A friend of mine ran to me asking for advice, which i couldnt say much, because, im almost also affected by the same problem.
She said her problem is that everyone (her loved one) always want her to be around them, not minding her marital status, for example, her hubby is the type that always want her to be around to welcome him each time hes back from work.
Also, when her mother calls, its "its been a while and you dont even mind visiting me again, pls, bring my grandkids to come and play with me" (that while might just be 2 weeks o).
What about MIL, she too always want her to be with her, even with the kids.......lol.
Her sisters and brothers are also the same, always complaining that she has abandonned them because shes now married.

SIL&BIL nko, always claiming (although jokingly)that, its not only their brother that shes married to, they are also inclusive, so, she must have a time to visit them(in their different individual homes o).

And friends, those ones are just too crazy about the whole thing.


Now about her..........
Shes a working class mother and wife.
She wasnt and isnt the outgoing type.
Shes the type that will not like to offend anyone, hence, her worry on how she can cope.
She has 2 little ones that shes taking care of.



Its quite understandable that shes loved by them all and also obvious that shes a nice lady that they all want to have around, but, how does she cope? Can she tell them straightaway that, she doesnt have time or what?

I have thought about it for about 4 days now, but i couldnt really say much, because im also almost in the same shoe with her, hence, my coming to NL.
So, peeps, help me to advise this friend of mine and im optimistic that i will also learn from it as well, and some other people.
Thanks for your anticipated responses.

One can really live for others and put yourself under pressure. Effective time schedule and honesty about her work and childcare should solve the problem. If they so love her, they should pay her visit too.

why don't they visit her as well since they love her so much, we are only human and we all have only 24 hours in a day. She can't divide herself into segments o. The best thing to do is to arrange a picnic once in a while, that is assuming most of these loved ones live in the city. At least everyone coming together once in a while will not leave others feeling left out.

nat138: why don't they visit her as well since they love her so much, we are only human and we all have only 24 hours in a day. She can't divide herself into segments o. The best thing to do is to arrange a picnic once in a while, that is assuming most of these loved ones live in the city. At least everyone coming together once in a while will not leave others feeling left out.

Mayflowa: One can really live for others and put yourself under pressure. Effective time schedule and honesty about her work and childcare should solve the problem. If they so love her, they should pay her visit too.

thanks, but, my question is that, are they going to be expecting visitors every now and then, plus the fact that, they arent really financially bouyant enough for frequent visits(she didnt tell me this, i assume) and also, the grandmas are too old to be travelling up and down.

I honestly understand what she is going through cos I am in the same shoes as she is. My hubby for one does not even like me going out once I come back from work but I try as much as possible to keep in touch, I call and jist as often as I can and also get my kids to writting sweet innocent letters which we send out at special occasions. My mum for one cherishes every gift and letter she receives from those little ones. The bottom line is that she should make them feel special by keeping in touch often and also encourage them to come visiting.

I'm not married yet so I wouldn't know exactly what your friend is going through .I think though that her nuclear family should be her most priority.She should tend to her husband and kids first.Am I saying she should cut connections with her extended family?no.She could set a weekend aside to pay them a visit. She must make them realize though that she's always busy.

As for her siblings and sibling in laws,what's wrong in them paying her a visit once in a while?

or better still,she could try ringing them more often.

toofine765: I honestly understand what she is going through cos I am in the same shoes as she is. My hubby for one does not even like me going out once I come back from work but I try as much as possible to keep in touch, I call and jist as often as I can and also get my kids to writting sweet innocent letters which we send out at special occasions. My mum for one cherishes every gift and letter she receives from those little ones. The bottom line is that she should make them feel special by keeping in touch often and also encourage them to come visiting.

thanks for this, but the calling requires lot of money now, anyway, even, i myself will try that letter stuff......