothing like: "I will tell him EVERYTHING I will not take BEFORE I get MARRIED. "

NEWSFLASH: Your husband will demand things of you that YOU MAY NOT LIKE and you will not find any hiding place in the Qur'an or Hadith to use to DISOBEY/QUESTION his orders if you want to be a good WIFE. Ladies, husbands are leaders and as such WILL and MUST give orders. A good wife will bury her pride and accept them if she really has faith in Allah and wants to keep a happy home (yes there is a condition but it remains just that a CONDITION, the RULE still applies in the FIRST PLACE).

I am saying this in general terms so that we don't reduce this topic to will I wash plates?; change baby's diapers?; leave my job and travel to a new country with my husband and blah, blah, blah (you get my drift).

This is nothing personal but let us be honest and frank with each other here and not be hypocrites or people who don't have the courage to say the truth about sensitive issues.

Thank you.

^ The prophet of Allah washed his own clothes, cooked his own food and helped around in the house ... Too many men hide behind obedience and fail to realise that their wives are not their slaves.... If your aim is to follow the prophet, then follow him::

While wives are told to obey their husbands, the husbands are expected to be the best to their wives

The prophet said:
"The best of you are the best to their wives; and I am the best to my wives." Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

So to be the best to your wives, you must emulate him.... So even if you can't wash your clothes all the time... Do it sometime... Cook for your wife and yourself, help around the house.... It is a sunnah

Men can't keep looking at one side of the coin.... she is supposed to obey you so you take advantage... If you follow the sunnah, you will take up some responsibility around the home like the prophet did...

Men need to be made aware of this..

LOL, tbaba1234. How very sweet. Are you implying that the Prophet (SAW) never gave orders to his wives that may not have liked and was always lovey-dovey and mushy with them?

Like I said earlier, I don't want to reduce this topic to a list of chores that a woman wants or does not want to do. This your understanding though very cute will lead to the break-up of most marriages that seek to apply this YOUR interpretation of the Prophet's marital life.

Look, I can assure you that I am as sweet, gentle and nice as any other living man that I know BUT come-on. All the hadith that you will want to quote did not say the Prophet SAW made housekeeping is primary duty. The hadiths let us know that the man should help with HOUSEKEEPING and should not be ashamed whilst doing so. This does not NEGATE the fact that they remain the primary duty of the wife. tbaba1234, go and write this down somewhere- YOU (Insha Allah) WILL give YOUR WIFE orders that SHE may not like and WILL expect HER to obey YOU.

It is what leaders do and you may be shocked that your wife may COMPLAIN about you if you are not doing that.

I may seem agressive with my posts but it is because I don't want other young people to read this thread and leave with ideas that MAY end-up destroying their future marriage (May Allah forbid that). I expect the Muslim Husband to be a CARING and BENEVOLENT LEADER to his wife but guess what? He is still a LEADER.

Note that: I particularly don't fancy any other person washing my clothes including my future wife. Let's get beyond listing house chores and look at the BIGGER PICTURE here.

maclatunji: LOL, tbaba1234. How very sweet. Are you implying that the Prophet (SAW) never gave orders to his wives that may not have liked and was always lovey-dovey and mushy with them?

Like I said earlier, I don't want to reduce this topic to a list of chores that a woman wants or does not want to do. This your understanding though very cute will lead to the break-up of most marriages that seek to apply this YOUR interpretation of the Prophet's marital life.

Look, I can assure you that I am as sweet, gentle and nice as any other living man that I know BUT come-on. All the hadith that you will want to quote did not say the Prophet SAW made housekeeping is primary duty. The hadiths let us know that the man should help with HOUSEKEEPING and should not be ashamed whilst doing so. This does not NEGATE the fact that they remain the primary duty of the wife. tbaba1234, go and write this down somewhere- YOU (Insha Allah) WILL give YOUR WIFE orders that SHE may not like and WILL expect HER to obey YOU.

It is what leaders do and you may be shocked that your wife may COMPLAIN about you if you are not doing that.

I may seem agressive with my posts but it is because I don't want other young people to read this thread and leave with ideas that MAY end-up destroying their future marriage (May Allah forbid that). I expect the Muslim Husband to be a CARING and BENEVOLENT LEADER to his wife but guess what? He is still a LEADER.

Note that: I particularly don't fancy any other person washing my clothes including my future wife. Let's get beyond listing house chores and look at the BIGGER PICTURE here.

I think you misunderstand my points:

True, the man is the head of the home and his wife should respect him. A lot of men take that as a license and forget that they are supposed to be the best to their wives and help out in the household. Iam just saying, It is a two-way street.

If we follow the sunnah, you will realise it is not just about order giving. What did the prophet say?

Allah 's Apostle said, "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely."

So while giving orders, be conscious of the feelings of your wife... give her a break when she might need it. Be appreciative. You are meant to be the protector and maintainer not the oppressive boss:

"All of you are custodians and will be asked about your charges. The Imam is a custodian and will be asked about his charges. The man is a custodian of his family and he will be asked about his charges. The woman is a custodian of her husband's house and she will be asked about her charges. The servant is a custodian of his boss's property and he will be asked about his charges ... So all of you are custodians and will be asked about your charges"[Al-Bukhari]


Our points are similar but we seem to be coming from two angles::

^Oya dude, come and educate us on how we (men) should go about the whole thing here https://www.nairaland.com/931147/what-duties-roles-husband-as

I am in a loving mood today #LOL.