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How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? - Family - Nairaland

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How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Fejok01(f): 11:47am On Apr 10, 2013
I decided to bring this here to seek counsel.Am below 40years old.I lost my spouse about 8years ago and i seem not to be able to overcome.I talk,smile,go to work etc but within me is deep pain and sorrow.I've thought of seeing a psychologist but decided to seek counsel here first.Pls waiting for your replies.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by slimyem: 12:07pm On Apr 10, 2013
You can't totally overcome it.It'll always be with you somehow especially if the union birthed children and if it did,be consoled by them and the fact that your spouse is probably in a better place.

Have you tried getting into other relationships?Eventually,you'll need someone.Someone deserving sharing your life with.
The hurt would get easier as time goes by and you get so you can live with it.You can be happy if you let yourself be.
All the best.

5 Likes

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by vanitty: 12:19pm On Apr 10, 2013
8 years on and you still feel such deep pain and sorrow means you are not letting yourself move on.

Yes, you will always remember your loved ones (even your father /mother) but with time, the pain should fade to a nice remembrance of them that will even make you smile anytime you think of them

Please go and talk to a shrink.
It is well.

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Fejok01(f): 12:39pm On Apr 10, 2013
@Slimyem,thanks.I kind of get weary of men even the ones in the church.Maybe i need a new circle of friends.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Fejok01(f): 12:43pm On Apr 10, 2013
@Vanitty.tanx.Moving on is what i seem not to be able to do.Any suggestion?
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by jennykadry(f): 1:42pm On Apr 10, 2013
Awww where is serubawon when you need him

@Op

I don't know what to say. It is well

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by vanitty: 1:53pm On Apr 10, 2013
Fejok01: @Vanitty.tanx.Moving on is what i seem not to be able to do.Any suggestion?

Hmmm, They say time is the best healer, so usually with time you should have moved on to some extent.

However, 8 years on, you are still in deep pain and sorrow. Family and friends even with the best intentions at times just give you a quick-fix solution and not deal with the real issue.

My only suggestion is for you to talk to a certified person, someone that was trained and his/her livelihood is to assess people psychologically.
It helps x
 
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by midetinz(m): 3:01pm On Apr 10, 2013
what u need is a practical solution. Marry another wife but be very careful not to make a wrong choice. a right choice of a second spouse will surely boost ur morale

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by edgideon(m): 3:01pm On Apr 10, 2013
[color=#990000][/color] join d spouse,but on a serious note its 2 long na,na blood oat
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Rutheby(f): 3:02pm On Apr 10, 2013
Fejok01: I decided to bring this here to seek counsel.Am below 40years old.I lost my spouse about 8years ago and i seem not to be able to overcome.I talk,smile,go to work etc but within me is deep pain and sorrow.I've thought of seeing a psychologist but decided to seek counsel here first.Pls waiting for your replies.
it's nt alwaz easy bt i'll advice u 2 avoid things dat makes u remember dat person. It's an injury that takes time 2 get heal. U gat 2 move on.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by NLGwoodey: 3:04pm On Apr 10, 2013
M M M: Op

Just drink alcohol when ever u re sad

Then you will have a sad and lonely alcoholic.

what is wrong with you?

2 Likes

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by G50member(m): 3:06pm On Apr 10, 2013
Allow yourself to move on. What happened and no matter how much we choose not to let go, we can't change the past cos its history but we can decide how it affects our present and future.
Whats more, I believe that wherever he is, his one wish will be to see you happy. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for him. Move on and be happy.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by iamswizz(m): 3:07pm On Apr 10, 2013
Fejok01: I decided to bring this here to seek counsel.Am below 40years old.I lost my spouse about 8years ago and i seem not to be able to overcome.I talk,smile,go to work etc but within me is deep pain and sorrow.I've thought of seeing a psychologist but decided to seek counsel here first.Pls waiting for your replies.
will you marry me?
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Daresh(f): 3:07pm On Apr 10, 2013
Madam I'm sorry you lost your spouse at such a young age. I suggest you seek help from qualified professionals in your case a psychologist or a counsellor to help you cope with the grief. 8 yrs is a long time to grieve, now you need to wake up and live the rest of ur life to the max. God bless you
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Okijajuju1(m): 3:08pm On Apr 10, 2013
Marry a New Spouse..

@ OP..

You may really need to see a shrink (especially abroad). Letting go is a delibrate step that you must take. E.g, get rid of as many things that constantly reminds you of her (which I am certain would be hard), Try and cultivate a very active social life, work hard and play harder.

Its not easy, but it must be done lest you push yourself into depression and do something crazy..

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by moodswing(m): 3:09pm On Apr 10, 2013
My dear, I think it's about timne to let go. You can't spend the rest of your life mourning. I understand that you naturally couldn't come to terms with standing on your past to leap towards the future but you have to accept what you can't change and find ways to be happy again.

Whereever your late spouse is right now, he must be really sad because he would want you to be happy for him. Living the pain won't do you any good.

Go out there, make new friends, possibly fall in love again and be happy. You owe yourself that. It's not easy but there's no question that you could do it.

May God help you...
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by kingingkinging: 3:11pm On Apr 10, 2013
Hello madam. Sorry for the loss. One of the reasons you have not been able to remove the toga of the loss is because you and your spouse were too close ( kind of sharing one anothers burdens, pains, given timely,best and right advice, etc) another reason could be emotional.

Be that as it may, one solution that no logic can break is getting involved in another relationship. I suggest, if you are a christian, another marriage is the best for you, but if not ( I am not supposed to say this cos people will say it is a sin), but have a male friend. A man who understands your pain, burden, stress, weak points and area of strength.

This may not solve the problem totally but I bet you, it will alleviate it to a large extent, the next man might even be a better person.

The only problem now is: if you have children with the deceased, how do you handle them? Your relationship with your first in law, if your husband (deceased) had property, how will you handle it with the in law,if there was no WILL written by him.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by joyli: 3:11pm On Apr 10, 2013
vanitty: 8 years on and you still feel such deep pain and sorrow means you are not letting yourself move on.

Yes, you will always remember your loved ones (even your father /mother) but with time, the pain should fade to a nice remembrance of them that will even make you smile anytime you think of them

Please go and talk to a shrink.
It is well.

Well said , when I lost my mum it was like the whole world is falling on top of me.later, I had to let go.

1) Creat fun for your sef
2) Go to church, listen to word God
3) Take away things that will bring back those memories e.g pictures, cloths etc.

I tell u, u will be relieved.

Wish u the best
 
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by baby124: 3:12pm On Apr 10, 2013
Remove everything that reminds you of the person. Pictures, gifts, give his clothes to charity etc. I am sure you are bombarded and surrounded by so many memories of the person's presence that it is hard to even think. Go out, go to parties, hang around happy people. Not people that stipulate and enforce a mourning period, or the "chief judges" of Nigeria. When you are able to go a day without feeling sad thinking about him, then you are on your way. With time when you are more comfortable, you can bring out the pictures or save them for your kids if there are any. Get yourself emotionally, and mentally in order before you begin another relationship. And put your kids first, the next person must love and accept your kids totally. God is the father of the fatherless. So dont even think about putting such children in a bad situation.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Gabrielsylar(m): 3:14pm On Apr 10, 2013
U nid to understand d scientology of death
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by subzidi: 3:15pm On Apr 10, 2013
May the good Lord console and continue to be with you! I really dont have words enough to say to you, i extend to you sisterly hugs and you are always in my prayers. I extend a hand of friendship if you reside in Lagos we can hook up!
Stay blessed and stay strong{huggs}

2 Likes

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by joyli: 3:15pm On Apr 10, 2013
T-smooth:
Hmm.

Are u okay atall? I guess u need to see ur GP. embarassed embarassed :

Naughty Person!! embarassed

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Keneking: 3:16pm On Apr 10, 2013
Anyway, it really depends on the circumstance leading to the death of your spouse. Death can be painful but one has to move on.

1.I suggest you relocate.
2.Try taking your mind off the relationship with the deceased.
3.Do not put so much love on the kids.
4.If there is a divorcee out there, that is keen on accomodating your family...then proceed.
5.Try not to be heartbroken in your future relationship.
6.Remain focussed and God-fearing in all your dealing work, relationship etc.
7.Get someone of the same-gender to lean on...I suggest someone older.

I wish you best of luck in all endeavours.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by ichommy(m): 3:19pm On Apr 10, 2013
slimyem: You can't totally overcome it.It'll always be with you somehow especially if the union birthed children and if it did,be consoled by them and the fact that your spouse is probably in a better place.

Have you tried getting into other relationships?Eventually,you'll need someone.Someone deserving sharing your life with.
The hurt would get easier as time goes by and you get so you can live with it.You can be happy if you let yourself be.
All the best.


100 Likes
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by scobaba: 3:20pm On Apr 10, 2013
I will start with apologising on behalf of some retards in this house who give rubbish suggestions.

This lady is aggrieved and some people are making fun of her situation.

@fejok01....I'm sorry about your loss dear friend. 8yrs is a long time. I'm sure your spouse in the land beyond will want you to move on @ this point.
Definitely there are people coming to you, but you v not opened your heart to accept any.
Give someone a try and I pray God to bless you with the right person.

I lost my mum 2yrs ago and my dad still cries till date. They were married for 30yrs.

I'm thinking suggesting a wife for him too, but my other siblings think I'm crazy.

You have age on your side, my dear move on.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by vicky6: 3:25pm On Apr 10, 2013
I would suggest grief counseling for you. And by all means do not keep yourself secluded in your home. Go out with friends and have fun. It helps making you feel like something in your life has some sense of normalcy . Death is hard to get over even more so when it is a loved one. Go to a therapist and tak about it it will help you to overcome your depression and fears. Medication for depression is available and it may ease your suffering.

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Guliver(m): 3:26pm On Apr 10, 2013
I feel ur pain,I had similar incident last year.I lost my wife 2 child birth.even a year after nw,I cnt let go

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Yomieluv(m): 3:31pm On Apr 10, 2013
When someone loose a loved one,the person is faced with two options: either to let go,and life goes on,or to follow the deceased person to grave.
The first option is the best,cos fate at times deals with us unpleasantly,but the best way to deal with fate is to accept whatever it brings,and move on in life.

1 Like

Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by Nobody: 3:36pm On Apr 10, 2013
Try starting a new relationship with a single matured man.
Re: How Can You Overcome The Death Of A Spouse? by MMM2(m): 3:37pm On Apr 10, 2013
NLG_woodey:

Then you will have a sad and lonely alcoholic.

what is wrong with you?

Nothing
Am okay

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