Beync: Marriage whahala nawa. BTW, there are traits one need to look out for and against before getting into it. i cant stand a haughty or pride person, cheat, drunker ed. it's a turn off for me cos i know the damage it can cause to relationship. lesson; Before getting into marriage,even if ur partner pretends, try as much as possible to test him/her to really find out whether she/he possesses those traits you know u cant stand and which can damage ur home. it's sad that people still don't know the power of 'am sorry' in every relationship.
3rd party involvement op i think u married a not so mature person who doesn't know her left and right otherwise she wouldn't have involved her family into her married life. it's a choice u made in the first place anyway, u should have seen it and spelt it clearly what u people want then she would have realized what she was going into.
Just try ur best to see if everything can still work out.
btw, does ur wife know God? How is ur spiritual life like?
becos in his words u can find solution to any marital problem u have.

Dating was spent well away from family, 3rd party involvement occured after marriage! too late by then!!

True NaijaBwoy:

At least you and your hubby understand yourselves.. family involvement can be bitter or sweet, it depends on the relationship you and your hubby have with them... mines been very bitter... my family and hers not speaking (years), its been very lonely for me as i lterraily have to tip toe out of the house to speak to my family to avoid any conflicts within my home... her family are more involved in ours to the point it stomach churning.... they are nice people, they just dont understand that she is not mature enough to handle the divide.... in reality im stuck deep in the middle and depressed! its been very hard to communicate this to her as she just doesnt understand what its doing to me!

Regardless, family involvement is only nice is both families agree to butt out of your problems and support both you and your hubbies descisions without chastising you behind the others back and underminng your individual releveance!

I v been through this and currently going through it... this is my experience and its not a pleasant state!

be strong dear,if you truly want it to work,make it work.if you guys are able to go tru this,you can conquer the world.take care of yourself and your family.

@Poster

You really did not say it all out enough for us to view everything and say that she is too proud for not saying sorry when we don't even know what she is being asked to say sorry for. I mean if she is being asked to say sorry( and make you feel like the head of the family) for something that affected her greatly and meant the world so much to her that she can't stand anybody doing that to her then she does have her good reason for standing her ground. As long as we do not know what really happened, we can't fault her there.

Most of your posts showed that you've been carefully putting a lid on the actual thing that happened, you have your reasons for that which may be good for you but you can't write an unclear stuff like this, tell us a little part of it and expect us to agree with you verbatim. If some posters side you and say "Oh she is too proud and should say sorry", you feel cool and good and if some post in comments that blames you a little----you get sweetly smart, defend yourself and exonerate yourself from the loop yet your problem remains where it is: Waiting on wifey to say sorry or we are going straight to Reno/Divorce to teach her that I am the head of the family.

What you posted here may not be enough to get you good advice that will solve your problem unless all you needed to chat over is "Why can't some women say sorry?" and get off your laptop to perhaps continue looking at your wife's face to know when it will soften and finally say sorry so that you can cancel out the divorce paper. You seem good hearted though and truly truly want no divorce except that she has to be taught that lesson you are trying to teach her now. All I am saying is that we don't know why she is holding her shoulder up against saying sorry because you didn't tell us and she may have a reason which when we get to hear plenty people here may turn around and say that she shouldn't say sorry for that. The other thing I could grasp from your post is that some relatives meddle therein making wifey feel hated. You do have a work to do in making her not feel so instead of simply telling her that they don't hate you. Have you made efforts to talk to those relatives that give her that feeling through their behaviour towards her so that they can be treating her more respectfully. Please leave that "I gotta be made to feel like the man" and sort your problem with your wife or else I am foreseeing a divorce where a month after the two of you have greased up the lawyer's pockets and gone your separate ways one of you calls the other to say "Sweetie, I can't live without you anymore" and the next minute you will both be flying across the city to lovey dovey and curl/hug up under the sheets again . Dude don't waste your money and energy divorcing to teach her the "I'm the man lesson" cause that may wear off in a day or two and you will realize that that divorce is only a waste of resources. Thank you.

Whoops! Double post.
Deleted.

Double post.

Sorry I meant to write: "it's better to loose ur pride for someone u love than to loose d person u love to ur pride"..I wish u luck.

True NaijaBwoy:

I appreciate why u think this... but i m cautious about what i say on this post as the issues are very very specific... and i dont want to drag the parties involved into it.. try to be openminded and consider this... if an apology is important to me for what she has done wrong (even if it my perception), why why why? cant she offer it for the sake of peace!

Lets use a hypothetical example, she physically assaults due to an argument your having and goes one step down the road to get the police on you, naturally twisting the tale that you assaulted her....... in the end you both go home, you apologise for saying the things you said that led to her assaulting you... then its mum on her side!! no remorse, no guilt trip no apology!

Let me guess, you'll tell me, i should swallow my pride and crawl back into my hole and await another decking!

Oboy there is something about you that is not right.
Sorry I had to say it again

probably that is why you got urself a woman that is an unapologetic type, or why you could not influence her despite your long years together, or whatever

abeg no commit suicide o

Oga you say she just changed,but in reality people don't just change overnight..it starts from somewhere..Marriage tends to cause subtle changes in both men and women.It's a partnership,when wife is slacking the husband picks up,when husband is slacking the wife picks up.

You are asking why she's not saying sorry to you even though she knows how important it is to you? Bitter truth is maybe she feels you are not worth it,or maybe she feels your marriage is not worth fighting for.She is tired of being married to you and that's the simple truth.

Sometimes,forcing someone to do something makes them rebel against you even to their own detriment,some people can be that stubborn.It's in their nature.You cannot force them into a corner and give them ultimatums,they'd rather die than bend to what you want.That's why manner of approach matters.When it's husband and wife matter,if you marry strong head wife,the strong head developed over years,you cannot just expect her to change overnight or start bending to your will by pushing her to a corner.Never start something you cannot finish.
Many men here have written their experience with their stubborn wives,read carefully how they won them over..Those kind of men their wives will always hold in high esteem and utmost respect.It's not every time you drag i'm the man,you're the woman in a forceful manner. Subtlety is a very powerful weapon.Look at hunters,they don't shout and scream when they want to capture their prey,they go stealthily and quietly till the animal is in the net.they then subdue and tame.

You are bent on divorce,she doesn't care,she's ready for it and not afraid so go ahead.You are also tired so what's the point of this thread?Validation of your actions?No one here can tell you you are right or wrong cos no matter what none of us can see the full picture.I noticed somewhere when you said she won't say sorry to save 'her' marriage.It's not 'her' marriage,it's yours too.'OUR' MARRIAGE.Happy divorce and all the best to you both in your next endeavour.Heck,this could just be super story to sample peoples' opinion.

Cheers!

Ivynwa: @Poster

You really did not say it all out enough for us to view everything and say that she is too proud for not saying sorry when we don't even know what she is being asked to say sorry for. I mean if she is being asked to say sorry( and make you feel like the head of the family) for something that affected her greatly and meant the world so much to her that she can't stand anybody doing that to her then she does have her good reason for standing her ground. As long as we do not know what really happened, we can't fault her there.

Most of your posts showed that you've been carefully putting a lid on the actual thing that happened, you have your reasons for that which may be good for you but you can't write an unclear stuff like this, tell us a little part of it and expect us to agree with you verbatim. If some posters side you and say "Oh she is too proud and should say sorry", you feel cool and good and if some post in comments that blames you a little----you get sweetly smart, defend yourself and exonerate yourself from the loop yet your problem remains where it is: Waiting on wifey to say sorry or we are going straight to Reno/Divorce to teach her that I am the head of the family.

What you posted here may not be enough to get you good advice that will solve your problem unless all you needed to chat over is "Why can't some women say sorry?" and get off your laptop to perhaps continue looking at your wife's face to know when it will soften and finally say sorry so that you can cancel out the divorce paper. You seem good hearted though and truly truly want no divorce except that she has to be taught that lesson you are trying to teach her now. All I am saying is that we don't know why she is holding her shoulder up against saying sorry because you didn't tell us and she may have a reason which when we get to hear plenty people here may turn around and say that she shouldn't say sorry for that. The other thing I could grasp from your post is that some relatives meddle therein making wifey feel hated. You do have a work to do in making her not feel so instead of simply telling her that they don't hate you. Have you made efforts to talk to those relatives that give her that feeling through their behaviour towards her so that they can be treating her more respectfully. Please leave that "I gotta be made to feel like the man" and sort your problem with your wife or else I am foreseeing a divorce where a month after the two of you have greased up the lawyer's pockets and gone your sepa[colr=#000099]rate ways[/color] one of you calls the other to say "Sweetie, I can't live without you anymore" and the next minute you will both be flying across the city to lovey dovey and curl/hug up under the sheets again . Dude don't waste your money and energy divorcing to teach her the "I'm the man lesson" cause that may wear off in a day or two and you will realize that that divorce is only a waste of resources. Thank you.

Wow! This is actually my first food for thought!

benvivi: @op , from your responses is so obvious ur mind is made up on this divorce issue so no matter d advice people give, you will never heed to it. be reminded that patience works out humility . your test and ability to overcome all this marital mountains shows how great a leader you are. your story is not straight both of you are just doing what you like without considering the kids. who is the head? you, who is the captain of this warship? you, my dear is not easy but you have to take charge . if you say and conclude in your heart that this marriage must work i bet it will work out but if u are filled with the negative feelings which is shown then is over. why give up on her when God never gave up on you, think about the times u did smtin wrong to her and she forgave u, the first time u set ur eyes on her the force that pushed to say hello to her, think those things that made u believe you can spend the rest of your life with this woman. i married one of the most difficult woman to ever please , at times i felt like staying away and she would just stay dat way without bothering herself where i was. i decided i was gonna quit but my first son made me realize i have work to do in this marriage, my wife is those overly ambitious ladies, neat to a fault, an extrovert, defines almost everything even when you look at her, picks quarrel at slightest provocation, classy ya this was our problem i don't believe in class so she sees me as old fashioned my opinion makes no sense at home that was our problem. we fought , quarreled and the kids watched. she earns well and i do earn well too i called my pastor to tell him am done with this marriage and he said he wants to hear from her and she said the same thing. i started working towards judicial separation and i stormed a christian literature that is title the POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND after going through it i understood that even if she doesn't want the marriage i will make it work for my kids to learn that when the grow up they marry to stay with their spouse forever and problems show in their marriage the gonna allow God settle it. then i started praying and working on it my friends didn't understand it they saw it as stupidity , i ran away from the slightest argument , i blanked my heart from her negative traits my dear to cut the long story short a night came as i was sleeping i felt someone sobbing in my room to greatest surprise my Almighty wife was down on her knees in-front of my bed seeking for my forgiveness. my dear brother prayer changes situations try it

in love with this post.

women and thier bags of insecurities.they just dump it on u cause they got a ring nw.my guy give it ur best shot.all d advice here are spot on.i undastand u maintaning ur position as a man.THAT, here some ppl realy fail 2 undastand.if u comromise to d extent dt it costs u ur identity as a man, den u can neva b happy n its neva easy 2 get it back. then wats d worth of it(marriage)? Pple say pride bt it is those with most pride dt hate n r quick 2 pick it out in others. Divource arnt a good record 2 keep either but somtimes....

Every relationship has to have boundaries .Both parties should know what their boundaries are and not to cross them. They run on respect . if she has crossed the boundary and not apologizing she is sending you a major message. She is fed up and is pushing your bounderies and wants you to do something about it .Now what are you going to do about it . This is where the major test comes in IF you want to be respected you have to really respect yourself first and it goes both ways .But like i said before deep down you know what to do its your relationship

@ benvivi, waoh I must commend you sir for your post. God keep home and it also take a great man like you too. Your are a great leader indeed. God bless you sir.

@ OP could you go back to all the advice given to you in here and save your marriage for the sake of your kids. Please sir, I promise it worth sacrificing. You deserve to be happy, yes we all agree with you but please for the sake of the innocent kids. Sometimes women don't think and God has given you men the ability to see beyond today. I always say this any man that can keep his marriage can lead a nation. Please sir, may God bless you and keep your children.

Its just painful that sometimes we human beings underestimate the level of how important a happy life is worth for any individual.i read thru your post and i can only say a little cos i cant judge the situation without hearing the second party,you never really explain in details what's happenin,you just tryin to sum it up all for us to digest which IS not part of my principle.
However,i understand that fact that some women tend to be storborn and find it very difficult to say sorry.you guys have been together for years now and ought to have discover that particular behaviour (finding it difficult to say sorry based on your explanation) and try correcting it right from the period you discover such and it wont have degenerate to this level.
Secondly,you said you got 2 kidz?,what has been your experiences from the beginig of your marriage life and even when the kidz came in? was it a one sided tolorating relationship? ,has your relationship with your wife been affected before and after having kidz?,do you guyz communicate well? i mean the way you guyz communicate when you both just feel in love with each other? .A lot of question need to be answered sincerely before this issue can be properlly addressed.
Nevertheless,I acknowelge that some ladies find it very difficult to say sorry even when they are at fault cos i've experieced it before .You dont want to hurt her feelings? thats where you got it wroung.A man must put his foot down on any sensitive issues like this before it goes out of hand.i know you must have noticed this trait in her long before now but you were affraid you may loose her.Bro,you got it wroung.You dnt need to tolorate what is considered harmful to your relationship.your happiness,sanity,love and joy is important to you so also to you wife.However,you need to be sincere to yourself on this matter,although nothing new on this planet earth ,millions of people got divorced ,got over it,survive it and became even more happy later and also happy and thankful they got the divorce .I will never be a party to advice somebody to remain in an unhealthy or unhappy relationship,one is just doing him/herself more harm trying to survive a drainning relationship cos at the end you end up loosing all what you got in the process of sacrifising and sacrificing to a wreck,you loose emotionally,physically,finacially,socially, psychologically and at the end result is mental imbalance.Reality apart,feelings apart,you must not remain in any relationship that is concidered too conditional.your happiness is your health and at the same time you should be ready to face the conciquences of any decision you taking as an adult.
Finally,my conclusion is this,if you think you are been sincere to yourself on this issue,you have have to stand as a man and face reality and ready to face the conciquences that come after it,you could be lucky to be happy you took the decisions later in future or regret it .It is a very hard decision but also you alone can take decisions and the consequences and if you think youre just fed up with whole relationship and thinking the only way you can live a happy life is the decision you taking,go ahead.the kidz will grow and whatever their experiences is own up to them.not forgeting someday,their parents are alive or not they will grow up to adult and live their lives from their experinces.thanks and wish you the very best.

NOTE;THIS MAIL APPLIES TO BOTH PARTIES.

You have not told us what really happen so as to know how respond. say sorry for what? spill the beans out and we shall gladly help you. My advise, dont allow common sorry to destroy your marriage. Abi you caught her right handed on your bed?

@ Poster
Are these what you are going through in your marriage if so let us know and I'm sure some of us here can give you good advice instead of you going for a divorce. If you are not experiencing any in the list then your marriage is fine, but if you are then having your own place will be a good option, so that you only see each when both of you feels like it.

1. One of you isn't having a physical affair, but is very close to someone else? (An emotional affair can be as painful for all parties as a physical affair)
2. Verbal abuse?
3. Name calling?
4. Constant criticism?
5. Constant put downs?
6. Deliberately undermining and/or embarrassing someone in front of others?
7. Playing 'mind games'?
8. Lying to others about what is really going on in the relationship?
9. An affair?
10. Acting one ('nice') way in public and another ('nasty') way in private?
11. Returning home late for no good reason?
12. Traveling away from home for no good reason?
13. Being controlled by friends and siblings?

Double post

I don't understand this thread. I have read the OP's post over and over again. You are getting a divorce to prove a point. LOL. Na wa o. Many kids are getting married. Goodluck in advance OP.

baby_123: I don't understand this thread. I have read the OP's post over and over again. You are getting a divorce to prove a point. LOL. Na wa o. Many kids are getting married. Goodluck in advance OP.

like i said, im veiwing varied perspective not advice.

The marriage is not being dissolved on the basis of an apology, its in respect of the apology encompassing the entirety of the issues and what it represents. The apology would be a starting block for a stronger foundation as it would suggest whats important to us....it would show a step in the right direction, it would bring her back to a team role as wifey...

A lot more people are interested in the reasons for requiring the apology (which i will highlight in due course, as im sure perceptions will change) and some people feel a flippant apology isnt worth it. some people have highlited how they deal with apologies and the impact it can have.

Would you honestly put yourself through a divorce over an apology, considering the messy outcome, the kids sanctity, the family rift, the financial battles and the social conflict. Nope! So theres a lot more to this!!

Im not getting divorced to prove a point, im getting a divorce cuz im emotionally exhausted and physically waylaid (its telling on me already) but if she had apologised i may have considered anything she had to say in a bid to get things back on track.... why then is it hard for her?

The apology still comes with a long string of making up, not just to me but people who may have been offended (This would be a new chapter in harmonising the tense situation which has been created). i guess she knows this hence she wont budge, if she wont budge then im doomed to mental servitude!

Unfortunately,, you have just experienced my 4th flaw... i do over analyse things!

@OP you must be a very difficult man for countering all the advice given to you here.you are simply mean.go and divorce to prove you point.which kin heart you get.thread closed pls.mtchewwwwwwwwwww

@True NaijaBwoy / Chief,

Please tread with caution. We can only empathize with your situation but you are the one sleeping and waking up in your relationship. However, when you claim you love your wife, it doesn't come across as sincere because if you really do, divorce would not even come to your mind or hers. You can't love someone today and tomorrow your fall out of love with them. Think about the love your parents have for you or the love you have for your children - that's love. Also reflect and think about when you said your marriage vows – in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Think back. Did you mean it or you are just beginning to process it? Unless you didn't marry her for the love you claim you have for her. Many folks marry for reasons other than love...infatuation, arranged, residency, business, financial, pity, pressure, etc.

That said, I have a book from a spiritual teacher that could talk some love or wisdom into the situation you and your wife are going through. The name of the book is "48 Ways to Wisdom" by Rabbi Noah Weinberg.

From my mortal and imperfect self, while not meaning to be critical, I see two things:
1. your ego appears to be in play
2. maturity/wisdom - this applies to both your wife and you

Borrowed from, “Oga at the top”: That’s all.

Good luck.

True NaijaBwoy:

like i said, im veiwing varied perspective not advice.

The marriage is not being dissolved on the basis of an apology, its in respect of the apology encompassing the entirety of the issues and what it represents. The apology would be a starting block for a stronger foundation as it would suggest whats important to us....it would show a step in the right direction, it would bring her back to a team role as wifey...

A lot more people are interested in the reasons for requiring the apology (which i will highlight in due course, as im sure perceptions will change) and some people feel a flippant apology isnt worth it. some people have highlited how they deal with apologies and the impact it can have.

Would you honestly put yourself through a divorce over an apology, considering the messy outcome, the kids sanctity, the family rift, the financial battles and the social conflict. Nope! So theres a lot more to this!!

Im not getting divorced to prove a point, im getting a divorce cuz im emotionally exhausted and physically waylaid (its telling on me already) but if she had apologised i may have considered anything she had to say in a bid to get things back on track.... why then is it hard for her?

The apology still comes with a long string of making up, not just to me but people who may have been offended (This would be a new chapter in harmonising the tense situation which has been created). i guess she knows this hence she wont budge, if she wont budge then im doomed to mental servitude!

Unfortunately,, you have just experienced my 4th flaw... i do over analyse things!

So this thread is just a venting thread that made front page. You should have asked the moderators not to put it on the front page. Though they seem to favor sensational threads like this for traffic. What exactly do you want us to say, if you won't hint or give the real detail of what is going on? Before threatening divorce, you have to be sure it is what you want and both parties have agreed. You threatening divorce alone, even if you get back together, things may not be the same. Can't really say much as you are reluctant to say what exactly brought you to this point. Since she is going ahead with it as well, then it seems both of you are on the same page and have reached your limit with the marriage. You must have made the decision in a haste or in a vindictive rage, underestimating the possible fact that she is as tired of you as you are of her. In your reluctance, I will advice that you give it time and settle for separation for now. In a few months or years down the line, you should be able to make a solid decision on what you want. As for third parties, always keep them out of your business. Through this thread, you have been able to recognise many flaws. Work on yourself and be the husband and father who can be loved, appreciated and respected. Doesn't mean you will lose your position or manhood. You can be firm, have boundaries and be lovable and approachable as well. Goodluck!

baby_123:

So this thread is just a venting thread that made front page. You should have asked the moderators not to put it on the front page. Though they seem to favor sensational threads like this for traffic. What exactly do you want us to say, if you won't hint or give the real detail of what is going on? Before threatening divorce, you have to be sure it is what you want and both parties have agreed. You threatening divorce alone, even if you get back together, things may not be the same. Can't really say much as you are reluctant to say what exactly brought you to this point. Since she is going ahead with it as well, then it seems both of you are on the same page and have reached your limit with the marriage. You must have made the decision in a haste or in a vindictive rage, underestimating the possible fact that she is as tired of you as you are of her. In your reluctance, I will advice that you give it time and settle for separation for now. In a few months or years down the line, you should be able to make a solid decision on what you want. As for third parties, always keep them out of your business. Through this thread, you have been able to recognise many flaws. Work on yourself and be the husband and father who can be loved, appreciated and respected. Doesn't mean you will lose your position or manhood. You can be firm, have boundaries and be lovable and approachable as well. Goodluck!

i like and agree! i recognise my flaws and im working on it!!

I like this OP. Who has noticed how calmly and maturedly he has handled all the criticisms from all angles and all the e-insults thrown at him just for coming to an anonymous forum to vent.

It shows one thing IMO,he's really an emotionally matured person,and from his responses,I feel (not assuming) that its madam who is actually going ahead with the divorce instead of saying sorry and quenching the fire.

Don't worry,OP,do what you have to do. You'll be fine.

i have diligently followed the contributions because I am currently facing the same crisis in my marriage. Where my wife assaults me after coming home very late. After that she ran to the police station with crocodile tears that I assaulted her with all the embarrassment of neighbours watching unfolding events.

The fact of the matter is that many ladies today want to bear the tag 'married woman' but still wants live the life of a spinster in their matrimonial home with little regard for their spouses and sees saying sorry to their partners who feel hurt as demeaning their pride and that can not give them a happy home.

Ujujoan:

Forgive me if my question has been handled aready but I'm new on did thread and really don't want to go tru 5 looong pages

I completely agree that a woman should be matured enough to say 'sorry' if that's what it'll take to keep her marriage, but it looks like you are trying to blackmail her into saying 'sorry'. I bet you didn't know she'll be willing to call your bluff

You say you'll reconsider if she says she's sorry right? Now I dont know what she did but will saying 'sorry' solve the problem? what if she says it without meaning it, or gets pressured into saying it just for you to stay, but at the end of the day, she's not different from whatever made you want to divorce her in the first place?

I'll advice you to really really consider why you want to let go of your marriage. Not to encourage your wife's stubbornness but is it really worth it . . . walking out of your family because of a childish wife

Pls read all his post b4 saying anything

safeLove: I like this OP. Who has noticed how calmly and maturedly he has handled all the criticisms from all angles and all the e-insults thrown at him just for coming to an anonymous forum to vent.

It shows one thing IMO,he's really an emotionally matured person,and from his responses,I feel (not assuming) that its madam who is actually going ahead with the divorce instead of saying sorry and quenching the fire.

Don't worry,OP,do what you have to do. You'll be fine.

Truly from his post and responses I want to applaud him, his responses has been well cordinated, mature with depthn he has not insulted all the hot blooded nairalanders, I think you are good at heart and a nice guy that has finally woken up, I think you married a child but for me I will say that instead of divorce that you should move out of the house for a while for sanity n health reason but not pride
You tend to analyse issue a lot sometimes this could be bad as it reduce excitement in relationship, if u ever make it work then learn to be spontenous and not too predictable
You also seem like a people pleaser and too nice a guy becuase somehow I would insulted one or two nairalanders and be well justified, well if u go past this learn to say no and not always yes with a smile and a hurting heart

Finally the only reason jesus recommend divorce is only when there has been sex because spiritualy you guys are not longer one whole but a mixture

True NaijaBwoy:

like i said, im veiwing varied perspective not advice.

The marriage is not being dissolved on the basis of an apology, its in respect of the apology encompassing the entirety of the issues and what it represents. The apology would be a starting block for a stronger foundation as it would suggest whats important to us....it would show a step in the right direction, it would bring her back to a team role as wifey...

A lot more people are interested in the reasons for requiring the apology (which i will highlight in due course, as im sure perceptions will change) and some people feel a flippant apology isnt worth it. some people have highlited how they deal with apologies and the impact it can have.

Would you honestly put yourself through a divorce over an apology, considering the messy outcome, the kids sanctity, the family rift, the financial battles and the social conflict. Nope! So theres a lot more to this!!

Im not getting divorced to prove a point, im getting a divorce cuz im emotionally exhausted and physically waylaid (its telling on me already) but if she had apologised i may have considered anything she had to say in a bid to get things back on track.... why then is it hard for her?

The apology still comes with a long string of making up, not just to me but people who may have been offended (This would be a new chapter in harmonising the tense situation which has been created). i guess she knows this hence she wont budge, if she wont budge then im doomed to mental servitude!

Unfortunately,, you have just experienced my 4th flaw... i do over analyse things!

Man, you want peoples opinion as to "Why women cant say, Im sorry" yet you dont want to let anyone in on the offence(s) that made you say so. Mind you, you used the word "women" and that my friend smacks generalization and that too, is the reason you must tell the offence(s). If you insist on not telling, then whatever you are getting here is a half baked opinion. Moreover, your posts suggests your mind is already made up about the impeding divorce. Divorce or no divorce, I wish you the best, happiness in your endeavors and trust that you will do the "right thing" regarding your decision to divorce. When I say "do the right thing", I didnt mean you should stay in an unhappy marriage neither did I mean you should get a divorce. As I said, do the right thing, take the right decision regarding your situation. A decision that 5 to 10 years down the road, you wouldn't regret. I think I made some comment earlier which I didn't know how you took it.

#On another note, if you are seeking advice on how to handle your marriage/divorce, I will suggestion you turn of the computer and go do the right thing. My bias is, you are here to seek opinion that will validate your decision to divorce but unfortunately thats not what you are getting. Also, you seem cultured, nice, well educated, you should understand too there are ways this kind of sensitive issues (family/marriage/divorce etc) are handled down here (naija). If oyibo man get any kind wahala, he/she opens a blog, if african person get wahala, he calls up his kins.

#On a general note regarding the opinion shared here, some people are saying the only reason for a divorce is cheating (adultery) as states by the Bible. Then I ask, what if either of the spouse is unhappy, suicidal, threatens to kill the other? The other should stay on and be killed because the only reason for a divorce is adultery.

Im not married yet but I know one thing, marriage can be a "whited sepulchral" sometimes. What you see from outside (before marriage) could be different from what you see from the inside (when married). In a case like a whited sepulchral marriage, parties involved should seek every known good measure to fix things up, measures which includes but not limited to divorce.

@ poster, maybe you have been controlling her too much and expect her to lick your bum as most Nigerian men expect of their women. In Nigeria the men don't think their women are humans they feel women don't have feelings and are expected to be yes sir, yes sir wives. If there is any problem at home the woman must beg, hell, she must beg and serve him better even if he brings his mistress to the house cos she is a woman without feelings and needs the marriage more than the man. so , if your wife has been saying sorry these past years and you capitalize on it to hurt her she may be tired of saying sorry just to see what will happen. so, in that case its time for you to sit up and treat her as a partner in your union and tell her you know how you made her feel in the past and try to make both of you happy. on the other hand, if you have been a good caring hubby and she is daring you by not saying sorry then she is wrong and you should still have a chat with her to tell her how you feel about her attitude towards you and lets see what happens from there.

delishpot: @ poster, maybe you have been controlling her too much and expect her to lick your bum as most Nigerian men expect of their women. In Nigeria the men don't think their women are humans they feel women don't have feelings and are expected to be yes sir, yes sir wives. If there is any problem at home the woman must beg, hell, she must beg and serve him better even if he brings his mistress to the house cos she is a woman without feelings and needs the marriage more than the man. so , if your wife has been saying sorry these past years and you capitalize on it to hurt her she may be tired of saying sorry just to see what will happen. so, in that case its time for you to sit up and treat her as a partner in your union and tell her you know how you made her feel in the past and try to make both of you happy. on the other hand, if you have been a good caring hubby and she is daring you by not saying sorry then she is wrong and you should still have a chat with her to tell her how you feel about her attitude towards you and lets see what happens from there.

Reading his posts, I dont think he's the kind you illustrates.

True NaijaBwoy:


She was never like this! She was lovely, sweet and understanding!! she just changed!!

And u didn't?

delishpot: @ poster, maybe you have been controlling her too much and expect her to lick your bum as most Nigerian men expect of their women. In Nigeria the men don't think their women are humans they feel women don't have feelings and are expected to be yes sir, yes sir wives. If there is any problem at home the woman must beg, hell, she must beg and serve him better even if he brings his mistress to the house cos she is a woman without feelings and needs the marriage more than the man. so , if your wife has been saying sorry these past years and you capitalize on it to hurt her she may be tired of saying sorry just to see what will happen. so, in that case its time for you to sit up and treat her as a partner in your union and tell her you know how you made her feel in the past and try to make both of you happy. on the other hand, if you have been a good caring hubby and she is daring you by not saying sorry then she is wrong and you should still have a chat with her to tell her how you feel about her attitude towards you and lets see what happens from there.

People like you r surface readers with no depth otherwise you would ve read btw the lines and tell his kind of person
Pls go back n reread all his post n responses and stop behaving like the average nairalander