a boy returns from school and worriedly went to his father.

BOYwith a tight look on his face) father, why you born me na? for school the students every every day dey call
         me '(H)EDWARD'. ah ah ou is it a crime to have a big head?

FATHERhisses) look at you, during my time they used to call me HEAD MASTER.

lol

the death of obansanjo and atiku rocked the whole nation and some parts of africa. as we all know, they went to hell

(in hell):the devil laughed aloud after recognizing both of them after which he begins to explain the compartments in hell.

devilclears his throat) look there are basically 2 branches here in hell, the first is the nigerian hell while the other one
is the british kind. in the british hell it's a must to drink a tea cup of 'shit' three times a day while in the nigerian one a bucket of shit every 3 days.

on hearing this,obansanjo said to atiku, since u're beneath me i'ld go to the british hell while you to the nigerian one. atiku agreed to the proposal after a long time of argument and they both went to where they belong.
, time passed,  one day the devil decided to throw a party to unite every soul.
(at the party)
obansanjo suddenly ran across  atiku:
ATIKU: baba o long time no see, how are you coping in english hell
OBJwith mouth wide opened) ah ah atiku, bé ni long time no see.(with the dreadest tight look on his face)i don't think that i can take this anymore, drinking shit three times a day is no joke(shakes his head in dismay). and you atiku, yours should be worse,how are you coping?

ATIKUwith the coolest smile ever) you see in the nigerian hell when you have shit you don't have bucket  and when you have bucket you don't have shit. even if by mistake there are both i can bribe my way through.

OBJWITH HANDS ON HIS HEAD)

OBJ go soon inform EFCC. Make una just dey watch

an old farmer was in his office discussing with an old friend, after 15 mins of conversation, he called out 'DIPLOMA!, DIPLOMA!!, DIPLOMA!!!'.a little boy appeared sweating and breathing heavily, he said, look go get a cup of coffee for my friend here.( the boy sets off) the farmer's friend with a strange look on a his face asks him, what a funny name, is he a relative of yours?  ah yes!!! he is my grand child, i call him this way because when i sent my daughter to study overseas she returned with him.

lol

ha ha ha!!!

Nice jokes, keep em coming.

Funny, so funny. , . . . . . . , . .

Very funny jokes esp. diploma

diploma indeed

ok guys as soon as am less busy i'ld post some more to share with you on this thread

so na just cos of these two dry semi demi mini jokes you come open up a new thread?
list of jokes indeed
lol,ass seed they are nice BUT keep them coming

hey!!! whatz up?it's been quite some time ify. how're u doing?

lol
am fine.missssssssssed you plenty. glad to have you back

missed you too ify.

two farm invaders decided to use a cemetery as the place to share the stolen corns.
(in the cemetery) sharing starts: 2 for you, 2 for me, 2 for you, 2 for me,, and so on,  suddenly, 2 of the corns esaped from the sharer's hands only to land outside.the other guy was on his way to get it when the sharer asked him not to worry about it until they are done with sharing all the corns before them.
             meanwhile, a drunkard passing by the cemetery hears repeatedly, 2 for you, 2 for me, and so on. very afraid, he seeks the guard hurriedly to inform him about the new development.
DRUNKshaking) hey!! my security man u don't know what's going on in here?it's very serious!!
SECURITY MANin hausa accent) uga, wefin i mean?
DRUNKwith eyes wide open) GOD  and the devil are sharing all the souls in this cemetery, i heard it.
SECURITY MANhausa accent) kai! wefin i dey talk? na ogogoro be my frovlem?!! abi i dey craze?!!
DRUNK:yes. aboki if you no believe me, come make i show you.

         the guard decides to accompany him in disbelief. on getting close enough to listen to the voice without seeing them, they decide to hide behind one of the graves . they continue to listen repeatedly 2 for you, 2 for me,
after sharing all the corns the sharer said to the other guy, 'now let's go get those two out there'.  (madly scared) the drunk and the guard run for their lives.

dad, i need to do a research from school! can i ask you a question?
of course son! what's it?- dad, what is politics?- well, politics involves:
1. the people;
2.the government;
3.economic power;
4.working class;
5.future of the country.
i don't understand. can you explain?
well son, I'd use our home as an example: i'm the economic power because i provide the money.your mum administrate and spend the money, so she is the government. you are the people because we take care of your needs. your little brother is the future of the country and ramat who baby sits him is the working class. do you understand?-
more or less father, I'd think about it.
that night awoken by the cries of his little brother, he decides to see what went wrong. he discoveres that his pamper is all messed up. he goes to his mother's room and discovers that she's deeply asleep. also he goes to the maid's room only to find his father through the door hole having sex with her.as none of them noticed him, he decides to go back to sleep.
the next day during breakfast, he says to his father:
dad,now i think i know what politics means.
great son, explain it to me in your own words.
well father, i think it's this: while the economic power bleeps with the working class, the government sleeps profoundly, the people are totally ignored about it and the future of the country remains in deep shit.

Seriouly true and funny indeed

my gawd! lmao

hcl-acid. . . I dey feel u! Keep it up! more pls!

a young man finally realized his dreams of buying an A4,1.8T,automatic,conversible,  audi. during one good day he dashed for the high way to test the car's capacity. off he sets: wind on his face,hair flying,he decides to increase speed. meanwhile a patrol police saw that and went after his ass with a sirene and all the lights. 'ah, they can't get me' he thought as he decides to increase speed again. getting to 200km/h, the patrol car was still after him. 'what a crazy dude i am' he said to himself as he decides to stop and pull over.  the police man approaches him and asked for his licence,documents while examining the car.he said ' 1. i had a tough day. 2. am supposed to be at home resting by now. 3. i'd let you go if you give me a good reason i have never heard in my entire life for driving this way.

the man said 'last week my wife ran away with a patrol police and i was afraid thinking that he was him trying to return her to me.

'good night' the police said.

a man got home one day and said to his wife,' good morning dear'. the woman responds,'good morning super man',she asked in turn,'are you going to take breakfast superman?are you going to work superman?' the man very confused asked her,'why are u calling me superman for heavens's sake?' the woman responds,'only superman uses boxers on trousers!!'.

Fashion sense na

question: which is the best way to give a woman an orgasm

macho man:who cares!!!
***********************************************************************************************
a macho man gets home as his wife meets him at the door:
wife: look our house help,
macho maninterupts rudely) that's your problem
wife:she's pregnant
macho man:it's her problem
wife: she says that it's yours
macho man:then that's my problem!!!
*********************************************************************************************
eve asked adam, 'do you love me?' adam replied,'and do i have a choice?'
**********************************************************************************************
do you know why women have small feet?
ans: to be able to move closer to the cooker.
***********************************************************************************************
adam: oh why did you make eve very beautiful?
voice: for you to like her.
adam:why did you make her that soft?
voice:so that you would like her.
adam:why is she such a dummy?
voice:so that she would like you.
***********************************************************************************************

a drunk gets onto a bus and sits next to a girl:

drunk:how could a human being be this hideous? you're the most horrible looking thing i have ever set my eyes on

girlfurious) and you a disgusting drunkard. look at yourself before talking.

drunkyawning) yes i know i look digusting but tomorrow i'd be better. 

a man saw his female colleague at the office and says to her, 'your hair smells nice'. immediately, the lady goes to the director's office to report a sexual abuse after explaining the incident. the surprised director asks her- what is bad with a colleague telling you that your hair smells nice? the woman responds - he is a dwarf!

IN CUBA
some horrible looking men with long beards got into a restaurant and ordered for lunch. after eating:as they got up to leave without paying their bills the owner of the restaurant went after them to ask for his money. one of them responds: 'look we are fidel Castro's police officers!'.the frightened man decided to let them go in peace. meanwhile a hungry guy who watched the whole incident from outside also decided to have lunch in the restaurant. after eating: he  was interupted by the owner of the restaurant as he got up to leave
OWNER: hey mr. where is my money?!
THE GUY: look here man u're addressing a fidel Castro officer. u could be in trouble for this!
OWNERlaughing) look at you trying to deceive me. now tell me where is the long beard like the others?

the guy looked around to ensure that no one was watching as he went close to the owner and put down his trousers and boxers to show him the region of his privates. he then whispered to the owner of the restaurant,'I'M A SECRET AGENT'.

a brazilian blond in the course of an interview by a television reporter was questioned, which is closer to brazil, the moon or london? she replied, ' due to the fact that i can´t see london from here while i can see the moon from anywhere around town, i'd say that the moon's closer to brazil than london'.

TRUE STORY!!

The guy phoned his home one afternoon wanting to know what his wife would make for dinner. -- Hello? Says the voice of a child. -- Hi, dear, this is dad. is mom close to the phone? -- No, Daddy. She is upstairs in the room with uncle Frank. After a few seconds, the guy says: - But dear, you do not have an uncle named Frank! -- Yes, I have! And he is there in the room with Mom. --  alright dear, I want you to do the following: run upstairs, knock on the door and yell at mom and uncle Frank that my car just stopped in front of the house. -- alright Daddy! A few minutes later, the girl returned- I did what you asked. -- And what happened? -- Well, Mom jumped naked out of the bed and began to scream and run all over the room, suddenly she slipped on the carpet falling out through the front window, and now she is dead ,  -- Oh, my God! and the uncle Frank? -- He jumped from the bed naked and very scared, jumped out the window to get into the pool, but he must have forgotten that you emptied the pool last week for cleaning, and there he hit his head at the bottom, and Now he is there, also dead,  After a long pause, the guy asked: - Swimming pool? excuse me, is the phone number 3212-0739? -- No, the girl responds - sorry, i dialed a wrong number! he hangs the phone.

A guy married a virgin girl, and the next day went to the doctor - Doctor, the problem is: I got married, my wife is a virgin! i tried to disflower her but my privates could not enter! - the doctor responds, alright take this ointment and apply it u'd get a good result, ok? The next day, the guy returned. -- Doctor, it didn't enter! this is not possible, said the doctor! Take this other product here, it is a special ointment for this type of case! apply it well, u'd get a better result, ok? Again the next day, the guy appeared again - Doctor, it did not enter! No this is not possible! no one would believe this! Look, I will make one last attempt ,  Take this german ointment I received today. You only have one caution, it must be used with milk! use the ointment and put the privates in a glass of milk. The next day the guy appeared again. Doctor, it did not enter! the doctor very scared, not entered? How? what? The guy - it did not enter the cup.

in the court room:
a caught hardened criminal is being interrogated by the judge;

JUDGE: why is it that u don't only steal money from your victims but also their credit cards, clothes and shoes, wrist watches, Jewries, books,food, ? u even sometimes rape the women and beat em up. i don't understand your specie.

CRIMINAL: my mum once told me that money isn't everything.

The man decided to go home early and to his suprise, he found his wife in bed with a beggar.
- What the hell is this? he yelled.
And the woman replied:
-  This beggar came here and asked me: please, do you have something that your husband do not use anymore? So, i gave it to him!