Sometimes one wonders if love and care is not enough to train one's child.You try all you can to give them the best of everything so that they could become successful later in life but it seems they dont understand...ESPECIALLY in a CHRISTIAN HOME...You teach your children all to know about dangers of bad peers and also show them love but some will still see your rules(though for their own good) as been too restrictive.They complain that you are not allowing them enough freedom like others.What is the best way and tips to raise kids in the Christian way so that they know the good and bad in society and at the same time,not be wounded? Many children from strong Christian homes have been caught in serious crimes and girls have died from abortion related complications...What is really missing in these cases?

Hello Intrepid,

I like your Topic a lot because I used to be a very rebellious child. It must have been very tough for my parents who were extremely conservative. The good news is that they are very proud of me now.

I think that many of these rebellious teenagers feel lonely, this is what I felt like back then. I didn't have trust in my parents because everything was about what NOT to do. There was no consideration for my feelings and needs but everything was about right and wrong. See when Teenagers hit the age of puberty, they don't want to be treated like Kids anymore but often parents out of concern start to speak out more and more prohibitions as this is a very sensitive age where very bad things can happen (unwanted pregnancies, drug abuse etc). However, the more parents try to control their teenage Kids, the more they'll feel like having more freedom, so they'll start to sneak out and do things behind their parents' back. I also observed and still continue to do that more liberal parents who are more relaxed have a better relationship with their kids as These kids trust them more and tell them more about their lives and concerns.

My advice is for you to sit down and ponder upon what you were like their Age, what your needs and concerns were and what you wished adults to be like. Very often we discover that we were not that different from our kids. However, we must also consider that the world has changed and children tend to grow up a Little faster These days as they have Access to many things we did not have to back then through the media and the Internet. So try to have as much understanding as possible. Then the key to building a good relationship is communication. Show your children your concern and be open about your worries. They will understand. And they will try not to disappoint you. Children love their parents and it's important to them not to disappoint them. Also tell your children that you love them the way they're and you will be there no matter what. It actually goes without saying but sometimes children need to hear it instead of again listening to what they did do or didn't do and how bad that is.

To sum it up:
1. Open up and explain to them your concern and your worries.
2. Tell them you'll be there no matter what because you love them.
3. Ask yourself if your home schooling is all about prohibition or if you also give them some freedom to develop as individuals.
4. Don't forget you were a teenager once too and that you didn't always agree with your parents.

My best wishes to you.

One more point:
You mentioned Christianity. Make the religion attractive to them. God is love and Jesus is all about forgivness.
I'm also a Christian and I observe that many people try to found this faith on fear. There is no need to do so. A religion should be a free choice and who wants a religion based on fear?
God created us the way we are and we're imperfect but still HE loves us unconditionally and we can turn to him whenever we want to and no matter what we did. I think HIS love should serve parents as an example.

Just be their friend.go down to their level and u will c dem open up.even gossip,but most importantly give them freedom.

As carefreewannabe as pointed out, show your children always that you love them. My parents were very very very strict and I hated it, i still do but one thing that kept me going was the fact that after every episode of beating or quarrel or insults, my dad always told me something...that he loves me and that's why he's doing all he's doing...even if he's getting the method wrong, it's because he doesn't know any better way of passing the message accross. That kept me through all those years of terrible beating. Thank God today, they're proud of the lady i've become even when i'm alone across oceans and seas.

What am I trying to say? Let them believe that you love them, every child loves his/her parents and they hate to see them get hurt. I remember when I was growing, I got to a point where I don't even cry when they beat me again, no matter how intense the beating was...but there was a particular incidence that my mother threatened to kill herself if I keep doing what I was doing...she seemed damn serious that day _{although, i now know it was just a threat} ...you need to see the way I was crying and rolling on the floor begging her...needless to say till date, I don't go near that habit again. There was another occassion where my dad started crying, it's one of the most horrible experiences i've had to deal with in my life. I still find it hard to forgive myself for that day...i felt like a devil...bringing tears out of my dad's eyes...dt's the only time i've seen him cried...just because of a disobedience on my part. All these is to make you see that beneath that stubborness lies a very solid, unconditional love that if you tap into that layer of their heart, you can make them do anything you want.

May God help us all...

@CAREFREEWANABE....Thanks soooo much for your insight.Sincere thoughts.Its not really easy raising up kids these days,but i hope that with openness as you said, it can be done.Do you think its better to allow your kids relate freely with the opposite sex and even bring them home as i see aome people do??

@ALUTA thanks much but one more thing:Just how much freedom should be safe to grant to kids.I'm also a strong believer in allowing children grow freely but guiding them in d development but what should be the safe limit of this freedom?

intrepid: @ALUTA thanks much but one more thing:Just how much freedom should be safe to grant to kids.I'm also a strong believer in allowing children grow freely but guiding them in d development but what should be the safe limit of this freedom?

As much as you think your child can handle. Some children are waaaaayyyyyyy more matured than their age and they know what they want for their life. For such kids, let them know that you trust their maturity and allow them to go at their pace. For some other kids, the teenage hormones inside of them just don't make their heads to work well. For such children, a little monitoring would not be bad. e.g. my teenage younger brother (15) has a girlfriend and he told me about it. Obviously, my parents don't know...they'll kill him. When he told me, i didn't go all crazy on him because even though he is 15, i trust his sense of judgement. He told me 'he's in love' but i know it's testosterone that is talking. I even talk to the girl once in a while on phone so that he would know that i'm not against his decision. But in the midst of all that, i chip it in once in a while to him that they shouldn't be having sex and all sorts. They're still too young for that. Just like a friend, i ask him when last they french-kissed and he tells me they don't do all that shit yet. I believe him because I didn't give him any reason to lie to me. I never made him feel like i'm judging him. If only my parents would use that method on him, then, he would have no reason to hide it from them. It's not like he's committing any sin yet, anyways!

On the other hand, if i know he's 15 and he would want to go all the way with the girl, i would have probably taken drastic measures to curb him...

In conclusion, know the kind of child you're dealing with...some children need a lil bit of the tough hand and discipline while for some, all they need is a bit of guidance and they'll be just fine.

The truth remains, even if you put a leash on them, a teenager is gonna be a teenager. I must also add that right from their tender age, they should have a little bit of fear & respect for you as their parent...such that when you spank them, they can listen to you. You shouldn't go all friendly that even when you're spanking them, they don't feel the impact. You cannot build that respect when they're teenagers already...that has to be built right from their toddler age.

I pray God helps all of us. Parenting is a very complex process, I must be sincere!