Alos:

Want to get a nigerian guy to stop calling you? say after me 'send me recharge card'

Man dis ain't no joke!!! it's freaking REEALLL!!!

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost £499 to £599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

A little story to brighten your day! Definitely not an excuse you'd want to use! BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death? EMPLOYEE : "Certainly not! There 's no proof of it", he replied. BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, He came here looking for you.!"

It is speculated that Two moons will show up on 27 August 2007*. 27th Aug is a day will have an outstanding outlook, * Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in the year 2287. Share this with friends & colleagues as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.

Cars in Nigeria now zoom d streets with stickers associated with d class d car belongs to. On most jeeps, u see d sticker:"the Lord has lifted me up" On S class, E-class, C-class, Honda & other cars in that category,u see d sticker:"I am the apple of God's eyes". On cars like 504 & other 'tokunbos',u'll notice d sticker:"Touch not my anointed". On cars like d good old Beetle &Panel Vans,u'll see dsticker:"Let d weak say I am strong". Those that can't pass MOT or any other road worthiness test. These cars are simply moving coffins --- they have no brand name & no trace of manufacturers or country of origin. They r more liable 2fall apart any moment. (u may need 2hold d door with ur hand or with a piece of string).Guess what sticker u see on these ones? "Relax, God is in control"

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs, " The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no. So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes. The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"

The girl was shocked when she saw that her dearly beloved boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear." Aw, how sad. This is how woman's brain functions when status changes. Only a few remember what life was like before.

Prayers for special people like you, (1) You will find favour with someone you don't expect, ………….Amen (2) You will be too relevant to be ignored, …………Amen (3) You will encounter God and you will never remain the same,…………, Amen (4) The grace for completion will come on you. You shall be blessed till the blessed call you blessed, Amen (5) The hand that will send this message to others shall not labour in vain, …………Amen (6) The mouth saying "Amen" to this prayer shall laugh forever …………….Amen. Very Very soon, and I say Very Very soon, God is going to do a miracle that will make you hail, "ah! Father, You are too much! " Remain in God's love as you pass on this prayer!!!!

For Princess Diana 10th anniv -Definition of GLOBALIZATION! Question: What is the true definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? : Answer: An English princess, with an Egyptian boyfriend, crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by a Nigerian, using Bill Gates 's technology, and you're probably reading this on your pirated computer, that uses Taiwanese chip.

There was Dis little guy sitting in a bar,drinking his beer,minding his own business when all of a sudden Dis great big dude comes in &--WHACK!!--knocks him off D bar stool & onto D floor.D big dude says,"Dat was a karate chop 4rm Korea."D little guy thinks"GEEZ,"but he gets back up on the stool & starts drinking again when all of a sudden--WHACK!!--the big dude knocks him down AGAIN % says,"That was a judo chop 4rm Japan."So the little guy has had enough of Dis, He gets up,brushes himself off & quietly leaves.D little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned.Without saying a word,he walks up behind the big dude and--WHAM!!!"--knocks D big dude off his stool,knocking him out cold!!! D little guy looks at D bartender & says,"When he gets up,tell him Dat's a crowbar 4rm Sears

Lol. To every action, there's an equall nd opposite reaction.


Solve riddles@"ROFLMAO BY MIGINES"

I recently got this piece below from a friend. Read on,

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.


Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them

2 Arabs took were sitting close to the window in a plane. An American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I need to get beer”. “Don’t get up," said the American, I'll get it for you". When he left, one of them picked up his shoe and spat in it. When he returned, the other Arab said, "I'd really like one, too". Again, the American went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up his other shoe and spat in it too. When the American returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on? This hatred? This spitting in shoes, pissing in beers?"

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now, Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer said, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

Hilarious! Kipid'up

1

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting, Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office. Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile. Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

A man was going around 1.00am alone in his car and got to a checkpoint. , the police man stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out. The police had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said; "I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, (if you come get accident now who go go tell your people ?" The man replied: I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Rapheal, Angel Micheal and five angels are with me here. The police man said: "all these people inside this your small car ? the man say, Yes. the police man reply, "I charge you for overloading.”

Stand up comedy:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y

U tell me.

A monkey escaped a farm at ogun state in d year 1999,it was located at aso rock 4 years after nd plans were made 2 take it away frm der bt unfortunately d money had already eaten lots of bananas dat gave it strenght so it stayed back,4 years after d monkey tried 2 stay back bt glory b 2 God it is nw back in d farm at ogun state.

Who's smarter now, man or woman?

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball

into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it
and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, 'If
you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank
you, but I failed to mention the condition to your
wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get
times ten!' The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her,
'You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to'. The woman replied, 'That's
okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and
he will have eyes only for me.'

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest
woman in the world. The frog said, 'That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he
will be ten
times richer than you. 'The woman said, 'That's okay,
because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she
answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with
them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the
joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good.



Male readers: Please scroll down.





The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his
wife!!!





Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the
show


PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it
only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to
all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

A boss and two employees were headed out to lunch when they bumped into a genie around the corner from the office.
The genie announces to them that they all are entitled to one wish each "so who goes first?"

With much excitement, the first employee goes me first, me first, me first!, the genie says ok you go first and he says "id like to be transported to an exotic island with a lifetime of cash to spend", voom the guy goes

The second employee goes me next, me next, me next!, the genie says "what's your wish?" and he says "id like to have a shit load of money with a yatch that id sail on around the world", voom the guy goes

There's just the boss left, the genie says "your turn now, what is your wish?" he says "i want those two back to the office by the end of luch break"

And the moral of the story is,
always let your boss go first!

lol

See you laugh. No wonda your mouth dey big like Aerosmith

why not as big as your puffed up face?

;d