Here is what you need to do ma'am:
Here is what i will advise you to do and in the years to come, you will be pleased you did this, but if you dont do it and continue with the statusquo, in the future you will look back and feel ashamed.
Pick up the phone and call him.
Be strong enough and tell him that the relationship is over (and mean it). After that commit your life to Christ again and leave all this stuff. You will burn your fingers in them.
When the time comes, God will send the right/His person to you. I can guarantee you that.
If you dont do this, here's what will happen: He will continue to destoy you emotionally and he will eventually boot you out (so better you boot him out now and come out shining) after which it will take you long to recover emotionally (with attendant mistrust for men and potential to miss the right person for you).

Here is what he may do if you boot him out first: He may come running after you (and you may fall for him, to your detriment though especially if you do not commit your life to Christ), but ignore him and focus on important things in life: Your relationship with Jesus and His plan for your life.
All the best and God will give you the strengt and wisdom to do things that are in your long-term best interest.

It's evident that guy's heart is not with you, rather it's with someone else. So pick up your broken pieces and move on - Best advice from a bro who care!

baby_123:

It happens. People hold unto things that are not there for sentimental reasons. Be true to yourself always, if it is not in your best interest physically, mentally and emotionally. Then it isn't. Don't beg anyone to love you, if they did they will try not to hurt you and it will come natural. Distance is not an issue to someone that genuinely wants to be with you. The virginity thing is what it is, just virginity. After you lose it, you become any other girl. Then you both have to deal with the reality of the situation. This goes with my point on being blinded by sentiments. Delete all his contacts and everything that reminds you about him, throw away. Take your time and meet new people. You don't have to break up with him, but push his matter into the friend zone part of your mind. When he starts chasing you again, which he likely will(but don't put your life on hold, just in case he doesn't). You will hold the cards, and play your part right. Let him work for you, and work hard. Like making the effort to communicate, travelling to see you, planning trips etc.But cut off communication and give him space until he comes looking for you. If he is causing this much trouble, there is someone better out there who would appreciate you. Take your time dating, and you will find that special person, There is a lady here who shared a story that she married her first, and after 4 kids he abandoned her for a rich widow. He was 16yrs older than her I think. So, that can be your story if you force things and rely on sentiments to make good judgements and decisions in your interest.

hope u no d guy is abroad u knw nahh

keeked:

I answered coogar's questions. I don't want to be repetitive but here i go again;

The first yr was joy. We were inseparable. Even while he was at work, he's blowing up my phone. I didn't even need to try, it just came naturally. We craved each other. - and that is what I'm used to!
Now he's in a different place and i'm still stuck in that honeymoon phase.

It's like feeding a little child kellogg's cornflakes all his life, and out of the blue, you start serving him Nasco cornflakes for no apparent reason, of course hes going to moan and whine and demand for his kellogg's.


Thank you everyone for your words.

A child can switch to every kind of food edible after every one or two years. From breast milk to infant milk to golden morn to conflakes to rice to garri to fufu. . All these between years and months....why can't you?

You must learn to re-adjust and adapt as you keep finding ways to reassuring your partner of your commitment. But if at any point in time you feel its becoming to hard for you to bear....simply walk away.

By the way, could you kindly provide answers to the five questions I asked you in a detailed format instead of your usual 'It was all rosy in our first year'.

Ujujoan:
So what if she's an annoying pest, she's only worried cos she loves him . . A matured man will find a way to handle that without making her feel guilty!
My husband pretends to be pissed at my 'where are you' calls? But after several of not getting those calls, he'll become offended that I'm ignoring him!
I don't know how people's relationships are oh. But I don't think a couple in a distant relationship should be talking about 'choking'. The calls are ALL they have . .

Thank you o . . .it's an LDR for crying out loud. What is the point of being in a relationship if we're not communicating?

It's gotten to a point that he says if i don't have anything really really important to say i shoudln't call him or text him.
If i call him randomly to just tell him how my day is going, he gets angry.

and i keep telling him, if there's somehting you're going through lets talk about it, that's why we're in a relationship; his reply is always "even if i tell what solution do you have to give?" . . . or something just very cold. . .

i should stop ranting and start acting. . .

Thank you guys again.

1. Does she call him at odd hours knowing that US and UK has about 6-9 hours difference (depending on the city).
No.


2. How many times does she call him?
When I miss my boo.


3. How long does she force the poor dude to be on the phone with her?
as long as he wants to. when he starts getting cranky, most of the time he hangs up. I call and he doesn't pick up till when he feels like.


4. Ultimately, who starts the arguement after 'yoy are choking me' comes up. How does she react?
him and I. back and forths.


5. Has she really assessed herself?
yes.

EBK2: Here is what you need to do ma'am:
Here is what i will advise you to do and in the years to come, you will be pleased you did this, but if you dont do it and continue with the statusquo, in the future you will look back and feel ashamed.
Pick up the phone and call him.
Be strong enough and tell him that the relationship is over (and mean it). After that commit your life to Christ again and leave all this stuff. You will burn your fingers in them.
When the time comes, God will send the right/His person to you. I can guarantee you that.
If you dont do this, here's what will happen: He will continue to destoy you emotionally and he will eventually boot you out (so better you boot him out now and come out shining) after which it will take you long to recover emotionally (with attendant mistrust for men and potential to miss the right person for you).

Here is what he may do if you boot him out first: He may come running after you (and you may fall for him, to your detriment though especially if you do not commit your life to Christ), but ignore him and focus on important things in life: Your relationship with Jesus and His plan for your life.
All the best and God will give you the strengt and wisdom to do things that are in your long-term best interest.

Who listens to this kind of advise these days, especially those in diaspora? Thanks for the wisdom there-in, if only people whould listen and understand. 'When you follow Jesus, you are a looser', that's the thinking these days. It is well.

Sister, everyone here is advising you to throw in the towel. However, remember when youre crying at night, they will all be cozy with their boo's, and i bet many of them are worse 'mugus'(permit me to use that phrase), yet will come here ranting.
Dont compare your relationship to any other. Building is never easy, and the more expensive it is, the better. Im sure that boo loves you. He probably really just needs some space and you have to understand that giving him space doesnt mean he doesnt want to hear from you. Theres just cycles in life and this is just one of them. He'll come around i promise. The key is communication (sometimes people can actually talk but not communicate).
However i hope you are not pressurising him to make some kind of commitment. These things come in stages. if hes been with you this long, itll happen at the right time.

keeked: Hello nairalanders,
Hopefully I will get some useful advice from members.

I have been in an across the ocean relationship for almost three years now. It was going really really well for the first year or so... things started getting weird after. He would complain that I am getting too attached/I'm chocking him and I would complain that he is getting too withdrawn. He would say things have changed and that it's normal for the novelty of a new relationship to wear off after a while. (Is this even true?)
........
Things have gotten worse now. We can't go two days without having an argument. (Hyperbole)
After a good number of the arguments, he would break up with me and I'd cry my eyes, begging him to come back. We make up, and cycle continues. In fact, he just broke up with me again a few days ago. He isn't even trying anymore. He hardly calls etc .

I really love this guy. My parents know him (and vice versa) and all that good stuff. I know this sounds pathetic but I can't see myself not being with him.

My questions for all are; is he seeing someone else? Is he taking advantage of my weakness (him)?
What do I do to break free even if i want to? Is he staying out of pity?

If you have more questions to ask I'll be ready to answer, I didn't want to be too detailed to avoid a lengthy post.

Sorry dear i have the same story line with yours believe me. The only difference is I'm a young man. She always brings up flimsy excuse cos she fully knows that i can't do without her so most time she takes the advantage of my innocence and do whatever she likes even to the extent of cheating in our relationship. She happens to be my first love and when she gets tired of using me she left me for an oblivion and move on with her life. I just focus on making my life more meaningful and better without her THOUGH ITS NOT EASY I MEAN ITS VERY HARD SEEING SOMEONE THAT ONCE MEANS EVERYTHING TO YOU ONLY TO BECOME A TOTAL STRANGER IN A DAY. My dear move on i know its not easy just get yourself busy with whatever can make u happy u will always think about him but u need to be strong enough to let go Please. Mind u mine is still killing me there are times i just cry myself to bed but I'm still doing everything i can to move. I pray God bless the broken road and heal the broken heart. Take care dearie

Jastombutex11:

Sorry dear i have the same story line with yours believe me. The only difference is I'm a young man. She always brings up flimsy excuse cos she fully knows that i can't do without her so most time she takes the advantage of my innocence and do whatever she likes even to the extent of cheating in our relationship. She happens to be my first love and when she gets tired of using me she left me for an oblivion and move on with her life. I just focus on making my life more meaningful and better without her THOUGH ITS NOT EASY I MEAN ITS VERY HARD SEEING SOMEONE THAT ONCE MEANS EVERYTHING TO YOU ONLY TO BECOME A TOTAL STRANGER IN A DAY. My dear move on i know its not easy just get yourself busy with whatever can make u happy u will always think about him but u need to be strong enough to let go Please. Mind u mine is still killing me there are times i just cry myself to bed but I'm still doing everything i can to move. I pray God bless the broken road and heal the broken heart. Take care dearie

fam u mean u be crying? Warrafcck? U cried cause ur girl left you? Please tell me you a light skin nigga bro..... I have heard it all

Girl you have got a lot of great advices. I was once like you,i cry,i beg,was vulnerable,clingy,needy etc as if i will not survive with this guy but u know what i grew up.The relationship is out of pity. You can do without him. The first maybe be sweet but the last is the sweetest.

TELEPHONE TERROR!!!

keeked:

Yes, I have visited him before. I'm in the UK he's in America
Visits? Yes, plenty.
He's planning on settling down soon (he's older) and I have no problem with that.

If ur in the UK n he's in America, my advice stay focus on the relationship, 2 break up is easy, but to realize u broke up with no solid reasons or evidence showing u dat he's seeing some1 else will only make u feel badt afterwards.. Funny thing is, am also going thru such in my relationship n av been d one asking for the break up, but then again I ask, am I ready to go 2ru the process of getting 2 knw some1 n starting a relationship wen I knw I shld be planning 2wards the future.. Take ur time wit watever decision u want 2 make, dnt rush anything, if he is urs, u guys will settle it n make it work.. My Uncle got married last year n he was in d states n his fiance in UK..

So urs is not different.. Look for the good part in him, no one is perfect, n if ur thinking of meeting some1 else, first most guys re hooked up, second, not every1 wants 2 settle in a relationship wit some1 u jst met, the devil u knw is better dan an angel u dnt knw, bt an angel will always be an angel and a devil will stay a devil, take ur decision wisely dear..

Cheers!

He's not your true love!

Hmmmm

there are things that he nay not be telling you right now. he is likely to have other issues disturbing him and you may not know. if he is undergoing bad condition it something related , just try to confirm . but if not, it is becoming clearer that he is going away from you

Donlittle: fam u mean u be crying? Warrafcck? U cried cause ur girl left you? Please tell me you a light skin nigga bro..... I have heard it all

What What is wrong with him crying after being heartbroken. Real men cry, leave him alone nigga raw. Smh.

Try other options is what I would say

mecussey: Again, its not advisable to date a guy more than a year,

Huh?!.. Say What??!
U must b kidding me?!?
Are you from Mars of where?!
Just tell me ds a joke.

@OP... M sure you know what to do by now,,with these whole advice. But, if u stil need further advice,, den u need to GET A LIFE..!!

LOL. . . .Wow
I truly wish the gods can bless me with someone like you. .
everything that happened to you happened to me. . i'm a guy
i gave her everything for more than 7years. . .EVERYTHING
she was my first serious R and i was hers. . .just like yours
but i realized after 3yrs ago i was the one who puts more effort in the relationship, i kept trying to keep us together, i make the call. . everything seemed fine. . then i thought, what if i stopped calling. . .will she ever fight for me? what if she caught me cheating? would she just let me go or show some fight at least? that i never got to know until recently she just said the relationship was boring, she wanted to taste what its like to be single, i am the only good guy she had ever known, i am so nice and all, she said she was never gon be happy with any other, that she was not perfect and i never tried to change her instead i accepted her. . and that she hear about bad guys. .she wanna know them,what makes them thick, shes afraid if she doesnt go now, she will when shes married. . i was like ?? dafuq? i started begging. . .begging. . .begging. . then i realized, you cant force someone to love you mehn. ..i am still young . . .let her go. . i have no choice,




so my dear. . .you are not alone.
what i am doing now is trying to forget her. . not easy but i have no choice. . .and hoping when i am ready to date again. .the gods can smile upon me and send a human of your kind my way.
someone that i dont have to keep chasing and try to make happy just to make her be with me.
heck!!. . I AM NOT CRIPPLE MEHN!!

'some have food but cannot eat ..some can eat but have no food'

Gratitude.

obo389: Distance is crap WHEN love is true

tell them o, My girlfriend is in Nigeria and i still look forward to calling and texting. its possible he doesn't feel the same for you. sorry dear i think you shud invest your emotions in someone else.

If u want to do it on your own, you will fail before you even start. If you jump into another relationship to forget him, you will still fail. I dont know if you are a christian butThis is the best time to embrace God. This case is a 'moi-moi' case for God. You will forget that guy at speed of light give you joy and peace of mind that passeth all understanding. This is the best way for you dear. I feel for you but this is your fight.

If u want to do it on your own, you will fail before you even start. If you jump into another relationship to forget him, you will still fail. I dont know if you are a christian butThis is the best time to embrace God. This case is a 'moi-moi' case for God. You will forget that guy at the speed of light and give you joy and peace of mind that passeth all understanding. This is the best way for you dear. I feel for you but this is your fight. You alone. Godliness is your ticket out of this ordeal.

Remmyy: LOL. . . .Wow
I truly wish the gods can bless me with someone like you. .
everything that happened to you happened to me. . i'm a guy
i gave her everything for more than 7years. . .EVERYTHING
she was my first serious R and i was hers. . .just like yours
but i realized after 3yrs ago i was the one who puts more effort in the relationship, i kept trying to keep us together, i make the call. . everything seemed fine. . then i thought, what if i stopped calling. . .will she ever fight for me? what if she caught me cheating? would she just let me go or show some fight at least? that i never got to know until recently she just said the relationship was boring, she wanted to taste what its like to be single, i am the only good guy she had ever known, i am so nice and all, she said she was never gon be happy with any other, that she was not perfect and i never tried to change her instead i accepted her. . and that she hear about bad guys. .she wanna know them,what makes them thick, shes afraid if she doesnt go now, she will when shes married. . i was like ?? dafuq? i started begging. . .begging. . .begging. . then i realized, you cant force someone to love you mehn. ..i am still young . . .let her go. . i have no choice,




so my dear. . .you are not alone.
what i am doing now is trying to forget her. . not easy but i have no choice. . .and hoping when i am ready to date again. .the gods can smile upon me and send a human of your kind my way.
someone that i dont have to keep chasing and try to make happy just to make her be with me.
heck!!. . I AM NOT CRIPPLE MEHN!!

'some have food but cannot eat ..some can eat but have no food'

Gratitude.

Check your mail. Thanks.

keeked:

Check your mail. Thanks.

I just updated the email now to a new one. . .i had to closed the old one.
resend exactly what you sent before so i'll get it on the new one.

men like your Bf will always come back when they see that you don't want them again, I read baby123's post and it made a lot of sense.most men love the chase, they want something they can't have.I was once in your shoes, I noticed the change in his attitude and stuff, what I didn't call for a break up, I just moved on and hid the fact that I was hurting deeply inside from him, he was confused , he started doing the calling again, asking if all was okay, practically begging me every second even though I said we were fine. next thing he heard I was dating someone else and he still disturbs my phone once in a while begging me to come back. so the long and short is hide your emotions and don't show him that you care so much, somepeople are just sadists

keeked:

Check your mail. Thanks.

now this is getting interesting! na advice op ask for no be friend na...just joking Anyways its the best way to go @op a friend first and someone to take your mind off him will go a long way in you not choking your bf. Remmy be a good friend o!

I have been there so I can feel ur pains.... Sistergirl, I will like u to wake up from ur slumber and talk real sense into ursef just like I did abt a year ago and here I am happily married & I hardly remember I met that guy in my life cos am experiencing bliss to the glory of God.
The fact that u lost ur Virginity to man is not enuf a reason to beg him to continually love u and pls take it off ur mind that u can't find a better person...oh pls! I have come to realise u can actually love anybody.
Its definitely not easy to let go but u have to.
I grew up to know the word Love as a Verb & not a Noun, so it should b expressed if he really still loves u
Would u wanna hear the hardest truth, this guy is probably married to a white for papers just like mine was then and I was here waiting for his arrival growing older by the day.
DON'T CALL HIM ANYMORE, a man shd do the hunting not the woman ok? He will continue to make u sad and I bet u, usually wish u never called eachtime u did cos of his responses.
Try to read in between the line, make urself happy and look good for other and better men around.
Distance Relationship is what I won't advice my worst enemy to do cos of the emotional pains that come with it.
Free him and give someone else a chance but pls don't start gisting the new guy abt his ways early in the relationship, he might use it against u or probably think u are using him to get rid of him from ur mind!

Saecula: This is a portent.
I think this kind of thing happens when one is in a relationship with someone one is not on a par with. When there are ginormous gaps in status and standing in life, it makes the suzerain dictate the tunes as opposed to both having a say in the relationship.
If this can be happening now, there is every tendency that it will be worse in future.
I guess you should learn to let go should the need arise.
One shouldn't force oneself to be loved.
==============
Again, everyone has the right to be happy, and if a person thinks that with you that is no longer guaranteed, let the person go.
====================
The greatest mistake you will make is to blame yourself for his departure when you are not the cause.
Never also think he left because you are no longer attractive, etc. Because anybody that wants to leave can easily come up with a flimsy excuse. Of course that's after examining yourself.
================
Also endeavour to work and improve yourself.
Cheerio!

Nice post

The thing with advises on NL esp Romance,is that the posters never take them or consider them, emotion always triumphs common sense at the end of the day. what to do, is actually obvious, its the emotional garbage that makes it hard to see through.

keeked:

Check your mail. Thanks.

And it begins.

It's gotten to a point that he says if i don't have anything really really important to say i shoudln't call him or text him.
If i call him randomly to just tell him how my day is going, he gets angry.


He told u all these n yet u are still deceiving urself, I weak for u ooo, must there be an important reason or instance before u call that man u love, babes if u wanna be sincere wt urself 'U are only attached cos u lost ur virginity to him and he is ur first love' U know within urself that he is as bad as gone.
Good riddance to bad rubbish that what u must tell ur self right with above words from him