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Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now, when will my baby move?
A: with any luck, right after he finishes colleg.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderlin irrational.
A: So waht's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain during labour, but pressire. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you'r pregnant

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy

Q: Do i have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: when the kids are in college.

Q: When is it okay to ask a women if she's pregnant?
A: During delivery

Q: What happens if my water breaks?
A: Call the plumber

My friend once asked my mother what it's like to give birth,
because she was pregnant and couldn't get any straight answers.
My mum turns around and looks her with an intense
expression of seriousness and says "Honey, it's like shitting a fridge."